Slumps on the floor...LOL...sorry for the very very very very late update for this one! NYAHAHA


Choice


The remaining blocks to Marukawa Shouten was nothing to Kisa. He could be the happiest man on earth just to experience holding hands openly with another guy. His previous relationships had only been very open in bed, but in public, they were like strangers. Thus, Kisa could never wish for more. He could never wish for more.

The busy streets, the happy chitchat of people and the bright sky in that winter season was too good to be true. However, there was one thing Kisa couldn't remove in his mind. He was trying to push it off but it was nagging him. Nagging like it was chewing every little piece of his courage as he looked at Yukina's back while he was being pulled by the guy towards his work place.

Kisa gulped the lump in his throat.

Yukina was still giggling.

And Kisa, try as he might, his insides were telling him, screaming at him, that something was off with the guy.


When they were almost near the main entrance of the Marukawa Shouten's building, the tall guy released Kisa's hand. His perfect eyes looked around the area like he was scrutinizing something before facing again the bothered Kisa.

With a face Kisa pulled on as a happy one, the short guy nodded then started walking away. Not wanting to get unwanted attention from the employees of Marukawa walking on that street that time that might start a destructive gossip in his career.

"Kisa-san!" the sweet, deep voice called out, Kisa instantly turned around to look at his current lover's face.

Without a sound coming from his mouth, Kisa just formed the words "what is it" with his lips towards Yukina.

"See you tonight!" said the man with a princely face while waiving his left hand up in the air. And as smooth as his hair, the man smoothly disappeared into the sea of people rushing into their own works that morning.


Humming while Kisa waited for his laptop to load, Kisa looked around the usual busy floor of Marukawa's fourth floor. Nothing was unusual. Their chief-editor had again that sour look on his face at the irritation with the editors running late with their manuscripts. On the other hand since Kisa's anime project was cancelled, he had nothing much to do. The other men in Emerald team were busy doing their own editing as the end of the cycle was coming nearer at their faces.

Nearer?

That one word caught Kisa by surprise. He was feeling so strange the moment him and Yukina parted. And that word somehow felt...coming to him.

Kisa's huge brown eyes darted back on the screen of his laptop that said 45% loaded. Why is it so slow to load today? Kisa wondered.

Impatience and the nagging feeling in him, Kisa just stared at the blue, blinking line on the screen, tapping his fingers on his table rhythmically, waiting. Waiting and waiting...and waiting...

Huh? What's this flower in my hand? Kisa asked himself surprised at the pink petals that appeared before him. He couldn't believe it. But he was standing in the middle of a hill. The long green grass swaying with the wind. The sky as blue as fantasy. And the pink petals being blown around him coming from the huge Sakura tree behind him.

Then he felt his body move towards the tall Sakura tree in full bloom. Oi...oi..why don't I have control over my body? I want to go there! Not here!

Kisa's body then sat under the shade with the pink petals showering him. The fragrance intoxicating him.

"I wonder when's he coming?" Kisa felt his mouth move and heard himself ask through thin air. But it was not him asking the question.

Slowly, piece by piece, bit by bit, Kisa Shouta realized that he was like watching something that happened before. Watching an event that happened so long ago through his own eyes. He was in his own body. However he was just a mere audience. A mere audience of a scene he didn't know yet to be focusing on him.

Through Kisa's eyes, he could see his hands excitedly twisting the necklace of Sakura petals in place while alternatingly looking down hill. He had assumed he was waiting for someone.

What the hell is this dream? I am even wearing a Yukata in the middle of nowhere, happily waiting for someone? It's like a cheesy flick...

Kisa didn't want to move but his body was moving on its own anyway. Before he knew it, he was already at the edge of a cliff.

"What the hell am I doing here? Hoi, what are you doing here?! Kisa asked himself, but he was just a mere audience. He could only watch what was yet to abound to him.

There was a rustling from behind.

Kisa heard it and his body instantly turned around.

"Kou! I thought you already forgot..." Kisa heard himself speak the words. It was so weird to hear himself speak.

Yukina is here as well? Pffftt...Yukina what's with the get up? Ready for Natsu Matsuri? Kisa kidded, but he had to admit that Yukina looked so gorgeous in his red Yukata, where his chest was exposed for his eyes to feast on.

The man walked towards Kisa and leaned down on him not saying anything. Kisa who was watching could just stare in awe as he looked at the man licking his lips sensually. Oi...oi...

