AUTHOR'S NOTE – Oh my gosh, where do I even begin? It's been forever since I've posted something lol I hope you all have been doing well and I hope everyone's 2013 is going great. I apologize for my long absence. Long story short, life seriously got in the way. Working two full time jobs really strained me for the better part of the past year plus being consumed by my own personal project of composing and recording an album left me very little time to focus on this story and finish it as I intended to. But I'm so thankful to everyone who has been so supportive of this story and continued to hold out hope that it would continue. I don't even think I got around to answering everyone's comments and messages yet because there were so many, but to everyone who wrote me a review or message please know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I love you all. I've said this before, this story only still exist because of you guys. I think some time ago I thought, twilight is over and maybe I should forget this story and move on but it's only because of you guys' wishes and support that this story is still breathing. Thank you so much.

P.S. – I owe each and every one of you a special shout out but I just want to give a special thanks to "the lady loves the dark". Thanks for your god like patience, your constant resilient belief in the story and for your support.


The shadows of the trees from outside rustled and danced in the wind as the day began to give way to the late afternoon. As he looked up to the ceiling, he could see the contrasting of the shadows dance and tangle amongst the pale and peeling wall paint, reminding him of yet another chore he needed to add to his unending list. As he squinted his eyes, he brought his rough and calloused hands up to his face to wipe away the weary exhaustion of the previous night….the previous night….he quickly sat up as feelings and images became entwined with memories of lust and passion, desire and frustration…all consuming, all suffocating. Paul closed his eyes and sighed heavily as the weight of last night's truth came crashing upon him. From the pack's passing of judgment on Seth, to exiling him, to going out with the guys for a drink and something extra special Quil had rolled up and gave out to everyone and to him eventually coming home piss drunk and high and cornering Brady.

Brady…

Paul panicked as he mentally slapped himself for being too preoccupied with his own self realizations to wonder about Brady. But before he could even turn his head and cast his eyes upon the empty space beside him, he already knew it would be.

"Brady?" Paul whispered gently at the space where the young boy had laid beside him last night. Paul's eyes closed as the harsh reality of what had transpired came rushing back in full force. Everything from how he spoke to the boy…to how he…raped him. Paul clenched his teeth so hard he thought they would shatter as he repeated that word in his head over and over.

"Rape…..Rape…..I raped him….".

Paul glanced around at the tangled sheets, still somewhat damp from the unadulterated sex he had forced on the boy he was meant to protect, watch over and take care of like a brother. The Elders and the pack had entrusted him with the boy's life several years prior after the death of his parents. Paul always resented Brady for that, because he never wanted to be responsible for someone else…he never wanted to live for someone else but that's what he found himself doing day by day. Paul always knew he had some attraction towards the boy and while it terrified him…he didn't hate Brady for that. Paul could admit to himself that he was scared of the feelings he had but he always just pushed them down with hateful words and enough alcohol to lay waste to La Push. But having to live with the boy…. to take him into his home and see him grow more and more beautiful and handsome every day was too much for Paul. He didn't want to be this big brother….this care taker…but that's what he found himself doing. There were days when he would just go out to get laid with any willing woman with open legs, drink himself to death and smoke enough trees to kill any human but he always dragged himself back home in some form or another because he knew he couldn't leave Brady…not for anything in the world. And all Paul wanted, was to cover this up because maybe if he convinced Brady that he hated him…than he would someday convince himself. But last night…last night was just too far…..

"Fuck…God damn it!" Paul cursed as he picked up the night stand lamp and threw it at the nearest wall, the crashing and breaking was but a whisper compared to the explosion of turmoil taking place in Paul's mind. Glancing back at his nightstand, Paul read on the clock that it was nearly five o clock in the afternoon. He furrowed his eyebrows as he realized how late in the day it really was. Had he really slept that late? Was he that tired and wasted from the previous night's activities? As he looked out through the window, he could see the sun setting, a burnt tinge of orange that peeked out slightly from the parting gray clouds. It appeared as if it had rained heavily just hours before and Paul prayed that Brady hadn't been outside in the downpour. Seeing as how it was now the late afternoon, Paul realized he must not have woken or even stirred since last night and assumed Brady must have either left the house or wandered back to his own room. Frantically Paul pulled grabbed the nearest article of clothing he could find. His cut off denim jeans from the previous night were enough to cover up his stark nudity before leaving the bedroom and running down the hall towards Brady's room.

"Brady?!" Paul called out as he opened the door, only met with the silence of an empty room. Paul's heart fell towards his feet at the sudden epiphany that maybe Brady had finally had enough. "What if he finally left? What if he gave up on putting up with my shit and just ran off?" Paul thought to himself.

"Brady?! BRAY!" Paul began to holler and yell as he ran through the small house knowing full well Brady was gone. Paul raced through the house until he came to the backdoor of the house. Looking out into the back yard, Paul observed the thicket of woods that stretched throughout the reservation, wondering if maybe Brady had left through the woods. The thought terrified him, but why? Shouldn't he be glad he was rid of him? Paul closed his eyes in frustration as emotions and thoughts invaded his every being, fighting and forcing him to face the truth. Paul didn't want to care about Brady. He hated him. He wanted him gone. He was nothing, just a worthless bastard faggot that he had beaten, raped and used. Paul thought of how he took the boy's innocence last night…how satisfying it felt to take what he felt he deserved. But when Paul saw the terrified and broken eyes of Brady piercing into his heart…he knew that Brady cared for him in some way…but was too afraid…too afraid of seeing Paul as anything more…than a monster.

"Am I really a monster?"

As Paul burst through the back door, he ran with all his might towards the woods, his bare feet hitting the harsh wet ground and gaining momentum and strength until at last dark gray paws replaced those feet as he morphed into his giant wolf form. He sped into the late afternoon, thankful for the cover of the endless woods that had concealed his kind from the prying eyes of nosy humans for centuries as he hastened to find the boy he had wronged…the boy he knew he couldn't live without.

As Paul raced on, hours seemed to pass by and the afternoon began to die off into night as darkness had fallen little by little and all too soon, Paul could see the hauntingly bright moon hanging in the sky and the endless rustling of the forest life. With the coming of night, came a chill and a thick fog that made his search all the more challenging. Paul huffed as he ran at lighting speeds through the forest, his every senses tingling and itching to find the scent that he drank in last night with carnal thirst. But as he thought more on it, that carnal desire began to ebb away as he found himself discovering what he had tried for so long to ignore and deny such as the mere beauty of Brady's smile which was rare these days, the highlights of brown that were illuminated by the sunlight hitting his dark raven hair…But what Paul had always loved about the boy, was his chocolate brown eyes that shined with so much resilience and courage no matter how hard Paul beat him down or how much he was ignored by others. Paul found himself weeping, even in his wolf form as he raced through trees, bramble and the overgrown underbrush of the woods.

"Damn it boy where are you?! Brady where the fuck are you?!" Paul shouted in heartbroken desperation.

"Brady please! If you can hear me its….it's me…please…where are you?!" Paul shouted again, meeting no response. He couldn't even smell him. Where on earth could he be? Paul raced on as he found himself going farther into the northern uncharted territories that almost took them across the country border lines into Canada. No one ever went this far up north usually, but it was a known fact that Quileute territory had once been much larger before government took over and dictated who owned what lands. Paul noticed the fog had become much thicker to the point that he couldn't even see his own paws beneath him, forcing him to stop just to get his bearings and figure out exactly where he was. He looked around and noticed he had made it up the cliff side. He was in some type of clearing, a very large one at that. He could see the clearing was a circular shape, but all around him from the little he could see, was the dense forest that stretched on forever. On the opposite side was a large cave opening to the cliff interior that held such a deep darkness that even Paul didn't want to venture into. But something about this setting seemed familiar. He just couldn't put his finger on it but something inside was telling him that….

"Paul….." a small voice whispered. Paul whipped around to find the voice that tore him from his thoughts.

"Oh my God Brady where the hell are you? Answer me! Please! Where are you?!" Paul begged.

"Paul….." the voice whispered hauntingly again. Paul dashed around through the thickening fog. He knew he was still in the clearing, but he could barely see a yard ahead of him. All he could see now were outlines in the blanket of darkness that enveloped his every sense. But as he moved closer to the large cave, he looked up just in time to take in the actual height of the cave's opening. It seemed to stretch up higher than over a hundred feet. This must be the peak of the mountain top that those down below on the reservation could barely make out from afar. But that seemed so far away. Paul felt like he was in another…another realm all together in this forest and there, right on the hard gravel just inside the cave lay the naked form of a too thin and frail boy lying face down.

"BRADY!" Paul screamed as he raced toward Brady. He instantly shifted back into his human form, his nude muscular body radiating such a heat that it numbed him to the cold of the night. He gently leaned down and examined Brady before turning the boy over to face him. Paul felt his insides shatter as he looked at the closed eyes of the boy. He looked down and to his horror discovered several claw marks along the boy's arms and legs.

"What the fuck…who the fuck could have done this?" Paul asked himself. He searched Brady's body for any other marks but found none…other than the one's he himself had left last night. Paul held Brady tightly, pulling the younger man's body into his arms and breathed in his scent. How could he care so much about this insignificant boy? He hated him? Didn't he? Questions played over and over in his head as he looked down at Brady and wondered how could he have come to care about this boy….but the more alarming question he asked himself was…why did he really hate him so much?

"Brady…why…why do you do this to me? Why are you always making me fucking question myself? I should hate you…but after last night...after what I did to you…I…I'm so sorry."

"Brady…please open your eyes…." Paul murmured against Brady's lips, pressing his chapped lips to the boy's ever so gently. As if feeling his wish and will, Brady's eyes fluttered open to see Paul above him, holding him.

"Paul…" Brady moaned in pain? Exhaustion? Paul couldn't tell. His voice sounded so scratchy and distant that Paul began to worry what exactly did happen to him out here.

"Brady? Oh god…Brady come on…stay with me! How the hell did you get out here! Please Brady stay awake…come on…" Paul pleaded, rocking the boy in arms. But he knew it was a lost cause. He checked the boy's pulse and felt a slow but steady heartbeat. That gave him hope. But it still disturbed him that he knew nothing of how Brady came to this place all on his own. Panicked and desperate for answers, Paul resolved the only thing to do…was to ask for help….the best way he knew how.

"I've got to see Sam. First though, I gotta get you home Brady." Paul resolved.

Paul morphed back into his wolf form, and gently used his large snout to haul the small framed younger man onto his back so that it would be easier to carry him back to their home. Not wanting the unconscious Brady to fall off of his back, Paul walked the rest of the way back home which seemed to take hours but he knew time was of the essence.

Back at Paul's house, Paul sat nervously on the couch, bouncing his right leg up and down anxiously as he waited for the sound of the door to close. As he heard the click of the door down the hall, he looked up just in time to see Sam coming out of Brady's bedroom. Their eyes met from across the short distance of the room and Paul let out a breath he almost didn't realize he was holding as he saw the look of calm written on Sam's face. Although Paul resigned himself to wait until he heard Sam speak, not wanting to be fooled by Sam's all too well known poker face, he couldn't contain his anxiety any longer. As the older man made his way into the living room, he sat in the chair just opposite of Paul, grasping his hands together and looking stern but resolved as he did whenever he addressed the pack members.

"Thanks for uh…coming bye." Paul muttered as he met Sam's eyes. Sam nodded before standing up to take the seat beside Paul, laying a comforting hand on his pack brother's shoulder.

