I realized that I've been writing a story chock-full of nummy angst and I haven't used a Sarah McLachlan song yet. That's a severe infraction of the Angst By-Laws. So I made sure to use one for this chapter. ;) Non-angsty thank-yous to les betas: Chris, Kat, and Merith. Extra pats for Merith, who seems to have re-emerged from whatever hell she's been trapped in, and for Chris, who is very patient with my awful attempts at being medical. ;) Uh... and, what the hell, extra pats for Kat, who seems to have vanished into Merith's black hole. Where are ya, Kat? Finally, a deep bow of gratitude for Niamh, who helped me put cute M/S byplay in the middle of I/K agony.

Chapter title and epigraph are from "Hold On," by Sarah McLachlan.

***

So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And will see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile
Across your face

***

Shippo busily added a bit more red to his latest crayon drawing. He relished this time alone with his surrogate mother; Inuyasha had hovered over her for the past two days, snarling at anyone who approached, even the kitsune. Shippo had tried not to resent the hanyou's wildly protective streak, but enough was enough. After all, he wanted to take care of Kagome too. Luckily, Inuyasha had finally been forced out of the hut for a while by his own restlessness, and Shippo had seized the opportunity to sit with Kagome. "You have to wake up, okay?" he said to the sleeping girl. "Otherwise he's just gonna pound on me all the time."

The kitsune sighed when Kagome didn't stir. "Okay. I'm gonna tell you a story. I drew these pictures to go with it, but you'll just have to look at those later." He tucked himself against her stomach, tilting his head to hear her heartbeat. "Once upon a time -- that's how these start, right? -- there was a beautiful princess. And she lived in a castle and was kind and gentle. But there was this prince who lived in the castle next to hers. And he was a real jerk. He kept yelling at the princess for no reason. So sometimes she thought he didn't like her very much. But he did." Shippo paused to admire the picture he'd drawn to go with this part. It showed a fairly well disguised Prince Inuyasha yelling at an obviously furious Princess Kagome.

"Then, one day, the princess was struck by an evil spell, and she fell into a deep sleep. And the prince was scared, because he didn't know what to do." Shippo eyed his next picture thoughtfully, remembering his inspiration. He'd peeked through the flap to see how Kagome was doing, and had fled immediately, before Inuyasha could hit him for catching the hanyou in a moment of weakness. But the image was burned into his memory. He brushed a finger over the drawing. It showed the prince clutching the princess to him, face buried in her hair. Shippo folded the paper carefully to tuck away in his gi. If Inuyasha sees this, he'll smack me and tear it up, and it's for her.

He reached out and patted her softly on the cheek. You gotta wake up, Kagome. He's really scared. "Where... oh, yeah. Anyway, the prince was frightened. He thought maybe it was a spell cast by the evil wizard who hated the princess, but he wasn't sure. So he gathered together the bravest knights of the kingdom and they went out to save her." He spread out the next few pictures. "I drew one for each knight, see?" Sango rode proudly astride Kirara, head held high. Miroku looked mostly heroic, although Shippo suspected the crafty gleam that always sneaked into his drawings of the monk had more to do with the subject than the artist.

"This was the bravest knight," he said solemnly, tapping the third drawing. "See?" He'd drawn himself, of course, riding a dragon and carrying a sword that threatened to dwarf the transformed Tetsusaiga. "The princess always loved him best and put him in the front of all her guards." Shippo rested his head against Kagome's heart for a moment. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear her saying, Of course she did, Shippo-chan. Wasn't he her bravest knight? He knuckled a tear away from his eye. "I miss you, Kagome," he muttered. "Nothing's right without you."

Shippo resolutely pushed aside his worry. Gotta finish the story. He picked up the last drawing. "I drew one for the prince, too." Prince Inuyasha strode forward, Tetsusaiga resting on one shoulder. In his other hand he clutched a piece of fabric that, with a little imagination, one could recognize as the tie from Kagome's school uniform.

"So these knights and the prince went off to hunt the evil wizard, hoping he was the one who'd made her sleep. And...." Shippo trailed off. He wanted to be brave, to be able to tell Kagome how brave he'd been when she woke up. But watching her lie so very still reminded him almost viscerally of how he'd found his parents' bodies. Shippo felt tears well in his eyes. "I can't finish the story, Kagome. You gotta wake up, so I can tell you how it ends. You have to. If you don't wake up, it can't have a happy ending." He swallowed, curling up closer to Kagome's body. "So... wake up, okay? Just... wake up."

