Hey guys! So sorry about the impromptu three month hiatus, life got crazy and stressful and terrible. And this chapter did not help. But I hope you're all still with me and that you enjoy this latest instalment!
Cheers!
...
"And then he just...left."
Anna stared at him from across her kitchen counter, concern slowly turning to anger as Castiel relayed the story of what had happened. The sight of her brother standing, still in his pyjamas, on her front stoop at ten in the morning had not been terribly surprising considering the photo that had blown up all over the twitter-sphere, but hearing how Dean had handled it was so infuriating it just...she took in a breath, calming herself. She would be no good to Cas angry. He needed comfort and understanding, not righteous fury.
He seemed to shrink before her eyes as she watched him.
"This is all my fault. I-"
"No!" Her voice was abrupt and loud but she didn't care because Castiel had gone through this with Amelia and she was damned if she was going to let him go through it again.
He ended up staying at Anna and Inias' house for the next few months, unable to trust himself around Balthazar. He also watched the drama unfold on talk shows and gossip channels and the cover of magazines that he couldn't help staring at as he waited in line at the grocery store.
He'd had little taste of it himself, a few people who recognized him and whispered to each other as they passed and even some who were bold enough to come right out and ask him if it was true, but he was mostly spared from any great humiliation. The kind of people he interacted with on a daily basis were hardly the type to engage themselves in celebrity 'news'.
The worst came a few days after the event when he received a phone call from Amelia, railing at him for endangering Claire who, it seemed, had received some backlash from her peers at school. She had ended the call with the promise that he would never see her again and Castiel honestly couldn't blame her this time. Perhaps she would be better off without him.
...
Spring moved into summer, turning the city into a mire of muggy humidity. The shop was consequently relatively full of people coming in to escape the oppressive heat.
Castiel found himself one Tuesday in mid July finishing up with an older lady, giving her a forced smile - the only one he could muster these days - as he handed her her purchases. As he glanced up to catch the eye of whomever was in line behind her, his stomach jolted as he stared straight into the eyes of his oldest brother.
"Hello Castiel." Michael greeted, calm and collected as ever. It was impossible to read the man, his tone never changed whether he was congratulating Cas on graduating from University or telling him point blank that he was going to hell.
It made Castiel's blood boil.
"Michael." He answered, needlessly straightening the cash in the till so as not to have to look his brother in the eye. "What do you want?"
"Oh, I just...felt like visiting the old store, it has been so long since i've been here." He turned his head, surveying the space, a wistful expression on his face. Castiel almost felt something akin to brotherly love for him in that moment. Almost.
"Yes well, it's been a while."
He tried his best to temper the sarcasm in his voice but it snuck in all the same.
Michael smirked.
"How have you been Castiel?"
He frowned at his brother, sure it was meant as a dig, but Michael's face was open and honest. Still, the question struck a nerve and he scoffed.
"Wouldn't you like to know." The words were spiteful and childish and Castiel regretted them the moment he opened his mouth.
To his credit, Michael had the good grace to nod at his words.
"Yes. It seems I have allowed my own prejudices to cause somewhat of a rift in this family."
Cas blinked. Michael? Apologizing? Surely Armageddon was imminent.
"And for that I am sorry."
Cas frowned. Was this a trick? A ploy?
"You couldn't have come to this realization three years ago?"
Michael nodded.
"Your anger is fair. But I'm not lying Castiel. I really am sorry."
Cas regarded him, trying to find a look, a sign, anything that might show that Michael was lying so Castiel could continue to cling to his anger. But there was nothing but open truth in his brother's eyes.
He sighed.
"I believe you. I can't forgive you, not yet. But I do believe you."
Michael seemed to sag ever so slightly with relief and his face relaxed into the smile Castiel remembered from his younger years.
Throats were cleared in the silence between the two brothers.
"I umm," Michael reached into his pocket and pulled out an expensive looking card. "I wanted to invite you...my law firm is having a function. Family is invited. I would like for you to come."
He handed over an invitation embossed in gold lettering. Castiel fingered the milky texture of the paper as he glanced over it. Black tie. In support of the community. Proceeds from the silent auction to benefit some charity or other.
He glanced up.
"Are you sure you want me there after what happened last time?"
Michael's face contorted in distaste and it became obvious to Cas that, despite his words, he was still clearly not completely over everything. But with a conscious effort, he smoothed his features and his lips quirked up in a smile.
"It is in the past. I would like for this to be a chance for something new."
Cas stared at him a beat longer before nodding and slipping the invitation into the pocket of his blazer.
"Then I would be happy to attend."
Michael's smile widened.
"Good. Then I shall see you on Friday."
Cas nodded once more and then there was an awkward moment when the counter between them prevented any sort of brotherly embrace and shaking hands seemed far to formal a gesture so Michael just nodded and said softly, "It was good to see you brother." And then he was gone back out into the heat and Castiel realized he was going to have to go back to the townhouse to dig out his tux from the back of his closet.