"Paul it's no problem. I'm glad you called" Sam replied tiredly as he recalled Paul's frantic attack on his front door at an ungodly late hour. It had been well past midnight by the time Paul had made it to Sam's cabin. The older wolf was alerted and awoken so abruptly that he almost thought it was something of a dire nature concerning a vampire on the reservation grounds. Even Emily was concerned as she emerged from their bedroom in just a night gown to see Paul anxiously alerting Sam of the unconscious Brady in his arms, before Sam ordered her back to their room, not wanting her to know or see too much until he knew fully what was going on.

"Yeah." Paul replied, feeling somewhat embarrassed while remembering his hysterical state when he ran to Sam and Emily's place, not knowing what to do or who to go to for help. In Paul's mind, he called all of the veteran pack members his friends in some way but he wasn't stupid. He knew that he could be a real jerk and bastard to people, and therefore he knew what others thought of him. The idea of asking someone else for help and revealing some small piece of vulnerability around his fellow pack family disturbed him to no end. Sam was the only one he could trust with this side of himself and was probably the closest thing Paul had to a best friend.

"Paul…I know….look, I didn't tell Emily what happened…what you told me. And I didn't tell anyone else that you asked me to come over. Without you saying much, I figured you didn't want anyone else to know…but I have to ask…what exactly happened?" Sam asked cautiously.

Paul felt like he was at a court hearing for one of the many times he had been jailed for excessive alcohol consumption which usually led to him getting into violent bar fights and eventually thrown in a county jail for a night. The silence seemed to stretch out forever. He was still internally battling his conscious over what transpired between him and Brady last night. He didn't…he couldn't confess fully to it. It was abhorrent. He may have slapped a few of his whores around at times after using them…but he couldn't recall ever going so far as to rape them against their will.

"Well...um I just woke up and he was gone…no warning…no nothing….." Paul said, his voice trembling as he concealed the lie, only stating what was necessary. Sam studied Paul intently, analyzing his short answer.

"How did you know he was gone? I mean…do you normally even check in on him anyway?" Sam questioned disbelievingly. But something in Sam's questioning set Paul off as he jumped up from his seat in anger.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! I'M HIS DAMN GUARDIAN AREN'T I? OF COURSE I CHECK ON HIM!" Paul shouted but Sam matched his anger as he reacted, jumping up to challenge the hot headed wolf.

"PAUL! CALM THE FUCK DOWN! I'M JUST TRYING TO GET SOME ANSWERS! My God…you know, sometimes I wonder if maybe we made the wrong decision by appointing you as his guardian." Sam spat. Paul turned from Sam, cursing profanities as he grabbed at his head and kicked at the nearby chair.

"Maybe…I don't know why…I never wanted that bastard in the first place….We uh…." Paul began.

"Don't bullshit me Paul, tell me the truth." Sam commanded.

"Um…I…uh…guess we uh…..said and did some things last night after the pack meeting…." Paul said quietly.

"What do you mean you said and did some things?" Sam pressed, making Paul feel cornered like a child caught in the act of bad behavior.

"I um…I shouted at him and uh…stuff."

Paul's shoulders tensed. He couldn't say anymore. Sam would hate him. Hell, Sam would do more than that. He would tell everyone else, the pack, the tribe…everyone. Everyone would know what he really was….a monster; the cold hearted bastard they always knew he was. Paul couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let them know the truth….at least not until he found a way to fix this…

"So….let me guess…you got drunk? You shouted at him? Hit him around a few times?" Sam sighed, knowingly. If only he knew just how far from the truth he was but seeing the window of opportunity, Paul nodded his head in agreement with Sam's false assumption.

"Um….yeah….that's what happened." Paul lied.

"Damn it Paul, you know how I feel about that! We've talked about this! I know you have your fucking tantrums sometimes but I gave you my fucking word I would let it slide and not say anything to the pack or the elders if you took your sorry ass to rehab and got some fucking help like you told me you would." Sam snapped at Paul. Sam had always been loyal to Paul, they were like brothers and he knew he would do anything he could for all his pack brothers, but the thought of Paul abusing Brady on a daily basis was setting him off. He knew what Paul had done a few times before and he tried to turn the other way to keep the peace but Paul was testing his patience and limits with his volatile behavior, especially if he was taking it out on Brady.

"Oh come off it Sam! All the times we drank and smoked at those parties or at the tribe bonfires…did it fucking look like I was getting any better?!" Paul replied hotly.

"That's different Paul! That's the pack having a little fun! But this shit here is fucking ridiculous!" Sam snapped as he marched over to the adjoining kitchen and opened the refrigerator to show Paul what he discovered when he came in the house. "Look at this! There's nothing in this house but beer, liquor and whiskey! What the fuck are you even feeding Brady? Do you not at least buy groceries for him?!" Sam asked. Paul marched over to Sam angrily to get in his face, offended that the older wolf would question him in such a way.

"I take care of him! Fuck you Sam! You don't know anything! You think I don't give a damn about him?! I care for…just….FUCK YOU!" Paul screamed out in frustration. Sam watched Paul intently as the angry wolf walked back over to the living room and flopped on the couch. Sam followed him as he tried to calm down and level with Paul. He didn't want Paul to think he wasn't there for him, but he knew he had to get his friend some kind of help.

"You know Paul…..it's…..it's okay to care about him…you do know that, right? And it's okay to admit that to yourself too." Sam assured Paul, taking a seat beside him.

"I just woke up and searched for him and he was gone…then I noticed the back door was left open…I followed his scent and…It just freaked me out so much….it scared the shit out of me…I didn't know where he was…or what happened to him…..and when I found him..." Paul said in a defeated tone.

"Look, Brady's going to be fine. But you do know I'm going to have to tell the elders about this…at least Billy, Sue and Old Quil. I mean, I checked him out, his wounds seemed artificial and they are starting to heal. But he's not waking up right now, maybe it's just exhaustion but we need some help here." Sam said sternly. Paul's eyes lit up in anger and shock as he turned to face Sam to protest.

"No! I don't want their fucking noses in my business!" Paul shouted.

"Paul this is pack business! Something could be wrong! You saw just as well as I did all those bite marks on him!" Sam countered.

"What do you suggest I do?" Paul asked.

"Well, I'm going to talk to Jake…" Sam decided but Paul cut him off.

"Seriously? You're going to tell that asshole?! He's so fucking obsessed with that leech loving Swan girl, how the hell is he going to help me?!" Paul asked.

"Watch it Paul! Jake is our friend…he's like your brother and more importantly he's the alpha, so show some fucking respect. He needs to know what's going on. Until further notice, I don't want to leave Brady alone which means no patrolling for you…at least for right now. Just stay here and take care of him alright. And try not to drink yourself into a stupor just because you're feeling guilty Paul, I mean it. Just be here for him….that boy….you may not want to hear this…but as much as you two act like you don't care for each other….in his eyes…I can always see how much he does care about you." Sam stated with finality. Paul merely nodded as he became lost in his own thoughts. Sam gripped Paul's shoulder comfortingly and nodded at him as he stood to leave.

"Look, I gotta get home. Call me if there is any change." Sam said, walking to the door. Paul followed him to the front door, his eyes heavy with guilt but also gratefulness for Sam's support.

"I will….and uh…um…you know I'm not good with this shit but…uh…..thanks Sam." Paul muttered lowly, meeting Sam's eyes. Sam nodded before walking out the door and leaving. Paul watched the older man run across the back yard and morph into his wolf form, taking off into the forest to head home.

Walking back into the house, Paul made his way back to Brady's bedroom and his heart nearly broke in two at seeing the fragile boy laying on the bed in an unshakable sleep. Paul knelt down beside the boy and cried as he knew this was entirely his fault and he didn't know where to begin to pick up the pieces. Right now, more than anything he just wanted Brady to open his eyes. He didn't care if the younger wolf hated him, or screamed at him in anger and sadness...he just wanted to see his eyes open.

"Bray….Bray I'm so sorry….what did I do…what have I…..I'm so sorry Bray…I'm so fucking sorry….." Paul wept uncontrollably as he took hold of Brady's small hand and held it in his own larger one. Paul was never a religious man. He had never given any thought to a higher power. He simply couldn't be bothered. But right now, he made a silent wish to whatever higher power that was out there to just let Brady's eyes open so that he could look up at him once more.


"Oh God Jake…It feels so good." She moaned out in ecstasy as their bodies entwined in a heap of sweat soaked sheets and suffocating heat. As he came to, he realized that he was in bed, atop the girl whom he could have sworn had finally ended things with him only a couple of days ago. As he rubbed at his eyes to clear his vision, it became clear just what had dragged her back to him and his bed as it always did. He smiled to himself all knowingly in satisfaction as he continued to drive deep into her tight warmth, her porcelain white legs gripping tightly around his thick muscular waist as they whispered apologies to each other and just enjoyed the company and feel of one another's bodies and intimacy. But as he kissed his way up from her shoulder to her face, he was presented with her pink delicate lips and all of sudden this didn't feel right anymore. He looked at her closed eyes that squinted in pleasure and pain as he continued forcing her abused and overly used entrance to take all of his cock inside her. How did they come to this place in their relationship? Jacob had no idea, but he knew he couldn't kiss her…it was too much…far too much for him to admit to himself and to realize he wasn't in love with this girl anymore. Not the way he used to be. And just maybe…..maybe not at all…not the way he thought he had been for years.

"Bella...what the fuck are we doing?" Jacob asked as he pulled himself up, resting on his forearms to take in her naked body sprawled beneath him, his cock partially coming out of her. Too in the moment to let go, Bella gripped her legs tighter around him and pulled herself up to take more of him back into her but the normally pleasurable sensation felt like frigid ice water and Jacob felt himself and his body both becoming flaccid to the thought of making love to this girl. Jacob forcibly but gently pried her legs from around him as he extracted himself from her, pulling his cock out of her dripping entrance and moving away from her. He rubbed his hand over his face as he sat up in bed to take in what was going on.

Bella sat up in frustration as she wrapped the bed sheet around her breast in a useless attempt o cover herself.

"What now Jacob? What's wrong?" She asked gently.

"Bella….we...we…can't…we can't keep doing this…we already discussed this. You've made up your mind, remember. You want Edward….and besides..I…" Jacob stuttered as he began to feel cold and vulnerable for the first time in so long as almond shaped dark eyes flashed in his mind. Light russet skin and a kind but knowing smile…..Jacob knew whose smile that belonged to…he knew it in his heart but something was blocking him from uttering the name on his lips.

"It's that faggot again, isn't it. Why do you keep letting him come in between us?" Bella cried in frustration as she sat up in bed with anger across her face. Jacob jerked, and sent her a ferocious glare that was a mere shadow of his anger. He knew how he had treated Seth these past weeks but he couldn't stand the thought of Bella saying anything about the younger man who had been his best friend for the entirety of his life.

"Bella! I told you never to fucking talk about him!" Jacob shouted as he stood up from the bed.

"WHY THE FUCK NOT!? IS HE THE REASON YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCK ME PROPERLY?! IS HE THE REASON YOU'VE TURNED AGAINST ME!?" Bella shouted even louder. And that's when Jacob noticed something….Bella was different. She was not backing down. Usually, even if they argued, he could still overpower her and get his way…but something about her today was different.

"That's none of your fucking business! Just get the hell out of here! I told you that we're through! We decided…." Jacob began.

"NO! YOU DECIDED!" Bella corrected. Jacob did a double take as he could have sworn those words sounded familiar. Hadn't he said that exact same thing to her at one point? He felt that same cold chill run down his spine and all of a sudden…the name came to him. The one he needed right now. The one he needed to run to….the one that made him feel loved, and whole and cherished and took him as he was.