He could feel his own hands moving on Yukina's broad back as his mouth started returning the kisses. Kisa was left not seeing anything as he felt his eyes close at the weakening of his body. He felt himself swallowing everything Yukina gave to him. Sweet, hot and addicting. The essences of the hot kiss dripping down on Kisa's pale neck he shivered at the sensation of it trickling down his skin, as if teasing him more.

For the conscious Kisa, the kiss felt like it lasted for years. And once again, Kisa saw light when his body opened its eyes. And wished that his body hadn't.

"Yukina?" Kisa's voice asked. Why is Yukina acting so strange...Kisa heard his thoughts echoing inside the dark place he was in. As if he was watching everything through only a mirror.

Why are you backing away towards the end of the cliff you stupid me! Kisa shouted at himself. Yukina, stop me I will fall! but his body just kept on making little steps on the soft grass, getting closer at the edge of that beautiful cliff, with his prince edging closer to him. Edging him to go nearer at the rocky edge. He could feel the rustling of his Yukata from the strong winds coming below. He could feel his heart drumming violently at whatever era he was.

Kisa was too busy telling his body to stop going in that direction to notice Yukina's grin. And when he did, Kisa felt sickening fright inside his chest. He knew he was about to die. He wanted to save himself. He wanted to tell his body to run away. But no matter how hard he shouted, his body didn't hear him. He could only watch Yukina grab his body by the neck. Those beautiful, strong fingers digging forcefully into his throat.

"Yu-ki..." Kisa heard himself choke. And though he wasn't choking himself, it seemed to him that he stopped breathing just by looking at Yukina's frightening eyes. Eyes that turned already into menacing slits.

"Shouta...did you know?" the husky voice started giggling. "This is the 98th time that you will die in my hands?"

"Can't you ever forgive me?" Kisa heard his thoughts once again. Forgive what? Forgive what?!

Kisa was expecting Yukina would throw his crying body down the cliff, but Yukina didn't. The dreaming man watched his poor form be pushed against the soft carpet of green grass. He watched himself look at Yukina's glare as blood starting dripping from the corners of his mouth.

At the time Kisa felt his body grow numb, his cheeks wet from his own tears, was the realization that the man before him, his Yukina had just poisoned him.

"Kisa-san! Oh my God? Are you alright? Your lips are bleeding?!"

Not knowing what to do, Kisa looked around meeting the weird gazes of his coworkers. He turned left and right and saw his face reflected on his laptop that went black due to standby mode. Onodera Ritsu was right. His lips were bleeding. They were bleeding because he had been biting on them hard as he watched his freakish dream take place before him.

It felt like it wasn't even a dream. The laughter Yukina in his dreams gave was the same as how Yukina did earlier that morning.

Grabbing a roll of tissue that he had in-stored inside his drawers, Kisa muttered his silent thank you at Onodera. And with trembling fingers, Kisa wiped his blood from his chin.

"Why do I keep on having these dreams? It's like I'm being haunted..."

Kisa had already calmed down. He was already ready to work. After all, he knew for a fact that brooding over his senseless dreams won't do him any good. And with a few worried looks from his team mates, Kisa started tapping on his keyboard the summary of his report. He'd been typing away, his job fully in his mind. When the dark-haired man heard Mino-san chuckling behind him.

"What's that Kisa-san, you're so on edge with the cycle that you typed already what was in your mind?"

Confused, the man looked at Mino's face then slowly looked back at his word document. His fingers had become frozen as Mino-san started telling Onodera what Kisa had just typed.

"Eh? Really? Kisa-san, take a break first you're really strange today!" Onodera joked after throwing a glance at his screen.

Kisa was sure he was typing the percentage of the sales of the mangas he was in charge. But instead, it was something different and Kisa felt the things that were happening weren't just plain, freakish dreams. For in his screen, in bold black letters was AREN'T YOU TIRED OF THIS CYCLE? YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE CHANCE BUT YOU IGNORE THEM."

What Mino and Onodera thought was that it was meaning about the end of the cyle of their editing works, but it meant a whole, complicated thing to the confused Kisa who was staring at the blinking horizontal line. The nagging feeling that he was trying to brush off, the strange warnings that he was trying to ignore in his mind were slowly surfacing.

Each time Kisa breaths, it was like he was breathing his last.

He wanted to remember something. And yet it was him trying to block the memories slamming their way out of the imaginary chest Kisa had built within him long, long time ago.


"What?!" Takano caught the attention of everyone when he suddenly yelled out of nowhere. "She...?"

Takano's hazel eyes met with Kisa's curious ones who had lifted his gaze from his screen towards the commanding presence standing at the end of the long table of their team. The whole of Emerald stopped with whatever they were doing.

