Bet you're happy I updated, cuz I am :) Ergo, you should be as well. Yeah, that only makes sense to me, sorry.

So have I told you guys how awesome you are for your reviews? No? Well, I am so going to say it again. Thanks a million for all the wonderful support! Thanks to the anonymous reviewers for their kind words and thanks to my readers for giving this story so much love :)

Hope you'll like my crazy rendition of this episode!

9: Mart of Darkness

The quiet calm of the afternoon was making him thirsty. He had gulped down two bottles of orange juice and was reaching for the third. He had been writing for the last two hours, half watching TV, half reminiscing the days in the tent, back when he thought his parents were caring. The sleek cover of Wasteland was perched precariously on his lamp, hovering over his bed. His window was covered with a blue duvet. He had turned on the light. His room looked like a beige cathedral.

'Strings melting under my fingers,' he muttered, moving his finger across the strings half-heartedly. 'The sound is pounding in my skin.'

'Nah, that just sounds cheap,' he muttered.

'The sound is walking away from me into the…into the…into the what?'

'Where can a sound go?' he asked himself. 'I feel it's getting away from me. But where is it going?'

'Maybe it's going back,' he muttered. 'Back to when sound mattered. Hmmm, the old days, the golden days…'

'Melodies, old and new, are the same to me. They're like…like the streets in heaven,' he said, jotting down the words in his notebook.

'Streets in heaven, that sounds right,' he told himself. It sounded right because it was a pretty sentence, simple yet powerful. But it held nothing to him, emotionally. It had used to. The silliest lyrics had always made sense to him. They had always transported him to a different place. Even the most ridiculous rhymes had pushed him out of himself into a new feeling. Now, he was feeling let down. He was feeling a bit burnt out, like he had given so much to those few empty words, that, the words that really mattered to him now were bereft of any real emotion.

He wasn't empty, he was just slightly bitter.

He sometimes smiled when he peeped at Wasteland standing secretively on his lamp. He sometimes smiled when he took a gulp of orange juice or a silly commercial came on the TV, because his life was easy and comfortable and completely out of any possible danger. And he had many warm things in his life. He was safe and warm.

He hung his head.

He craved her coldness desperately. Like a freezing shower in July.

He heard someone knocking loudly at the door.

He made himself hope it might be someone he wanted to see. But both Janey and Daria were away.

So that left Tom.

His face couldn't have been more disappointed when he saw him standing in the doorway. He was not even angry with him. Not yet.

'Hey…Tom,' he said indifferently.

Tom looked very uncomfortable, like he was about to run off any second. Trent knew he would have wanted to say something about their recent altercation, as they hadn't had a chance to speak privately since that morning, but he seemed to be at a loss for words and hardly ready to breach that topic. Trent noticed he was embarrassed. He found that slightly satisfying.

'Hi, Trent…um long time no talk,' Tom began amicably.

'We did talk yesterday.'

'Yeah, you said 'hey' when I climbed up with Jane to her room. But we didn't get a chance to speak privately…' Tom said.

'Guess not.'

'It's been kind of awkward between us, hasn't it? Ever since…well you'd know better than me.'

'Sorry?'

'I know I shouldn't have made it into a big thing, but you have to understand – I had not expected you there at that hour with Daria – '

'No matter. It happened. At least you didn't give Janey any trouble about it,' Trent replied.

'Ah…so you know about that…'

'Well, you guys fight almost every day so it's not like it was a special event.'

'Yeah, sorry we woke you up last time…'

'No, I should be sorry I've come between you and Janey. I mean I shouldn't be a reason for you guys to fight. Ever.'

Trent had meant that to be nonchalant, but his low, gruff voice made it sound anything but. Judging by Tom's sudden change of expression, his words had come off as more of a warning.

Tom had never been the one to give Trent the credit for being subtle in his words, but then again, he had always felt that he was hiding a secret, cynical personality. His suspicions weren't so far off.

