The next week was torture. Since they existed in a professional context as well as a personal one it wasn't like Natasha could continuously avoid Steve. Every time she looked at him he was struck by the emptiness in her face. He had known she had a phenomenal poker face but seeing her look at him without any emotion at all made him realise just how open she had been with him.

And now it was all fucked up. He had tried to speak to her but she was a slippery snake when it came to getting her alone. He wouldn't use his position as leader of the team to make her be alone with him but goddamn it he was tempted.

He had told Bucky what had happened and although Bucky had so much going on with his feelings on Darcy he still listened intently to Steve's issue. It was a shitty situation because Bucky could see it from both sides.

He believed Steve when he said that he had never thought Natasha would willingly betray them. He also believed that Steve had mangled his wording so completely that Nat believed that was exactly what he thought.

For a man that could give inspirational speeches out like they were as common as rain he was terrible with putting his thoughts coherently into words when it came to Nat.

Bucky had offered to speak to her but it was half-hearted, he knew Nat and having someone from the outside get involved wasn't likely to warm her up.

He was pretty sure Darcy didn't know what had happened. Try as he might to stop himself, every time he was in a room with her she was all he saw. She was still as smiley as ever with Steve giving no indication that she knew anything.

Clint was another story. While he was always professional Bucky had spotted the hard look he had sent Steve more than once. He liked Clint and he understood where he was coming from but his protective instincts regarding Steve were making themselves more known each and every day.

So yeah, a pretty shitty situation. Turned even shittier when they got the call for a mission. Short, but one that Bucky was not cleared for. Which meant Steve was heading out with Natasha, Clint and Sam while Bucky had to stay at home. He just hoped it wouldn't be too awkward.

It was a simple mission, none too dangerous and realistically lasted the better part of three hours but to Steve it felt like weeks. The comms system, normally filled with light-hearted banter was silent and awkward only for the occasional question and update.

Nat was strictly professional and he really couldn't fault her but goddamn did she know how to hurt him. Instead of his name she would only refer to him as 'Captain' which yeah was his official title on missions but it was the way she said it. Cold and mechanical, like he was nothing to her. It made him ache for the teasing tone she usually bestowed on his title.

Clint too would mainly refer to him by his title and while it didn't hurt the way it did when Nat said it he was still sad that his teammate was unhappy with him.

He wanted to explain, he wanted to let her know that it was never a point of trusting her, that he does trust her unconditionally. That the way it all played out that night was just a huge misunderstanding.

She wasn't making it easy. He was half petrified himself that he would get her alone and do his best to tell her all that and then fuck it up again. He knew exactly what he was thinking but formulating that into a proper speech to tell Nat was giving him trouble. If there was some way he could just prove to her that he really did trust her then maybe she'd come back to him.

At least, that was what he hoped.


Back at the tower Bucky was restless. Normally he wouldn't worry too much about Steve on smaller missions like this. He would always have protective instincts over him but he knew just how capable Steve was in the field.

Today though, today he was distracted. The fight with Natasha was taking up residence in his mind and Bucky knew that could affect him on the mission. He hoped that despite the argument Natasha would be professional and would look out for Steve as she would any other time on the field.

He hummed and hawed over going to the gym, normally that's what he'd do if he was upset but it just didn't feel right this time. He would just get frustrated there because he hadn't been allowed to go along with them and help.

He shuffled awkwardly around his room deliberating on whether he should just queue up a movie or read a book or something basic when his stomach let out a roar and he realised just how hungry he really was.

He could have ordered takeaway, that's usually what he did for dinner but right now he was yearning for a taste of home. Although he didn't quite remember just what home was, he did remember some of the food from it.

People might think it odd that he would be craving a dish made from the bare minimum that they ate when there was nothing else but he could just about remember the recipe for egg drop soup and he desperately wanted to feel the familiarity.


He began dicing onion, his mind wandering to everything he didn't want to think about. He didn't want to think about Natasha and Steve, that they might not be able to resolve what had happened. He didn't want to think about the possibility that it could cause awkwardness and bad feelings between the team. God help him he especially didn't want to think about Darcy and those delicious fucking cookies she'd made to make him feel better as if that was her job.

Testament to the safety he must feel in the tower he let his guard down as he thought and didn't notice the entrance of a person to the kitchen until they walked over to him. Almost as if his thoughts had conjured her, there was Darcy. So used to seeing her in jeans and sweaters it made his breath catch seeing her in a pretty yellow and white dress. It was not a very revealing dress but of course he noticed the curve of her breast in the modest neckline, her pale legs under the hem of the dress. He noticed how the yellow made her look paler but made her eyes look intensely blue and her hair look even darker, her lips even redder. It was like it magnified all the colours of Darcy.

His instincts told him to run before she could get close but he was in the middle of cooking, he couldn't exactly be subtle about leaving. Besides, Darcy had told him not to be a stranger so he decided to stay and see if he could manage a regular conversation without shooting too many doe eyes her way.

She sidled up to the island and sat on the stool. At least there was an island between them. She curled a strand of her dark hair around her finger in an endearingly nervous gesture.