"She's in a coma?" the tall man asked in a softer voice.

For some reason, even though the editor-in-chief hadn't said a thing yet, Kisa knew it had something to do with him. Takano's eyes said it all.

"Alright, I'll inform him..."

As if he was standing on an uneven ground, Kisa felt himself staggering as he slowly stood from his swivel chair. His trembling fingers grabbing the edge of his desk for support, he looked at Takano searching for a confirmation. For inside him, he could sense that something bad had happened to one of his authors. Scary as hell and as creepy as it appeared to Kisa, he couldn't remove Sawara-sensei's name in his head.


"Dear, dear, dearest love Shouta...the time is just around the corner, ne?"

The flat was so dark. It was the middle of the day but Kisa's apartment seemed to have been enveloped by darkness darker than the night itself. It was only Yukina's glinting eyes that shone through the darkness as he stayed sitting on Kisa's sofa in the living room. The beautiful eyes fixed at Kisa's high school graduation picture hanging on the wall.

"Shouta...die...die a never ending death. That's the only way I could forgive you."

And the glass of the picture frame began forming cracks from the bottom up to Kisa's lower left cheek. The part Yukina had stabbed on the other side of the canvas.

Yukina Kou has long been consumned by his deep anger. He had already forgotten how much he loved Kisa from the depths of his soul. He was even no longer Yukina Kou. Yes, he wasn't anymore.

He was just a beast.


Kisa ran through the sea of people. His face feeling the cold air as it landed on his warm skin. He tripped, he almost lost his balance. But Kisa still continued to lift his heavy legs and run the few remaining yards towards the train station.

"Sawara-sensei got into an accident. She...wouldn't be able to use her hands anymore Kisa..."

Remembering what Takano had told him, Kisa started feeling his cheeks get colder as the cold wind dried his tears. His eyes blurry, his chest aching at how such a pitiful thing could happen to one of the most passionate mangakas he knew, he jumped, and ran the steps down to the subway station.

"Sawara-san..." Kisa muttered, his voice shaking. The person beside Kisa just threw him a curious look before going back to whatever he was typing on his phone.

"The doors to the right side will open...please..."

Kisa entered the train without so much thought. He walked in and stood on the corner stiffling his sobs with his cold hand. Sawara was a good friend too, what would the mangaka do that she could no longer hold a pencil and ink her works. What would a mangaka do with hands that has no more life in it?

"Burn it! Burn it!"

The flames licked the floors of the train. And suddenly, it was just Kisa in it. The red flames blazing in Kisa's wide eyes, the man stepped backwards,feeling his back against the last section of the train. There was no space to move into.

The train transformed into an old mansion, burning everywhere. And there Kisa saw himself holding a piece of cloth as he gaze painfully at Yukina's sad face.

"You can't do it, can you Shouta?"

"..." the crying man lifted the canvas where Yukina was painted towards the hungry tongue of the flames. The sides started to burn. And Yukina before him started burning as well.

Yukina was just laughing.

"Kou...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

"Sorry?" the prince stopped laughing and glared at the shaking man dressed in a night robe. He didn't show any pain despite his feet being devoured by the fire.

"Shouta, I had so much dreams for you, did you know that? I would have abandoned everything for you. And yet...you killed me...and you are killing me again with this fire."

"Yukina I did that for your clan...I had no choice!"

Kisa, the one in that era cried desperately as he watched the canvas and his loved one burn at the same time.

"Shouta-sama don't!" a woman's voice screamed.

"If this canvas completely burns...Yukina will never comeback, will he?"

"Shouta-sama don't even think about it!"

"If I die and be reborn again, I will get to see him once more...we'll get to spend a little time together," Shouta lifted his gaze back at the smiling Yukina before him. "Even if it would just be a period of deceiving...I'd be...happier."

"Shouta-sama, end this cycle I am begging you! Let the prince and yourself finally find your rest! This is not right!"

"But I want Yukina!" the Kisa of that era shouted. "I want him with me."

Just as he changed his mind, Kisa frantically put the fire off of the canvas. The sides were already burned. But he didn't care. Yukina in front of him stopped burning as well. But the house was still on fire.

"Shouta-sama, what have you done?"

"I won't kill him anymore with my hands...I can't."

The room around Shouta started to crumble. The fire hissing everywhere within Kisa's space.

"My lord, everytime you do this, the prince's wrath will be deeper, to the point that he would no longer remember how he...to you..."