Perhaps he could persuade Gabriel to get it for him.
...
The gala was held in the Lakeview room of the Chicago Four Seasons which, true to its name, boasted spectacular views of the Great Lake that only served to remind Cas of the spectacular views from Dean's hotel room. But Castiel was determined to enjoy himself. The food was good, the wine was plentiful (and free) and he'd even managed to persuade Gabriel and Charlie to come along. Even Lucifer was civil; cold, but civil, nodding and offering Castiel a curt smile after Michael shot him a stern look. But after initial introductions had been made to the most important people (to Michael at least) the siblings had dispersed and Castiel, despite his earlier convictions, began to feel distinctly, horribly, out of place.
It was fancy, to say the least, everywhere he looked women were decked out in gowns and diamonds that probably cost more than what he made in a year and Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his tux, pulling at the bow tie that Anna had practically strangled him with as they were rushing out the door and he drifted quietly through the crowd, nodding and smiling politely at anyone he inadvertently made eye contact with.
The most annoying part was that all his other siblings seemed to be fitting in no problem. Michael of course knew everyone and Lucifer ran in enough of the same circles what with being head of surgery at one of Chicago's most premier hospitals to be able to hold a conversation with anyone that mattered. Anna and Inias had each other if either was bereft of social engagement and Gabriel was of course in his element wherever there was a crowd and therefore an audience. Even Charlie, who probably had the least in common with this bunch of all of them - Castiel included - was laughing at something or other with a group of white haired men in the corner.
Cas let out a mournful sigh and allowed his self pity to rear its self-centred head for just a moment.
Clearly, it was him.
"C'mon Cassie, lighten up! It's a party!"
Cas looked round at Gabe who was suddenly standing next to him with a tray of appetizers.
"Yes, well, it would seem I'm not really in the mood."
"Aw, come on, don't be that guy. Here." He forced the tray onto Castiel while simultaneously picking up a mini crab puff and shoving it into his mouth, "At least enjoy the food!"
And with that he was gone and Castiel watched the crowd swallow him. He picked up one of the crab puffs. It was delicious. Just then someone walked by him and set their empty glass on his tray. Two more appeared, one still with the olives in it and he sighed again. Maybe he should go into catering. There might be good money in that.
But he steeled himself. Gabe had said to lighten up and perhaps that's what he should do. If it was indeed him, which all evidence was pointing to at the moment, perhaps he should just try being someone else. Maybe that would work.
He tried smiling, it felt foreign on his face but he caught a glance of himself in a gilded mirror that hung on the wall. He looked like he was having fun. Maybe that was all that needed. If he pretended for long enough, maybe he would actually begin to feel that way. He walked over to an empty table and set the tray down, scooping up two more crab puffs - they really were excellent - and went off to find Charlie.
...
All in all, it was turning out to be not a terrible evening, until a deep laugh sounded from somewhere in the crowd and he turned to see Dean in all of his stupid, handsome, black tie glory with his head thrown back in laughter. Cas turned back quickly, cheeks blazing as he moved as swiftly as he could through the crowd to where Carlie was currently hogging all the volauvents.
"We need to leave."
She turned, mouth full of pastry.
"Wha-?" She closed her mouth and swallowed, "What? Why? Was it Luc? What did he say?"
Cas shook his head, scanning the crowd as surreptitiously as he could.
"It wasn't Luc." He turned back to face her, "I just…I need to go."
She stared and then nodded.
"Okay. Do you want to find Gabe?"
Cas hesitated and then nodded.
"Sure."
…
They managed to pry Gabriel away from Michael's boss, a terrifyingly beautiful Indian woman named Kali who certainly lived up to her namesake if her reputation in - as well as out - of the court room was any indication, and they were nearly at the door when Lucifer stepped from the crowd to block his way.
"What? Leaving so soon brother? Was this party too stuffy for you? Not enough naked men covered in glitter for your taste? Or are you rushing off to meet that whore you so love to associate with?"
Beside him, Charlie fumed, "Get lost Luci, it's none of your business where we're going."
"Do not speak to me in that manner Charlene." He retorted, "And it would serve you well not to blindly follow wherever your dearly beloved Castiel goes. It is liable to get you into real trouble one of these days."
She opened her mouth but Michael appeared at Lucifer's side.
"What's going on here?!" He hissed, "You all promised to behave. What have you done this time Castiel?"
Cas' heart was racing as he stared down his oldest brother.
"Please Michael, not now. I just wanted to get some fresh air."
"Oh, please Castiel." Luc scoffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. Anna and Inias had now joined them and people on either side of them had begun to notice the family quarrel and it was only a matter of time before…
"Cas?"
