Authors note: Hey guys! Just want to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews again! Please keep them coming as they motivate me to keep going! I've been a little run down today so this chapter isn't as good as I hoped it would be. I really want to write the characters write as to do them justice! I hope the story isn't going too slowly (I'm a little worried about that) if you think that is the case please don't hesitate to tell me any concerns you all have!
Thank you CinderNella for your review once again! It always puts a smile on my face reading it! it is appreciated and I will take what you said on board. Don't worry too much about Arianna, as she is part of his past. We all have a first love after all.
Here's a Bamon filled chapter for all my Bamon fans!
Chapter 9: Cruelty of attachment
"Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached."
Damon Salvatore didn't have friends.
Over the years Damon had come into contact with many people. He had acquaintances, people he needed things from, people who shared his common interests, people who cared about the same things and people he did- he did have a small list after all- Damon knew people.
But Damon didn't have friends.
Friends meant sharing things, depending on one another, giving up your time and energy to serve someone else. Friends meant sacrificing your happiness at times for the happiness of others, others who weren't bound to you by the bond of family. Friends meant putting yourself out there and hoping that someone took notice. Friends meant caring about someone other than yourself. Friends meant sacrifice, vulnerability, trust. Friends meant letting someone in. Friends meant attachment.
Damon didn't do friends.
For one hundred and forty five years Damon had pined away for the love of one woman. He had spent years biding his time, waiting. It was during that time that the truth had come to Damon one night like a revelation. It revealed itself shattering all previous perceptions. He had seen the consequences of attachment, felt its ill effects deep within his bones, so deep he had spend a century stitching up open wounds. Damon had felt what it was like when you lost a bit of yourself every day, felt it chipping away slowly until there was nothing left. Nothing but an empty vessel, an empty shell. He had felt what it was like when you no longer had control, when you no longer belonged to yourself. Damon had felt what it was like when part of you died when those attachments were severed, when they inevitably broke because everything came to an end.
He didn't have friends because he didn't want them. It wasn't because people didn't want to be his friend, wasn't because people hadn't tried, because people had tried.
They had died trying.
Alaric.
Damon often wondered if he was able to go back in time, would he be able to look pin point when exactly Alaric Saltzman had penetrated his life, when he started to be mean more than just a haggard old history teacher, when he stopped being just someone Damon knew and started being something more. Would he be able to find the moment when Alaric had wormed his way into Damon's world and grabbed hold of it as if he had a right to be there. Would Damon be able to find the exact moment when Alaric had stopped being nobody and started being somebody, somebody to Damon.
His friend.
But he couldn't do it. Couldn't find the exact moment when it had happened. Couldn't pin point it. Because the exact moment didn't exist. Because the truth was, one day Damon had woken up and he was just there.
Alaric had become part of Damon's world, had become his friend and Damon had hated him for it. Damon had given him many reasons to hate him, he had turned his wife into a vampire, he had killed him not once but twice. Alaric Saltzman should have hated him, should have run a thousand miles from him.
Except that he didn't. He was always just there.
Damon hated him for it.
Hated him for all the moments where he was at his weakest, hated that he was there at the end of the night with a bottle of old whiskey and shrug that said a thousand words: Life sucks. Hated him for pushing back when he needed it, hated him for knowing when he was doing the wrong thing for the right reason and vice versa.
Most of all, Damon hated his only friend for dying.
Damon didn't do friends, Damon didn't have friends.
"This is the last time I'm calling you Blondie. This isn't the breakfast club, you have five minutes to get here or I'm leaving without you" Damon spoke into his phone. Leaning back on his stall and finishing his glass of whiskey in one go; he surveyed the bar with disinterest. School had finished an hour ago and the local hang out was beginning to fill with people. Two years ago Damon would have been picking out who would become his happy meal for the night. How times have changed he thought.
Catching the sounds of soft laughter coming from the entrance way he looked over to see the Caroline walk through the doors, her arms intertwined with someone else. She wasn't alone.
She had bought the witch.
Damon was going to eat something.
He growled angrily, slipping off the stool he walked over to them determined to know why Caroline had bought Bonnie when he had specifically told her to come alone.
He was going to eat something.
Stopping in front of them he watched as both girls slowly acknowledged his presence, Caroline glancing at him nervously with a guilty half smile while Bonnie glared at him with annoyance.
Something's never change
"What's up Damon?" Caroline spoke up happily. Damon and Bonnie both turned to look at her, both unnerved by her perky tone. Damon smiled tightly in response.
"Oh you know, I was thinking about writing a book about our lives since we almost die every other day, would hate to deny the world our exciting life experiences since we are such an exciting bunch, Just waiting around for inspiration to come along" he replied audaciously
Caroline was nervous.
She hadn't intended on bringing Bonnie with her to Mystic grill to meet Damon, but she had no other choice. Bonnie had skipped up to her in the car park before Caroline could make her escape, she had already been ten minutes late and was well aware of the Salvatore temper. She didn't want to give him a reason to rethink their alliance. Bonnie had been all smiles and hugs and had asked where she was going. Caroline's nervous response been lost on Bonnie who had insisted on tagging along to mystic grill for a drink and a 'catch up'.
Caroline had always found it hard saying no to her.
She had found it hard saying no when they were thirteen and Bonnie had asked her if she wanted to stay home and watch Carrie on the night of their school dance, had found it hard saying no when they were fifteen and Bonnie had asked her if she could sleep over even though Caroline had planned on spending the night with Jake from the football team.