Kisa was dying before his mansion even got into a fire, he was already at the brink of his death. With a gushing wound on his chest from Yukina, there was no way he'd live. His eyes blurry from the smoke, his lungs crying for clean air, he just sat at the edge of the table, watching Yukina slowly disappeare into air.

"Let's meet again, Kou, in my next life time..."

Having done his role, Yukina completely vanished before Kisa's eyes as the center of the man's mansion started falling down on him.

"Take the canvas and leave..." he told the old woman who was at the door.

She did what she was told. She kept the torn canvas. Both sides. But Yukina's side disappeared just as she was about to touch it. The other side of the canvas was the only one left on the hot, burning floor. It was only Shouta's side of the painting she was able to keep.

In the middle of that vast estate, the mansion started crumbling to Earth, with Kisa Shouta in it dying for the 113th time.

"If hate will be the only thing to link us forever...Id be glad to die over and over again..."


He was staring at a nightmare. That was what Kisa was thinking as he looked into the glass panel of the intensive care unit. His author had been injected with all sorts of tubes to sustain life. Even her breathing looked so painful. He couldn't even recognize her anymore. Her entire body was wrapped in bandages. Bandages with stains of yellow and red.

The police told him that her author's car lost control. The doctor said Sawara-sensei almost drowned. The investigators couldn't explain the bruise on the female's wrists as if she was forced to steady her hand on to something. Probably on the wheels to go straight into the river...?

Kisa held on to a small, wooden box. A box the police said the woman was trying to protect with the last of her meager strenght.

Like the back of his hands, he knew what was inside it. He knew it the moment he saw it.

Everything started making sense.

And Kisa had two choice.


The creaking of the door vibrated into the walls of his dark apartment. But Kisa didn't even had any intention of turning on the lights. Instead, he moved on towards his room by sense of touch. He knew every nook and cranny of his own flat. And he knew that intense eyes watching him as he moved around in his home fluidly.

"I thought you won't be coming back here anymore...Shouta..." Yukina asked who was completely hidden by the darkness of everything.

"This is my home. Of course I'll go back in here," Kisa answered pausing in front of the open door of his bed room.

"You remember now, don't you? And yet you came back? Aren't you afraid?"

Kisa smiled to himself. He was dead scared.

"Yukina, the kindness you showed to me, were they all lies?"

"You know the answer to that, Shouta."

"If I die tonight it's going to be the 128th time..." Kisa said without emotion.

Heavy footsteps filled Kisa's ears. They were coming towards him. His instincs wanted to run and told him to scram, yet he forced himself to stay where he was standing.

Gasping for air, Kisa felt his feet leaving the floor. He was being pushed up into the walls. His neck soon to break as his legs flailed into air.

"Don't you know that I can't get enough of your dying face Shouta? The last of your breath is music to my ears. Your tears are my happiness..." Yukina hissed, his thumbs pressing hard at the center of Kisa's throat.

I've been selfish too, haven't I Yukina?

Kisa's muffled sobs filled the hallway. The shallow breaths, the screams that he couldn't voice out were all inside his crushing throat.

"Yu-ki-na..."

Kisa could feel himself weakening. His lungs screaming for oxygen, his eyes crying due to pain. The world had never been so dark in Kisa's eyes. It wasn't even the dim room he was pertaining to. He was pertaining to the darkness he had helped to build around Yukina. If he wasn't so selfish, Yukina wouldn't be too engulfed by his hatred. He should have let him rest. He should have ended that cycle a long time ago.

But he wanted to see Yukina alive.

He wanted Yukina to stay in this world.

He wanted to stay with Yukina in this world.

But everything has its limit. He should put an end to it.

They'd been running around in circles, doing the same thing over and over again. Him being reborn, Yukina appearing to kill him. The game they were playing had been going on far too long already.

It should be game over soon.

He moved both of his hands and tried to touch Yukina's face. But he failed. His hands just kept on reaching and reaching, but he was being pushed upwards. He couldn't do a thing.

"What now? Begging for life?"

"...ck me..."

"Sorry but I cannot hear you."

Shutting his eyes hard, he could taste his own tears, Kisa screamed the words he wanted to say.

"Fuck me!"


There were two choices. And Kisa chose the selfless one.


chapter end note:hello! i guess i;ve been a little vague here...lol..i am planning to spill everything in the next chapter.

what is that selfless choice?hahaha

probably you have your ideas already..buwahaha boy i am so excited to spill it. hahaha...well...i am planning this fic to be short. so...we're almost at the climax..^^

thank you for the time reading!^^ CHU!^^

yukata for men...looks sexy...haha
natsu matsuri is summer festival

-shuusetsu