Seth.

But how did he have the right to run to Seth after what he had done to him? After everything he had put him through? Why did he have to fall in love with his best friend?

"I gotta go!" Jacob snarled as he grabbed his pants from the floor but a cold and firm grip took hold of his wrist.

"No! You're not leaving until you fucking talk to me and finish fucking me like the sick bastard you are!" Bella screamed with venom. That voice felt so cold and unloving to him. It was not the girl he knew. Not anymore. And as Jacob turned around and the rising sun peaked through the windows of his bedroom…the light hit her skin as she began to sparkle and her red eyes began to glow.

"You…you changed? He changed you?!" Jacob asked, scared and terrified of the thought. But not for the reason he originally thought he would be horrified.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Bella asked knowingly with a smirk.

"No! I never wanted this for you! You've ruined yourself Bells…you…" Jacob couldn't finish his thoughts as his throat constricted at the thought that he had sex with Bella while she was a vampire.

"I asked you a question Jake! What? Now that I'm a vampire, I'm still not good enough for you? I'm not as good as your fag boyfriend Seth?!" Bella shouted.

"Don't you dare say his name! You haven't the right!" Jacob shouted back!

"I don't have the right?! Who the hell do you think you are?! You don't have the right! Not to be the alpha of La Push, not to have me and certainly not to have Seth!"

"Shut up! You're wrong!" Jacob screamed, turning away from her to cover his face in shame, knowing it was the truth.

"You know I'm right Jake. How could he ever love you…look what you did to him…he confessed to you, pleaded with you to not hate him and you fed him to the fucking wolves. He hates you." Bella laughed. It was as if her voice reverberated and echoed throughout his room, bouncing off the walls and filling his head with their truth and malice.

"Shut up! You're wrong! He loves me! He loves me, he told me….I know it….I felt it…" Jacob cried as tears streamed down his face.

"He hates you!" Bella laughed continuously. It was all too much to take in. The thought of Seth leaving him because of what he had done and the thought that Seth hated him. He couldn't live with this. This couldn't be happening. And as Bella laughed at his defeat and insecurities, he became resentful and angry. Wasn't this her fault too? She had kept him hoping and lingering while she played both him and her vampire boyfriend. He once thought the Cullen vampire was to blame for keeping Jacob away from the girl he wanted but now Jacob saw that maybe the blame was really his own for holding on to a girl who he knew only wanted him for one thing only.

"I said SHUT TUP!" Jacob snapped as he swung back with his open palm to back hand her in the mouth; anything to get her to stop laughing and ridiculing him. But his eyes grew in terror as she flew back and hit the opposite wall, hearing a heart wrenching snap and crunch as her head hit the wall and she collapsed to the floor. But as Jacob looked down, he saw not the form of a decapitated vampire, or even the broken corpse of a clumsy and pale skinned girl. He saw, the bloodied and broken body of….

Seth.

"Oh God! OH GOD! OH GOD! SETH!" Jacob screamed in anguish. How could this be happening? How could he have done this? Jacob cried and fell to his knees as the realization sunk in that everything he touched died. Everything he loved, he always eventually lost. Jacob jumped to the floor where Seth's body lay. He gently took the fragile and small but lean frame of the younger man in his embrace as blood soaked his muscular arms.

"Seth please, I didn't mean to hurt you…I didn't know…I thought it was…Bella she…it was her …she tricked me….she….I'm so sorry Seth….I didn't mean to hurt you!" Jacob wept as he held the body close to his body, tears pouring on Seth's face.

"SETH PLEASE! OPEN YOUR EYES! I'M SORRY!" Jacob continued to cry and shout as if he could will his best friend back to life and health; anything just to see those warm eyes look at him with love again.

"GETH AWAY FROM HIM!" A loud and powerful voice like thunder echoed throughout the room. Jacob turned to see a tall and strong body similar to his own walk into the room and push him aside, taking Seth's body out of his arms swiftly. Jacob was thrown so far he ended up on the other side of the room. As he scrambled up, he began to shake with rage at having Seth torn from him….showing that even in death he wasn't allowed to be with the one he cared most about.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! LET HIM GO!" Jacob shouted as he approached the man that was now cradling Seth's body lovingly.

"You stupid fool, haven't you done enough damage?!" the man responded, freezing Jacob in his tracks. Jacob knew it was his fault but that didn't matter now. He would do anything to take back the damage he had done.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to….I didn't mean to hurt him….just let me hold him…" Jacob cried, hating himself for feeling like the insecure little boy he once was. He loved Seth….all he wanted was Seth…he saw that now.

"I SAID GO AWAY! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH HIM AGAIN! HE'S DYING BECAUSE OF YOU! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!" The man shouted, his long mane of hair hiding his face from view.

"I'm so sorry…I'm so fucking sorry…please just let me help him…I…I love him so much..I…." Jacob explained as he approached the man. But as he came closer, the man turned around to show his face and Jacob's heart stopped as he saw the hard face and strong jaw line of the man before him.

It was him. It was Jacob.

Jacob gasped as he stared back at himself. Only he didn't look like himself. He wore longer hair, like he did before he became a wolf and had to shed his shaggy hair. His clothes even looked worn and leather made, as if from some animal….it was like he was from another era altogether…a time long before his birth….an ancient and traditional time in Lap Push. Jacobs's twin continued to cradle Seth in his arms as he hardened his gaze on Jacob.

"If you love him….stay away from him….…before things get worse." The man solemnly said with angry tears in his eyes "Stay away from him…..before….HE finds him…..before….HE….finds you all."

Jacob stood froze…what did he mean? Why did he have to stay away from Seth? And who was he? Who was coming? All Jacob wanted to do was grab Seth and cradle him in his embrace. All he wanted was…Seth.

And as everything faded from his vision, all Jacob could hear was the faint sound of hooves hitting the ground in an angry stomp, like some devil running towards him followed by the insidious flapping sound of leathery wings.

...

Jacob abruptly jerked up in bed, his nude muscled body drenched in a cold sweat. He reached for his bedside table to find an empty beer can, a vodka bottle and a glass of water. He took the water and rushed it to his lips, his heightened senses noting its aged and stale taste but he didn't care. He needed anything at the moment to quench his thirst and ease the dry lodge in his throat. His heart raced as he remembered his dream, image for image and word for word. It had felt so real that he could swear he could still feel the warmth of Seth's blood still fresh on his hands. Jacob sighed heavily as he rubbed at his eyes tiredly and felt a frustrated sob about to come up but he suppressed it. He couldn't break like this all over a stupid dream but how could he not when it had affected him so much.

"Damn it." Jacob cursed as he got up from the bed, not caring for his nude form as he made his way to the window and looked out into his back yard that was covered in darkness. He could see the early morning blue light on its way over the horizon that was approaching with the new day. It was barely there, but there nonetheless. It reminded him so much of Seth. Seth was just like that….the rising dawn, Jacob mused. He had always been like this ever present light, no matter how dark the night was…he always knew he could run to Seth and the younger man's smile, or encouraging words or even his mere presence made his world feel alright.

"Seth….." Jacob sighed. Jacob felt as though he had wanted to hate Seth. He wanted to hate the boy for making him want him, for making him need him…for making him love him….but he couldn't. Jacob knew he himself was to blame for the mess that their friendship had become. But how could even look at Seth or face him after what had happened between them. All Jacob wanted was to be normal, to be accepted by his family, his friends, his pack and the tribe. He wanted to bring honor to his people and make them proud. He wanted to be the leader that his forefathers had so valiantly been. But how could he do that when he was being held back by this love he had for Seth?

"I know what I feel for you Seth…but I can't feel this way…it's eating at me…but I can't stand the thought of you hating me…not after everything that's happened…" Jacob thought to himself. He couldn't take this. It was just too much for him to bear on his own. Jacob knew that feeling had always been there no matter how much he had tried to ignore it. But to act on it….that was another story entirely. "Just what did Seth expect from me when he confessed? I can't just be …fucking gay and love him…can I? It would be so fucking easy but….it would be hard…hard to…damn it, I can't deal with this..…I…"

Jacob thought on his dream and the man who turned out to be….himself. Was it really himself? Jacob found himself wondering this as he stared out into the early morning darkness. Was it his subconscious telling him something?

Jacob sighed as he thought of the past few days. It had been just yesterday when he saw Seth at his house, just yesterday when he ripped away the very necklace he had given the younger wolf and already he ached and longed to see him once more. The biggest question that had been rummaging around in his brain since that day was the thought of imprinting. If Jacob loved Seth this much…if it was truly not wrong…wouldn't he have imprinted? An imprint would surely mean that he was meant to love Seth but since he hadn't as of yet, Jacob took that as a sign that this love he had for the boy was wrong and he couldn't give into it. Jacob was just so afraid….so afraid of giving into it. It was too scary to accept and embrace. But he couldn't help asking why? Jacob sighed once more as he turned away from his window and grabbed a towel as he headed for the bathroom to take his shower. He needed to clear his mind and get himself ready for the day. He knew he had a long day of business lined up at the garage, followed by patrols. He knew he would desperately need a drink later and thought maybe the pack should go back out again tonight to get wasted. Jacob smiled sadly to himself. Maybe he could even find some broad dumb enough to fall for his lies and let him bed her. He needed it. He needed anything to distract him from what was screaming in his head and calling in his heart.


"Yo Embry!" Quil hollered from across the bar at the sight of Embry entering the bar. As Embry stood in the doorway, his form tense and rigid from the night's events, it took all he could just to hold in his anger at the sight of his pack brothers having fun and carelessly drinking the night away as if they had not abused and out casted one of their own from the pack only a couple of days ago. Since Embry had found Seth broken and alone in the woods that night, he had not been showing up to the pack meet ups or doing his patrols in the two days since that time. He even hadn't shown up to work and Embry knew after tonight he would probably be looking for another job. His intentions had been to just lay low because after what had transpired, it would only be a matter of time before the others knew of his secret imprint with Collin. But before he left of his own accord, Embry wanted to give Jacob and the pack a piece of his mind.

"Dude, where you been? You gonna hang with us tonight?" Paul asked loudly, clearly deep within his cups. As Embry made it to the pack's table at the back of the bar, he saw that Sam, Jacob, Quil, Jared and Paul were all there just drinking and shooting the breeze without a care in the world. He scoffed at the sight of the latter, the brutal drunkard that Paul was and out of the corner of his eye he could see Sam sitting next to Paul, a concerned arm on his shoulder. What he didn't know was that Paul should not have been there. Paul had held himself up in the house to watch over Brady for the past couple of days but when he heard the pack was going out again he jumped at the chance to find an escape from his guilt. Sam had kept looking at him knowingly with a stern expression but that only made Paul want to forget even more.

Embry however didn't care for Paul, instead his eyes narrowed on Jacob, the man he thought was his friend but after the other night, after finding Seth so shattered…after he saw what was left of Seth, Embry was seriously wondering if he could call Jacob his friend any longer. He couldn't call someone his friend who was capable of hurting someone so kind and pure like Seth. Quil, Jared and Paul seemed to be all over the place as they nursed their bottles of beer, talking loudly amongst each other. They all turned their attention to Embry once he made it to the table.

"Embry, shit man. What's up? You want a drink or something? Hey! Somebody get our bro a drink over here!" Jared hollered throughout the bar, trying to get the attention of one of the bar waitresses.

