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HOW TO WRITE FANFICTION

Chappie numero 9: It's raining men

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It was a ritual now.

As soon as he woke, Jiraiya reached for a bottle of water to ease the headache—never, never call it a migraine—in his head from the massive consuming of sake last night. Then, he flipped open his computer to see how many more fanfics were up.

Bingo.

Numero 138.

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138. A…a Logical Story by LavenderBluez reviews

I…I don't know how to summarize…

Fiction rated: T –English- General –Chapters 1- Words: 109 Reviews: 7

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Even the title screamed timid.

Jiraiya peered into the screen with a chuckle; it was uncanny how you could immediately suss out who was who and what was what. This was deifinitely the work of a shy timid girl that happened to be part of the most prestigious and well known family in Konoha. Namely, the Hyuugas.

Enter, A…a Logical Story.

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A…a Logical Story by LavenderBluez

I…If an apple drops on to the earth, people would be able to calculate the velocity by utilizing Newton's law…

A…and if a metal oxide reacts with water, it would have basic qualities, j…just like when a nonmetal oxide reacts, it would have acidic qualities.

A…also, ideal gas doesn't exist...be…because the presence of attraction between the particles wou…would mess up the rules to being an ideal gas… which assumes in the first place that there are no attractions. Those are the rules.

B…But when you…like someone.

There's no theory or method that can ease it.

PS: I… is this too short? I'm sorry, I…I'm not much of a writer.

Reviews:

IceFlowerIno: Beautiful, so true.

DoubleTchan: Lol, for a second Hinata, I thought you really were going to ramble about science!

ISeeThroughClothes: Hinata, don't tell me you like someone… what if Hiashi sees this an…h..lksdjlkj, HANABI, no!!! Do NOT call uncle!!

HyuugaHiashi: Who is it, Hinata. I will personally rip him into pieces and feed him to Neji.

KillBBro: Neji will have indigestion if he eats so much as a piece of the dobe.

DaHokake: OOOH! Hinata, you like someone? Hu is it?

FoodGloriousFood: Naruto, you are stupid.

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Jiraiya agreed. Naruto was stupid.

And the Hyuuga girl was a sweet writer! Hmm, it was tidy logic, and it worked....or rather, would have worked as a subtle hint to anyone but a blockhead like Naruto. Wit was always lost on stupid men like him...

Anyways, next story.

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139. Sensual Love by Mike reviews

Man X Man. Sensual love.

Fiction rated: M –English- Romance/Angst –Chapters 1- Words: 184 Reviews: 14

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Mike? Who the hell was Mike?

And the story seemed scandalous enough, blatantly roaring to the world that here was a story starring two men in love…and maybe not 'just' love, seeing that it was rated M.

Jiraiya had noticed quite a lot of manXman pairings among the fanfics in the Konoha file… only that most of it were too crude a piece to actually bother engraving into his memory. And the ones that were shocking enough to engrave itself into his memory were too shocking.

Cough, Orochi Jackson, cough.

Cough, Bob, cough.

Jiraiya decided to put on a bet; would this be a 'yawn, learn your grammar before doing the lemon business' piece, or 'you brain-fucked me' piece?

Enter, Sensual Love.

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Sensual Love by Mike

It had been a blazing autumn day, when two friends decided to put aside their fears and finally…. bond.

If you know what I mean.

Naruto shyly leaned into Sasuke's body, his corn silk hair sliding into the niche of his friend's white neck. Sasuke sighed contentedly, closing his eyes and shivering at the intimate gesture.

"I'm not sure I'm ready. "

Naruto commented quietly, his deep blue eyes gazing dully into the empty space before him. Sasuke's hand rose up quietly and placed itself on Naruto's face, cupping his cheek. Naruto instinctively froze, his eyes narrowing in chagrin for he knew what was coming next. Sasuke bent down again and planted a soft sensual kiss on his cheek.

His lips were cool from the ice cream that they had eaten just half an hour ago, and his minty breath tickled Naruto's face like an autumn breeze.

Naruto breathed in the scent for a blissful minute, both of them stagnant in their own idyllic world. It was not too soon that Naruto finally opened his mouth and spoke, almost a whisper:

"I'm ready. "

Reviews:

DoubleTchan: I know, I know the next part! And then…. Kakashi sensei drops in on the fun!! And they do a groupie thing! Ooohy, gaaaaaarrrr (homer simpson thing)

PinkCutezBlossom: Wow…Ten..ten, I didn't know you liked those kind of pairings so much…well, I mean, I don't mind the Sasuke thing but why Naruto? Humph!