Inuyasha ground his teeth together, pausing outside the door flap. He knew Shippo wanted -- even needed -- to be near Kagome when something was wrong with her. But he needed to be near her more. "Oi, brat," he muttered. "Get lost, will you?"

Shippo's head snapped up. "You can't make me," he hissed. "You've been selfish this whole time. It's my turn, dammit!"

A low growl rumbled in Inuyasha's throat. Shippo burrowed closer to Kagome until nearly all Inuyasha could see were the kitsune's blue eyes peering out at him. Inuyasha sighed. "Okay, kid. But I gotta hold her."

Shippo snorted. "Oh, yeah, holding Kagome is such a chore."

Inuyasha held up a clenched fist in idle threat as he dropped down next to Kagome's body, lifting her into his lap. Shippo rolled his eyes and picked up his crayons again. Silence fell between the two for a while. Inuyasha finally spoke. "I thought she told you that story."

Shippo jumped, startled. "Huh?"

"I thought Kagome told you the story about the sleeping princess."

"Uh.... She told me a story about a sleeping princess." Shippo's mind raced frantically, trying to remember what he'd said aloud. He decided that since his head remained unbruised, he was probably safe. "But I thought I'd make up a different one for her."

Inuyasha sat silent for a few more minutes. "In the one she did tell you.... How did the princess wake up?"

Shippo paused, frowning absently at his drawings. "I... think the prince kissed her. 'Love's first kiss,' Kagome said."

Inuyasha looked down at Kagome's flushed, smiling face and swallowed. Damn it. 'You're not him.' He ran an absent hand through her hair.

Slow but firm steps outside the door announced Kaede's arrival. She lifted the flap aside and peered in. "How is she, Inuyasha?"

He shrugged. "She keeps smilin', but she's still asleep. Didn't even wake up when the runt came in and babbled at her."

"I didn't babble, you jerk, I was telling her a story," Shippo muttered.

Kaede nodded, settling to her knees in front of Inuyasha. Shippo reluctantly scurried out of the way. She gently turned Kagome's face towards her and rested a dry palm on the girl's forehead. "No fever," she murmured. She probed gently at Kagome's neck. "Still no swelling." She sat back with a sigh. "I suppose we can be grateful that she didn't catch anything from those youkai cubs to complicate matters."

"Yeah," Inuyasha muttered. I almost wish she had.... Would give me an excuse to beat Kouga's head in. Kaede placed two fingers on the pulse beating in Kagome's throat, counting to herself for the length of two slow breaths. A few seconds later, she frowned and began to count again. Shippo looked up sharply and Inuyasha's brow furrowed as a trace of fear filtered into her scent. "Hey, Kaede-baba, what's the problem?"

Kaede hesitated. "I need to speak with the others." She rose to her feet and walked towards the flap with more haste than usual.

"What for?" Inuyasha snapped.

The old miko paused in the doorway. Her shoulders sagged. "I think Kagome's heart is slowing."

Inuyasha dimly wondered at the burning sensation in his lungs until he realized he'd stopped breathing. His arms tightened around Kagome, pressing her closer to his heart. Nearby, Shippo's crayons rolled across the floor, having fallen from the kitsune's motionless fingers. "No. You're wrong," Inuyasha said.

Kaede shook her head. "I must speak with the others." She brushed aside the flap and stepped outside.

Shippo crept closer to Kagome's form, tilting his head to listen to her heartbeat again. "It sounds okay to me."

Inuyasha snorted. "I been here the whole time. She's fine. The old hag's just panicking."

Kaede walked over to her own hut and lifted the door flap. "Sango?"

The young taiji-ya looked up from where she was practicing her mending on some spare clothes Kaede kept on hand for villagers who might need them. "Yes, Kaede-sama?"

"I need to count your heartbeats for a moment."

Sango hesitated. "All right...."

Kaede knelt next to her and placed two fingers on the pulse, counting to herself. After a moment, she sat back, shaking her head. In the darkest corner of the hut, a pile of shadows stirred as Miroku came out of his meditative trance. She looked at him. "Houshi-dono, the situation has become more critical."

"I thought it was already sufficiently critical," he said, rolling his shoulders.

Kaede stood up slowly. "I need you both in the quarantine hut. Kagome has gotten worse."

Sango jumped to her feet. Miroku rose but staggered, leaning heavily on his staff. "Damn it," he muttered.

