Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Authors Note: Yay, I'm back!! This is kind of a sad one guys, please forgive me!! I promise this is the last chapter that is this heavy; though this is not the end of the anger/angst/passion/sadness and other emotions that we can all relate to. Have your tissues ready people!!

If this world is wearing thin
And you're thinking of escape
I'll go anywhere with you
Just wrap me up in chains
But if you try to go alone
Don't think I'll understand
Stay with me
Stay with me

Stay – Shakespears Sister

~*~

On the car ride home I still couldn't believe what I had done. The kiss between Bella and I was swimming in my mind making me feel many different emotions at the same time. I felt angry at what I had done, that I had let my guard down and actually let my emotions take over in an idiot way. I also felt almost happy that she had in fact kissed me back, that she had moaned my name out loud, twice.

Every thought and every feeling ran through my head and it was making me feel absolutely exhausted.

As soon as I got home I ran up the stairs and into my room, collapsing onto my bed.

"Mmm, Edward."

God, why couldn't she just leave me alone? Why couldn't she just put up with my shitty attitude towards her or just leave the class entirely? And God, why did she have to make me feel?

I hated it. I didn't want to feel anything for her, for anyone really and I was annoyed that this one girl could come along and make me feel something that I didn't want to. I knew that if I was a normal teenager that she would be perfect for me and that one day I could really love her. But the problem was that I wasn't a normal teenager, in fact I didn't think that there was anything normal about me at all. I had problems that I refused to acknowledge most of the time and I couldn't feel emotions other than neutral about people, and I liked it that way.

But against my better judgment and all the thoughts in my head I knew that for some messed up reason I liked this girl. The she stirred things in me that I thought were completely dead and gone, and that's what pissed me off.

How dare she come along and start chipping away at the walls that I had carefully erected.

But for some bizarre reason, I also felt bad for thinking about her like that. Because the truth was that I did feel for her, and I didn't know if I could help it.

"Mmm, Edward."

All the emotions from the week and the lack of sleep that I had had the past few nights due to my erotic dreams about Bella, and I began to feel my eyes drooping until I closed them completely.

I didn't know how long I had been asleep for but when I woke up the whole room around me was pure white in color and I was lying on the floor instead of my comfy bed.

There was no furniture in the room and it seemed pretty much unoccupied save for me. Everything around me a blinding white in color and it was kind of giving me a headache. It could have been worse I guess; the room could have been filled with Alice's bright wardrobe.

I couldn't understand how I had gotten here; I knew that there was a room like this in the Cullen house as Esme had made sure to decorate them all. There would be no way that she would leave a room this bright completely bear.

Being in this room made me feel like I should be wrapped in a jacket with no arms and the walls should be soft and mushy beneath my fingers. I felt like I should walk up to the nearest person and say, "Hello. Do you like pillows? Cos I do, they won't let me have anything hard." But I was unable to do so as there were no other people around to test my humor on.

Oh God, my fears had been realized. My adoptive parents heard about what happened between me and Bella this afternoon and new that I needed more intensive treatments and they had sent me to a psychiatric hospital, and I would never see her again. I really didn't want to be taken away from her, I may not want to like her but the fact was that I did like her.

A few minutes of hyperventilation and overreaction I realized that I couldn't possibly be in a mental hospital as this room had no doors and no way out -they wouldn't be that dramatic in a mental hospital- and I began to relax slightly.

I was confused as hell as to how I got into this really bright and empty room and what I was here for. You'd think that if this was a dream and not reality that there would at least be a reason for my being here.

"Mmm, Edward."

I found it almost funny that in a room this bright and annoying, that thoughts of library girl Bella would still work their way into my head.

"Okay, I'm getting sick of this. Why the hell am I here?" I asked aloud, hoping that someone somewhere would answer me. That's when I saw it. Within 10 meters of where I was standing there was a person who was facing away from me; a woman to be exact. She had wavy chestnut hair, and from what I could see from the back she looked to be in her early thirties and for some reason she seemed oddly familiar.

I gathered up my courage and walked over to her, tapping her on the shoulder to gain her attention.

"Excuse me miss. Do you have any idea why I am here?" I asked the woman.

Slowly, almost cautiously she turned around until she was facing me completely so I could make out she was. When I caught sight of her face I let out a small gasp. Mommy?

Clearly she had not aged at all since I last saw her; I guess that's what happens when you die young. She was wearing a long flowing blue dress that looked identical to the one she used to wear when I was a child, it was beautiful while being modest in a "hot mum" sort of way. Her eyes were still soft and kind and she was looking at me with love and devotion.

The hand that I had reached out to tap her shoulder with was frozen in mid air, as rigid as the rest of my body. I was shocked and had no idea what I was supposed to say in this situation. When I was younger I used to dream about my mother mostly memories and pictures of her face, but nothing compared to this.

This dream seemed more real than any of the others, mostly because I was all grown up in this one.

"Hello Edward," her kind voice said to me. But I couldn't respond yet as my body was still frozen in shock.

"Look at you, your all grown up; so handsome." She said to me, probably trying to filling the silence with conversation.

I nodded my head at her nervously, at a loss for what to say. I haven't seen the woman in nearly ten years and I can't even muster up the courage to even talk to her.

"I know that you got my letter and money from my old banks safety deposit box. I know that there is quite a lot there and that you still haven't spent any of it honey. I don't know why you don't just spend some of it. I left it there for you to use. Think of it as my parting gift to you if you will." She told me. She probably didn't understand my motives behind me not spending the money she left for me.