IceBlossomIno:…can you possibly include a certain S in here?

DaHokake: GAAAAaaaah!! GAH GAH GAH … D'oh, Doughkhkjdk…GAAAaaah!!!

KillBBro: …you fuckers.

HaremKonoha: hahahahhahahahhahahahhah Naruto ni-chan is gay gay gay, with Sasuke san, hahahaha.

Inustyle: I'm sure I should be disgusted… but this is helluva funny!! Naruto's gettin' some action alright!

Troublesome: The sad thing is that the writing itself is not bad. I can't say much for the story.

DangoAnko: Ooh, ooh! Do a trio! A trio! But oh come on Tenten-chan! Kakashi deserves better!

SnakeyEmoMan: It's raining men, hallelujah it's raining men!

Bob: Ooh lala.

Iruka: How sinfully inappropriate!!

ILoveKurenai: Hell, why not? Include Iruka in there for fun! That oughta cause some scandals. Pair him up with Kakashi! Hahahaahha

Ichamylife: … I believe I saw my name up here somewhere. And Asuma, I believe you will be dead in approximately one hour.

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After he had finished reading, he decided it was neither.

"Bwahaahaahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!"

What kid of a 'nitwit' would pair Sasuke and Naruto together?

That's the equivalent to pairing Ino and Sakura up! They'd tear each other apart before the 'romance'—here, Jiraiya took another tumble roll laughing hysterically, and landed on the cold floor—started to bloom…oh the romance...

"Kyahahahaahahhaahah!!!! "

An unearthly sound reverberated from far away.

It was the Godaime's laughter, ringing shrilly from several hundred meters away. She must be in agony, half from helpless laughter and half from serious brain damage considering the fact that a 'Konoha' villager had wrote this. A certain Konoha villager with the account name of Mike, who had a penchant for pairing up two most unlikely boys ever. A certain Konoha villager who knew a lot of people would actually….like this.

Jiraiya shuddered involuntarily.

Who was Mike again? It couldn't be Bob, for he had reviewed…

Man, 14 reviews for this? Although Shikamaru was right, the writing was indeed eloquent…

Suddenly, the door of his hotel room burst open, completely unhinging the poor wooden frame.

Jiraiya prepared for another bitchfit, lest it be Haruno ChickWithADick or Yamanaka Sheman again…but wait. Jiraiya frowned in confusion. He hadn't played a trick on anyone for a long time, why should anyone…

"PERVERT HERMIT!!!!! "

"YOU OLD FUCKTARD!!! "

Ah.

Naruto and Sasuke were pushing each other away, wrestling viciously to get inside the room first before the other did.

And seeing them, Jiraiya started to convulse in laughter again; he could not help it, it was like an instinct thing.

"Stop laughing…and ERASE this atrocity from the file!!! Before more people READ it!! "

Sasuke slammed both his hands onto the table, his eyes lighting up sharingan style.

Naruto followed suit, but instead of his hands, his feet crashed onto the table as he suddenly whipped up a piece of paper from his pocket.

"Listen up alright, pervy hermit? I have something to bargain for…"

"It's Jiraiya you twerp!! "

"He said LISTEN goddammit!! "

Sasuke suddenly intervened, growling into the elderly's frail ear. Jiraiya eyed with stunned outrageousness at the boy's livid face.

Naruto grinned triumphantly as he waved the piece of paper in front of Jiraiya's face.

"In here… I have a picture. Of a naked lady. "

Jiraiya did not tell the boys that he had no power to remove the story, but decided to play it smooth. He snorted at the offer, and crossed his arms contemptuously.

"Hmph, I'm the author of the Icha Icha series, Naruto. Ya think I'd fall for anything like that? It has to be at least a video to faze me!! "

Naruto and Sasuke met eyes for a second, the aversion obvious on their expressions. Sasuke gave a curt nod, and Naruto spoke.

"It's the Godaime. "

Jiraiya jumped up two feet. And crashed into the ceiling.

"WHAT?!! "
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(bloodiedsugs's words on HTWFF—

I wonder how that deal would turn out. Lol.

Anyways, many people requested for that NaruSasu flick, so that's what I did... lol. And when you actually think about it, it's weird, since all this is coming from one person.

Tres disturbing.

PS: Sorry I was 'sinfully' (channeling Iruka) late. I've forgotten… eeps.

Bear with me)