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"Please tell me you'll come by opening night," Lenalee said, as Allen walked on legs he felt weren't his own. Her voice melted into mere background noise as she continued to speak to Lavi, and Allen stared forward at the cold, industrial walls of the warehouse called Lenalee Lee's gallery. What he had just seen was incredible, although disconcerting. Beautiful images had reflected back to him the things he had experienced together with Rabi. Dark canvases displayed events only seen in his nightmares; the things that Rinali had whispered to him on long train rides in the dark as she cried softly in fear, tears clinging to her black lashes. Those dreams that they had shared together through the Innocence that bound them had been painted with perfection upon canvas. How had Lenalee known? That was all Allen could wonder as he and Lavi returned to the concrete building that held the redhead's carriage contraption. He didn't even realize he was inside until the automobile began moving.

"Are you all right, Allen?" Lavi asked, his concerned tone sounding like he was underwater. Or perhaps Allen was underwater, as his mind was murky and slow with thought, sluggish with memory.

"Fine," he heard himself say. Outside the windows, gray streets passed. People in winter clothing hurried by in blurs as red, yellow, and green lights melded into a string of color.

"Are you sure?" Lavi asked. There was a tick, tick, tick sound that echoed in the car; out of the corner of his eye, Allen could see a small light blinking in front of Lavi's wheel. He looked only at the light, not wanting to glance up the tiniest fraction of an inch to see the redhead's face. Not at a time like this, when he felt so confused and wrong, desperately wishing that Rabi was there with him at that moment, at the top of the Black Order, watching the sunset. But instead, he was driving down cold, dreary streets with a boy who wore Rabi's face. Looking at Lavi would be too much to bear at that moment.

"Yes," said Allen.

"Are you fine enough to go shopping?" Lavi inquired, turning back to look at the road as the car began moving again.

"Shopping," repeated Allen, the word sounding jumbled on his tongue.

"Yeah. We need some food. And some clothes for you, because mine don't fit you right," explained Lavi. "But if you don't feel up to it, we can go home."

"I'm fine," Allen said again. "Let's go."

From the heart of the city, they drove west towards a place Lavi called Dublin. Allen continued to look out of his foggy window, not even startling when other cars and massive trucks passed them on the busy highway. He watched as green signs passed over their heads and large signs with yellow arrows pointed them in certain directions. Tall buildings rose up behind them in the mirror and Allen watched as they faded out of sight.

"We can't go anywhere really expensive," Lavi said, once the silence had lasted for too long. "I'm in grad school, like I said before, so money's kind of tight. But this place is pretty good. You can grab some clothes and we'll get groceries on the way back." They pulled off the road and drove for a little ways, until they were in a lot full of the same machines Lavi owned. He parked in an empty space between a black and a silver car. On Allen's side, he saw the brick building and a glowing sign that hung above the entrance with a red target on it. "We're here."

"Okay," Allen said, attempting to get out of the safety equipment he couldn't remember putting on in the first place. Lavi leaned over the console and unbuckled it for him, leaning across Allen's body to open the door for him. The silver-haired boy hated his traitorous observation of how good Lavi smelled.

"The selection's pretty decent here," Lavi said as they entered the store. "You're bound to find something." It was bright inside and there were people everywhere shopping with metal carts or hand baskets. Something smelled like butter mixed with salt and Allen felt slightly nauseous, but after they cleared away from the doors and the small snack area, he didn't experience such sickness. "It's really packed because Christmas is coming up next month. I guess we're going to have to get in and out quickly…"

"Christmas?" Allen asked, excitement absent from his voice. Christmas would never be the same for him as it had been, when everyone in the Order gathered to put up that giant evergreen. They spent one whole day decorating, cooking, laughing as they threaded strings of popcorn to use as garlands. Rabi was always in charge lights and Allen could remember how he grumbled to himself for a few good hours as he untangled the mess. But then it would all come together in one celebration, where everyone gathered and ate together, drank bitter-smelling wine from long glasses, and sat before the tree as they enjoyed company. And then after that, when he and Rabi had said good night and gone upstairs, the redhead would always whisper Happy birthday, Allen after they made love.

