Hey all, I'm back with another. First off, I want to thank all y'all for the overwhelming response to this story. Its been amazing, and appreciate every single review and PM that I receive .Im glad y'all aren't getting sick of the pace...this is gonna be a long slow SMOLDER. That's the kind of man I think Merle is. Thanks to those of you who have become new Merle converts because of me... that is a huge compliment, and a thrill. Thank you thank you thank you to all those amazing reviews about my writing. I neglect so much in order t do this...and your praise makes it all worth it. Well...here we go...an apology...Dixon style.
APOLOGY
He could see her, lying on her back in the bottom bunk, a book held in her hands, a small lantern flickering besides her.
"Hey there darlin," he called out in a whisper, "Ya got a minute."
She looked up and rested the book across her stomach. "Yeah," she answered, "come on in."
His eyes roamed the length of her body. She was layin on a bed, and he could make out her nipples pressing against that threadbare top. "Nah, darlin'," he said shakin' his head, "Why don't you come on out here."
He watched as she put her book down, and sat up. Her breasts fell into place, and he swallowed hard. "Get yerself yer cover up too." He said, turning his back to the door. "Don't wanna be talkin to ya when yer half dressed." He wasn't gonna get too far if he had to be lookin at her tits for the whole talk, that was sure.
"It's a tank top and sweats," she huffed out angrily as she reached for her hoody, "I wear less than this when I'm out sunning…you're just as bad as daddy."
"Yeah well," he said stepping back so she could come around him, "I aint yer daddy, an' ya aint out sunnin'…a top like that's bound to give me a damn heart attack."
She raised her eyebrows and blushed a little. "Well, what's up ?" she asked, as she reached for her hoody and slid her arms in, being careful to zip it up, just enough.
He looked at her and shrugged. Hell, he didn't even know why he had come. Hadn't even formulated a game plan. He sure as shit wasn't gonna apologize. He couldn't kiss her again, hell if he did in that outfit he'd have her pinned against the wall in no time. He motioned towards the end of the block, "walk with me fer a minute will ya."
"Well hold on then," she sighed as she ran in and slipped her feet into a beat up pair of tennies, hell when she bent over, and he got a glimpse of her ass in those tight little sweats again, his mouth just about dropped open. "Okay now, what," she asked coming out and setting pace besides him.
"Back there at the solitaire," he started, what the fuck was he supposed to say. "I aint bein' an asshole just to be an asshole sugar," he started again, "The thing is…ya got to talkin about findin the right person an' hell darlin' I aint the right person for nobody."
She, was beginning to understand, maybe this was a Dixon apology, or an explanation at least. She wasn't as clueless as she looked, and she'd spent nearly a year watching Carol play tug of war with Daryl, had she really expected to get this Dixon just two weeks in?
"So, you're pushing me away?" she asked.
Well, damn, she wasn't a dumb blonde at all. "Well, I mean I aint pushin' you nowhere," he suddenly didn't like the sound of that. "I just got the notion that maybe you were thinkin' somethin that can't be happenin, an I acted like an asshole." He shrugged slowly. "No big thing…ya just stomped off all pissy…"
"Well, yeah," she cut him off, "I was…am still…a little pissy. You hurt my feelings, and I'm always nothing but nice to you."
"Hell darlin," he shrugged, slowing down so he could lean up against the wall. "That's why I'm here."
She looked up at him, and she had to admit that it was true, there was nothing right about the way she was feeling. Even if he felt the same way, even if he agreed to give it a try, even if they managed to get over her inexperience and his voracity even if all these things fell magically into place. There was no way anybody at the prison would accept them, NO way no how.
But still, when she looked at him, leaning up against the bars, his face so tired and worn, the dark grey stubble on his chin, the deep worry lines by his eyes, the scar that ran across the bridge of his nose. She just wanted him; she wanted him so badly she didn't care about any of those reasons.
"I like you." She said suddenly. It came out like a whisper. She didn't even know if she had actually said it.
He reached out his hand and rested it on her shoulder, his thumb stretching out to rub her cheek. How the hell did this conversation go in the exact opposite direction than it was supposed to go? "You think I don't like you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
He watched as she raised her hand and pressed it shyly to his chest. "I want you." She whispered. She had never in her life said those words aloud, and they scared her.
"Don't." he shook his head lightly, "don't even say it sugar. Don't even think it, cause it aint never gonna happen."
She raised her eyes to look at him; they were the widest blue he had ever seen. They made him think of summer skies, and robin's eggs, and deep pools of clear water. They made him think of all things peaceful.
"It can't happen darlin." He said again, though his hand snaked around slowly to cup the back of her head.
She smiled up at him and Christ almighty if it wasn't like lookin' right into heaven. "It's too late," she said softly, "It already did happen."
She stepped forward closing the gap between them, her hand slid across his solid chest and rested firmly on his back, where it gripped onto his wife beater, and gave it a tug. She stepped up on her tippy toes, and leaned her face towards his.
