There we are again! The end is neigh and it makes me so sad.
I absolutely love the portrayals in this story.. Ugh. So, if anyone has any inspiration for another story, please let me know!

Exactly one year and 11 hours later.

'She's pregnant. We found out today and by we I mean she.'
The silence between them was heavy, the crowded bar did nothing to hide it.
'I know you're supposed to congratulate but.. My response would be to ask how that happened.'
'Really? You're asking the gay men how it works? Poor Lils.'
James punched him in the shoulder rather hard and Sirius smirked even if it was bitterly.
'I'm not joking, jerk. I just thought you guys didn't.. do it. Shouldn't you at least be with her or something?'
'I'll leave that to the father.'
'Tha fa.-? Oh.'
'Hmhm.'
Sirius took a rather large gulp of beer as if he hoped it would drown everything.
'You sure?'
'Quite. If it was mine, it would've been born by now.'
'That long, huh.'
'Not long enough.'
Another silence and Sirius knew they both thought of the same thing. They had discussed it, once, when Sirius still felt he was supposed to be a good husband and sleep with his wife. It had been downright awful. He wasn't necessarily repulsed by women, though he preferred not to be intimate with them. He was just repulsed by her.
'I can't believe it's been a year.' James sighed as he moved his glass around, stamping wet circles on the bar.
'I can. I've counted every bloody day.'
'You could get divorced..?'
'Please. It's sad enough that I'm a 19- almost 20 year old married to his cousin. I don't feel like being a 19- almost 20 year old divorcee.'
'You are right, a 19- almost 20 yea old convicted for killing his wife because she drove him crazy is so much cooler.' But James' voice wasn't joking.
'Promise you'll come visit me.' Sirius tried to joke but failed. The silence grew even heavier as a rather drunk splashed most of her beer over the bar, causing James and Sirius to move a few seats to the left.

'Do you still think about him?'
The question seemed to come out of nowhere but Sirius knew it had been on the edge of James' lips ever since he arrived. They had cautiously avoided the subject over the past year. But now that the jar was opened, he realised how much he needed to talk about just that. About how terribly missed that man every single day.
'Too much.' Sirius answered, annoyed by how fragile his voice sounded. 'Though I guess the lack of intimacy isn't helping either.'
'Intimacy? That's a fancy word. Isn't just sex enough anymore?'
'Not having any, mate.'
'Seriously? I know we never talked about this but I just assumed you'd be out cruising guys that look like him to get your fix, or something.'
'Someone that looked like him?' Sirius asked, about to comment that he hadn't the slightest clue when James continued.
'Yes, you know.' He made some movements with his arms. 'Tall, brown hair, friendly eyes. That kind.'
Sirius was convinced his heart stopped beating at that moment.
'You.. You've seen him?'

James stared back at you.
'Haven't you? I thought you were so madly in love with him.'
'Yes… But I've never seen him. It was just.. just his voice.'
'Christ, Sirius! You can hardly blame me for assuming you've at least seen the man you've fallen in love with. Just a voice is a fairy tale and then some!'
'I can't help it! He just sounds.. I don't know. Sweet?'
James shrugged.
'I guess he looked kinda sweet. Fuck. What am I saying, I'm no expert!'
'He just.. I don't know James. He made me laugh. He made me feel like a good person.'
'Don't I do that stuff?'
'Would you prefer me to fall in love with you?'
'No thanks.'
'Then shut up.' Sirius softly nudged James. The latter smirked. He knew Sirius was right. Having a lover was not the same as having a good friend. He loved Sirius to death but Lily.. Lily made him feel things Sirius never could. As a friend, mind you.
His friend's voice woke him from his thoughts.

'How come you have seen him?'
James raised an eyebrow.
'He doesn't live in that booth, Sirius. At the end of confession he comes out and goes home, you know. I've seen him coming out of church twice and after confession once.'
'Tell me exactly what he looks like!'
'Jesus Christ dude. It's been a year. I don't know. As I said, tall, was probably skinny at some point in his life. Brown hair, friendly eyes. Brown too, I think.'
'How old was he?'
'Early fourties? Late thirties at most. Too old!'
'
I need details, dammit!'
'Well.. I do remember a scar in his face. Rather big, it really stood out. All red and raw.'
'A scar..' Sirius repeated. Somehow he always assumed Remus to be unblemished. A tall, scarred man..

'I'm going out.' Sirius stated as he forcefully put his beer bottle back on the bar.
James wanted to answer but wasn't sure how to.
'James, don't be such a pussy. You know I'm gay or ages so yes, I'm going to get me some ass.'
'Something similar to his ass, I presume?'
'You presume right.'
For a moment it seemed James wanted to oppose but then he shrugged.
'Are you sure you should?'
'You assummed I've been doing this for a year, why would this be a problem now?'
'Good point. Just.. Just be careful, yeah? If this somehow helps you to forget, be my guest.'

Sirius knew it wouldn't give him any rest but he needed to get laid so bad.

.o.0.o.

It was loud. The music was thumping, the lights flashing and it was just what he needed.
No one caught his eye, not in particular. They were either too old or too young to his liking. To buff or to fat, too sissy or to butch. It wasn't good enough it wasn't what he needed. And so he ordered another beer and gulped it down, immediately ordering the next.

Then the world stopped spinning, the music slowed down and the lights seems to focus on the door as it opened and the person that walked in was all he needed.
His eyes followed him to the bar, where he ordered a drink and sat down on a barstool.
He didn't know if it was the truth or the amount of alcohol but the man looked bloody gorgeous. Tall, with his broad shoulders and narrow hips. The figure of a man who, once, perhaps had been skinny, almost frail, but time had taken it's toll. But it was the look on his face that made him feel connected the most.
He seemed as miserable as Sirius felt, himself. Almost as if the man's mimic was meant for him. Sad, brown eyes and light-brown hair, streaked with grey. He could imagine Remus would look somewhat like this. And if he did, Sirius would be perfectly fine with it. There was no thick, raw scar on his face but he didn't care. He probably like it better like this.
With a slight moment of hesitation, Sirius slipped of his own barstool and sat back on the one next to the man. He tried not to stare but it was hard. Even more so when the man turned his head to look at him and Sirius saw a short shimmer in his eyes as the man nodded and raised his glass. Sirius did too and they toasted on something in their own minds. They connected, drank their beers and placed the glasses on the bar. They had several more, until Sirius realised he'd be uncapable to do anything useful if he'd drink another.

He leaned over and shouted something in the guy's ear but the music was too loud. The guy shouted something back. After a while Sirius made it clear he wanted to go home. The man, in turn, mimed he lived nearby and wouldn't mind to go there. Together.

The gorgeous specimen asked something else but the music was still ringing in his ears and he couldn't hear. Perhaps he was too dazed to hear it all together. And so he just smiled half heartedly as he wrapped his hand around the tall man's upper arm and allowed him to walk him 'home'.

Please please pleaaaaase review! There's like two or three chapters left and I'm dying to know what you think