A/N: Awright… (sighs) The end of this story is almost here. Soon we'll find out how everyone in the team reacts to the tragedy. (wipes eyes) BUT, first things first…

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart and soul, for your reviews! So many of you sent one. (BEAMS, and glomps – tightly) You guys are amazing. Thank you!

Awkay… Because I left you into a quite horrible spot, I think you want to get on with the story already. (takes a breath) 'Hope you'll enjoy this bit of the race (although it's going to be quie sad).


'Of man's first disobedience, and the fruit

Of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste

Brought death into the world, and all our woe.'

(John Milton, "Paradise Lost")


Paradise Lost


Penelope Garcia hated waiting, but today it was even worse than usual. When she knew that Spencer's life was on the line. When she didn't even know if…

She'd left at least fifty unanswered calls to all their phones before hers finally rang. It was Emily. She picked up instantly, her whole body so tense that it hurt. It was a miracle that she managed to speak with how dry and choked her throat felt. "What's going on?" She sounded like a little girl. Her heart almost literally stopped when there was no response, only silence and what could've been a gasp. "He's… He's okay, right? You got him out, didn't you?"

The smothering silence lasted horribly too long until Penelope finally realized that Emily wasn't gasping. Instead the woman who'd always been so in control, strong, was sobbing. Loudly. With what can only be called sheer heartbreak. "Garcia…" The rest never made it out. Didn't even have to.

The phone slipped from Penelope's hold while she brought a hand to her mouth, feeling like suffocating. She attempted to scream but couldn't. Didn't know if she'd ever utter a sound again.


Nothing in the world around him made sense to David. He stayed in that horrendous room long after the others had already left, one by one becoming unable to watch the CSIs working. By the time they brought in a body bag David's resolve finally broke and he half dashed away, unable to look although he would've desperately wanted to. The press, of course, was already there. As was the local police. The million questions thrown his way – by both authorities and parasites who didn't have a shred of humanity in them – were nothing but a blur to him. The constantly flashing cameras made him feel sick with rage. His head was spinning and aching, drowning into all those things it just couldn't process at the moment.

Eventually someone had enough reason to take him away from that unbearable place. Much, much later David wished that he'd at least had the capacity to thank the young officer who offered to drive him to the station. David accepted the offer gladly, wanting to get as far away as possible as fast as possible.

As though it would've been possible to escape from the reality.

David had no idea of how long he'd been wandering around the station until he saw a familiar figure, all alone in a dark break room. Aaron had buried his face into both hands and slumped to a chair so heavily that it didn't look like the man would ever find the will to get up again. The unit chief's posture alone showed such a amount of pain, grief and anger that it made David wince.

David approached soundlessly, almost cautiously. Nonetheless Aaron noticed him. "Have they found that bastard yet?" the unit chief asked in a somewhat muffled voice, the hands still on his face.

David sighed, feeling old beyond his years. There was a bitter taste in his mouth. "Not yet. But he'll pay for this, one way or the other." He rubbed his face with one hand, trying to overcome the stinging sensation in his eyes. "Where are the others?"

Aaron shook his head. It took a long time before the hands finally dropped. Although tears couldn't be seen anymore those eyes were red and puffy as they strayed towards the cell phone sitting right next to the man. The unit chief swallowed laboriously. "I'm… supposed to call his mom. To tell her that… that he died because we were too slow. That he was taken, right underneath the eyes of federal agents. To tell her that because of our mistakes she's never going to see her son again."

David took a deep breath, folding his arms as he crashed down beside his friend. His legs shook, as did his whole body. "This isn't our fault, Aaron." Spencer knew that they'd done everything they could. He had to know. Didn't he?

Aaron met his eyes. "Do you honestly believe that?"

David couldn't say anything to that. Heavy, hard silence lingered in the room until Aaron finally took the cell phone and dialed numbers. David sat there beside the unit chief because he didn't think that he would've been able to walk away even if he tried. No matter how badly he would've wanted to be anywhere else.

A couple of tears finally fell when he heard Diana Reid's shrill, animalistic cry through the phone.


Sitting in a hospital's waiting room was at least bearable when there was the slightest bit of hope that something good might prevail. When the bad news hadn't been delivered already. JJ felt a lot of things she wasn't proud of as she watched a family after another laughing and crying from joy, watched how a relieved doctor after another walked in.

What right did they have to rejoice when…?

"Agent Jareau?" She looked to side with startle upon hearing a soft male voice. The man stood only a couple of steps away had to be almost sixty. Brown hair, eyes of such warm grey that made it difficult not to look at them. "We've… processed the body, if you wish to see him now."

She nodded stiffly, clearing her throat. She couldn't help wondering if she'd be able to walk at all, let alone enter the room where… "Thank you."