He froze at the sound of the voice, mouth going dry as the noise fell out of the room. He swallowed hard and licked his lips, painfully aware that his entire family was staring as he turned and was pinned to the spot by an achingly familiar pair of bright green eyes that widened as they lit on him.
"Hello Dean."
...
The ambient sounds of chatter and music seemed to die away as they locked eyes.
Dean smiled, his gaze soft.
"It's good to see you Cas."
Cas nodded, and then frowned.
"What are you doing here?"
"Sammy just got transferred." Cas could see he pride shining in his eyes, "He made partner."
"Oh! Great, that...that's great." Was it just a massive coincidence that they had ended up here at the same swanky party or did the universe really hate him that much?
Dean nodded. "Yeah. Uh, what about you?"
Cas glanced over at his eldest brother who was watching the proceedings with expertly masked apprehension.
"Dean, this is my brother Michael Novak. He's one of the senior partners. Michael, this is Dean Winchester."
Dean's eyebrows rising was the only indication that he was taken aback by seeing Castiel in the company of his brother. But, with skills born from countless high class parties and press conferences, he school his features and offered Michael a winning smile along with his hand to shake.
"It's very nice to meet you."
"Likewise." Michael answered, grasping Dean's hand tight. "I have heard much about you."
Dean's smile faltered only slightly before it was back in full force. "Right back atcha. Although I didn't expect to be seeing you in Castiel's company."
Michael smiled and answered while looking over at Cas.
"Yes, neither did I."
There was silence as the conversation trailed off and the group of Novaks shifted as everyone wondered who was going to speak next.
"I believe you remember Gabriel, Charlie, Anna and Inias." Cas continued, "And this is my other brother, Lucifer."
One of Dean's eyebrows rose as he turned to the blonde.
"So, you're seriously named Lucifer?"
Luc didn't smile but took the proffered hand.
"Yes. And believe you me, I live up to it."
Dean gulped but held his ground as Lucifer no doubt squeezed as hard as he could.
"So." He continued, releasing his grasp on Deans hand which looked distinctly red after the encounter, "You're the one who captured our dear Castiel's heart."
Dean glanced between Cas and his brother, presumably trying to work out whether this was sarcasm or not. Castiel was wondering the same.
"Uhh, well, I think it was the other way round but, yeah I guess."
Lucifer smiled then and Dean cringed. Cas couldn't blame him, Luc had the smile of a great white.
"Yes well, I suppose you are his type."
"Excuse me?" Dean asked, frowning.
"Oh!" Lucifer answered with false surprise, "Did he not tell you what happened the last time he was invited to one of our little get-togethers. How he showed up drunk with some whore falling off his arm-"
WHACK
Cas didn't have time to react as Dean's fist flew back and then cut across Lucifer's face, catching his cheek bone and sending him back into Michael. All hell broke loose then and suddenly there were three security guards trying to force their way to the centre of the scuffle and Gabriel was forming a one man wall while gesturing for Cas to get out. He grabbed for Dean and pushed through the confused crowd until they were clear of the worst of it and through the doors into the main hall.
...
"Fuck that hurt!"
The ambient sounds of the crowd died away as the large double doors swung shut behind them, leaving them in silence. Dean shook out the hand that had connected rather spectacularly with Lucifer's left cheek bone while Cas watched him.
Dean looked up and laughed, adrenalin widening his smile and lighting up his eyes.
"Oh man, Sammy's gonna be pissed but god damn that felt good! It's been too damn long since I've properly hit a guy."
Cas didn't respond. He was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Dean was here in front of him. The fact that he had just decked his estranged brother was being put to the wayside for the moment.
He was distracted as the doors opened and the brobdingnagian form of Sam Winchester towered over them.
"Dean, what? Oh, hey Castiel..." The way he trailed off and stood awkwardly in the hall and yet looked not at all surprised to see him there, confirmed Cas' suspicion that his and Dean's both being there was in no way a coincidence.
"Hey Sam, look who I found!"
Sam glanced between the two of them.
"Yeah. That's great, say Dean, what's up with you decking the brother of my new boss?"
"Hey! He was insulting Cas! Besides, the guy's a dick. No offence." He directed the last comment to Castiel who shook his head in agreement.
"None taken."
Sam continued to fume.
"Dean, you promised you'd behave."
"Yeah well, I wasn't expecting assholes to be insulting people I love when I made that promise. Now, if you will excuse me, I'd rather prefer some privacy..."
He gestured between himself and Cas and Sam coloured as he nodded.
"Fine. But this is not over." He turned, "it's uh, it's good to see you Castiel."
Castiel nodded and then he and Dean were alone once more.
Dean fell quiet and shifted awkwardly.
"So," he said, exhaling in obvious discomfort, "what was old Luci talking about anyway?"
Cas blushed and glanced away, clearing his throat in anticipation of the humiliation to come.