"Embry, where the hell have you been man? You wanna sit down and join us?" Jacob asked with a cautious smile. His heart froze a little if he were honest with himself because in the back of his mind he felt like he knew why Embry was here and why he had been absent from their earlier pack meeting and the meet ups they had had since then. He thought it best to play it cool for now. But Embry wasn't buying any of it.

"Cut the crap Jake! I'm not in the fucking mood." Embry spat causing everyone to stop and do a double take.

"Whoa uhh….did I miss something here?" Jared said to break up the tension and silence that began to amass despite the loud ruckus of the surrounding bar goers.

"Uh oh, I smell drama." Quil muttered as he looked down at his drink guiltily. Sam realizing things could get nasty in public attempted to diffuse the situation the best he could.

"Come on, Embry, just sit down and have a drink with us and…" Sam said but was rudely cut off by Embry whose anger was radiating off of him in ripples, the others could sense it themselves.

"I said I'm not in the fucking mood. All you sick fucks do is drink all the time!" Embry barked. They all scoffed at Embry's hostility as they stood up from the table in alarm.

"What the fuck, are you psycho or something?" Jared questioned, coming to stand beside Embry and try to drag him away from the others to no avail.

"Shit man! What the hell has gotten into you?" Paul asked hotly. Jacob emerged in front of the group to face Embry, knowing in his gut what this was all really about.

"Dude, what the fuck is your problem? First you don't show up to pack meetings, you blow off your patrols, you don't show up to work and now you come up here trying to start some shit for whatever reason." Jacob challenged angrily. Embry, remembering Seth's broken heart and tear stricken face was pushed even more to stand up to Jacob once and for all.

"Was it a pack meeting Jake or an execution you sick fuck?!" Embry replied darkly.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?!" Jacob questioned. Quil, Jared and Paul gathered closely around but Sam tried to come in between the two, trying to push them back and separate them before they did something they might regret.

"Whoa, Jake calm down please!" Sam chided. Jared and Paul grabbed onto Jacob's arms to restrain him from lunging at Embry who wore a dark and angry expression, ready for whatever Jacob would bring.

"Let me go you guys! I can handle this myself!" Jacob ordered.

"Just like you handled Seth, huh? You think you can take me down the same way you put him down like a dog?!" Embry challenged, but Quil tried to pull him back, not wanting to see his own pack brothers fight. As Embry and Jacob's eyes locked, something in Jacob snapped as he knew Embry must have spoken with Seth. Although he was angry that Embry would question his decision, something inside made him even more outraged at the thought of Embry protecting Seth…only one thought rang through his mind,…that Seth was his.

"What the hell is your problem? I'm the fucking alpha! Whatever I decide to do is my prerogative and you're not to question that! Something you would know if you fucking acted like my beta for once and supported me!" Jacob shouted. Embry just scoffed in response.

"Oh, I see, so it's my job to support you by kissing your ass like all these other dumb fucks you call friends?" Embry said, pulling his arm out of Quil's grasp and pushing the man away.

"Embry, what the fuck is the matter with you man?!" Jared asked with confusion.

"Yeah, why are you pissing insults on us like this and disrespecting us, we're your fucking pack brothers?" Paul asked hotly, knowing full well in the back of his mind he shouldn't even be there.

"You guys, calm down for a sec. Look…Embry, dude chill out. Let's just talk about this…what's up?" Sam tried to reason.

"What's up is I'm sick and tired of following behind a fucking coward like you Jake!" Embry shot towards his former friend.

"What the hell, Embry? What are you even bitching about? You're causing all this drama over Seth?!" Jacob asked.

"You guys had no right to treat Seth the way you did! Here you guys are living it up like you own the fucking place and drinking yourselves to death but who was it that found Seth in the woods alone on the verge of a breakdown. Are you guys so fucking callous and heartless that you had to ex communicate Seth?!" Embry explained in a fury. Sam, Paul, Quil and Jared were almost slack jawed to see this side of Embry they had never witnessed before, but Jacob glared at Embry with resentment, merely holding his eyes with Embry as if challenging the beta to question him again.

"Embry, calm the fuck down. He's just a fag! Do you really want some queer in the pack fucking things up for the rest of us?" Quil tried to explain half heartedly, not even believing his own words.

"Yeah man, that little pussy boy got what he deserved." Jared nodded in agreement with a laugh.

"Besides, how the fuck is this even your concern Embry? What I do to Seth and the decisions I make for the pack is my business. You're supposed to be one of my most trusted betas…why aren't you backing me up?" Jacob asked. Embry looked at all of them in amazement at how close minded they could be. Seeing his reaction, Sam who stood to the side of the group not trying to take a side attempted to intercept whatever might happen.

"Look guys please, let's not do this right now okay…" Sam began but was cut short by Embry once again.

"Are you guys kidding me? You expect me to just nod my head and agree with how you're handling this? Do you have any idea how much Seth loves you? Do you know how much he's hurting right now? Do you guys have any clue how much he cares about us? The pack and the tribe? But that's not good enough is it? If he's not like us than that makes him a traitor to you guys, huh?" Embry questioned.

"You just don't get it….him being the way he is and trying to ruin my life makes him a fucking traitor!" Jacob snapped.

"Yeah Embry. You heard the Elders. He's a fag….it's not the way things are supposed to be. Come on, think about it. If a guy was meant to fuck another guy they would be able to make babies, wouldn't they? That's basic common sense." Paul answered, trying to instill some logic to Embry, but out of everyone there Paul was the most nervous, trying so desperately to believe his own words while weighing them against what he felt for the boy who was asleep at home. Embry narrowed his eyes at the hot head of the group as he took in his words.

"Don't you try to talk to me about fucking common sense Paul while you're sitting there guzzling that drink. I bet that's your fifth bottle tonight isn't it? You going to go back home and slap around some new bitch tonight or did you already take it out on Brady? Don't act like we don't know where some of his bruises come from." Embry taunted. Everyone went silent. Everyone knew Paul cared about Brady, but the thought and knowledge of him slapping Brady around a few times was a shared secret that none in the pack ever wanted to bring up in an effort to keep the drama to a minimum. And no one there besides Paul himself knew just how closely Embry's words had hit home. Sam looked cautiously over at Paul but before anyone had time to react Paul had reacted.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Paul shouted as he threw a hard ironed fist right into Embry's face, his nose gushing blood as his wolf gene kicked in to heal it slowly and painfully. But Embry had reacted on pure instinct and just as Jared and Quil jumped in to try to hold him back, Embry had side stepped them and punched Paul in the eye, sending the man to the floor with a thud and leaving the others there in amazement who never knew Embry could best Paul in such a way. Paul quickly got up and tried to reciprocate the violence but he was held back by Sam and Jacob and Embry was held fast by Quil and Jared as the two tried to no avail to lunge at each other. Jacob watching the whole thing and trying not to knock Embry down himself almost wanted to let Paul go so Embry could get what was coming to him.

"You little shit! What I do in my own fucking time and in my own house is none of your damn business Call!" Paul barked as he tried to get out of Sam and Jacob's vice.

"You see Embry! This isn't any of your fucking business! You're not even man enough to show up to the fucking pack meetings and handle pack business so this doesn't concern you." Jacob finalized with a deep growl but he could tell he wasn't intimidating the other man in the slightest. Embry calmed somewhat at Jacob's words and sensing no danger Jared and Quil let his arms go.

"Look Jake, we've known each other a long time…and you've known Seth all your life. He cares so much for you…and I know deep down you care about him too. How could you do this to him?" Embry asked. He knew he could never get through to any of them through violence. That was already the definition of what they were as wolves. But Embry knew deep down Jacob had to care about Seth. He had seen it. They all had. They all had questioned it before. It was a friendship, a bond that you only saw once a lifetime and Embry had no idea how Jacob could just flip the switch and turn his back on years of rewarding and irreplaceable friendship.

"Look if you care so much about that faggot than why don't you go fuck him!" Jacob shouted but regretted his words. He had no idea how he could say something like that. Just the mere thought made him cringe with rage and disgust…just the thought of another man besides himself with Seth made Jacob boil over. But Embry retaliated in kind with his own rage.

"You know what Jake, fuck you!" Embry pushed at Jacob who returned his shove with twice as much strength.

"You stupid fatherless bitch!" Jacob spat as he swung at Embry, his fist connecting with Embry's mouth, blood splattering from his lips. In turn, Embry swung around, back handing Jacob across the face harshly as their scuffle ensued and the other wolves present tried to jump in to grab at them but were knocked one way or the other. The ensuing chaos caused the loud bar to take notice even in their isolated location of the club and people started shouting and running out and Jacob and Embry continued to fight heatedly. Having had enough, Sam barked for them to stop, grabbing Jacob himself and ordered Paul, Jared and Quil to restrain Embry.

"Fuck you Jake, I'm out! You hear me, we're through." Embry spat out with blood trickling down from his bottom lip.

"What the hell…you can't fucking leave the pack whenever you want!" Jacob cursed, as he tried to lunge back at Embry with his own lip busted while Sam held him back.

"I just did! I'm no longer going to follow you Jake. Or any of you for that matter!" Embry responded, tearing himself away from the other. Quil and Jared looked at him disbelievingly and Paul sort of looked down as he thought of how their pack was falling apart all because of Seth. "Now let me go!"

"Dude, why are you doing this? Coming in here and starting all this shit?! Don't fucking leave the pack! We need you man" Quil pleaded to his friend but Embry just glared at him, which silenced him quickly, never seeing Embry treat him so coldly before as if he didn't even know him.

"Look….I'm sick and tired of having my life dictated by a bunch of ignorant pricks like you and the fucking Elders. Fuck them and you guys. If you want to go around destroying other people's lives then fine. But I won't be a part of it. I'm out for good!"

"Then fucking leave you piece of shit! I've had it with you anyway! But don't you think for one second that Seth's off the hook!"Jacob spat out with spite. His eyes almost watering at the prospect of Seth being gone and Embry following him…the two of them together…he couldn't deal with it...he couldn't accept it.

"Jake man, calm down! We don't need to have everyone leaving or getting kicked out the pack left and right." Jared said seriously for once.

"You won't fucking come near him!" Embry spoke with dead resolve.

"Don't you dare threaten me. Seth is mine to do with what I want!" Jacob shouted.

"You leave Seth alone or you'll regret it! If you want to hound Seth so much then why don't you try starting shit with me! Because I'm a fag too! Are you fucking happy?!" Embry said and the silence and tension that soon fell upon them was like a force of gravity no one could stand through. Everyone's eyes looked to Embry in disbelief as if maybe they had misheard him.

"Man, come on. Seriously? Don't play like that. That's not even funny." Quil tried to say seriously as they all continued to look at Embry as if he had grown a second head.

"I'm not fucking joking you idiot. I imprinted….on Collin." Embry simply stated. He couldn't tell what they were really thinking. Everyone still seemed a bit in shock but he could that Jacob was trying hard not to believe him but there was somewhat of a shared sixth sense when it came to imprinting. Once a wolf did, his brethren could tell…it was in his eyes.

"What the fuck? Embry how come you didn't tell us?!" Sam asked aloud, not understanding exactly how this could have happened. "That's fucking impossible!"

"He's right man, that's unnatural! That's impossible!" Jared added.

"Embry you're a fucking liar! If you and Seth want to be fags then go ahead but don't bring imprinting into this!" Jacob said, almost sounding confident and happy and believing Embry was making the whole thing up.