The coroner – Beck – frowned, observing her. "Are you… sure that you want to do this alone? I could…"

JJ shook her head firmly although she felt anything but sure. Her eyes stung hellishly but she toughened herself. If Spencer was strong enough to take all that… "I'm sure", she uttered but didn't manage to sound too convincing. She took a deep breath, then decided to go on before she'd lose her voice entirely. "He… He would've wanted to be cremated. He would've hated… hated being buried into the dark and cold."

Beck nodded gently but fortunately didn't even try to smile. "That's good to know." The man waited for a second, then asked cautiously. "I'm so sorry for having to ask this now, but… Are you going to take care of the funeral arrangements?"

Funeral… The mere word made JJ shudder, made her want to throw up or at least scream at top of her lungs. This was all starting to feel far too real… How she managed a nod she'd never know.

"Alright. I just needed to know that for paperwork. Don't worry, when you're ready I'll help you make sure that everything's taken care of properly." He gave her a couple of moments before laying a hand on her shoulder. She leaned on it against her will and wondered how many he'd seen do the same. "Now let's go and see him."

JJ hadn't even tried to prepare herself because she'd known that nothing would've been enough. It'd only hurt more if the impact would tear down illusions on its way down. What she faced sweeped her off her feet, wiped her mind blank for a second.

Spencer looked hopelessly small, broken and lonely on the morgue's table. The work done was impressive but nothing could've disguised the missing ear or fingers. No amount of preparations made Spencer alive again.

JJ didn't notice how the coroner left as soon as he could be sure that she wouldn't pass out. Wouldn't have cared even if she had. All her focus was on Spencer.

Her legs weighed a ton each while she made her way to the genius, took the man's hand. It felt unnaturally cold in hers. She squeezed tighter, blinking furiously. "I'm sorry, Spence", she breathed, unable to look away from his lifeless face. "I'm sorry."

No matter how ridiculous she knew it to be a part of her expected him to open his eyes, expected him to tell her that it was alright. But nothing such happened. The well stitched autopsy wounds crossing his chest were a loud enough proof of a unthinkable reality.

No longer managing to fight back the tears JJ leaned closer, pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. For a fleeting moment she thought she felt warmth, only to realize that it was hers. Her quivering lips moved, whispering words only meant for his ears.

She stayed there until they came to take his body away, keeping him company. Holding his hand, whispering hollow nothings. She'd never felt so utterly lonely before and could only pray that Spencer didn't feel the same.


Since he was a little boy Derek had always believed in justice. Even after his dad's death. Even after Carl. But late that evening, as sat in a car on the very edge of Alabama, Derek didn't have the slightest idea of what to believe in anymore.

There was no reason. There was no justice.

No mercy.

Not anymore.

Moonlight shone on his hands, which were still covered in Spencer's blood. Once again the sight of his best friend's dead face filled Derek's vision. Derek squeezed his eyes tightly shut, gritted his teeth to smother the scream. Memories assaulted his head mercilessly.


/ Once again he saw, as clearly as if it was happening all over again, the nervous and insecure boy who appeared to the bureau for the first time. Saw that timid smile. "Uh… Hi. I'm Dr. Spencer Reid. The… new guy." /


/ Once more he was there when Spencer helped the team solve a case for the first time. He was the one who stepped forth, gave the genius a pat on the shoulder. "Nice work, kid."

He hoped, from the bottom of his heart and soul, that he'd never forget the way Spencer smiled on that day. It was the purest thing he'd ever seen. /


/ He was there when the reality of Spencer's first fatal shot finally sunk in, just like Jason had predicted. They spent the whole night watching the TV and drowning themselves on extremely bad coffee. /


/ Once again he watched how Spencer died for the first time, right there in Hankel's hands. Feared. Screamed on the inside. Roared. Grieved. It was the first time he caught a glimpse of the reality that one day he might lose his best friend. But never, even in his worst nightmares, did he expect it to happen this soon. /


/ "Come on, guys. Gentle lights, shadowy figures? Those are the lights in the emergency room and the doctors hovering over the patients, we all know that. No one actually sees the afterlife."

"I did. Before Tobias Hankel resuscitated me, I had that exact experience, and I wasn't in an emergency room. I was in a shed." / (1)


There was so much anger in him that his whole body was shaking, as though about to fall apart. He'd felt wrath like that before. Only this time… This time, he wasn't a helpless little boy. He was a grown man.

He was able to act.

Slowly, testingly, Derek opened his smouldering eyes, allowed them to rise where stars were beginning to appear. They seemed unnaturally bright to him. His stomach knotted and his chest felt much too tight.

"Reid, I… I don't know if you're up there, watching. But… If you are… I'm sorry." He swallowed. The blockage in his throat didn't go anywhere. "I… I know that you wouldn't want me to do this. That you wouldn't want to see me turn into… this. But… I need this, alright? This is the only path that I see ahead of me anymore."