'You're right, we should definitely consider all those other issues we're having. Like gummy bears.'

Trent raised an eyebrow.

'That was a joke,' Tom mumbled. 'Well, half a joke. It does kind of involve gummy bears.'

'Uh, what do you want exactly?'

'To find Jane. I kinda upset her and I need to talk to her.'

'And it involves gummy bears.'

'Yeah. Hard to swallow right?'

'Not in this family,' Trent replied.

'So do you have any idea where she might be?'

'Probably at Payday.'

'What day?

'You know, that warehouse store that just opened?'

'Oh, warehouse store…that doesn't sound good.'

'You'll find her there,' he said, meaning to close the door, but he suddenly stopped midway when he realized that Jane had not gone there alone.

'You know, I do need to get a new headlight, so I think I'll drive you there,' he said, yawning.

'Oh, really? That's…nice of you, I guess. Thanks.'

'Yeah. This way you'll see it's not so bad inside,' he muttered.

Tom chuckled awkwardly, but realized it was probably wrong to keep reminiscing that morning, so he stopped immediately and followed Trent to his car.


Trent was beginning to regret his decision of coming along. He had not planned on getting out of the house at all and he was certainly not in the mood to spend any quality time with his sister's boyfriend, much less walk him through what looked like a giant barnyard filled with dozens of angry people running around with carts.

But he knew he was doing the right thing, somehow. Because the right thing always demanded an effort, even if that effort entailed interacting with other people.

The right thing now was to look out for his sister and her best friend.

Of course, it was a bit more complex than that.

He knew Tom was attracted to Daria and that this was something he couldn't change. He also knew Tom wasn't bad-intentioned and wasn't going to harm Janey on purpose.

But he would harm her either way. And he would ruin Jane and Daria's friendship.

And that was something he could change.

'You're being really quiet Trent. Something on your mind?' Tom asked.

Trent sighed and looked out the window. Tom wasn't a bad guy. He was just the wrong guy. The guy who was not supposed to be here now. The guy who wasn't meant to like Daria. But he did, either way.

And how did he feel about that? Wasn't Tom the one that had started it all? The one that had made him realize he could still get jealous, despite his previous experiences?

And if he owed Tom something, it would be this. Making him jealous. Because he really did relish in feeling human from time to time.

But he had already decided he wouldn't accept Daria's friendship card. And he knew he couldn't turn around now and give up. Not when they were a couple of miles away and he had little gas left.

'Nope, nothing on my mind, never was,' he replied serenely.


Walking through that enormous warehouse felt like trying to find the centre of an interminable maze. It felt worse than trying to find the bathrooms at the Zon and that had taken him a couple of years to master so he wasn't saying it lightly. It really was incredibly confusing to wander through aisles and aisles of items that you never used and not know where you're going or what is going to come next.

And how were they going to find Jane and Daria in this oversized farm? Why had he thought he could this? He should have stayed in.

No. You need to see them. And her.

He shook his head. If there could be a way to see Daria, but not really see her… If he could just talk to her and not have to see her angry, annoyed, or disappointed. He was secretly terrified of rejection.

'Not only are we not going to find Jane and Daria, but I'm pretty sure we're never getting out of this store,' Tom was saying, looking around in agony.

'Yeah, and I don't see any headlights,' Trent muttered.

'I think we walked past those a long time ago,' Tom said, shaking his head. 'Or maybe they were just some shiny neon lights. This place is packed with that. And people carrying absurd amounts of ketchup. What's up with that?'

'Someone needs some quick fake blood?' Trent replied distractedly.

'Huh, good one,' Tom said. He was reminded of Daria, oddly enough.

A salesperson jumped in front of Trent, holding a tray full of cheese sticks.

'Good day, young man. Would you be interested in a cheese stick?'

'Um no, not really. Unless it's mozzarella. But I bet it's not. But, uh, have you seen a girl with jet black hair and a red jacket? There was also a short, auburn-haired girl with glasses following her.'