"Yeah, soonish, actually," replied Lavi, bringing Allen back to the present, where his feet were walking on shiny, linoleum floors. "After Thanksgiving, though, things are really going to get crazy…" In the back, there was a section of clothing specifically for men and Lavi changed the subject: "Go ahead and pick out whatever you'd like." He smiled reassuringly at Allen, who just nodded and wandered around through the racks. Never before had he been able to choose his clothes, forced to wear whatever had been given. It was harder than he imagined, selecting things that he liked. In the end, Allen ended up choosing outfits similar to those Rabi had worn: long sleeved shirts in natural colors with low, rounded collars and pants that were comfortable in shades of brown and tan.

Nearby, Lavi was busily punching away at the small keys on his hand-held communication device. He looked bothered by something, so Allen didn't pursue his opinion. Instead, he found a place called a 'fitting room' where he could try the clothes on, receiving a small, plastic number from a girl at a nearby desk. Her eyes were wide and staring, locked upon the scar that marred the left side of his face. Embarrassed, Allen hurried to the nearest stall, slamming the door closed behind him with panting, shaky breaths.

"Rabi…" Allen said, capturing his lover's attention from whatever volume he was immersed in. The redhead looked up at him curiously, moving from the desk to the bed where Allen was sitting.

"What's up?" he asked, resting his arms on Allen's raised knees so that they were face to face.

"Do…" Allen's eyes moved to the side. "Does my scar bother you?" Rabi tilted his head slightly against Allen's knee, his brow furrowing.

"Why would it?" he asked, true sincerity in his tone. Allen shied away from it, turning the left side of his face away from Rabi's green stare.

"It's ugly," said Allen, barely above a whisper.

"No it's not," Rabi answered, his warm fingertips touching Allen's chin to turn him face forward again. He was met with a kind expression: the small smiles that Rabi reserved only for him and no one else. "Nothing about you is ugly to me, Allen. And nothing ever will be."

Allen sat on the rough, green carpet in the gray stall, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He looked frightened and pale and so ugly that he could hardly stand it. Fists clenched, Allen resisted his urge to punch the glass before him. Instead, he clutched at his chest. Rabi was gone. Gone forever, never to tell him that he was beautiful and loved ever again. Footsteps outside distracted him and he quickly stood up, taking the clothes off their hangers to make noise so that the person entering would not get suspicious.

"Allen? Are you in here?" asked Lavi.

"Yeah," said Allen, hating the way his voice quavered slightly towards the end.

"Okay, I'll be outside if you…need anything," answered Lavi, sounding slightly different himself. Allen didn't reply, hurrying to try on the clothes he selected. Only a few of them fit, as he wasn't able to judge the size measurements on all of them correctly. Standing before the mirror, Allen stared at his reflection for a long time. He barely looked like himself, so modern and foreign; it scared him somewhat. Quickly, Allen changed out of the garments and slipped on Lavi's borrowed clothes, feeling a bit safer as he gathered the articles that fit him in one arm and those that didn't over the other. Just as he was exiting the section, Allen stopped upon hearing Lavi's voice issuing from a nearby stall. He was talking in a hushed whisper, as if seeking privacy to speak of something secret.

"But...for God's sake, you know I wouldn't—"

His voice cut out, giving way to tense silence. Allen lingered nearby, holding still so he didn't alert Lavi of his presence.

"It's a lie," said Lavi, a hard edge to his voice. "I don't cheat. After all the years we've known each other, I would have thought you'd know that by now."

Another, uneasy silence. If Allen strained his ears, he could detect another, softer voice speaking to Lavi through a far away connection. He must have been speaking on the device Lavi called a "cell phone".

