A/N: I have been on a huge 90's drama kick lately. First it was Dawson's Creek and now it's Felicity. I don't know what's wrong with me. lol Anyhoo, this was inspired by an episode of Felicity. You will DEFINITELY like it! Happy reading :D
Chapter Nine
Rachel and Jesse sat on the floor of her dorm room, spending a typical Thursday night with a board game. They didn't know how it started, really. One Thursday someone had suggested a night of board games and then the next Thursday they did the same thing. Usually it was a group of people, but this Thursday most of the floor was out at a party. Even Megan had opted out of their usual Thursday night festivities – and she was all for the boardgame-ing – so it was only Rachel and Jesse.
"We should have played Candyland," Jesse said, leaning back on his hands. Rachel shook her head immediately, wrinkling her nose as she said, "No way. After last week, there is no way I am playing Candyland again."
"Aw, come on, it wasn't that bad."
"I didn't know it was possible to be so bad at a game that requires absolutely zero skill," Rachel said. She had been terrible at the game, staggeringly so, and she had little interest in reliving that embarrassment.
"You were pretty bad," Jesse admitted. "I actually felt bad for you at points."
She gave him a look and reached forward, giving the wheel in the center of the board game a hearty spin.
"Now this is my type of game," Rachel said, grinning as she moved her tiny car piece several spaces forward.
"The Game of Life is your type of game?" Jesse asked, grinning. "You do realize, it is yet another game that requires absolutely zero skill."
"But there's more to it," she explained levelly. "You get to choose a husband. Randomly find yourself with a house, job and then pick up kids along the way. What is there not to love?"
"I'm still trying to get past the whole you marrying Pacey Witter part of this," he said, smirking at the indignant look that flitted over her face.
"What's wrong with that?"
"For starters, he's not real," Jesse pointed out, giving the wheel a spin.
"It's a game, Jesse," Rachel said, giving him a face. "And like your marrying Laura Osnes is any more realistic."
"At least she actually exists."
"That's about where the realistic part ends."
Jesse moved the piece forward, groaning when he landed on a space that told him his house had flooding damage. Rachel grinned wide and said, "You got some house damage there, Jesse?"
"We should seriously go back to Candyland."
"Not a chance. Now hush, I need to focus," she said, silencing him with a wave of her hand.
"Focus for what?"
"I'm going to get Pacey and I some kids," she said decisively, spinning the wheel. She squealed excitedly when she landed on a space for twins.
Jesse shook his head. "You take this game far too seriously."
"You're just upset because you and Laura are currently childless. Now, I'll let you in on a little way my dads and I would play this when I was little. If you get to the last kid space and you still have an empty nest there, you get three chances."
Jesse had to smirk at the solemnity in which she told him this and said, "I am now breathing easier. Thank you, Rachel."
"What can I say? I'm here to help."
He laughed, watching her spin the wheel and move on to another kid space. She added another person to her car, grinning wildly. His smile softened as she tilted her head to the side, considering names. So far she had a theme going on, where all the kids had names that started with R. She racked up another son and was having difficulty choosing a name.
"Robert or Richard?" she mused, her mouth screwed to the side as she considered the merits of each name. "Both are strong names, but is one stronger? I don't know."
She was crazy sitting there mulling over the merits of names for her fake children. Some would probably say her efforts were a bit much, but she did it all with such sincerity. That was the thing about Rachel, she put her full self into everything she did. Whether it was preparing a song or choosing names for her and Pacey Witter's fictional children, she gave it her full consideration. And he'd be damned if it didn't make him want to kiss her right there over the game board.
"What do you think?" she asked, looking at him expectantly. He didn't know what he thought about the names, but he did know that he seemed to have lost control of his senses as he leaned forward, one hand finding the back of her neck as he brought her mouth to his. She was frozen at first, but the familiar feel of his mouth against hers coaxed her from her stupor and she kissed him back softly. Warning bells went off in her head as she edged forward, her hand messily landing on the gameboard. She ignored them, but Jesse must have been hearing similar ones as he pulled away abruptly, an apology tumbling out of his mouth as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Jesse-"
"I'm sorry," he said, standing up. "I don't know why I did that. I-I'll go."
"No, Jesse…" Rachel said, scrambling off the floor to go after him. He was already at the door when she grabbed his arm. "You don't have to leave. Let's finish the game."
