Chapter 9
It took some time but Peggy soon adjusted to being a mother. She really enjoyed having the opportunity to spend time with the baby and slow down after many tumultuous months. She made a concerted effort not to worry about work too much but she took solace in the fact that the office was only one floor away if there was any kind of crisis.
It was several weeks before Peggy found the time to respond to Dick's letter, but she took advantage of an opportunity when the baby finally settled down for a long nap.
July 13, 1971
Dear Dick,
It seems impossible that so much time has passed since I last wrote you. I know you understand how busy things are with a new baby so I'm not going to waste the precious time I have while she sleeps worrying that I hurt your feelings. You know full well how I feel about you, and those feelings have only deepened with the passage of time..
Our daughter (how strange it still is to write that) is now six weeks old and I can't get over how much she has changed in that time. She has grown quite a bit and is gaining weight like a champ. She has a full head of dark hair just like yours, but I guess it is too soon to know if her eyes will stay blue or if they'll change to green like yours. She still sleeps most of the time, and when she 's not sleeping she's eating or pooping. You probably don't miss changing diapers, although I'm sure you would give anything to be here even for the less than desirable parts of fatherhood.
How right you are about the importance of sleep. For years I've been burning the candle at both ends, getting at most six hours of sleep at night and it never bothered me. Now I would give anything to sleep a solid six hours in a row! I will be so pleased when Anna begins sleeping through the night. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
You were so full of praise for me in your last letter, but I don't want you to think that I'm doing this completely on my own. Stan and Pete (mostly Stan) continue their surrogate father routine which allows me the opportunity to rest sometimes. Who would have thought that that barrel chested man would turn out to be such a softie around a baby? I believe he has ulterior motives though. He's been very willing to take Anna for a walk in her carriage to the park, but I would be willing to bet that there were some attractive women to be seen and he is using the baby as bait. That's fine. Whoever snatches him up will be a very lucky woman.
Your oldest daughter Sally was extremely helpful during those first weeks. Sally's mother gave her permission to stay here for a month to help out and I put her to work changing diapers and folding laundry. I think she firmly grasps that having a baby isn't as fun as it looks on TV and that it is quite a bit of work. Hopefully she will remember this lesson if or when she gets into a situation with a boy that requires a tough decision. I know you don't want to think about your daughter having sex, but she's almost an adult and she'll be going off to college next year. She needs to learn that all actions (even those in the heat of the moment) have consequences. I honestly think she will be fine. I've said this before Dick, but she is a wonderful, smart young woman and it has been my pleasure getting to know her better.
I have to keep this letter on the short side. Your youngest daughter will soon be up from her nap and will demand to be fed. It's amazing the amount of love I feel for this tiny person. When I look at her I can see parts of both you and me, and then I think about how she was conceived in a moment of love between us and I feel exceedingly happy. I told you on the night before you left that I would never regret having been with you and that sentiment certainly holds true. If we hadn't made love that night, then we wouldn't have Anna now and I can't imagine my life without her in it.
We created a wonderful new life together, and like your other daughter Sally, I think she is destined to do great things.
I love you very much and hope you are well,
Peggy
August 3, 1971
Dear Peggy,
It is hard for me to believe it, but we are closing in on the first anniversary of our night together. I would not say that this year has flown by in here because it hasn't. It has been interminable, especially because I long to be with you and our daughter. Thank you for enclosing a few more pictures of Anna. You are right, she is growing like a weed. I'm glad that you have had help with her, but please do not sell yourself short. You are doing an amazing job with our daughter and she is very lucky to have you as her mother. I also count myself lucky that I will one day be able to call you my wife.
I am glad that Sally has been such a help to you. She has written several times about how excited she is to have a little sister, and how she enjoyed having the time to get to know you better. She had nothing but the highest praise for you and I think that is wonderful. Sally revealed to me that she is considering applying to Columbia or NYU so that she can be near you and the baby. I think that would be lovely, having her so close by. I haven't told her about the possibility of me being released early. I probably shouldn't have told you, but I tell you everything so I don't think there was any harm in that.
I hope to meet with the parole board at the end of the month to see if they will consider my request for an early release. I am probably fooling myself, thinking that they'll even entertain the idea but I have to try. I did a pretty despicable thing in the eyes of the law and they would be well within their rights to keep me here for the full three years. I really hope that isn't the case. I honestly don't think I have the strength of will to last that long in here.
I miss you every day Peggy. I long to hold you again, to feel the connection that we shared on that warm August night before everything went straight to hell.
I want to be with you again so much that it hurts.
I love you Peggy, and I hope that we shall be reunited very soon.
Love,
Dick