"Yeah, he's right, that goes against everything the Elders know, everything our teachings and the tribe…" Paul added. But Embry merely sighed at all of their accusations as he took a deep breath and looked down at his hands, clenching them and forcing himself to remain calm.

"Well than the tribe doesn't know shit, because I did imprint and there's nothing any of you can do! Sam, you know what it feels like to imprint…you know what the pull is like…" Embry said with dead calm as he looked at Sam. Sam returned Embry's glare and just the reflection he caught in the younger wolf's eyes made him think just maybe….

"Sam, tell this idiot he doesn't know what he's talking about!" Jacob snapped, trying to get some support. The alpha wasn't convinced but a deep part of him didn't want to believe it because if Embry had imprinted…that meant that maybe…just maybe that kind of love wasn't as unnatural as everyone thought and the idea alone scared Jacob. It scared all of them.

"He's…I don't think he's lying….but...how…it's impossible." Sam almost said in a whisper as he came to the conclusion that Embry wasn't making this up. Without another word, Embry turned and walked away from the pack, leaving the bar and leaving behind his now bewildered pack brothers and former friends. Embry was almost satisfied that for once he could have the last word with them however as he wiped the remaining traces of blood from his busted lip he began to wonder now where this left him and Collin. He had seemingly kicked himself out of the pack and now that he had an imprint to protect, that meant he had spoken for both himself and Collin. Embry wasn't sure if he could face the pack on his own if they decided to confront him but he didn't see how or why they would. He had imprinted. And whether or not they believed him now, when they were all phased as wolves, it would more than surely be confirmed when they felt what he felt for the boy waiting for him at home.


Embry sighed as he finished recounting his tale of what happened last night to the two young men in front of him, both of their jaws dropped in shock and disappointment at what they were hearing. Seth was still somewhat shaken up over what had transpired for the past couple of days but hearing Jacob's anger and rage from Embry's story only confirmed what he already knew. Part of him was beginning to believe that his love for Jacob was something he was going to have to find a way to let go of very soon. All it had brought him and others was misfortune. Collin on the other hand was somewhat angry and was not doing very well at hiding it as the thought of anyone hurting his boyfriend was making him shake with anger. He knew he couldn't have done anything to protect Embry, but that still didn't prevent him from wanting to rip out the pack's throats for what they had done.

"Embry…I..I can't believe you did that….you shouldn't have went there on my account." Seth said sadly as he wiped a stray tear from his cheek. Collin merely grunted in disapproval.

"Well I can't believe that bastard hit you." Collin stated vehemently, crossing his arms. Embry thought Collin's protective side was cute and he smiled warmly at him as he leaned over to take the smaller boy in his arms and hold him.

"Babe don't worry, I'm okay. Honest. He got a lucky shot in that's all. If anything, my pride's wounded, that's all." Embry stated as he rubbed at his jaw. Seth and Collin could still see the remains of the brutal skirmish that had taken place between Embry and the pack but it was quite faint now as it had begun to heal very quickly.

Since the night Embry had found Seth alone in the woods, he had advised Seth to keep a low profile and stay at home. Meanwhile, Embry and Collin had stayed at his mothers' house, telling the elders that neither could patrol as they had been taking care of her, however Embry knew it was only a matter of time before they had figured out the truth anyway. That was why he went to confront Jacob and his pack brothers. Whenever he flashed back to that night when he found Seth, he felt so angry that part of him wanted to phase on all of them, not caring how outnumbered he would be. But he knew eventually that if he had phased and ran his patrols for the past couple of days like he was supposed to, then someone would hear his thoughts and learn about him and Collin. It was for that reason that he had ordered Collin not to phase anymore either. It was odd really. Embry and Collin at first felt like they were two lone lovers on the run but now that everything was out in the open…well….they didn't quite know what to expect. He half expected Jacob, the pack and the Elders to come charging at his front door any day now but he knew that the elders wouldn't have that it as they knew Embry's mother was literally on her death bed. Embry hated to admit he hadn't thought that far ahead. He was just glad that school was out for the summer still as it would be hard to pull Collin out of school and explain to the authorities it was because he was trying to protect his imprint from his homophobic pack and tribe. But after laying low for a few days, Embry had called Seth to meet him and Collin over at his house late in the night so that they could touch base with what was going on.

"Embry you really should have told me what you were going to do. I would have come along to give all of them a piece of my mind." Collin said as sternly as he could in his still innocent voice. Embry merely chuckled.

"I told you I'm fine, okay. Besides, right now its best I keep you…both of you under the radar. It's not just about Seth anymore, now that the pack and the council know about us, I'm not sure what they'll decide to do." Embry said. Seth sighed however as he felt this would still all come back to be his fault.

"I'm quite sure they'll surmise that I coerced you both into following down my sinful path. This will somehow be my fault." Seth replied sadly.

"Seth you can't think like that. You've done nothing wrong, you know that. What I can't believe is how close minded and hypocritical everyone on this rez is. I can understand tribal traditions and expectations but at some point can't they see that being…you know this way…gay isn't a choice…and to go this far just to punish you Seth is…" Colin was so frustrated he couldn't even think straight. It was hard to see his best friend suffer like this. But it was also tough knowing that everyone on the rez knew about them now. Collin had made sure to call in to his dad and sister from time to time but knew that he couldn't hide out at Embry's house for the rest of his life. Eventually they would have to go out sometime. But it had been easier to ignore the reality in the safe confines of the Call residence where there home was surrounded by woods and when Embry and Collin weren't taking care of Miss Call, they spent their time outside exploring the woods together, taking long walks and sleeping underneath the stars while sharing their most intimate selves with one another. It was a magical feeling Collin was so grateful for. He felt so lucky that he was fortunate enough to have someone who returned his feelings, but seeing how horribly painful Seth's happily never after turned out, it just seemed so unfair to Collin.

"It's ok really guys. I'm used to it. And really, I should have expected it. I'm just sorry to drag you both into this. Neither of you would be in this situation if it wasn't for me." Seth confessed.

"Seth stop it! This is not your fault okay. Besides, I would have said something to them eventually. With everything that's going on, Collin and I's relationship was bound to come out sooner or later." Embry tried to console the younger wolf.

"But…." Seth began.

"Seth, would you shut up for a second. Embry's right. Stop apologizing for yourself. And stop apologizing to the pack, you don't owe them or the tribe anything. Not anymore." Collin reiterated. Seth let out a sigh of defeat as he smiled at his two friends. It was such a relief to know that in these hard times, he still had two people in the world that cared about him.

"But what will you guys do now? I mean…it's different for me. I could handle this if it was just my own burden to bear but you two are technically still in the pack. " Seth asked. Collin, wondering the same thing too looked to Embry for an answer.

"Well things are definitely going to be a lot tougher from here on out. But we've got to stay positive. We have to stick together through this. We have each other. Technically when I said I was out, I extradited myself from the pack." Embry explained. "And Collin…well…you being my imprint and lover, well…that makes me responsible for you so technically I extradited both of us. So…technically..We're our own pack now." Embry said as he cupped Collin's cheek in his hand.

"Well thanks for discussing that with me first Embry/" Collin teased as they nuzzled their noses together playfully. Seth watched the two lovers enjoy a brief intimate moment and all f a sudden he felt as if he were intruding. He started to look away and thought maybe he should leave when he felt two pair of eyes on him. Looking back at the two he saw Embry and Collin were grinning at him.

"Of course Seth, no pack is complete without at least three wolves and I would be honored if you would like to join. Besides, I made a promise to protect you as well and you mean the world to both of us so what do you say?" Embry asked, outstretching his hand for Seth to shake. Seth couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Embry and Collin just ask him to join their pack? He was so overjoyed he didn't know what to say.

"Oh Seth please say yes! We can't do this without you! We need you! Please join us buddy!" Collin asked excitedly as she started bouncing up and down.

"You guys, I can't believe this. I'm…I don't know what to say." Seth replied with a smile.

"Please say yes. Otherwise, Collin will be upset at me for not making you join and won't put out tonight." Embry said with a chuckle, causing Collin to blush and elbow Embry softy in the ribs. Seth merely laughed at the whole exchange as he nodded his head in approval.

"Thank you guys. Yes. I guess I have a new pack now." Seth said happily. Embry and Collin pulled Seth in for a warm group hug as they both struggled to stay standing but eventually fell over each other in a heap on the ground, laughing hysterically.

"So, maybe you should talk to Leah. She'll need to know what's happening." Embry brought up as he regained himself from his giggles. That topic seemed to make things a bit more serious but still there was a happiness in the atmosphere that Seth, Embry and Collin could feel and they could almost feel the magical bonds of their new pack weaving and tithing around them, binding them together as a new family.

"Yeah I know…but Leah's been so busy with school and work this past year that she hardly even gets in one day a week of her patrol shifts. I hardly even see her lately because during the week she spends her nights on campus. But I think she comes home later this week." Seth replied. "I think this coming Friday she'll drag herself in at about two in the morning. Then she'll do her patrol for two hours and slink back in the dead of the night. I'll see if I can wait up for her. I just feel weird telling her about all this after the fact too. I mean, I don't want to burden her with the wedding coming up and all but at the same time….she'll kill me for not telling her sooner." Seth somewhat laughed to himself.

"She's your sister and she loves you. You were there for her when she went through her depression after Sam left her. I'm sure she'll want to be there for you too." Collin assured Seth.


The day seemed to drag on for Seth but he found himself able to block out his worries with the help of the music that flowed from his ipod and into his ears. He tried to let it distract him from the mess his life was currently in. But with the promise of a new pack to call home with Embry and Collin, Seth smiled to himself. Of course no one else knew this yet but the three of them but Seth let that encourage him throughout the day whenever he felt sad. Honestly, Seth wished he could be over Embry's house right now with the two of them but he didn't want to intrude and ask if he could stay with them. Instead, he was forced to sit at home and wait until his friends called him over while he was subjected to Sue Clearwater's icy resentment towards him. Since his outing by the pack and the tribe and his public humiliation and exile, Sue Clearwater had not treated her son with anything less than contempt and had been giving him a never ending laundry list of chores to do around the house. Seth laughed to himself at the irony of the situation, considering Sue spent more time in Charlie Swan's bed then at her own home so Seth didn't understand why these chores had to be done since he was the only one home these days. His current project was the cleaning and reorganizing of the basement. Seth rolled his eyes when Sue had demanded he get it done by the end of the day because he knew as well as anyone that it was impossible. For years the family had used the basement as nothing more than a storage space up until Harry Clearwater's death. As Seth rummaged through the boxes, he found himself coming across various things that gave him a warm sense of nostalgia. He came across everything from old board games, worn out clothing, childhood drawings and paintings from grade school. But as Seth went through more and more boxes, he stopped when he realized that everything not only had a family memory…but everything was tied to Jacob….in some shape or form.