"I don't think that's such a good idea," Jesse said. The way she was looking up at him, gaze imploring him to stay, he could already feel himself being drawn toward her. If he stayed, he knew without a doubt that something else would happen.
"We can just forget it happened," she said. "We'll pretend it never did."
"Rachel-"
"Please, let's just finish the game."
He didn't want to stay – knew he shouldn't – but he sat down regardless. She followed suit, smiling in relief. They went back to the game, but their dynamic had shifted. The banter was forced, and when his arm brushed hers as he reached forward to move his game piece, she pulled back as if she had been burned.
"It's a complete disaster," Rachel said unhappily, sprawled out on her bed with her hands resting over her eyes. Megan glanced at her as she folded her laundry and said, "What's a complete disaster?"
"My life. My very being."
"Well, aren't we dramatic today," Megan sing-songed.
Rachel sat up, tossing her a steely look. "I have a right to be dramatic. Jesse and I are basically done being friends."
"Wait, this is about Jesse?" Megan asked, her eyes widening. "Hold on, did something happen last night? Rachel!"
Rachel gaped at her. "What did you think the whole 'It's a complete disaster' was about?"
"You're always saying things like that. I'm de-sensitized. Anyway, what happened?"
"Well, he kissed me."
Megan stared at her, mouth agape as an unfolded t-shirt hung midair from her hand. After a moment, Megan seemed to find herself and she tossed the shirt back on her bed and moved over toward Rachel, plopping down next to her on the bed.
"Tell me everything. If you leave out even one detail I will never forgive you."
"It happened there," Rachel said, pointing at the spot on the floor where they had been playing. Megan nodded appreciatively and said, "That's a good spot."
"We were playing The Game of Life and while I was trying to choose a name for Pacey and my fifth child, Jesse just leaned forward and kissed me."
"You know, I always thought The Game of Life was a sexy game," Megan said.
Rachel gave her a look. "No, it's definitely not."
"Well, when you and Jesse are making out during it then yeah, it's sort of sexy," Megan told her. "Anyway, so are you guys together now?"
"What? No! Why would you think that?" Rachel said, eyes wide with outrage.
"Um, maybe because you said that he kissed you? It's sort of a logical conclusion to get to, Rach."
"We are not together," Rachel said firmly. "The kiss was a mistake. We both agreed."
Megan frowned. "Really?"
"Really," she said decisively. "Jesse and I are just friends."
"Yeah," Megan said unconvincingly. "Just friends who kiss during game night."
"Megan-"
"I don't understand why you two are being so stupid," Megan said, shaking her head. "You guys have been dancing around this for weeks, and now something finally happens and you write it off as a mistake. Did you ever think that this is a sign? That this means that you should get your heads out of your asses and actually try being happy?"
"I am happy," Rachel replied. It was a weak argument, and she knew it.
"Yeah, you're not doing bad," Megan said. "But you're always doing a little better when he's in the room."
"I can't get involved with him. We only-"
"Hurt each other," Megan finished, nodding her head. "Yeah yeah, I know all about both of your little hang-ups where getting together is concerned."
Rachel looked at her strangely and said, "Both?"
"I may or may not have brought this exact topic up with Jesse before your date with Roger," Megan said, shrugging. "Anyway-"
"Why would you bring any of this up with him?" Rachel interrupted. The idea of Megan discussing her and Jesse's complicated relationship with him both bothered and terrified her.
"He was all sorts of jealous about Roger moving in on you," Megan said casually. Although Rachel had pretty much already known this, hearing it was something different.
"And so you just decided to grill him about our relationship?"
"Yep. Pretty much."
Rachel looked to the side and asked, "So, uh, what else did he say?"
Megan laughed. "Oh no, this is not how it works."
Rachel returned her gaze to Megan and asked, "What?"
"If you are so set on you two being friends, then you don't get to pick apart what he said."
"Who said I was going to pick it apart?"
Megan set her with a look and said, "You're a girl, Rachel. That's what we do."
"Well fine," Rachel said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't care what he said."