Sango turned, surprised. "Houshi-sama?"

Miroku waved a casual hand. "I'm fine."

"Houshi-dono has not been taking time to recover from warding Kagome," Kaede said dryly to Sango.

"Houshi-dono has been doing what's necessary," Miroku replied. Sango walked over to him and offered him her arm. He raised his eyebrows at her. She narrowed her eyes at him. If you try anything, I'll beat you unconscious. He smiled and leaned on her arm. "Thank you, Sango."

Kirara had wandered into the quarantine hut by the time the three of them made it into the room. Shippo was curled up by the fire youkai, petting her worriedly while he watched Kagome. Inuyasha's entire being was focused on the girl in his arms; he had to remind himself not to hold her too tightly, lest he crack her ribs. His ears twitched as they entered, the only sign he'd heard them.

"Inuyasha?" Kaede said.

"What?"

"Can you hear Sango's heartbeat?"

Inuyasha tilted his head, picking the taiji-ya's heartbeat out from all the other ambient noise in the room. "....Yeah."

"Sango's heartbeat is faster than Kagome's is."

Inuyasha relaxed. "Is that all? Her heartbeat's always slower when she's sleepin'."

"I measured both Kagome's and Sango's heartbeats two days ago. Then, Kagome's heartbeat was three beats slower than Sango's." Kaede hesitated. "Now it is five beats slower. Kagome's heart is slowing."

Miroku stiffened, taking some of his weight off Sango's arm. "Damn it," he muttered.

Inuyasha shook his head. "No. No, I been sittin' here the whole damned time."

"That is the problem," Kaede said gently. "The change has been gradual, so you've grown accustomed to it."

Inuyasha swallowed. "So... she's...." The words swelled in his throat.

"If we cannot stop it, then yes."

He nodded. "Then we find out what's fuckin' doing this to her, and we find out now." Shippo inched closer to Kagome, small fingers twining in her hair. Inuyasha didn't snap at the kitsune. He's gotta be terrified.

Miroku eased himself away from Sango and sat heavily on the floor, resting his head against the wall. "Whatever's doing this to her is.... Well, it's damned subtle, is what it is." He rubbed his forehead, trying to ease the headache he'd earned from his constant use of power and lack of sleep. "It.... She's being drained. It's not blocked by the wardings, and it's almost impossible to detect. The best I can describe it is that it makes her less there. Like what makes her Kagome-sama is... missing."

Inuyasha nodded. "So who can do that?"

Miroku rolled his eyes. "Assuming it's someone we've encountered before, and assuming they've tried it?"

Shippo sat up excitedly. "Kanna made her all unconscious when she tried the mirror thing."

Miroku nodded. "That's what this appears to be most like."

"Only we ain't seen that pale bitch around, and she can only do this shit up close." Inuyasha growled.

Sango cleared her throat. "Maybe.... Naraku augmented her powers? Since he has so much of the jewel?"

A silence sat over the hut. "That makes sense," Miroku said finally. He rubbed his neck wearily. "No wonder the wardings aren't holding."

"Fuck," Inuyasha growled. He began to run his fingers through Kagome's hair again, unconsciously seeking the comfort the motion brought him. Sango nodded in agreement.

Miroku spoke after another lingering silence. "Kaede-sama." He hesitated. "If we do not.... How long do we have?" The words "How long does she have?" hung unspoken in the air.

Kaede stooped and touched Kagome's cheek lightly before answering. "It depends on how rapidly her condition changes. If her heartbeat remains on a slow decline.... Another week, perhaps. If it changes more rapidly...."

Inuyasha closed his eyes, feeling his heart chip and shatter. No. No. Not you, Kagome. Not you. You can't leave me, damn it. I need you. Don't you know that?

"Then we'll have to move faster than that," Miroku said simply. He got to his feet, leaning heavily on the wall. Sango sighed inwardly and offered him her arm again. As he slid his arm through hers, Kaede shot him a glare.

"You are going to go to sleep, houshi-dono."

"I am not," Miroku replied.

Sango bit her lip, marking his hidden exhaustion. "Perhaps... just for a short while?"

Miroku sighed. "We have a week. I don't want to lose the time."

Kaede looked up at the ceiling, clearly calling on the gods for patience. "Just for a few hours," Sango cajoled, hardly believing her own tone of voice. "Kirara and I will scout the area and see what we can find." She felt his resolve waver.

"Very well," he relented.

"Good," Kaede snapped. "I thought I was going to have to knock you unconscious."