When he reached his hand in an old unmarked box, Seth almost cried at the memories and emotion that overcame him. It was a simple deck of cards…a pack Jacob had given him when they were younger when he taught the younger man how to play poker. Seth remembered how proud Jacob had been that he was "corrupting" Seth's innocence as he had put it by teaching him an adult game and how scared Seth was at being caught playing with Jacob and the other guys. Fumbling around the box, Seth found an old beat up jersey that belonged to Jacob when he played for his middle school team. Seth's eyes watered at the sweet memory of it. He held the jersey close to his face and breathed it in. Even though it had washed by his mother numerous times, he could still smell the faint scent and aroma of Jacob. Maybe it was all in his mind…but it was a musky and spicy scent that defined the man that Jacob was but it was mixed with the aroma of the woods and pine. Inhaling the scent, Seth could see Jacob so clearly in his mind. A young Jacob who used to smile more, who laughed more, who had no care in the world besides hanging out with his friends and family on the rez and spending time with Seth. Seth smiled to himself at the memories. Back then, things were better. Times were happier…long before the appearance of vampires and wolves. That time seemed so long ago but back then it felt like they had an eternity to dream to live and to love. Seth fell to the floor, burying his face in the old and worn jersey as he sobbed his heart dry. Everything he had felt, everything he tried to keep bottled up inside him came flooding out as he thought of the man he loved so much, but who hated him so much. Seth never wanted things to come to this…how could he love Jacob so deeply, so unconditionally, only for the older man to continuously rip his heart out and stab it over and over with his hurtful words and actions. Seth knew Jacob cared nothing for him any longer, not even as a friend. He had made that crystal clear. And still, Seth knew that if Jacob came to him now and begged for his forgiveness, Seth would take the older man in his arms without question because that's what true unconditional love was. It came without apology, or explanation or rhyme or reason. But no matter how hard he tried, Seth couldn't deny the fact that he had to move on and forget about Jacob. It hurt Seth just to think of how he could never be loved by Jacob…even if that love was just a as a friend, Seth knew they could never even go back to what they once had before. But how could he move on when he loved him more than his own life and existence? Seth lay on the ground, mourning the loss of all his hopes and dreams. He didn't know how long he stayed on the ground but his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone descending the steps.

"Seth…..what are you doing down here?" a female voice asked. Seth's eyes snapped opened as he lowly raised himself up into a sitting position to see his sister Leah standing at the bottom of the steps, a look of concern on her face.

"Oh um…uh...hey Leah. When did you get back in town?" Seth asked, forcing a happy grin on his face as he quickly wiped away the still damp tears that were on his cheeks. Leah smiled back at her younger brother however it was an unsuccessful attempt as she saw the dampness on his light russet brown cheeks. She sighed to herself as she made her way over to Seth, kicking herself for not calling the house sooner. Since the war had ended three years prior, Leah and Sam continued to tango back and forth about the past and their still present love for each other, but when Sam had in no uncertain terms made it clear where he stood; Leah was left heartbroken and humiliated. To protect herself from the onslaught of verbal abuse and whispers behind her back by her pack and the entire tribe of La Push, Leah tried to build an unemotional mask to wear and hide behind a hateful and bitter wall but it proved too much for her to maintain every time Sam gave her hope that maybe he still loved her but still ran back home to Emily. With Emily and the people of La Push and her extended tribe and mother constantly throwing in her face how happy she should be for her cousin and Sam, Leah faltered and conceded to the fact that she was destined to live as the broken hearted girl who was left for her better cousin. Leah could accept that. She forced herself to. But to give herself something to live for, she decided to find her own purpose by attending school. Something that her mother and some of the tribe people resented her for because it gave Leah her own identity outside the pack. When a date had finally been announced for Sam and Emily's wedding, Leah dived head first into her studies by moving on campus, only returning for short weekends to fulfill her pack duties.

But amidst all of her soul searching and identity preservation, Leah had discovered that she may have left something behind. That something was Seth. While she struggled and fought to break away from La Push and Sam, she began to feel lonely at school and was hit hard with the fact that she had left behind not only jus her brother but one of the few who stood by her and saved her when nobody cared, not even Sam cared about what she was going through. Putting her current assignments for the week on hold, Leah decided to come home for the weekend to visit her brother and make sure everything was okay. However she hadn't anticipated walking in on what she currently saw.

"Seth what are you doing down here? Is mom having another time of the month and demanded the house needs spring cleaning from top to bottom again?" Leah snickered playfully trying to lighten up the mood, but when she saw that the half smile Seth wore didn't even reach his eyes she knew that something was terribly wrong.

"Yeah, you know mom." Seth lied as he began putting things back into the box. Leah watched him intently and placed a hand on his arm to stop him, making him look at his sister.

"You know….Seth…if there's something wrong, you can tell me. Not that you can hide anything from me anyway, you never could..I'm your sister after all." Leah reminded. Seth smiled warmly at her with assurance.

"Nothing's wrong sis. I'm just putting some old stuff away, that's all." Seth replied distractedly as he busied himself with putting things back into boxes again. Leah looked down at what was behind Seth and noticed the jersey she knew Jacob had given Seth long ago. She knew how important it was to both of them and she searched Seth's face for any hint as to what he could be thinking or feeling.

"Seth, you can lie to the pack, you can even lie to mom, but you can't lie to me. Talk to me…please." Leah pleaded.

"Leah…um….I….I really don't want to burden you with it…I…..it's just…I know you're going through a lot with the whole…wedding coming up and…" Seth began but Leah interrupted him. She laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and smiled, shaking her head to toss aside any doubt her younger brother may have had.

"Seth, look at me. You're the only one I have left that really understands me. You've been here for me like no one else and….the least I can do, is hear you out. So just talk to me, please." Leah asked once more. Seth smiled back at his sister, his eyes moistening as he thought of all they had been through together and what he had recently gone though with Jacob and the pack. Seth clutched the jersey tightly, holding it to his chest.

"It's just….you know how it…..feels when, the person you love the most could never love you back?" Seth said as more of a question to himself than to Leah as he looked down at his hands holding the jersey.

"All too well….why? Did something happen? Is there…someone?" Leah asked, already knowing the answer, however she knew Seth didn't know that she knew more than she was letting on but she decided to let him talk first. Seth sniffled quietly as he sighed heavily trying to collect his thoughts.

"God, I've…I've been trying to stay strong…that's why I've always looked up to you Leah. You're always so strong….I've always envied your strength but…. I just don't know. Maybe I'm just too weak to handle all that has been happening." Seth answered.

"Seth what are you talking about? What happened? Please. " Leah pleaded, fearing the worse as she trembled in rage at the prospect of someone hurting her brother.

"I just…I just wish you could understand. I…I wish they all could understand."

"Look, we can play ring around the rosy all around the mulberry bush all day long, but until you just spit it out, I won't be able to help you. So just tell me. Just be straight with me." Said with a soft laugh, trying to drag out whatever dark secret Seth was trying to keep from her. Seth turned to look up at his sister, his large innocent eyes wet with tears that began to spill out and Leah almost gasped in horror at seeing the heartache in his eyes.

"That's the thing Leah…I…I can't be straight. That's why everyone hates me. Leah...I'm…I'm not like everybody else….I…I'm not like the other guys at school, or the guys in the pack…I…..I don't dream about…girls like they do…..I know I never told you this but…I'm gay. I hope…that you don't hate me now too." Seth explained as he turned away in shame. Leah sat staring at her brother for a minute in relief, happy that the day had finally come where he could talk to her about this. She had always known Seth was gay but didn't want to intrude or pry like a nosey sister and therefore waited for Seth to say something first. But when she realized her silence and internal thinking might have been taken as rejection, she quickly pulled her brother in for a hug. Seth was a little shocked as he felt her chest on which his head was laid, rumble with the laughter of relief and reassurance.

"Oh Seth, of course you're gay. I've always known that silly. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, do you understand me." Leah spoke lovingly. Seth looked up to her with wide curious eyes.

"Really? But…but how..I mean…when….did you know?" Seth asked, wondering how Leah ever knew. Seth always knew he wasn't the most masculine type of guy…some might even call him soft..But he never knew he was that obvious.

"Oh please Seth, I grew up with you. I practically helped raise you. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. I've known you were gay since we were kids. " Leah answered.

"How come you never said anything?" Seth asked again. Leah pulled Seth down to the floor with her so they could sit as she tried to explain her side of the story. They sat together, leaning up against the wall as she took his hand in hers.

"Well, I wanted to. But I didn't want to sound as if I was accusing you of being gay. I was just wondering why you didn't trust me enough to come to me and talk to me about it. But I'm not ignorant, I understand how hard it must be to feel like you can't be honest with people for fear that they would hate you.….so I know…it would be hard for you to come out to people, especially here in this small town. Even though I knew….I was just waiting till you felt comfortable enough in who you are to say something first." Leah explained. "But Seth…you have to know, there's nothing wrong with that. It's natural…you can't help who you are, and you shouldn't try. It's kind of like your shape-shifting gene. It's part of who you are. It's not all of you, but it is still part of you."

Seth smiled through his tears at the new revelation that his sister supported him. He hugged her again and she held him tightly and it was at times like this that Seth wished that Leah was his mother instead of Sue.

"I…I guess I'm just…a bit in shock. I mean…..I know there's nothing wrong with me. I didn't ask for this but….other people don't see it that way. How come….you're so…accepting?" Seth inquired.

"Oh come on Seth, give me some credit. I'm not as stupid as a lot of these conservatives out here who look down their nose at people. I know you can't help it. At least you have the balls enough to admit the truth. Besides, I'm your sister. I love you no matter what. And don't listen to what other people say, okay. You know who you are, and that's all that matters. You should be proud of who you are, no matter what everyone else has to say." Leah said as she patted him on the back in a comforting manner. Seth sighed as he took in her words but when reality sunk in, he knew he was still no better off than he was at the beginning of the day.

"It's not that easy Leah…to just ignore others you know….I….." Seth started but couldn't finish his sentence as he thought of Jacob. Leah watched Seth and knew there was something more that he hadn't revealed.

"Seth…what's wrong?" Leah asked. "Seth did someone hurt you!?"

"No…well….I don't know…" Seth said unsure. So much had happened in Leah's absence, he didn't even know where to start. Leah looked down at the jersey Seth was holding and it was if something she already knew had rushed to the forefront of her mind, something from their childhood she had known all along but had never vocalized…until now.

"This…Seth, this is about Jake…isn't it?" Leah said bitterly in more of statement than a question, because she knew beyond reason that whatever had happened, she knew Jacob was responsible for Seth's current sadness and pain and she was not going to stand for it. Seth looked to his sister and meekly nodded his head as another tear slipped down his cheek.

"Look…just start from the beginning." Leah instructed, and so Seth did. He began with the day that Jake had held the small get together at his house, and related that to how many times Jacob had stood up against the pack and others just for him. He explained how all their lives they had been close but Seth had kept the secret from Jacob, that he was in love with him and had been since they were young. Seth recounted the horrible day he had made the mistake of confessing to Jacob and how Jacob had lashed out at him violently and rejected him followed by his public humiliation and exile from the pack and his last effort to apologize to Jacob only to have it thrown back in his face when he went to visit Jacob at his house. Seth tried his best to hold in his tears as he explained his story, but the more he recounted the events the heavier the lump in his throat grew until he just sobbed uncontrollably. Leah pulled Seth into her arms as he finished his story, running her hand through his hair lovingly and holding him protectively as she tried to give her strength to him. The story made her want to cry and she hated herself for being away for so long and too caught up in her own life away from La Push to notice that the same torment she had once endured was now being forced on Seth.

"Jacob, that bastard…how could he do that to you?" Leah cursed as she held Seth. "Seth…I...I'm so sorry this happened to you..And I'm so sorry…I wasn't there to protect you." Leah apologized.

"It's not your fault Leah..…it's fine…it's okay. I guess I deserve this." Seth cried.

"No! No you don't deserve this Seth! Do you understand me! And this is not okay! Damn it! How could the pack do this to you…how could the Elders think this is okay? How could Jacob…do this?!" Leah shouted with fury, almost scaring Seth.

"Please Leah…just forget it." Seth said with defeat.