The young woman looked at him confused.

'Um, I see many people around here, I don't think I would notice that.'

'Well, they sometimes discuss world domination…' Trent began.

'Trent, what the heck are you doing? We need to keep looking,' Tom interrupted dragging him away.

'I was just having a reasonable conversation…'

'You can flirt later, we need to find Jane, it's really important.'

Trent shook him off irritated. He was certainly not flirting. He was asking valuable information. He really felt like leaving Tom there and just go look for them himself. He knew they could probably do this faster if they split up.

But, he wasn't that completely heartless to abandon Tom.

Or was he?

'Hey, maybe if you went that way, and I went this way, we'd find them faster.'

'Um, we're already doing a lousy job as it is. Don't think we'd do much better on our own.'

'You can't know till you try.'

'Trent, let me ask you this. Do you even know the number and make of your car?'

'Why is that, uh, relevant?'

'Well, you are buying a headlight, aren't you?'

'So?'

Tom sighed in frustration. 'You need to know that information.'

'Yeah. So?'

Tom groaned.

'Don't you see? You're not exactly the most, um, efficient guy on your own.'

'Hey, just cuz I don't give a crap about a headlight doesn't mean I don't give a crap about people. Objects have nothing to do with people,' Trent replied angrily.

'Yes, but it doesn't mean you can find those people.'

'Well, you're not doing such a great job either. And I bet you already have you college application ready in the mailbox,' Trent retorted.

'Let's not get personal, Trent. I was just saying, you're not the most organized of guys. Didn't mean to insult you.'

'That's funny, cuz it seems like you did,' he answered half-heartedly. He felt sick. He knew Tom wasn't completely wrong about him. And he didn't know how to prove he wasn't completely right either. He knew he should just go back to not caring.

If only it were that easy to switch off.

'Wasn't my intention. You know that I think you're a good guy, Trent.'

'You don't have to say that.'

'It's true, though.'

'No, I mean, I don't care if you think I'm a good guy.'

Tom was taken aback by this sudden rebuke.

'You know, I think I'll go look for Jane myself, after all,' Tom said and turned his back on him.

'Damn,' Trent muttered under his breath. He hadn't meant for that to slip. But Tom was pushing it. And so was he. It's like he had been waiting for him to say something he could twist into an insult. He wasn't being himself, that he knew. Because the Trent he knew wouldn't even bother to come up with something. God, he missed his total and complete indifference.

He turned around and walked in the opposite direction.


After what felt like an eternity, he finally reached the section with headlights. And that's when he heard Jane's voice. It was easy to track, even in a sea of unwelcome strangers.

He ran towards the voice. When he spotted her at last, she was talking to someone heatedly in front of the candy aisle. He realized to his chagrin that it was Tom.

He knew interrupting them would lead to more confusion and turmoil and he needed to let those two work out their problems on their own, but he couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed that Tom had got there first, thus proving his initial theory. Of course, they already seemed to be on the point of making up so there was no use even bothering to talk to them at the moment. He would probably get too angry and snap at someone, someone other than Tom.

What caught his attention, though, was the fact that Daria wasn't there. She must have left to give them some privacy. She wouldn't be very far, he gathered. Not in a store like this. No, she'd keep close to Janey. With some luck, he might find her close by.

Of course, he wasn't sure if that was what he really wanted. On the one hand, he wanted to make Daria forget about the stupid friendship thing, on the other hand, he didn't feel comfortable facing her directly about this. Much like Daria, he dreaded making his crush known, not only because he would probably be rejected and his feelings would be crushed, but also because he knew he didn't deserve Daria so making her believe only his feelings would make him worthy of her was kind of stupid and wrong.

He hated being torn. He hated having to make any decision. What scared him more was the fact that he had already made his decision. He felt a part of him had already independently decided for him and that made him feel powerless. At the same time, this sudden streak of strength and confidence made him feel much more at ease than he had ever been in his life. It was a paradox which had no other solution than confronting the source, some way or another.

