Kyle pov
...And I was running, running and running. I was running away from the hot women, I could hear them calling my name but I didn't stop. I was running towards the orb of light that was floating above the ocean. They were catching up with me now but I didn't give up. All of a sudden the mermaid appeared in front of me again; she had long silky hair, the colour of the midnight sky and bright blue glistening eyes that matched the ocean. She was saying something, over and over and it made me forget about all the other women I could have, chasing me. She was saying my name, her beautiful pink lips were whispering my name, but then, the words got sharper, louder, clearer. Until she was shouting...
"Kyle... Kyle... Kyle, wake up now!" I heard the voice yell and I slowly opened my eyes. The mermaid was still there, standing over me.
"...Mermaid?" I muttered.
"What? No I'm Wendy you freak, how hung over are you?" She snapped and I sat upright. I suddenly realised I was soaking wet.
"Wha... Why?" I looked down at my wet clothes.
"You had a little accident Kyle." Wendy sympathised.
"...What? Really?" I replied.
"No, don't worry!" She laughed. " I just poured water on you to wake you up!" That was when I was hit with another blast of ice-cold water. "Bebe, what are you doing? You can see he's awake."
"Yeah I know, but it's really fun!" She exclaimed.
"Not for me!" I stood up. "What am I supposed to do now? Walk downstairs naked?"
"...That's what you normally do Kyle." Wendy sighed.
"Well yeah but what if a woman sees me?" I asked.
"That's what they normally see Kyle." Wendy droned. "But if you are that bothered, you can either wait here until they dry or borrow some of Stan's clothes." She was carrying around a garbage bag and throwing burst balloons and old food into it. "You were the last to wake up. Which is probably a good call seeing as you were buried underneath a pile of women." She picked up a sock. "Including the stripper, who I was not expecting to visit last night by the way."
"Sorry..." I bit my lip. "Um... Were you wearing a mermaid costume at all last night?"
"...No." Wendy sighed. "And I know I'll regret asking this but why?"
"Oh... I just had a weird dream." I replied.
"...That I was a mermaid." Wendy raised her eyebrows.
"Uh... Nevermind." I mumbled as Stan walked into the room.
"Hi Kyle, did you have a good party?" Stan laughed as he entered.
"Well... I wish I could answer that but... I don't remember a thing!" I replied and the computer immediately started beeping.
"It's your mother." Wendy sighed. "Kyle, why don't you get them to call your own computer?"
"Why do they have to call now? Parents call at the most inconvenient times." I cried as I answered the skype call.
"And I'm pretty sure the majority of the population will agree with you there!" Stan smiled. It was true, parents always had a habit of calling when you really didn't want them to. Maybe they had some sort of genetic access to your brain and decide to be annoying.
"Hey mom, hey dad." I sighed as their picture appeared on the screen.
"Hello buble, we were just calling to say happy birthday." Mom chorused.
"My birthday was yesterday." I replied, bluntly.
"Well... yes but we thought it might be inconvenient then." She smiled.
"...Oh really?" I mused.
"So anyway, Ike is back from college for a few days so I thought we'd call so you could see him." Dad nodded.
"Oh good." I said. One of the reasons why I moved one thousand seven hundred miles away from home was because of my smartass brother. He had already been offered a scholarship at 'Yale University' in Connecticut when he was a freshman and by that time I had been completely fazed out of our family. Dad had moved back in so there were no gaps for me to fill. Now he goes to college in Oklahoma so my parents are pretty much alone.
"Hello Kyle." Ike greeted as he appeared on the screen. "You don't look good."
"Yeah nice to see you too." I replied. Ike studied me for a second and then his eyes widened.
"Kyle had sex mother." He exclaimed.
"What? No I didn't." I argued.
"Wow!" Stan spat orange juice down his shirt. "Careful you don't knock over that vase when your nose grows, Kyle!"
"I did not have sex." I glared at Stan.
"Kyle... You know the Jewish laws about intimacy don't you?" Mom scolded.
"Yes." I replied, I didn't really follow Judaism now as closely as I did when I was a kid. I was still Jewish but I didn't obey all the rules. "Look mum now really isn't a great time."
"Well what is? We never see you anymore Kyle, you change so much every time we see you. I mean, what's happened to your hair?" Mom questioned.
"Nothings happened to my hair, it's the same as it always is." I replied. "Quick get the Wig, get the wig!" I whispered to Stan.
"And where's your ushanka?" She continued.
"Erm... It's on the floor." I lied.
"Why's it on the floor?" Mom persisted.
"Ok, I really need to go now, bye." I yelled and ended the call. "Seriously."
"Seriously? Seriously, you need to get skype installed on your computer." Wendy sighed.
"But... No." I stammered.
"Why Kyle?" Stan questioned.
"Because if they call on my computer, they'll see my apartment." I whined.
"...And?" Wendy snapped.
"...I told them that this was my apartment." I indicated around the room.
"What why?" Wendy shrieked.
"Well, it's so nice and clean... compared to mine." I exclaimed.
"I work to make it look like this, why don't you try getting the vacuum out once in a while?" She argued.
"I don't have one." I mumbled.
"What? You don't own a vacuum cleaner, isn't that like... against the law or something?" She cried.
"...Man, you get crabby when you're hung-over!" I replied and walked towards the door.
"I'm not hung-over, I only had one drink." She exclaimed.
"...Well then I feel sorry for Stan." I nodded and shut the door behind me. My clothes weren't as wet now so I ran down the stairs and opened my apartment door. Kenny was lying on the couch and Red was sitting in the arm chair reading a magazine.
"Oh hey, you're up." Red looked up and smiled.
"Yeah, after having the pacific ocean poured onto my head." I replied, she giggled and then the ceiling began to shudder.
"Wow, what's that?" Red looked up.
"Oh... That's probably Wendy." I sighed. "We had a fight so she's probably getting back at me by slamming the broom on the floor." Wendy and Stan's apartment was directly above ours, which was not very useful for when me and Kenny held late night parties as soon as Hope had been put to bed. Sometimes, Wendy would come downstairs and just take the stereo player away. One time, we tried to get it back by throwing water balloons at her door but Kenny ended up with a black eye so we stopped. "What's up with Kenny?" I asked.
"Oh, he fainted. So I brought him back here to rest." She smiled.
"See, why can't I have that?" I sighed and sat down on the end of the couch.
"What do you mean?" She frowned and closed her magazine.
"Well... Ok, sometimes I just wish I had... what all of you guys have." I explained.
"...A gym card?" Red pondered.
"...No." I replied. "And I work out."
"Sure." She smiled.
"Anyway, I just wish I could have... a serious relationship with someone. You know, like what Wendy and Stan have and what you have with Kenny." I announced.
"Oh, Kyle." She came over and sat next to me. "You'll find someone, I thought you loved your life. You said you didn't have to worry about anything."
"I thought I loved my life too, but now... It turns out I have more worries than I thought." I sighed and she put her arm around me. "I mean, this isn't what I want. Most people think it's a dream to just live on one night stands but, when I see all of you together it reminds me that I've never been in love and if I carry on this way... It might be like that forever."
"No it won't." Red whispered. "Look at me." She turned and looked me straight in my eyes. "There are plenty of people out there who would kill to be with you... And not in the way you do it now! But, you're sweet and smart and funny and trust me, any woman who wouldn't want to be with you would be crazy. You just have to wait and she'll come to you... I promise." She smiled at me.
"...Well I am funny." I pointed out and she giggled. "Thank you." I whispered.
She smiled and then hugged me. "Anytime..."
Hope you enjoyed it; I have had a few days off from school because of the snow so I have had more time to write. Review please! xxx :)