"I know that left it for me to spend, I guess I just wanted to keep the last present you gave me so that in a way you are always there to protect me should I get into trouble," I said slightly after clearing my throat.

"Edward, I will always be here to protect you. You don't need to keep all the money in the bank, not touching it, to know that." She said to me kindly while looking deep into my eyes.

"I know that. I just want to keep it until I need it is all."

"That's ok Edward. I'm sure you will use it when you need it."

"So how have you been Edward?" She asked slowly.

"Fine. But I'm sure you know that already since we both know that you are still watching my every move even though you're not really here anymore," I said to her grudgingly, flinching at how harshly I had answered her.

"Yeah I know that you are fine. I guess I just wanted to ask you so that I can listen to your voice more. I really miss you, you know," she said sadly.

"Ok. Let's cut the shit shall we. Why are you here?" I asked, watching her reaction as her face visibly fell at my annoyed tone.

The woman standing in front of me may have been the only person I have loved, but it doesn't change the fact that I hadn't forgotten what she had done. She gave up on me and I guess in many ways she is the reason I don't want to get close to other people, because I didn't want to be hurt again.

"I'm here because you need me Edward. I'm sorry for what I did, it was never my intention to hurt you and wound you this much." She whispered softy, making me feel slightly guilty about the way I was treating her. I hurt me to see her in pain, but it wasn't painful enough to stop. I had been holding on to these emotions for such a long time, I didn't think I would be able to stop even if I wanted to – which I didn't.

"I don't need anything from you, Elizabeth. I don't think you could help me if you tried; you don't exist anymore remember, or have you forgotten already? And I think it's a bit too late to be sorry for hurting me, you left me all alone. How am I supposed to get past that?" I snapped bitterly at her.

"You do need my help Edward; you just don't see it yet. And I am sorry for what I did to you and what you have been through because of me. But I can't change the past and fix my mistakes; all I can do is help you with what I can."

"And what would that be?" I sneered.

"I need to help you feel. You have been repressing your emotions for years and now that an opportunity for freedom and possibly love has come along you are ignoring it because you don't want to make yourself vulnerable by letting another person. But you can't do that to yourself Edward. You could be so happy if only you would just give people the chance and let them in." She said to me, loving shining clearly through the golden color of her eyes.

Her statement softened my anger somewhat. I was still furious with her for what she done to me and that irreparable emotional damage she had caused. But see her speak with so much love and passion made some of my anger dim as I digested what she was really saying; that I should lower some of my walls and let people in.

"But I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to let them see me – the real me. You don't understand. I can't let myself get hurt again and if I let someone in, just to have them use my problems against me if something were to ever go wrong." I told her, pleading with her to understand why I was cutting of my emotions; I was protecting myself from heartache.

"I understand that you do want to get your heart broken, honestly I do. But I have found in the last few years that sometimes love is worth the risk of heartbreak because without suffering there would be no compassion, no love. And you know what they always say, 'they don't write songs about the love stories that come easy' because with love you just have to decide if it's worth fighting for no matter how it ends. And you just have to choose which ones are worth the fight; you shouldn't just close everyone out and not fight at all.

I don't want you to be like I was Edward. I was so bitter and heartbroken after I lost your sister that I couldn't feel anymore and I don't want you to feel that way. It wasn't that I didn't love you; it was that I felt so utterly hopeless and lost that I couldn't think straight. In some messed up way I guess I never thought that I deserved to be your mother. You deserved someone who could actually look after you, and not someone who can't forgive themselves for a mistake they made. I don't want you to feel that way Edward. You need to be strong, live for me… How can you do that when you keep sabotaging yourself and locking everyone else out?"

I was in tears, all my emotions were hitting me full force but the one emotion that stood out above all the others was the love that I had for her, the love that would never fade. I collapsed into her arms hugging her tightly to me, crushing her small body with my large one.

"I promise that I will try mommy. I will do my best to make you proud of me." I whispered into her ear.

She pulled back so that she could stare into my eyes. Running her fingers down my cheek she said, "I am proud of you honey, I always will be."

Tears were flowing freely out of my eyes and she gently wiped them off my cheeks cautiously, before taking a deep breath.

"I have to go now Edward, it's getting late and you should really wake up soon. Maybe you should even talk a walk through the woods; there are some really beautiful things to see in there." She told me.

"No! You can't go. Not now, when I have finally got you back. You can't leave me… Not again!" I told her hysterically.

"Oh Edward, I can't stay. I don't belong here anymore. This is your world now, I can't stay, I'm sorry." She told me gently, while trying to silence my broken cries.

"You adoptive parents are really nice people you know? I couldn't have picked better people to help you. You should talk to them; maybe let them in a little. I love you Edward that will never change. I'm sorry honey." She whispered into my shoulder before vanishing right before my eyes.

I was absolutely heartbroken and woke up with tears still streaming down my cheeks. I didn't want her to leave, but I understood why she had to go. Now all I had to figure out was what I was going to say to Bella at school on Monday…

~*~

In the silence of your room
In the darkness of your dreams
You must only think of me
There can be no in between
When your pride is on the floor
I'll make you beg for more
Stay with me
Stay with me

Authors Note: Ok so there you have it. I know it sounds weird his mother coming to him in his dreams but it was necessary for him to grow. And I know some of you are probably thinking "why is he so angry at his mother?" and the truth is I used to dream a lot about my friend and so many times I got really angry with him, asking him why he left me and why I wasn't enough to keep him here. Its how some people feel after that kind of loss.

So tell me, do you hate me? Love me still? Understand what he is going through?? Tell me if you want a preview of the next chapter…

Love,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf

xx