Caroline couldn't say no.
Caroline never said no.
"I'm surprised your ego can withstand sharing the limelight with us mere mortals"
Oh no Caroline thought.
Damon turned to look at Bonnie as she rose to the challenge staring back at him without breaking eye contact. She wouldn't back down. It wasn't in her nature to do so.
"Who said anything about sharing?" he replied
He would never admit it out loud and would deny it if anyone asked, but Bonnie Bennett was a force to be reckoned with. Even now, when he wanted to rip her tongue out.
"Of course, who would believe you capable of such a thing"
Caroline tugged on Bonnies arm pulling her close to her side; she wrapped an arm around her friends shoulder.
Damon noted the protective gesture and snickered. Had he wanted to, he could have Bonnie Bennett sipping out of a straw for the rest of her nature born life.
"Loose the attitude Judgy, its unattractive"
Damon smiled sardonically at the witch while filing through his pocket for his phone. While playing 'battle of wits' with the resident Witch was a favorite past time of his, he had places to be, old immortal Witches to find.
Damon despised it when she looked at him with those judgmental green eyes of hers, especially when she looked at him like that.
Like he had just kicked a puppy.
Caroline jumped; startled by the sharp ringing of her phone, indicating that she had received a message. Keeping a firm grip of Bonnie she picked up her phone only to realize she had received a message from Damon.
While he was standing in front of her.
Get rid of her.
Caroline gritted her teeth throwing him a glare while he continued to smile at them in return.
I don't know what to do she replied back, glancing uneasily at Bonnie who was scanning the room as if she was looking for someone.
Damon rolled his eyes.
Amateurs
"So Judgy, I heard baby Gilbert was looking for you, something about wanting to talk and reigniting old passion, naturally I stopped listening of course" he supplied innocently.
Bonnie flinched involuntarily, intensifying her glare.
Would the world really miss Damon Salvatore?
Sure, Stefan would probably be a little upset if she was to kill his brother and Elena probably wouldn't take it too well. But would he actually be missed? Maybe Bonnie could justify it as doing the world a favor. They would all be better off. Perhaps they wouldn't have an aversion to her hurting him a little.
Just a little
"Listening to teenage gossip Damon, isn't that beneath you? You must be losing your touch"
Damon laughed loudly at her quick reply. This was why trading insults with her never got old. Because she would never back down, would never give up. She didn't know how to.
"So you admit I have a touch?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows.
Before Jeremy Gilbert had come around, Damon Salvatore had believed that Bonnie Bennett to be asexual. Had believed that nothing or no one could crack the iron clad shell she had cocooned herself in. Had believed no one could scale the walls of troy she had built around herself. He had believed that nothing could hurt her because nothing could touch her, nothing got close enough. Damon had believed that Bonnie Bennett wasn't like other girls, wasn't human.
Until he had proven him wrong.
Jeremy Gilbert had penetrated the Witches world, breaking down barriers and tearing down walls. Usually Damon did not care for the romantic entanglements of others, especially the romantic interludes of Sabrina the teenage witch, unless, it benefited him, unless he could use it to his own advantage.
Right on cue, Jeremy walked into Mystic Grill heading towards the bar, his back pack slung over his shoulder as he made his way behind the bar.
Bonnie noting his entrance glanced over to him subtly before giving Damon a dirty look.
"You're disgusting" she retorted. Squeezing Caroline's hand in assurance she gave her friend a small smile before following Jeremy to the bar.
Caroline watched sadly as her friend make small talk with the boy who had broken her heart, a boy who Caroline had tried not to tear in two when she had learned of what he had done. She half wanted to march over to them to interrupt their conversation, interrupt any reunion they planned on having, a reunion she was sure, would end in disaster.
"You don't have to talk to her like that you know" she said angrily, shoving her phone back into her bag she turned to glare at Damon. Maybe she couldn't chew out Jeremy, but Damon was the next best thing.
"I don't have to, but I definitely want to. Don't give me that look Barbie; I got rid of her didn't I?"
Caroline continued to glare at him "You didn't have to throw her at Jeremy Damon" she bit back angrily, furious at the vampire for toying with the feelings of her friend.
Damon groaned, arguing with Caroline wasn't nearly as fun as arguing with the Witch.
"Forget the man child. Are you ready to go or not? We should have been on the road an hour ago" he shrugged on his leather jacket, while grabbing his keys.
They had been distracted long enough.
Caroline sobered up quickly "Yeah I'm ready to go, let's get out of here quickly before someone sees us" she said hurrying him along as they made their way out of mystic grill and into the car park headed towards his car.
Damon Salvatore may not have had friends, but he had a brother.
Stefan Salvatore, who was leaning against Damon's car door with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, waiting for him.
Damon wanted to pull out his hair in frustration. They were so close.
"Damon, I was looking for you. What are you guys doing?" he asked looking between Caroline and Damon.
Over the years Damon had come into contact with many people. He had acquaintances, people he needed things from, people who shared his common interests, people who were useful but expendable, but none of them were his brother.
Damon had long since concluded that there were many different levels of attachments, some created the greatest illusions, the greatest lies; some attachments could be severed easily with a few well chosen words. Some others did not make it through the early years of its infancy, never lasting long enough to cause any damage.
Damon didn't have friends, but he had a brother.
Then there were some attachments that could never be severed, could never be severed without causing permanent damage. Some attachments that ran so deep that they not only became a part of you, they owned you.