Miroku lifted his head and smiled winningly at the old miko. "If it's all the same to you, Kaede-sama, I'd rather Sango knocked me unconscious."

"I've so much more practice at it, after all," Sango muttered.

Kaede shook her head with bemusement. "Put him to bed, Sango."

Sango felt her blood rush to her face and she didn't have to look sideways to know that Miroku's smile had taken on a devilish edge. "Not. One. Word," she growled. His smile only broadened. She rolled her eyes and guided him out of the hut and into Kaede's. She pulled a mat from the stack in the back of the room and spread it and a pillow out for him.

Miroku sank down onto it and rubbed a hand across his forehead. "Don't let me sleep too long. She still needs to be warded."

Sango knelt next to him, resting her hands on his shoulders. "You're supposed to rest."

"I know."

"Then do it." She pushed him back onto the pillow.

He closed his eyes, but a crooked grin played across his mouth. "I don't suppose I could convince you to join me?"

Sango rolled her eyes, ignoring the fond smile that threatened to break free. Honestly. "I thought you were in bad shape." She stiffened as a familiar hand slid gently over her buttocks.

"Not too bad," Miroku murmured. She snatched his wrist and locked it, ready to give it a threatening twist, when she realized that he'd already fallen asleep. And, more annoyingly, that the retaliation had made him look nearly as happy as the grope. She rose to her feet and went to the door, but paused to look back at him. You'd better wake up, houshi. I still have to get you for that.

Kaede turned to Inuyasha after Miroku and Sango left. "I am sorry, Inuyasha." The hanyou only shrugged. Kaede sighed. "I have... confidence that you will be able to reverse Kagome's condition." She walked over to the door flap. "She is not beyond saving. Hold on to that." She glanced back at Shippo's forlorn figure. "Shippo, I could use your help."

The kitsune looked up, eyes magnified by fresh tears. "But...."

"I will make certain you have time alone with Kagome later."

"Okay," Shippo muttered. "Come on, Kirara." The kitsune trailed after Kaede, the living embodiment of the word 'dejection.'

Inuyasha exhaled as Kaede and Shippo left. He bent his head to Kagome's so that his bangs mingled with hers and he could feel her breath on his face. A wild pained howling in his soul quieted as her hair brushed against his skin. He combed his claws once more through the hair at her temple and then cupped her face in his hand, brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. I kept callin' her 'Sleepin' Fuckin' Beauty.' But... she is. "I'm sorry, Kagome," Inuyasha whispered. Shippo's voice floated back to him. '"Love's first kiss," Kagome said.' He swallowed. No way. It couldn't be that easy.

Feeling like an idiot and throttling back the wild surge of hope beating in his chest, he bent down and gently pressed his lips to hers. Kagome sighed softly as her lips parted beneath his. Inuyasha took a deep, steadying breath. Remember, dumbass, she's asleep. But he couldn't stop himself from gently sweeping his tongue along her lower lip as he kissed her again. She tasted of peaches and candy she'd brought one time: ginger coated in something called sugar. Sweet and hot at the same time.

Kagome moaned and her fingers tightened their grip on his clothing as he drew back from her. Inuyasha paused. The temptation to kiss her again, to sink into her taste, was nearly overwhelming. He was on the verge of seeing if he could coax her mouth open again when a wisp of memory floated through his head.

'You're not him.'

He stopped, feeling her breath wash across his skin. "If I was him, you woulda woken up, right?" he said softly.

A faint frown creased Kagome's brow and she tugged, as if she wanted to pull him back down to her. Inuyasha shook his head and straightened, ignoring the renewed ache in his heart. If Kanna's doin' this to her.... If that bastard Naraku is involved, I gotta get movin'. I can't be fuckin' around like this. He laid Kagome down gently on the sleeping mat. Her frown deepened and she twisted restlessly from side to side, reaching out. He bent and brushed his fingers over her forehead. "Shhhhh." Kagome sighed, slowly stilling beneath his touch. Inuyasha strode to the door, pausing to look back. "We're gonna fix this, Kagome. I promise." He shoved the flap aside and stepped into the afternoon. Her flavor lingered on his tongue as he dashed towards the woods to search the perimeter, senses alert for Naraku's scent.