And then the lights went off. Just like that.

And it wasn't one of those strange power-outs where the electricity comes back after two minutes. No, this was a full-blown electrical discharge. And it didn't seem to be going anywhere.

The store had seemed absurdly big in the light, but now it seemed like a bottomless pit in the dark.

He knew that he stood no chance of getting out of here until some form of lighting found its way to him.

He checked his pants. No lighter.

Great. I just had to quit, he told himself.

He started walking towards where he thought Jane and Tom were. But he was hit by a couple of carts and he bumped into five large boxes and almost fell on the floor. He managed to steady himself against a long, metal rail.

He didn't try to understand what was going on. He just kept walking.

It was getting very warm. The air conditioner being out, the place jammed with angry, panicked people, it was beginning to be a lot warmer and a lot more unpleasant.

He was starting to sweat and his skin itched. He wished he could take off his clothes and jump into a tub filled with ice.

No such luck, however.

Something smelt like burnt cheese. It made him slightly nauseous and hungry. And a lot warmer. The warmth was holding him in a tight, straitjacket.

He made a promise to himself, there and then, never to give her sister's boyfriend a ride again.

He was going to give up and sit down for a moment to rest, when he almost knocked someone down.

He quickly fumbled to help that person up.

'I'm so sorry, I…'

His hands landed on a pair of knees. They felt familiar somehow. Like he had held them before countless times. The shins felt worn out. Like the pages of an old, soft book.

His hands traveled up to the hem of what seemed to be a skirt. He stopped there because his throat went very dry and his breath got caught somewhere in the middle.

He could almost taste the skin. It was cold and smooth. It was so comforting to find something so cold and refreshing after suffering from terrible heat.

His shaky hands moved from her skirt and went up to her waist and then her arms. He raised her by her armpits.

'Trent.'

'Daria. Hey.'

It was probably the most awkward situation they could be in. But it some ways, it worked much better for him. He could feel her, but not see her, not see her judgemental frown and her tormented eyes.

Still, his hands felt like they'd been burnt. He did not want to go any further.

'Um….I…'

'Sorry, I almost knocked…'

'No, I was in the way…'

'No, I wanted to sit down…'

'No, I was with Jane and…'

'Yeah, Jane and Tom…'

'But then I wanted to let them talk…'

'…are talking now.'

Trent chuckled.

'Okay, you go first.'

'What are you doing here?'

'Drove Tom here. Plus I needed a new headlight.'

'Oh. Is everything okay?'

'Um, I guess.'

'Good.'

'Yeah.'

The darkness was becoming more and more oppressing. It was like an encroaching wall that brought them together only so they could be torn apart by the lack of air.

He could hear her shallow breaths. And he was pretty sure she could hear his.

His heart started beating quietly. It was the thrill again.

'Why would it not be?' he suddenly asked.

'You tell me.'

'Well…you know things have been weird.'

'Weirder than usual?'

'Yeah, between us.'

'Us. Well...'

'Yeah, you and me,' Trent repeated.

'It's just…it was an accident.'

'What was?' he asked quickly.

'The talk in the bathroom that night. You were high, you weren't being yourself, we both said some silly things, now that's done.'

'I wasn't that high. I knew what I said. And I am not taking it back. Well, not all of it.'

'It was still a random thing. And maybe there was some sincerity in it, but it doesn't matter because I already knew you were sorry about the project and you already knew I forgave you, so no harm done.'

'Then why bother writing me a note? If you thought it was just a random talk.'

He had caught Daria in her own logic now. Trent knew she couldn't avoid this question.

'You must have thought there was something, if you felt the need to write that,' he said, after a while, seeing as she had remained completely silent.

He could feel her body drawing away.

'Well…' she began. 'You…I made the mistake of assuming some things.'

'Assuming?'

'And I shouldn't have since you were not yourself and…' she trailed off.