"No! I'm going to put a stop to this. Don't worry Seth, I'm going to handle this!" Lea said with finality.

"Leah no! Please! Don't! It'll just make things worse. I'm the one they hate…I don't want you to get involved." Seth pleaded.

"Seth! I love you, I'm your sister…I'm already involved. When they hurt you, they crossed me. I'm not leaving you to face this alone. I'm your sister, it's my job to be there for you…I just…I'm sorry Seth. I've been so caught up in my own pain; I didn't stop to realize you were hurting so much too." Leah apologized.

"Please Leah, it's not your fault at all. It's mine…."Seth assured his sister but Leah shook her head in disagreement.

"No, this is not your fault. It's Jacob's. Had he not told the pack and the elders then the whole tribe wouldn't know…hell, if he had at least handled this better and found a better way to say he just wanted to be friends then this never would have happened. He could have at least respected you enough to keep it in between the two of you." Leah said with finality.

"It doesn't matter now….everything's over now." Seth said looking down at the jersey he still held tightly in his hands.

"No it's not Seth. Look Seth…..you've been here for me, now I'm going to be here for you." Leah said as she pulled her brother into a tight hug vowing not to leave his side again.

"Thank you Leah…thanks for being here…for being my sister." Seth said. "They'll be glad to hear this." Seth thought he had said that to himself but he realized all too lat what he had said out loud when Leah pulled Seth up and looked at him curiously.

"They? …Seth…who else is gay?" Leah asked with a smile. But Seth merely laughed out loud as he pulled her back in for a hug.

"Oh Leah, you have no idea." Seth said. He figured eventually he would tell her about Embry and Collin and just maybe she would want to join their pack too. But for now, he just wanted to enjoy spending time with his sister.


Leah ran through the unending stretch of trees across the short distance from the Clearwater residence to the other side of the reservation where Sam and Emily's cabin was. As she came to the clearing and the small but cozy home came into her line vision, she halted, somewhat apprehensive but still her bubbling rage was there. But this time she stopped to laugh at herself bitterly at the ironic twist of fate and the situation. The last time she remembered storming here in the early hours of the morning, it was out of heartbreak, confusion and rage, but…it was all for her…for her feelings, for what she had been put through. But now, that rage stemmed from one thing only. Seth. Her only brother…her only friend left in this world.

Leah could honestly admit that she had finally come to a place in life where she had let go of the pain of Sam's betrayal, of his lies, of his abandonment. Leah had even finally accepted that she would never be fully accepted and supported by her fellow pack mates or the shallow and simple minded people of the tribe, she had accepted that Sue would never be the true mother she needed her to be, instead of a selfish woman who favored Emily over her own daughter. All this, Leah could accept and get over because she had come to a place in her life where she simply no longer cared. She knew in the end, no matter what happened that she would be okay and that she had someone above looking out for her, her father and someone still here on this earth who loved her more than anything, her brother. But to learn the truth of what was transpiring in her absence to the only person she had left enraged her, taking her back to that place she had so long forced herself to forget. However Leah didn't know if she should curse herself for being so selfish in her desire to find her own destiny outside of La Push, which inadvertently caused her to neglect Seth. But as she looked at the cabin with chipped paint, a cabin she herself had once dreamt of spending the rest of her days in with the man she once loved more than all others she knew that she could never forget how the pain felt…how it continued to feel every day and that's why she did what she had to…to save herself. She couldn't fault herself for that. But just beyond that door was someone she could blame and as she marched up the dirt path driveway, she vowed to never let Seth fall to the dark place she had once been to all because of love.

"Sam! Open the door now!" Leah shouted as she banged on the heavy oak door, her inner wolf straining to awaken and tear the door from its hinges and force her way in. She waited impatiently as her wolf hearing picked up on Emily's frightened gasp, Sam's cursing and rustling of clothes as he raced towards the front door. As the door opened quickly to reveal a not too happy Sam with sleep and impatience evident in his eyes and the stress of his pack duties showing in the stress lines of his forehead, Leah amused herself by the thought that Sam still looked quite handsome, and her heart fluttered still for the one person she thought she loved…the person she still loved no matter how much it killed her. She hardened her heart and her resolve as she looked at Sam with just as much sternness as he was showing her.

"Leah what the hell, what is it? It's five in the morning." Sam began as he looked at Leah with confusion and tiredness, not understanding why the lone female shifter was at his door step.

"Get outside now Uley, we need to talk." Leah spat as she nodded her head towards the porch steps and walked away, expecting him to follow. Sam sighed heavily as he stepped outside the house in a mere pair of cut off jeans and followed Leah down the porch steps and to the path that led up the drive way. But before Sam could anticipate Leah's motive s or reasons for being here, she swiftly turned around and shoved him hard in the chest with just enough strength to knock the wind out of him.

"Leah! What the hell? What is the meaning of…?"

"You sick son of a bitch! How dare you! How fucking dare you!" Leah snapped.

"What?!" Sam asked again with anger this time evident in his voice. "Is this still about me and Emily again?!" Leah just rolled her eyes in annoyance. She figured Sam would jump to that conclusion.

"Oh get over yourself Uley. You know very well why I'm here. How could you?! How could you do that to him?!" Leah shouted.

"Him? Who…..what are you talking about?!" Sam asked again trying to calm Leah down as he fought the urge to take in how much more beautiful Leah looked since the last time her had seen her.

"Seth, damn it!" she spat, turning away from Sam. An eternal silence seemed to fall between them as tears fell from Leah's eyes out of hurt and frustration and the realization of what had transpired with the pack and Seth dawned upon Sam as he remembered what they did. Sam's jaw stiffened at the memory. Personally, Sam didn't know what to think o Seth. He felt conflicted because he couldn't agree with what he felt was Seth's choice. He couldn't understand d why Seth would choose to be that way and go against their very own culture and heritage but at the same time it killed him to abandon Seth and treat him the way that they had. He didn't like one bit how far things had went that night. He didn't want things to get to that level but things just got out of hand and before he knew it…he had fed Seth to the wolves…literally.

"Lee…." Sam began in a soft and gentle voice but he was met with another hard shove to the chest.

"God damn you Sam, don't Lee Lee me! Not now! Whether you like it or not, this isn't about us. I gave up on us a long time ago! But this is about Seth! How could you do that to him? How could you let them treat Seth this way?! Huh?! I don't care about what stones are thrown between us, but Seth is all I have and you know that. When I'm not there I trust you to look out for him, to protect him…" Leah shouted in angry tears.

"Leah!Don't you think I know this already!? I tried...I do protect him….but what do you want me to do about this?! Seth made his choice; I can't defend him when he doesn't deserve protection." Sam said with anger and hurt evident in his voice but all too late realized the mistake he had made at the poor excuse he had given.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Leah replied with arrogance as she stepped back, a cold look in her eyes at his words.

"Look…I'm sorry….I didn't mean it that way….it's just….this whole thing is Seth's fault in some way. He chose this and he's the one that came onto Jacob. You see, this whole thing has gotten everyone fired up and confused. And this is why that kind of thing is frowned upon in our culture…this is why it never leads to anything good…why it could break up the pack…the tribe." Sam tried to explain but Leah merely scoffed at him in disbelief.

"First of all, Jacob is a liar. Furthermore; you're stupid and you care nothing about Seth because you know damn well he would never do something like that. Even if he did confess to Jacob…..he would never force himself or his feelings on anyone. Unlike you guys, Seth actually cares about other people and their feelings. He puts people before himself. He always has….but I guess you were too busy following the pack and the Elders and what they wanted you to do rather than think for yourself!" Leah countered. Something inside Sam felt offended though at the thought of not only Leah questioning Sam's love for Seth but his leadership role as the beta within the pack now that Jacob was alpha. It was a sore and sensitive spot that was jabbed at one too many times by the sleeping scarred woman in the house.

"You're fucking pushing it Leah! I care about Seth, I do! But what could I have done? Jacob is the alpha and I'm a beta now. I can't put one wolf's feelings before the entire pack. I have to put the welfare of the entire pack first and if they don't want any part of Seth, who am I to disagree with them. What he is….it's just…not right. How are we to function as a pack when Seth is causing trouble like this? His behavior is completely out of line." Sam said sternly.

"So are you telling me you agree with those jerks?!" Leah asked.

"Look…..I just don't know, okay. God damn it! I'm not sure what I think about the whole situation…I mean….maybe it would be different if he was just a normal kid. You know I've always cared about Seth…I love him like a little brother, I always will…but he's a wolf. As a wolf it is his obligation to….I mean if he's a homosexual there's no way he could pass on the wolf gene and continue our line." Sam tried to rationalize.

"Seriously?! Are you fucking kidding me!? Is that all you care about?! Making babies and passing on your precious wolf gene?!" Leah snapped loudly.

"Keep your voice down Leah damn it! Stop yelling for one second! You'll wake Emily." Sam reprimanded, looking cautiously back down the road to his cabin. Leah looked at him with disgust in her eyes and Sam had to admit he didn't like the change. Even when he broke her heart she still looked at him with the same amount of love as always but she had grown and changed so much since then. She was moving further and further away from the pack, the tribe and from him to find her own identity and life and Sam didn't like that one bit because he knew one day he would lose her for good.

"God forbid I do that, it would be the end of your fucking world." Leah spat. "You know what Sam; just go back inside the house. Emily will be worried. But know this…..this was the final straw Sam. I can't do this anymore. With the wedding come up and…I…you hurt me before, but hurting Seth...hurting the only one I have left is crossing the line. I will protect him the best way I know how. I don't maybe…maybe I'll take him with me…away from this shit hole you guys call a life…" Leah ranted.

"You can't fucking do that! You guys are a part of the pack…a part of our tribe! God damn it Leah, stop being so fucking selfish! You two belong here! You can't just leave!" Sam yelled, but it was more out of desperation and fear than by the sternness and authority he usually yelled in. The thought of Leah leaving...and taking Seth with her…Sam just couldn't fathom…couldn't accept the idea.

"I don't owe you or this fucking pack anything! I don't owe the tribe anything! And as of two nights ago, Seth is no longer a part of a pack since Jake and the rest of you ass wipes beat him like some fucking dog and threw him out! Just know this Sam…I won't let you or Jake do to Seth what you did to me. I won't let him become like me! I won't!" With that, Leah turned away from Sam as tears rolled down her eyes. Sam stood there in silence watching her go, but he didn't know what to say…he was too choked up and too shocked by the realization of her threats. What is he did leave? What is he never saw her or Seth for that matter again? And what did she mean by she was done with him? What did she mean when she said she had given up on him?


Seth kept his head down as he checked out his purchases at the cash register. The cashier, an older heavy set woman with long nails and an overpowering perfume kept giving him a scrutinizing glare as she rung out his items. Seth tried to keep his eyes downcast at his shoes. He knew she knew. Everyone knew by now. That was the drawback of living in a small town on the reservation, gossip traveled fast; especially in a tight knight community such as La Push where one's personal business became everyone's business. Seth hadn't been able to walk down the street to the grocery store without passing by a group of young people who pointed and taunted him, snickering before calling him the rez fag or walking by older adults who looked at him with shame and disdain. The pack's gossip about Seth's coming out had probably reached all the way to Fork and maybe he even Port Angeles. Since that day, Seth had tried to keep a low profile and stay indoors. There was not much need to go outdoors anyway with his recent banishment from the pack, but the need to get outdoors and feel the wind against his skin

As Seth made his way to the door with his little bag of food, he collided into someone big that felt to Seth like the equivalent of hitting a brick wall of warm muscle. Seth fell back, his food spilling onto the ground as he looked up in dismay. His heart broke at the sight of the one he had bumped into, Jacob; the very man whom he loved more than life itself and the very man who had broken his heart endless times. Seth knew, today would be no different as he feebly stood up, his head already spinning a mile a minute as he took in the sight of the gorgeous and beautiful man before him.