It was a lie, and they both knew it. She held her ground, though, because it was clear that without admitting that she considered her and Jesse for more she wouldn't be getting a peep out of Megan, and she refused to admit anything. Especially when it wasn't true – which she was sure of. Pretty sure of, at least. Yes, there had been something in that kiss. Her stomach had flipped and she felt that distinct throb between her legs that she hadn't felt in ages, but that didn't mean anything. She had barely been touched in months, after all. It was only natural that she would feel something.
"Alright, you continue that inner monologue that I'm sure is running through your mind right now," Megan said, patting her leg. "I'm going to get some work done."
She spent a long time debating whether or not to call him. All her instincts told her that she shouldn't, but she had a feeling these instincts were driven by the deep-seated fear that actually talking with him would force her to face the truth. Because the truth was that she did feel something when he kissed her. And it wasn't guilt or confusion. It had been lust, something she hadn't felt in a while, and that scared her. She didn't know if she was ready to explore what all of this actually meant, but she knew she couldn't push it aside. They had to talk. For the sake of the friendship.
That was the excuse that she gave herself for calling him. He had become one of her best friends since they ran into each other in that freshman orientation, and she didn't want to lose him. She couldn't lose him, not when there was such a simple solution.
He didn't answer for a few rings, something that she automatically read too much into. Jesse answered phone calls on the first or second ring usually, and she immediately wondered if he was hesitating. Even worse, was he with someone else?
"Hey, what's up?"
"I nearly missed you there," she noted.
"Yeah, my phone was buried under a heap of sheet music. Sorry about that."
She immediately felt silly for assuming something worse. "Right. So, uh, how are you?"
"I'm good," he said. She tried to pick up any notes of discomfort in his voice, but he sounded normal. "How about you? Did Megan get you with stories from her night of debauchery yet?"
Rachel laughed. "No, not yet. I'm sure they're coming, though. So…" She trailed off, biting the inside of her cheek. She didn't want to put it right out there, but she realized that there was no other way to ask about the kiss than…well…asking about the kiss.
"So…" he echoed.
"We kissed," she said. "Last night."
"Yeah. I remember."
"I know that I said we should just forget that it happened, but I thought about it more and-"
"We don't have to do this, Rachel," he said. "We don't have to overanalyze it. I made a mistake."
"We both did," she said softly, remembering that he hadn't been alone in the act. She kissed him back.
"Do we really need to make anything more of it then?"
"I just don't want things to be uncomfortable between us now," she said. "You're one of my best friends and-"
"Hold on," he interrupted. "You think of me as one of your best friends?"
Picking at her comforter she said, "Um, yeah. I do. Don't you think of me as one of yours?"
He didn't answer for a second, but when he did the smile was evident in his voice. "Yeah. I guess I do, too."
"I don't want to ruin that," Rachel said. "So, we need to talk this out."
"Talk the kiss out," Jesse clarified, his voice hesitant.
"Yeah. So, you go first."
He laughed and said, "Why do I have to go first?"
"Because you're the one who kissed me," she pointed out obviously. And besides, she had been the one to call. It was his turn.
"I don't really know why I kissed you," he admitted after a second. "I was just acting on an impulse, I guess."
"You have an impulse to kiss me?" Rachel asked carefully. She didn't know how she felt about that.
"Yeah," he said. "I do."
Biting her lip she asked, "And how often do you get this impulse?"
Jesse laughed. "More than I care to admit."
She didn't respond, smiling to herself.
"So," he began, "I think it's your turn. Why did you kiss me back?"
That was a good question.
"I don't really know, either," Rachel admitted. "I guess I was just acting on an impulse, too."
"Well, then I think we have our solution," Jesse said.
"We do?"
"We just have to stop being so damn impulsive."
She laughed. "We're in college, Jesse. Sort of comes with the territory."
"Okay, well, then we just need to warn the other party when we feel an impulsive urge coming on. We can have a signal."
"A signal?"
"Yeah. You can pull on your earlobe or something."
"That's your brilliant idea, Jesse? I can pull on my earlobe?"
"Well, it's a work in progress," he retorted.
She leaned back against her bed's headboard, finding comfort in the ease with which they had fallen back into their banter. Maybe, just maybe, they were going to be okay.
"So, we're good?" she asked after they settled on the fact that perhaps earlobe pulling would not be the most stealthy way to warn each other of impulsive urges.
"Yeah, Rach, we're good."
A/N: So, the first kiss! Ahh! Tell me what you thought :D