'Daria, I'm always myself. That's why it's so hard to deal with me. People get annoyed with me very fast.'

'I didn't get annoyed.'

'I know.'

'I never really got mad at you.'

'I know…'

'I guess I oddly understand what you're saying sometimes,' she said. 'It must be because I envy you.'

'You…envy me?' he asked in shock. 'That's impossible.'

'Hey, you're…Trent. You're just different, you don't give a crap, you just live the way you want, you only do what you like. I guess… you live for what you think is important. And you could be dead to the world, you still wouldn't give a damn. So yeah. I wish I could do that.'

It was so ironic.

Because he didn't feel he could care more than he did at the moment. He was so full with everything around him, he felt so many feelings right now, jumbled in his heart like senseless pieces of chaos, it just made him feel…happy.

She saw in him something he could and would never see.

He just wanted to hug her, hold her in his arms for a while. Even if it was wrong, he would have liked to feel her body next to him, just a little while.

He moved slowly towards her. She drew away. He couldn't know where she was going. The darkness was almost maddening. And the smell of cheese was resurfacing.

He felt a sharp pain in his rib. Someone had knocked into him quite roughly.

A dozen people were rushing past them. He almost felt like someone was stepping on his face. His feet were numb with sores.

Daria was pushed into him without any warnings. Angry shoppers didn't care about their feelings. They didn't care about them at all.

But he was grateful to them.

Daria was in his arms now. Almost.

His arms circled her shoulders until they reached her back.

Her small hands were resting on his chest for balance and her chest was digging into his with the force of a quiet storm.

He felt the blood thudding through her skin and merging with his own.

Had he just made a joke about fake blood an hour ago? How stupid of him.

This was much more than that.

He could hear her in his own body. Which was the strangest, most beautiful thing that had ever happened to him.

His chin reached the tip of her hair.

She hadn't drawn away yet, so he tentatively pressed his chin on the top of her head.

It was so strange, he was lucky there was no light.

'You shouldn't envy me,' he mumbled, almost inaudibly.

Daria instantly dropped her hands but she didn't move away. She hung her head low and breathed in deeply.

He did the same.

They stayed like that for a couple of endless minutes. She was frozen next to him and he was just barely holding her arms with the tips of his fingers.

He inhaled the sharp cold, digging through his nostrils, waking him up. His brain started working much faster.

His fingers moved over her arms surreptitiously. He didn't want her to run away.

'We should go look for Jane,' she suddenly said.

But she had said this so softly, so quietly, he had barely heard her. Daria herself wasn't sure if she had really spoken. It had been more like a whisper in a dream. The entire moment had a dream-like quality to it. Her voice was just a tiny fish in a deep, blue sea.

His fingers reached her hair. He slowly traced her long strands and pulled them back.

His head lowered towards the crook of her neck.

His nose almost touched her cheek.

He was going to kiss her and Daria panicked. She wanted to move, but she couldn't.

'T-rent…'

He paused.

'Trent...this is…we're…not…'

'Friends,' he finished for her and his mouth was close to hers because she could smell his words.

'Daria! Daria! Are you there, amiga?'

He groaned.

In a split second, she was gone. Well, she had run away towards the sound of Jane's voice.

He ran a desperate hand through his hair. It was wet. He covered his eyes from the dark. He thought he might see a light.

His heart was beating so fast he thought he could power up an entire town.

It had felt so different with her. Like he had never kissed a girl.

He sat down on the floor and hung his head between his knees. He needed to think things over. He needed to focus. He needed to get back on his feet.

He needed to…

'Trent? Trent, where are you?'

It was Tom. Tom's voice calling him.

He clenched his fists.

Jane and Tom were determined to ruin this for him.

'He must be around here somewhere…' he heard Tom say.

'You alright Daria? You don't sound okay,' he heard him say.

Oh, God. Where was this all leading to?

He silently got up and went to find them.

He hoped the lights would come back much, much later.


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