"But I didn't, that's just it," Lavi said earnestly. "He lied, Yuu."

Quiet once more, until Lavi got up and Allen heard him pacing, his shoes scraping against the coarse carpeting.

"I never would and I never did," Lavi declared, his feet stopping.

A thoughtful pause.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."

Lavi's left foot scuffed against the floor.

"Look, just…things worked out that way…it's useless to think about how it could have been," answered Lavi, only the smallest sort of pain pinching his voice. "It's…fine. I hope…I want you and Lenalee to be happy."

A long, long silence followed. Allen could have sworn he heard Lavi crying quietly.

"Yeah, look, I've gotta go," he said thickly. "I'll see you and Lenalee on Thanksgiving. Gramps' place like usual, okay?" Lavi laughed softly at something said, although it sounded slightly strangled. "Don't be an asshole. See you later...Yuu…" Allen heard the phone close and then a tired sigh. Something clattered to the ground as Lavi sat down inside the fitting room booth. Allen stood there for a long time, unmoving so that he could listen. It was as if he could feel every shuddering breath Lavi took; like he was experiencing the same pain the boy on the other side of the door felt at that moment. It was the same pain felt when you lost something precious to you.

To give Lavi privacy, Allen hurried past with light footsteps. He gave the unfitted clothes to the girl behind the desk. When she began staring at his scar again, Allen hurried to give her the plastic number before escaping, hiding in the corner near a rack of belts. Patiently, he sat there, holding his clothes with his eyes taking in the patterns of the fabric, mesmerizing him into quiet contemplation.

"There you are," came Lavi's voice from behind him a few minutes later. Allen turned to look over his shoulder at the man. His eyes were a little glassy and sad, but he was smiling. "I've been looking for you. Did you find anything you liked?" Allen nodded, indicating the clothes resting on his lap. "That's good. Do they fit?" Another silent nod and the silver-haired boy watched as Lavi's brow furrowed slightly. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting weird ever since the gallery this afternoon."

"I'm fine, like I said," Allen replied, although unconvincingly so. To cover for himself, he added without thinking: "I wasn't the one crying." He felt badly about it the moment he said it, but Lavi didn't anger at these words. Instead, he smiled in a lonely manner and sat down on the bench next to Allen.

"I was crying," he confirmed with a nod. Taking a deep breath, he looked down at his hands momentarily before meeting Allen's eyes again. "Because I was sad."

"Kanda," Allen stated.

"Yes," Lavi replied, moving his thumbs in a circular pattern. "I was sad because we had a misunderstanding. And that lead to a lot of bad things that never would have happened if that one thing hadn't occurred. But…" Lavi paused to swallow. "…but it did. Yuu found Lenalee and he's happy. That's all that matters." Allen knew he was prying into a raw wound, that much was obvious by Lavi's expression, but he couldn't help himself.

"You got hurt," said Allen.

"I did," replied Lavi.

"Are you mad?" Allen asked. If there was one thing he could never forget, it was the rage he felt—and still felt—for Tiki's abominable act.

"No," Lavi said, shaking his head. "I'm not mad anymore."

"Did you…" Allen paused, debating on whether or not to ask. It was getting too personal, but Allen couldn't quell his curiosity, recalling the dark bruises that marred Lavi's flesh. "Did you love him?" Lavi's green eyes dropped to his hands again, a reminiscing smile upon his lips.

"Yes. I did," he answered, raising his gaze after a long moment of thought. "But that's over now. I did love him and he loved me, but…it's in the past. We missed our chance and there's no going back." Allen's eyes felt itchy at that statement. We missed our chance, didn't we, Rabi?

"So what now?" Allen asked. "What do you do now?" In a similar situation himself, Allen waited with anxious breath.

"I…don't know," Lavi replied honestly, shrugging.