Merle watched it happen almost in slow motion, her lips parted, her eyes fluttered for a moment and then shut, and every single ounce of resolve he had left his body. In one swift move he pulled her towards him, and wrapped his other arm around her waist. He stepped back, into the shadows, and pressed her up against the wall. His mouth was on hers in an instant, open and greedy, his tongue reaching in to taste her, to tease her, to bring her to the edge.
He plundered her mouth, and then moved onto her neck. The skin so soft and silky, tasted of salt and body wash. He nipped and sucked and licked, fighting the urge to mark her, mark her for all to fucking see.
Beth's other arm wrapped around him. She held on to his shirt, gripping it tightly in her fist. She had never been kissed like this. She felt like she was caught up in a tidal wave and she just held on for dear life and let herself be taken.
His hand came of her neck and went to her waist, sliding up slowly; it was on the side of her breasts, cupping the softest weight he had felt in years. Beneath him he felt her tense for a moment, and all of a sudden he came back down to earth.
He pulled off her neck, and looked down, at her face. It was a mix of fear and desire, and eagerness and want; he could have her in his bed so quickly she wouldn't have time to be scared. But damn it all to hell she was so young, so damn young. He'd figured she was probably inexperienced… but hell this girl was inexperienced. He doubted she'd ever even been touched. He was an old man. Fuck!
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Come on darlin'" he whispered, his voice commin out in pants, "We can't do this….ya know we can't….aint no point in us even playin' around like this…aint nuthin can come outta this 'cept maybe getting me shot."
"I don't care." She answered. She could barely breathe. There was nothing she wanted more than to stay in his arms.
"Well hell!" he chuckled softly, and slid his hand down to her hip. "That aint exactly nice sugar, I was just beginnin' to think ya had a thing for me."
She was still gasping for air, still gripping on to him. "That's not what I meant…" she started.
"I know what you meant, darlin", he whispered leaning forward to press his forehead against hers. "Don't seem right we can't go on, seein' as we're both wantin the same thing, but we can't. And we can't go on like this neither. This here's gotta end."
"I don't want it too." She mumbled shyly, letting go of his shirt, and letting her hands fall to her sides.
He chuckled, and pressed himself against her for a second, letting her feel him full and hard against her waist. "Think I want it to?" he asked, "There's a whole big gap between wantin and doin darlin'…and we're caught up in the middle."
Beth blushed a deep shade of red. Of course she knew about sex. She'd never done it, hadn't even come close. But, of course she knew about it, knew about how it could be when a man wanted a woman, she'd just never imagined that she could have those feelings too. And she never once thought she'd be standing across from a man, feeling his desire and knowing she felt the same way…and knowing he knew…and that he could have her. It was embarrassing. It was intoxicating.
He knew he had embarrassed her. Pressing himself up against her and letting her feel what she did to him, what he wanted from her…he knew it would embarrass her, but he wanted her to understand. This wasn't no sneakin' around the farm to hold hands and do some heavy pettin'.
Merle lowered his head so he could be level with her eyes. "I aint a boy darlin," he drawled out softly.
She bit her lip, and nodded, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Ya understand," he asked leaning even lower so he could meet her eyes. "I aint gonna be satisfied with just runnin' off fer a kiss or two….I'm gonna be wantin' more….that's why this can't be happening no more…ya understand ?"
She nodded quietly in assent. She knew he was right, she'd known it all along. She was young, but she wasn't stupid. He was a man, and she knew what he wanted, the problem was….she was wanting it too.
"Come on darlin'," he said with a nod of his head as he motioned her back towards her cell. "We best be headin' back, before we do somethin' we're both gonna regret."
They walked back towards her cell silently, side by side…their arms bumping each other's absently now and again. They both knew there was a heat between them that needed to be quelled, and neither said a word about it.
Beth wasn't a fool. She knew how her family would react if they knew about her feelings. Her daddy, and Maggie…Glenn was practically her brother. And then there was the rest of the group, it wouldn't sit well with them either. She knew Merle Dixon was too old, too rough, too hard, too…unpredictable. But, there were so many other parts too, things no one even bothered to notice because they were too busy being caught up in their hatred or their fear, just like she had.
No one ever remembered the way it had been with Daryl. The way they'd had to work around his temper. The way he'd spit out every word like an angry kid, and glare at them from across the fire before storming off. No one remembered how long it took for him to come out of his hard protective shell. They didn't remember how long it took for them all to fall in love with him, but she did.
She hadn't expected to see a light shining inside of Merle Dixon. She hadn't expected to be drawn to him. It had just happened. She had seen that just like Daryl, he had something beautiful inside of him, and it was so unexpected.
Merle paused in front of her cell, and stepped to the side. He nodded once at her, "Night sugar."
"Goodnight Merle," she said softly as she stepped inside. She turned, and watched him, still there, on the outside looking at her through the bars. The way the darkness and the shadows hit him, did something to her that she couldn't even begin to understand.
"Hey" she called out to him softly, as he had started to walk away, "I won't regret a thing."
He looked at her and narrowed his eyes for a second before breaking out into a slow lazy grin. "Hell sugar…" he muttered, "looks like yer fixin to get me killed."