***

Kagome gazed out across the field, tucking her knees against her chest. The breeze blew softly, rippling the long grasses, but it failed to soothe her. She could feel Inuyasha lurking in the trees that cropped up next to the field, but for once, she wanted to be alone. I have everything. But... something's missing. She wiped impatiently at her eyes. Tears welled up at the oddest times lately, and a perpetual ache gnawed at her heart. What's wrong with me?

She closed her eyes, tipping her face up to the sun. A picture of grief-stricken amber eyes formed in her mind's eye and her heart turned over. Inuyasha? But... there's nothing wrong with my Inuyasha. Is there? "What is it?" Kagome whispered to the wind. "What's wrong? Tell me."

Instantly, a wave of emotions poured into her: sorrow. Fear. Anger. And most of all, love. Kagome felt tears spill down her temples into her hair. Inuyasha... tell me. What's wrong? Let me help....

And for a brief moment, the world shimmered around her. The field blurred like a watercolor painting done with too much water, and the outlines of the trees wavered like mirages. The sky flickered, shifting hues rapidly: blue to green to violet to black and back to blue. Kagome saw none of it, since her eyes were still closed. She stretched out a hand. "Inuyasha?"

The eyes slowly faded before her and the wave of grief began to ebb. No, Kagome thought. No, please... don't let go, come back, don't let go....

A warm, calloused hand closed around hers and she opened her eyes. Her Inuyasha stood before her, looking down at her with a worried, quizzical expression. "Are you okay?"

Kagome nodded, smearing away her tears with her other hand. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

He sat down next to her, scooping her into his lap. "Is there anything you can tell me?"

She shook her head. "Just hold me for a while."

He nodded, running his claws through her hair. "Okay." She relaxed against him, closing her eyes. But the echo of the sorrow remained, lingering on her tongue, sweet and hot like tears.

***

Sango kneed Kirara gently, urging her lower over the trees. "Keep an eye out for him, huh?" she said to the cat youkai. Kirara let out a soft growl in acknowledgement. Sango sighed and turned back to trying to sense any trace of jaki. She could have sworn she'd never felt the woods around the village quite so empty of any trace of youkai activity. Well, mostly empty. She chewed her lip as she saw Inuyasha dash across a clearing, silver hair gleaming in the moonlight.

He's got to be in so much pain, Sango thought. And the only person who's ever been able to help him is.... Sudden tears stung her eyes. We can't lose her. He needs her. We all need her. Maybe I can do something for him now. "Down, Kirara," she murmured. "Inuyasha?" she called.

Below, Inuyasha leapt from tree to tree. He couldn't remember ever being so distracted on a hunt before. His feet retraced paths he'd taken hundreds of times, his eyes scanned the familiar woods automatically, but all he could see before him was Kagome. He could still feel her small fingers threading through his, unconcerned that his hands had killed in the past and would in the future. He could see her solemn eyes staring into his, hear her cheerful laughter, and feel her hair brushing his face.

He could still smell her on his clothes.

Inuyasha skidded to a stop as Sango's voice finally registered. Dammit. "What?" he snapped.

Sango looked down at him gravely. "Sorry. I was only wondering if you'd found anything."

Inuyasha huffed out a breath. "Not yet."

"Neither have I," Sango said. She shifted the weight of Hiraikotsu on her back, trying to think of an opening.

Inuyasha glared into the woods. "Fucker don't ever make it easier."

Sango nodded. "How much longer are you planning on searching tonight?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Till I find him."

"Okay. I just wanted to know." Inuyasha nodded and crouched, ready to leap. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "I was wondering...."

Inuyasha glanced at her, one black eyebrow cocked. "What?"

"How are you?" She winced internally.

The other eyebrow rose. "Fine."

Sango let out a long silent breath. "Okay."

Inuyasha shrugged again and leapt to the next branch, rapidly vanishing into the canopy. He shook his head as soon as he was sure he was out of the taiji-ya's line of sight. Kagome's fuckin not wakin' up, she's under a fuckin' spell, she could DIE. How the hell am I supposed to be? He inhaled, absently testing the wind for new scents. When I find that fucker, I'm tearing his fuckin' head off. For starters. He sped up, uncaring that branches tore at his hair and clothes. Kagome. You can't leave me.

Sango watched him fade into the shadows before patting Kirara's neck. I'll have to look for him again in another few hours. She sighed as the cat youkai rose into the air. I'm sorry, Kagome-chan. I just don't have your gift for talking to him. But I promise I won't leave him alone. She tipped her face up to the rushing wind and the quiet stars, and whispered a quiet prayer for her friends.

***

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
This is gonna hurt like hell