"The last time I was invited to a function held by Michael's firm, I had just come out to my family and Amelia. I was nervous and, foolishly, I told Balthazar, who thought it would be a fantastic idea to pour tequila down my throat to 'loosen me up'. Then he introduced me to his 'friend' Meg." He shot a sideways look at Dean, "She was the one who posted the picture."
A dark look crossed Dean's face and eyes blazed and his nostrils flared. His hands clenched into fists before immediately relaxing as his swollen knuckles protested.
Cas winced sympathetically before continuing.
"Suffice it to say we caused rather a large and embarrassing scene when we arrived and we did not end up staying long."
"Let me guess." Dean spoke up, "It was Lucifer who suggested you leave."
"Michael and Lucifer both." Cas confirmed, "In fact, tonight marks the first I've spent any meaningful length of time with either of them since that night."
Dean nodded, frowning in consideration.
"Why does Meg hate you so much now? I mean, she's got to be a pretty huge bitch to go and do what she did knowing it would hurt someone as undeserving as you."
Cas blinked at him. Unsure how to accept the compliment.
"Well, it occurred to me that the only woman I had ever really been with had been Amelia and that, perhaps, some of the problem lay with her and not me. It was really nothing more than wishful thinking but Meg seemed willing. Eager even."
"And how did that go?"
"As badly as you might imagine and Meg turned out to be a little more more sensitive than I had anticipated. I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt anybody. And yet I can't seem to stop."
"Yeah." Dean agreed softly, "I know what that's like."
Cas looked over at him standing small and contrite, so different from the loud, enthusiastic, charismatic man that could charm a room without even trying.
Dean was looking at him with those eyes. Those eyes that filled his entire world and erased everything else. Past, present, future meant nothing to him when he was staring into that sea of green. They were getting bigger until they obscured his vision and he could feel the warmth of a body sharing space with his, hot breath intermingling with his own and a heady scent that spoke of earlier times, better times. Times when he had felt safe and loved and cherished. His hands were on broad shoulders and strong arms had wrapped around him in a warm embrace and then they were kissing and he was finally back where he belonged.
Heat shot through him and it was like he had been living in a vacuum for the last few months; devoid of life, air, everything. Until Dean had come back to fill him up again.
He broke away gasping, stepping back with his hand held out, staring at the dazed look in Dean's face and breathing deeply to quell the burning desire to reach out and pull him in once more.
"Don't." He said, his words harsher than he meant them to be but he would not apologize for them, "You don't get to do that."
Dean sighed and nodded, his expression falling into one of seriousness for the first time.
"I know."
He looked up, green eyes shining in what Cas noted as shame and atonement, but Michael's words from earlier that night when the subject of Dean had inevitably come up came back to him.
'He's an actor Castiel. He makes a living pretending to feel things he doesn't actually feel. How far can you really trust someone like that?'
The irony of his brother the lawyer preaching authenticity had not escaped him and Dean now looked so contrite, so meek and unsure of himself, an expression that seemed so out of place on his face that Cas was almost tempted to forgive him right then and there.
Almost.
"I'm sorry Cas." Dean continued, his voice soft and open, the pain evident and Cas felt his heart stutter at the sound of it, "Really, I am. I shouldn't have blamed you, it wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve to have it taken out on you."
Cas closed his eyes. He had imagined Dean saying those things to him a hundred times over the past few months. Dreamt of it, yearned for it.
And now here he was saying it and Castiel couldn't accept it.
"I'm sorry Dean." He answered back in an almost whisper.
Dean looked like he might continue. Continue and not stop until he'd broken down all of Castiel's admittedly tumultuous barriers, until he was left the squealing, pining mess he knew wanted to reach out and never let go of this Adonis that stood before him. Dean could do it easily. He could have Cas eating out of the palm of his hand with one quirk of his annoyingly crooked smile.
But he didn't. Instead he smiled. It was small and sad and so different from his usual dazzling grin that it was painful to see.
"Yeah." His answer was soft and unsure and all Castiel wanted to do was reach out and grab him and kiss him and never let go.
But instead he stood his ground. He would not be pushed around anymore. He would not allow himself to be steamrolled. He was strong. He would show that he could take care of himself.
"It was really good to see you Cas." The sad smile was back but Castiel held his ground.
"You too Dean."
He was pulled into a hug. Dean's body was warm and the arms felt safe wrapped around him.
A kiss on the cheek. Friendly. Chaste. No more.
Castiel kept his eyes closed as the ambient sound of inane chatter swelled and died as the doors to the hall opened and closed, heralding Dean's departure. He focused instead on the warmth he could still feel on his cheek and in his heart and he continued to resist the urge to follow and beg once more for Dean's love.
He was strong.
He was a rock.
He would not bend.
He did not need anyone.
He was alone.