"We're both…lost, then. Aren't we?" Allen inquired. To his surprise, Lavi smiled and let loose a small laugh.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said, standing up. "But I've got just the thing for that, c'mon." Allen smiled shyly as he took the proffered hand. It was becoming so easy to do: sliding his palm against Lavi's, feeling their fingers intertwine. That emotion he'd experienced before colored with disloyal thoughts was barely present now. The ring on his finger didn't burn with infidelity any longer; it merely tingled with the love for Rabi he could never forget.

Everything was in the past, even though their impacts would never leave. Lost and searching, the two of them had wandered and hurt. But hand-in-hand, Allen wondered if maybe, just maybe, there were such things as second chances.

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They arrived at Lavi's apartment sometime in the early evening. It was dark and flurrying when they hurried up the few flights of stairs to Lavi's flat. Inside, warmth assaulted them and Allen breathed out a sigh of relief through cold lips.

"Cold?" Lavi asked, pulling off his jacket to hang on a rickety looking coat rack.

"A little," Allen replied, his teeth nearly chattering. It was strange for him to feel so, as his Innocence normally kept his body running at a warmer temperature. However, it seemed as if his left arm was in a state of dormancy, leaving Allen without his usual warmth or hunger.

"Come here and sit by the heater," Lavi said, indicating Allen to come over near a vent on the floor. He pulled a chair next to it so that Allen could sit and warm up while the redhead busied himself with something in the kitchen for a moment or two, before declaring: "And drink this, too." A grayish purple mug was placed into his hands, warm and filled to the brim with a frothy, freshly-made tea.

"Thank you," Allen said, accepting it. Their fingertips brushed pleasantly.

"You're welcome," Lavi said, smiling as he went back to unpacking the groceries they had picked up on the way home. "Um, what do you want for dinner? Anything in particular?" he asked.

"Not really," Allen answered, taking a sip of his tea. It was so hot that Allen could feel the warmth moving through his body at a rapid rate, chasing away the chill that had settled into his flesh and bones. It felt good; as good as Lavi's hand had felt against his.

"Spaghetti okay then?" Lavi asked, unloading fresh vegetables into the refrigerator.

"That's fine," Allen replied, turning a bit in his chair. "Do you need any help?"

"Hmm," Lavi said, putting a carton of milk into the side shelf. "If you want to help with the salad, that'd be great." Allen nodded, hopping down off the stool that Lavi had pulled out for him. Replacing it where it had been beside the bar, Allen reentered the kitchen where Lavi was pulling out salad and vegetables, knives and cutting boards. On the stove, he had a pot filled with water that he was attempting to boil. Another pan stood nearby, heating up a red sauce.

"What do you want me to do?" Allen asked.

"Well, let's start by washing this and then cutting up those…" Lavi said, Allen falling into work with him at a comfortable pace. Together, the two of them created a wonderful meal. They chose to eat on the sofa where Lavi explained to Allen the workings of the strange box called a television. During this lesson, they watched a program on what Lavi referred to as the Discovery channel. It was an interesting show about Egypt, showing vast deserts and golden pyramids against a periwinkle sky.

"Have you ever been there?" Lavi asked, indicating to the television screen.

"No," Allen replied, shaking his head. He had never been fortunate to tag along on the trips Rabi and Bookman frequently took to the African country.

"One day you should," Lavi said. "It's amazing there. Hot, but amazing."

"You've been there?" Allen asked.

"A few times with my grandfather," Lavi replied with a shrug, taking their empty salad dishes into the kitchen. While Allen continued to make his way through his enormous bowl of spaghetti, Lavi reentered the room, carrying with him two glasses and a long, green bottle. "Care for a drink?" Allen flushed and looked down.

"I don't…drink," Allen answered, recalling the painful memories of his Master in a continuous drunken state. Lavi looked apologetic, setting one glass down on the cluttered mantle.

"Don't mind if I do, do you?" Lavi asked, pouring himself a liberal amount.

"No, go ahead," Allen said. From where he sat, he could smell the richness of the wine. It made his head feel light.

