i had absolutely no inspiration for this chapter and it shows. i don't know how i feel about this one but hopefully i'll get my shit together for next chapter

and the real name of this chapter is "How Rude Of Me To Bring My Thoughts Into Your Bedroom" but that wouldn't fit


It had been a few weeks since Pearl and Lapis had become a couple. They decided against telling anyone for a few reasons. One being the fact that there were a few kids who also went to church with Pearl that would no doubt tell her parents if they saw her 'being gay'. Which ties into the next factor; their friends probably won't keep it a secret. Ruby, Amethyst and Peridot are loud mouthed and the word would get out easily with them. Sapphire would probably tell Ruby since they're so close. So they decided it would be best to not tell anyone. Which was easy for the most part. Just wait until after school to kiss and hold hands.

Well, it was easy for the first week or so. Then Lapis realized just how much Peridot flirts with her and how much Amethyst teases her about it. She also realized how Pearl usually comforts her with hugs and kisses and how she won't do that at school; the place where she has the most panic attacks and probably needs the most comfort. She won't push Pearl, though. But she can tell the older girl is getting annoyed with it too. So when Lapis does go to school, she usually ditches the classes with any of her friends in them, besides dance. Dance is okay.

Pearl caught on pretty quick to her plan and now she walks her to all of her classes to make sure she doesn't ditch them. During TA and lunch they either go to Lapis' house or find a supply closet to hang out in. Anxiety has been a big problem for Lapis lately so those hours are usually spent kissing to relieve her of her stress. Fine by both of them.

*:・゚✧ ✧゚・: *

"Can we just go to my house?" Lapis whines while they're on their way to Pearl's house to pick something up during lunch.

"We can go after I get my homework. It will only take a second."

Lapis huffs in her seat and leans back. It's not that she doesn't like Pearl's house. It's that every time she's there, she gets dirty looks and weird questions asked by her parents. It's almost like they don't know what privacy is. "Are your parents home?"

"I think my mom might be." Pearl looks over to the other for a second to see her deflate a bit. "You can just wait in the living room."

"Why not the car?" Lapis asks.

Pearl chews her lip. "Well, you told me that you'd like to get ran over by a car this morning. I'd rather you wait inside than outside where there are plenty of moving vehicles."

Lapis folds her arms, finding her reason to be convincing enough. "Fine. But I'm not talking to your mom."

"You don't have to, just know that she's stubborn. If she asks you something, she'll expect an answer."

"I know."

Pearl pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park before getting out and waiting for Lapis to follow suit. Lapis follows her while looking up at the rather large house. Two stories with huge rooms and fancy furniture. It almost annoys her. When they enter, they're blasted with cool air from the air conditioner and Lapis sighs, a nice change from the hot air outside. Pearl's mom is sitting on the couch, reading a book, with some tea on the table in front of her. She puts down her book with a rather displeased look on her face.

"Pearl, why are you home so early? And why is she with you?" She gestures to Lapis who is nearly cowering behind Pearl.

Pearl bites the inside of her cheek so she doesn't correct her mom by saying that 'she' is Lapis, and how they've been over her name before. "I forgot my homework for next hour, we're just picking it up before we go to lunch."

Her mom rolls her eyes. "Always so forgetful." She puts a bookmark in her book and stands. "Well, go on then."

Pearl nods. "I'll hurry." She says it more to Lapis than her mom before running up the large staircase to her room.

Lapis stands, not moving from her place in front of the door. They had closed it, but now with Pearl's mom's cold stare and the cool air in the house, she wishes they hadn't. She's feeling cold now.

"Why are you here? She never answered me." She crosses her arms.

Lapis folds her arms behind her back. "We were going to go to my house after this…" She hopes she answered right.

"Hm. And why is that?"

"For lunch..?"

"Yeah, good luck trying to get my little twig to eat. She's stubborn with food." Pearl's mom chuckles. "She's stubborn with everything. It's a shame, really. She could have been so beautiful."

Lapis holds her breath, clenching and unclenching her fists behind her back. She wants to tell her how wrong she is. That Pearl is already beautiful and that she's getting better, but she can't. Her mind won't let her speak in fear of what might happen to Pearl if she stepped out of line. So she just pretends to listen, hopping Pearl gets her ass down here soon.

After her mom went on to tell her about how Pearl never stops bouncing her leg and always has to have something in her hands, Pearl finally returns. Lapis sighs and opens the door to leave. Pearl ignores her mother's goodbye before shutting the door and leaving. They get in the car and as Pearl starts it Lapis slams her head on the dash board. "Lapis, you're going to set off the airbags-"

"Would it be incredibly rude to say that I want to punch your mom in the face?" She turns to the other.

The blonde blinks a few times, caught off guard by the question. "Why? What did she do to you?"

"What has she been doing to /you/?" Lapis counters, force in her voice as she turns back to the front. "She just kept going on about all the things she thinks are wrong with you. And she said that you could have been beautiful- It's like she hasn't even seen you! Isn't a mom supposed to do like, the exact opposite of that?" Lapis leans back in her seat, throwing up her hands to cover her face. "I'm sorry."

Pearl sits still for a minute. "No, it's okay. You can't actually punch her though, she's still my mother…"

Lapis cracks a smile, sliding her hands back down to her lap. "I wouldn't actually punch her."

"Okay… But, did she really say those things about me?" Pearl asks, her voice not really changing. Lapis nods sadly. The older one shakes her head. "Whatever." She backs out and begins driving down to the other's house.