"Dude, watch where the fuck you're…" Jacob began rudely but stopped short when he looked down to see who had collided with him. A lump formed instantly in Jacob's throat at the sight of Seth. Jacob sighed heavily in frustration. It was as if fate hated him. A part of him loved the fact that he could see Seth. He hadn't seen the younger man in almost a week since that horrible day he had hurt Seth when the younger man came to his house. But a part of him hated having to face his true feelings for the boy. Jacob fidgeted nervously as he looked to his left nervously, as if he was caught red handed. Seth followed his gaze and the younger man's heart broke in a million pieces all over again at the sight of the beautiful raven haired girl that clung onto Jacob's arm. She was scantily dressed in a pair of denim leggings and a too tight blouse that accentuated her curvy figure. Over her shoulders was draped one of Jacob's many leather jackets since it had gotten mysteriously chilly the past few days and Seth instantly knew without question that Jacob must be having sex with her. He didn't know what was going on between Jacob and Bella, but if there was trouble between the two he knew Jacob would be using any girl he could get to take his sexual frustrations out on and find release. The fact alone broke Seth's heart knowing that while his heart bled for Jacob who would never love him back, Jacob was making love to someone else every night. Seth's eyes met Jacob's and he looked away nervously.

"I'm sorry..I…I didn't mean to…I didn't see um…" Seth mumbled as he reached down to gather his spilled food into the bag he held.

"Seth…." Jacob merely whispered anxiously as he looked down at Seth. However, the girl standing beside Jacob merely looked between the two watching the entire exchange and her eyes lit up in realization as she stared at Seth longer.

"Oh….um…Seth…as in Seth Clearwater? Wow…I haven't seen you around since …what eighth grade?" the girl said with a smile. Jacob turned to look at her in annoyance and he rolled his eyes. Seth merely smiled with surprise and nervousness at the irony of the situation. He merely smiled back as he looked at her and he remembered her face as he gazed at her.

"A…Amanda? Is that you?" Seth asked warmly, trying his best not to look in Jacob's direction and anger the man any further. He remembered her from middle school. She sat with her friends just in front of Seth. He remembered Amada always hung with the popular crowd but she herself was actually very sweet and would talk to Seth on occasion. He hadn't seen her since he began high school but heard that she moved away. Still, it stung his heart a lot knowing that she was sleeping with Jacob now but Seth figured that it was just as well, from what he remembered, she always had a crush on Jacob. But Seth secretly wondered where exactly did Jacob pick her up?

"Yeah it's me. All grown up. My folks and I moved back to the rez after my mother got laid off in New York. So how have you been?" Amanda asked, answering Seth's question as to why she wasn't treating him with the same disdain everyone else was showing towards him. Apparently she had just moved back recently so she knew next to nothing of the rumors about him going on. But nearby, Jacob was growing restless and annoyed watching the short exchange between the two and he sighed heavily drawing attention to himself as he rubbed a hand over his face tiredly.

"Look Amanda, can you go wait in the store for me. I'll be in a minute." Jacob said in a stern voice that was more demanding than asking. Amanda turned to look at Jacob with confusion.

"But Jake, I thought you said we were in a hurry to…" Amanda began but Jacob's temper exploded, knowing full well what she was about to say as he cut her off mid sentence. If he didn't have more control, he could have sworn that he would back hand her across the face.

"Bitch, I said go in the fucking store and wait for me, are you deaf or something!?" Jacob shouted. Amanda and Seth both looked shocked but not wanting to piss him off anymore than he was Amanda recovered quickly and just scoffed.

"Whatever. Fine." She replied before turning to Seth. "Maybe I'll see you around some time Seth. We should catch up soon." Amanda said quickly as she turned to walk in through the entrance to the store. Before Seth could react, Jacob had grabbed him gruffly by the arm and dragged him completely outside toward the parking lot where not many people were.

Now that they were alone, Seth felt the tension ease back into the atmosphere and he kept his eyes down as to avoid meeting Jacob's piercing glare, trying his best to ignore the heated place on his arm that Jacob was touching. As Seth attempted to leave, Jacob's large strong hand roughly gripped tighter around him preventing him from leaving.

"Where the fuck are you going!? You don't get to leave until I let you go!" Jacob spat with venom. Jacob however cringed inwardly at what he had just done as he saw the hurt cross Seth's face yet again. Jacob was just scared. He didn't want Seth to leave. He wanted to see Seth…to have more time to look at him…to be with him…but after everything that he had done, after everything that had happened the last time…there was nothing he could say to keep Seth around, he knew that. So all he thought he could do was push his anger to the surface as an excuse to keep Seth there with him…even for just a couple of minutes.

"I said I was sorry… …." Seth said meekly as he tried to squirm out of Jacob's hold. Jacob scoffed at Seth's response and mocked him though as he pulled the boy closer to his body. They were so close Seth could smell the sweat of Jacob mixing with his Armani cologne and he had to admit it smelt divine on him but he knew that Jacob was wearing it for the girl he had so casually picked up to have sex with.

"Oh, so you think just because you say sorry for something that makes everything okay? Huh?" Jacob said, his voice raising higher. Seth looked around the outside of the store seeing if anyone was watching them but it was just his luck that of all the times for people to stare and point, the parking lot was completely dead and no one was around except for the few who walked out of the store and to their cars.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you, damn it!" Jacob shouted, shaking Seth against him as he saw Seth's eyes drift away. Jacob didn't want to hurt Seth anymore, but he didn't know what else to do and he was growing impatient at the idea that Seth was not paying any attention to him. He wanted the boy's eyes on him at all times like they always used to be. Seth finally turned to look at Jacob, his heart aching to be loved and held gently by the man before him as his eyes watered.

"Jake, what more do you want?! I'm out of the pack…and I'm trying my best to stay out of your life and out of your way…." Seth said as his lip trembled, he was trying so hard to stay strong but no matter what he did to ground himself, Jacob always was there with those angry eyes to tear him back down. Seeing Seth's tears was too much for Jacob to handle and he stepped back, letting go of Seth and putting some distance in between them. But it killed Jacob because all he wanted was to force himself on the younger man, take him in his arms and kiss him. Instead, he used angry words to mask how he really felt.

"My God, will you just stop fucking crying all the time? You're such a fag!" Jacob spat bitterly and Seth just cringed at the derogatory comment.

"You're right…you're absolutely right Jake." Seth agreed bitterly as tears spilled from his eyes. Seth wiped his cheeks before turning to walk away. This was all too much like the last time Seth ran away, when Jacob had hurt him. But Jacob couldn't stop hurting him…he didn't know why…he didn't know how to stop. He wanted to give into his feelings, but he was so scared. Scared of what other people would think of him...scared of what others would say...scared of being rejected and cast out…

"The same way you rejected and cast Seth out….."

A voice said, Jacob almost did a double take. He thought it must be his own thoughts, his guilt eating away at him.

"Seth wait! Things didn't have to be….." Jacob began but he gave into his fears as he shouted in anger and frustration. "Damn you Seth, things didn't have to be this way. This is your fucking fault! You ruined us! You ruined everything! I cared for you, you were my best friend….but you ruined this, not me! So don't try to make me feel like the guilty one, all of this is your own doing. Besides, why the fuck would you want to be a fag! It's so…it's just sick okay! It's fucking disgusting..I can't even fucking look at you, wondering how long you've been looking at me like that! I can't….I can't even…." Jacob tried to finish the sentence but he couldn't. The lump in his throat felt heavier and heavier. It was like a weight inside him was drowning him, crushing him beneath its force and all too soon that dam broke loose as Jacob melted into angry sobs, his tears spilled forward as he shouted expletives over and over again at his own weakness. Seeing his tears and his outburst was both shocking and heartbreaking to Seth because it just confirmed what Seth already knew. This was his fault entirely. Seeing Jacob so broken, so sad and upset and defeated made him weep. Jacob had always been strong, masculine, undefeatable…even when they were kids he hated crying in front of others but now….Seth knew Jacob was a good man, a good person, a strong and reliable leader, a hero to their people who just wanted to do the right thing and Seth could see now just how selfish it was of him to put Jacob in this horrible situation.

"Jake…I never once blamed you! You're right! You're right about everything. But I'm just so sorry for everything. I truly am…..I'm sorry for confessing to you, I'm sorry for ruining your life….and I'm sorry for loving you…" Seth cried as he covered his mouth as if he couldn't bear to utter them. And hearing those words made Jacob choke on his own tears as he lashed out in fear of what Seth meant.

"No! You…you don't fucking mean that! You love me! I know you do!" Jacob cried angrily as his tears continued to fall.

"Of course I love you...and I probably always will...but that doesn't change the fact that you hate me and there's nothing I can do to show how sorry I am! That won't change the disgust in your eyes every time you look at me! My love for you won't stop my mother from hating me and saying what a disappointment I am, it won't stop the pack from taunting me and casting me out, it won't stop the Elders from shunning me, it won't stop the tribe from knowing just what I am and looking at me like I'm some shameful disease when I just walk down the street….none of that will change because you and everyone else are right, this love I have for you… …maybe it's wrong, I'm wrong…I'm a sinner…a freak…but I don't know how to stop feeling this way." Seth sobbed. Jacob felt as if he was bleeding inside as he watched Seth try his best to remain calm and strong despite the break down they were both going through. But Jacob didn't know what hurt worse, trying to admit to his feelings and letting go of the hatred and anger…or the fact that he now realized just how much Seth felt that he and everyone else hated him. Jacob knew he had pushed Seth away with what they did and how he had been treating the younger man, but he couldn't take the fact that Seth truly believed that everyone hated him so much.

"Seth…please…..just…..I have to….damn it Seth…." Jacob continued to cry. Seth knew it was a risk. He knew he shouldn't push his luck. But they were both broken and in pain. Seth thought, if he could just reach Jacob..If he could touch him, hold him..let him cry it out…let him know that he was there for him, just maybe he could find his way back into his heart. Seth slowly, and gently reached for Jacob to hug him but…he was violently pushed away.

"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU FUCKIGN FAGGOT! JUST GO AWAY!" Jacob spat venomously, through his painful tears. Seth began to tear up again as he smiled sadly at Jacob….the one he knew he had lost for good this time. And maybe this time would be the last. Maybe…it was time for Seth to leave and…move on.

"I'm sorry Jake." Seth said as he turned to leave and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Jacob watched horrified as the previous day's encounter replayed itself.

"SETH! SETH COME BACK HERE!" Jacob cried as he shouted across the parking lot but Seth had disappeared. Jacob cursed and shouted and he was grateful no one was around to see him lashing out like a mad man but he knew that something would fall soon. He was reaching a breaking point…he knew they both were. He just didn't know how to let go of his fear and confusion. He didn't know how to accept himself for what he was…he didn't know how to accept his love for Seth. What would the world say if he came out? What would his pack, his family, his tribe say? But…If he wasn't happy…if he was miserable…did any of that matter? Jacob couldn't take one more night without seeing Seth…without seeing the old Seth who used to smile and laugh…he couldn't take another night not holding his friend…he couldn't take not being near him…not loving him. And more than anything, Jacob couldn't take another moment of hurting the one he knew he loved the most.