"Thanks," Lavi answered, corking the bottle as he sat down to the rest of his meal. "Ever since I've been legal, I've been getting wine. It's really good for your blood, you know." Rabi had said the same thing, once upon a time ago and Allen nodded.

"I just don't like the way it makes people act," Allen said.

"That's just people who abuse it," Lavi replied, setting his glass down on the coffee table. Allen didn't comment further, finishing up his meal. Lavi did as well and the two of them moved off the couch towards the kitchen to clean up. The redhead stowed the bottle of wine away back in the fridge and replaced the unused glass back in the cabinet. Still nursing his own share, Lavi began to clear up the mess that had been left. Allen straightened up the best he could, but left Lavi to use the massive machine-like thing next to the sink, unsure of what exactly its primary function was. Instead of watching Lavi load the contraption with dishes and rather than sit there to merely admire the shape of Lavi's lean backside, Allen instead focused on the half-empty glass of wine on the counter top.

"Go ahead and have a try," Lavi said, when he was through enough to observe Allen's trance-like state.

"N-No, I'm fine," Allen insisted. Lavi smiled, closing the door on the machine, where it began to make a soft humming noise. From there, he went over to the fridge and pulled out a round of cheese. When he unfolded it from its package, Allen felt his mouth water. It smelled absolutely incredible.

"Just a little?" Lavi asked, cutting off a bite-sized chunk of the cheese. He held it in between his thumb and forefinger. "It'll taste good, I promise." Mutely, Allen nodded, his cheeks rather warm. "Good! Now close your eyes." Allen hesitantly did so, listening to every movement of Lavi's feet against the wood floor, the rustle of his clothes, the soft brush of his hair against his shoulders. "This is what they did to us in Venice when we didn't want to try wine either. So, open your mouth." Blushingly, Allen obliged. A salty smooth, wonderful taste assaulted his tongue. "Don't swallow. Let your mouth get all the taste of it." Allen did so, feeling the exotic cheese in his mouth and the way it sent him almost tingling with the mere taste of it. "Okay, now chew it slowly. Savor it." And savor it he did. The cheese itself was wonderful on the outside, but the explosion of flavor that he taste upon chewing nearly made him moan.

"Wow. What kind of cheese is that?" Allen asked, not opening his eyes just yet, his tongue darting around his mouth in search of more of the taste that had left him lusting for more.

"Mozzarella," Lavi replied. "It's a common Italian cheese, but this one's been salted and matured a little." His footsteps moved away and then returned, bringing with them the bitter smell of wine. "Now try it with some wine. Take a small sip and let it sit in your mouth a minute. Let it soak in before swallowing." Allen accepted the glass and took a sip, letting the liquid flood his mouth. His senses soared. Never before could he believe that a simple beverage could have so many levels of taste: bitterness, sweetness, a bit of sourness, but also a tang. It was so incredible he didn't want to swallow, but Allen did, feeling the alcohol burn his throat pleasantly.

"Amazing…" Allen said, opening his eyes. Everything seemed a bit brighter and he squinted a little.

"Told you," said Lavi, smiling. "It's only bad if you abuse it. Otherwise, it's very good, don't you agree?" Allen nodded, feeling very cheerful. He wasn't drunk, he knew, because it was impossible to be so after one sip. But the alcohol had put him into a less anxious mood with its relaxing properties and Allen was determined to enjoy the rest of the night.

In the end, he and Lavi ended up sharing the rest of the glass, lounging on the comfortable couch in front of the television. They watched some special about ancient Mayan ruins on the same channel. Allen was fascinated, never knowing such fantastic structures existed in the world beyond Eurasia. In the middle of the explanation of the Mayan calendar and the events it predicted in relation to the stars, Lavi's cellular rang, vibrating the entire sofa. Pulling it out of his back pocket, Lavi looked at the front of the phone for a moment, made a face, and tossed it onto the coffee table carelessly.