They're silent the whole time but it doesn't seem like Pearl is affected at all. Which, of course, makes Lapis worry. When they finally arrive and go inside, Lapis sits at the island in her kitchen and Pearl leans against the counter across from her. "Hey, are you okay?"

She nods, looking up to Lapis. "I don't know why she's like that. She was… a big part of the reason I started self harming."

Lapis stares at her. "That's not okay."

"I know."

Lapis holds out her arms to Pearl and waits for her to realize that her arms are open for a hug. Pearl slowly makes her way around the counter before Lapis turns to her and hugs her. Pearl wraps her arms around Lapis and takes a deep breath. The younger one stands and takes Pearl's hands, leading her over to the couch. Lapis sits and pulls her down to sit across her lap, the others head automatically resting on her shoulder. "Don't listen to her ever, okay?" Lapis says just above a whisper.

Pearl nods slowly before she lifts her head and presses a quick kiss to Lapis' cheek. "I'm used to it. Her words don't affect me as much as they used to."

"Good. I just wish you could heal in peace. Without her telling people those things behind your back or to your face, if she does that."

"Not anymore, but I agree." Pearl pauses for a moment. "In the real world, nothing stops for you, though."

Lapis hugs her tighter and kisses her forehead. Pearl releases a satisfied sigh so she kisses her cheeks and nose too before her lips. Pearl holds the back of her head so she doesn't pull away, not that she was going to anyway. A few kisses later, Pearl is the one to pull away. Lapis checks the time, seeing they still have thirty minutes until the next hour starts. "You okay?" She asks, looking back to Pearl.

Pearl nods, a ghost of a smile hiding on her lips. "I'm fine." She closes her eyes and rests her head back on the others shoulder before finding Lapis' hand and moving it to rest on her lower chest, just below her breasts. "I'm fine."

Lapis' cheeks go bright red, wondering if she wants her to go higher. She clears her throat which now feels really dry. "Pearl?"

She looks up now with slightly wide eyes. "I'm sorry-"

"No it's fine I just- Maybe we should set up some…" /Setup what?/ /You know she wants you to/ "Boundaries? I just don't want to… cross the line…?"

Pearl takes a deep breath, relieved that Lapis isn't mad. "I'm… I'm okay with whatever you're okay with. I just want…" Her voice trails off, looking down at her hands.

Lapis chews her lip. "I don't want to do anything if you're not sure."

"No, I'm sure. I don't want to go all the way…" Her cheeks begin blushing. "Just, this far?" She slides Lapis' hand up further until it rests on Pearl's small chest.

Lapis nods shyly. "So you're okay? I-I don't want you to freak out about it later or anything."

"I'm okay if you are." But her voice is just as shaky as Lapis' own. It shakes with nervousness? Or excitement? Pearl can't tell anymore. She just knows that the hand on her chest feels good and she wishes Lapis would just touch her.

The blue haired teen looks down to her hand then back up at Pearl incase her face shows any sign of discomfort. It still looks the same, blushed with with a hint of a smile. Back down to her hand and she thinks of Jasper. She'd touch her so roughly and make her touch her back so roughly and it wasn't even love then. It was some animalistic driven lust. Lapis takes a deep breath and puts Jasper to the back of her mind. She needs to stop comparing everything Pearl does to Jasper.

Pearl kisses her softly for encouragement and Lapis takes it, kisses her back a little less soft. She remembers her hand and where it is and how it's not even doing anything. She runs her thumb across Pearl's shirt, tracing the small cup of her bra before bringing her full hand back up to grope what she can through the shirt. Pearl makes a small sound into Lapis' mouth and Lapis can't help but pull away, the realization of what she's doing hitting her ten times harder than it should have. She removes her hand and brings both to cover her face. Her cheeks are hot and her hands are shaking.

/Why can't you just do one thing right?/

"Oh goodness. I'm sorry, Lapis. I shouldn't have even suggested- I just forgot and it was- Oh goodness you probably hate me now- I understand if you never want to see me again-" Pearl cuts herself off, realizing that she's not helping at all, maybe even making it worse.

/She's going to break up with you if you don't get your shit together./ /Then you'll be all alone again./ /Pearl is literally the only person who puts up with you and you're gonna throw that away?/ /No./

She waits for her mind to calm down before taking a breath and removing her hands from her face. Lapis slowly looks at Pearl who is expressionless, her blush fading and it seems she's thinking hard too. "It's fine. I'm fine. I just. I don't think I'm ready for… That yet… I'm sorry."

Pearl nods slowly. "No, I'm sorry. I should have actually talked to you about it before I just… Went on like that."

"Have you been thinking about this then?"

"I have. Just my limits I suppose. I should have told you and asked yours, though." Pearl bites her lip.

"It's okay. It was a mistake and you didn't hurt me. So we're fine. We're fine." She says it more to reassure herself. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"N-no. Not at all. You just… Wow." Pearl chuckles, her blush creeping back. Lapis smiles and kisses her cheek before swinging Pearl's legs off and standing.

"Are you ready to go back to school then?" Lapis asks.

"Yes. Just give me a moment to-" She searches for the right word. "Recollect myself."

Lapis holds back a laugh and grabs a rice cake to eat on their way.

She has a lot of work to do if she wants to satisfy Pearl.


also shout out to the peeps who did fanart. i think they took it down because i can't find it now and i can't remember their blog name but. thanks. it means a lot.
and i don't have a schedule for updating this, i just update it when i feel like its decent enough