'What are you making?' her voice broke the stillness that had cloaked the room.

He swallowed and didn't turn to look at her as he responded.

'Egg drop soup, It was something we made back when food was scarce.' He didn't give her any reasons for him making it now and she didn't ask.

She was silent for a few ticks before she spoke up again.

'You need some help?' her voice was tentative as if she were afraid he'd shoot down her offer.

He really wanted to say no, having her close to him was dangerous. She was intoxicating with her goddamn fruity perfume and her silky hair and just her.

But he'd already hurt her feelings when he'd kissed her and ran. And he didn't want to hurt her, that was the last thing he wanted. So he would endure.

'Sure, could you finish the onions and potatoes?' he moved aside to allow her space to get to the chopping board.

Her hand brushed against his as she reached for the knife and he swallowed hard.

Steve had told him he had once been popular with the ladies, he found it hard to believe since he just about jumped out of his skin every time Darcy touched him.

The silence was awkward for a few minutes and he was about to attempt to say something when he heard her mutter a demand to FRIDAY. Seconds later soft music began playing over the speakers.

Darcy was swaying to the music and his eyes were drawn to her lovely figure. Something he most certainly should not be looking at. He was thrown back to that blissful day in the lab when they had danced and he had been carefree in a way he couldn't remember being since well before the war.

He shook his head and made his way back to the pot he was reaching for and made to ask Darcy was she finished chopping but when he turned around she was right there. Holding the chopping board with everything on it, eyes wide and mouth parted in surprise. She clearly hadn't anticipated him twirling around so quickly.

Maintaining eye contact he took the board from her and slowly began turning to put them into the pot. He mentally asked himself just what the fuck did he think he was doing.

His back turned to her as he stirred he took a breath. Focus on the food and not on the gorgeous dame behind you, he thought desperately.

'Is that everything?' her sweet voice came from behind him.

'Yep, I can handle the rest.' He didn't know if he even wanted her to leave. Despite everything, he had missed her.

She didn't leave. She hopped back up on to her seat at the island and watched him as he worked. It wasn't uncomfortable, he thought it would be but if anything it just felt natural.

'Do you want some?' he asked once it had finished.

She wrinkled her nose, he knew the meal looked a bit funny and he laughed a little.

'It's better than it looks, promise.'

She grinned at him and nodded.

'Alright so, I trust you.'

Everything she said felt like it had another meaning, like she was talking about so much more than just a meal. That bothered him, he wanted her to understand just how much she really shouldn't trust him.

He just nodded and served her out a bowl. She took a spoonful and her eyebrows raised in surprise.

'Is good.' She said, her mouth half full completely unladylike.

He just smiled at her, thinking she was adorable even with soup half pouring out of her mouth.

They ate their meal in compatible silence with the occasional lab story from Darcy that made him ache to return. He missed the lab, he even missed Jane. Despite Darcy's insistence to both him and Steve that he was more than welcome to still come visit he just felt like it would be too uncomfortable. Sitting there with Darcy he was starting to think a little differently.

Until they finished and both went to put their bowls in the sink. As she turned he caught sight of a little bit of dried soup at the corner of her mouth. Reflexively he licked his thumb and made to sweep it away and she froze.

His hand gently came to the corner of her lip as he rubbed the stain away and locked eyes with her. A moment of electricity zapped between them as his hand moved to cup her chin, his thumb still at her lip. She closed her eyes and moved in gently and he began to lean forward too until he realised exactly what he was doing and jerked backwards.

'God I'm sorry Darcy, I didn't mean…'

Her face hardened and she stepped back from him.

'No, you didn't mean did you? You never mean to. But you do anyway.' She said angrily.

She looked at him with her eyes fiery and her eyebrows slanted down in a furious frown. It was possibly the first time he'd seen her look honestly truly angry.

'You cant keep blowing hot and cold Bucky. If you want to be friends that's fine, I can do that but this "will we, wont we" bullshit is killing me' her hands were balled into fists by her sides and her face was getting redder with each word. 'God if you don't care about me can you say something now so I can stop wasting my time trying to be your friend.'

He held up his hands in a woah gesture.

'Wait, I do want to be your friend Darcy, I just-'

'Then fucking act like it.' She interrupted him before turning on her heel, her pretty skirt swishing as she spun and stalked out the door.

He tried to call after her but she ignored him, too irritated to have a proper conversation with him right now.

The soup turned in his stomach now and he realised it wasn't the food that had made him feel at home that day, but making it with Darcy. And that thought was terrifying.

He collapsed into his chair and sighed, he'd fucked it up royally. Staying away from her just hurt both of them but being near her was so hard for him too. The problem, he decided, was that she didn't know his side of things. She didn't know why he couldn't be with her. If he told her, explained himself, he was sure she'd understand.

He juts had to find the words to tell her.

A/N: Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments on the previous chapter! I'm back to college this week so if I'm updating a little bit less frequently I apologise but i really will try to keep up the pace. besides there's only like 6 chapters left ! Hope ya'll enjoy