"Who was it?" Allen asked, when the program took a break in order to show advertisements to viewers.

"No one I want to talk to," Lavi said, sounding sulky as he pulled the blanket down from the top of the couch. He moved it around his shoulders, propping his heels up on the messy table in front of them to get comfortably situated. Then Lavi looked at Allen and lifted up the edge, offering some of it to him in a gesture of kindness. The silver-haired boy took this opportunity to move closer to Lavi, his heart beating so fast and hard he could hear it in his ears. The redhead's arm was behind Allen's back, bent at the elbow so that it was almost like Lavi was holding him. Allen was not bothered by this, smiling contently as he leaned back into the half embrace. After a few moments, Allen's heart had calmed considerably and he was resting against Lavi's side with his head against the taller man's shoulder. On some level, Allen knew it should have felt wrong, but it didn't. It felt so natural to be resting against Lavi like he was; enjoying the warmth and safety that another body against his provided.

"Allen~! Allen, wake up," whispered a voice in his ear. Allen burrowed deeper beneath the blankets, not relinquishing his hold on the warm arm wrapped around him. A laugh stirred his hair, sending a small shiver running through his body. "Allen, you need to wake up."

"Dunwanna," Allen protested, scooting closer to the redhead beside him, intertwining their legs so that Rabi couldn't escape. Fingertips moved through his hair before tracing his jaw line, finally ending to brush against his lips.

"But, Allen…" Rabi murmured, his eyelashes tickling Allen's cheek. "I wanna be naughty~" Allen smiled as Rabi kissed him, moving closer so that their bare skin could touch beneath the sheets. Already, Allen could feel Rabi's arousal that pressed hard against his stomach, his body responding in kind, trembling at the thought of spontaneous morning sex with his lover.

"Then let's…" Allen began, smiling with a little more deviousness than before as he put his lover beneath him, opening his eyes to find a pair of hazy green orbs staring back at him.

"Allen?" Lavi asked, sounding a bit unsure. His lower lip was slightly red, like Rabi's always ended up after the two of them had kissed for an extended period of time. Allen blinked in confusion, his breaths coming quicker as he became more awake and aware. He must have fallen asleep on the couch and then Lavi had brought him into the bedroom, because the two of them were on top of the redhead's bed. Allen was straddling Lavi and he hurried to move away, blushing in horror to find that his own pants were tight with an apparent erection.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Allen said, his head spinning with embarrassed confusion. Was it the wine that had affected him so? "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He wasn't even sure who he was saying it to: Lavi who sat before him or Rabi who was somewhere in the Other World, most likely crying because of Allen's misguided actions. The thought of his lover weeping in pain made Allen want to sob with sorrow. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry, Rabi…I'm sorry…" he murmured, fighting tears as he sank to his knees on the ground.

"Allen…" said Lavi, moving closer to him, his expression terribly apologetic. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Allen. I didn't mean to—"

"No, no, no," Allen cut him off, shaking his head. "It was me. It was me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, Rabi, I didn't mean t—" Lips pressed against his, cutting off his words. Allen didn't fight, his mind blanking momentarily. Lavi was kissing him and in that span of time, Allen felt no anger or fear or worry. The only thing he experienced was the warmth and gentleness of Lavi's kiss.

"Allen. I'm home." Rabi's voice spoke gently within his mind, caressing his troubled thoughts into nothing but air. His voice was something from a memory, but the presence felt within himself at the moment was nothing Allen had ever experienced before. Rabi was alive inside him, against his lips, kissing him like he always had upon returning from a mission. That sweet, gentle, loving kiss Allen craved the days Rabi was gone. It was there now in Lavi's gesture. "Kiss me back, Allen."

And Allen did.

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Huuur. Well, now that things are moving along…

Everything to be explained very soon, as the ending of this story draws nearer!

Thanks for your readership! Much love, everyone!

Dhampir72