For a brief moment he could've sworn that he actually felt Spencer's familiar presence. A tender brush. A plea. But it disappeared as fast as it'd appeared, like it'd never even been there.

Like Spencer had never even been there.

Once more Derek closed his eyes. This time he didn't see Spencer's face. He couldn't stop himself from wondering how long it'd take before he'd forget completely. Before the picture he had in mind was nothing but a distorted façade.

He took a deep breath. It hurt more than he could've ever imagined. "I'm sorry, pretty boy", he murmured, starting the car once more. "Forgive me."

As Derek exhilarated the car and speeded away the vehicle emitted the roar he didn't manage to. He didn't look back as he left. This time he wasn't running away from the devil. He was charging head first towards it.

(It wasn't until the following morning Aaron found Derek's gun and credentials from a desk at the police station. There was no letter. No apology. No explanation. Aaron understood anyway.)


The moment Sebastian Sykes woke up he knew, with utmost certainty, that he was doomed. When he saw white (albeit stained with grey and a million cracks) he didn't mistake it for heaven even for a second. He knew hell when he saw one.

Gagging against the horrendous stench that slapped him across the face he blinked rapidly, desperately trying to focus. It was then he saw the red amongst all the filth on the floor. Fresh blood. His blood. The pain coursing everywhere through his body spoke volumes. Slowly, feeling dizzy, he looked down and almost snorted at what he found. Some of his fingers had been removed. Judging by the pain pummeling his head his ear was gone as well. Some karma…

What… What the hell happened to him? What…?

After at least a full minute he was finally composed enough to look up. He looked, and saw what several people before him had seen right before their painful deaths. He looked straight at his doom.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO OPEN THE DOOR

As he crawled towards his slow, painful end Sebastian couldn't see the eyes watching him.

Jason Gideon's eyes were even darker than usual when he watched a yet another doomed soul struggling its way towards the inevitable end. Watched the man who'd just killed Spencer in cold blood bleed, screaming in rage and pain. Watched, something inside of him falling apart without a sound.

Years ago he lost his faith in himself. In profiling. He lost his way, his purpose. Himself. He found another purpose, another destiny, when he got a phone call in the middle of the night, announcing that his son had been murdered. He died in his own way, holding a gun to his head for two hours before driving away instead. On that day he was reborn. He'd felt no remorse since. He'd never once looked back.

Until now.

Elle, who'd been quiet until that very moment, finally spoke. Her voice was lighter and fainter than a whisper, a ghost. "It's over."

Jason nodded, feeling so much at one go that he went numb. "Yeah. It is." And what a bitter end it was.

Sebastian had almost reached the end. The man was already whispering their names. "Charles Stewart… Alex Durbin… Jonathan Nash… Nicholas Stone… Kenneth Jackson… Spencer Reid."

Jason closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, mostly to restrain a scream. I'm sorry, Spencer, he sent out, hoping that the genius heard it, wherever he was now. Tears wanted to roll but he held them back. Tears wouldn't do anyone any good. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you.

Slowly, slowly, Jason opened his eyes. Elle didn't comment in any way when he turned around and began to walk away. Her eyes didn't seem entirely dry, either.

On his way away Jason froze upon feeling a brush of warm air. It felt so much like a caress that he shivered. It felt familiar.

It felt like a goodbye.

Jason sighed, his shoulders slumping heavily. Swallowed against the lump in his throat. Kept fighting the tears. "Goodbye, Spencer." Because he knew, for a fact, that he'd never get to wherever Spencer was taken. He didn't deserve it after everything he'd done.

Jason stood completely, utterly still for a moment. Two, three. For a tiny eternity. Then continued on, into a tiny, tightly locked room where even Elle didn't have access to. On the table lay a small book, with red leather covers.

His face not quite devoid of all emotions Jason opened the book, found an empty page and wrote, his hand far from steady.

'Sebastian Sykes/ James Grey'


'They, looking back, all the eastern side beheld

Of Paradise, so late their happy seat,

Waved over by that flaming brand; the gate

With dreadful faces thronged, and fiery arms:

Some natural tears they dropt, but wiped them soon;

The world was all before them, where to choose

Their place of rest, and Providence their guide:

They, hand in hand, with wandering steps and slow,

Through Eden took their solitary way.'

(John Milton, "Paradise Lost")


TBC (for an epilogue)


1) An actual line from the episode "Epilogue" (season seven).


A/N: GOSH! (takes a deep, shuddering breath) Okay, so that was seriously sad stuff. We'll see just how in the world they're all going to get through this. Things are never going to be the same, are they?

PLEASE, do leave a review before you go! Was that any good? Your support would mean the world to me as I start to prepare the final chapter. (gives puppy's eyes)

ONLY ONE MORE LEFT. (Gosh, I can't believe that this is coming to an end!) (sobs a little)

Until next time, folks! 'Hope I'll meet you there.

Take care!
AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!