Anna steeled herself and knocked. A monotone voice answered and Anna opened the door to see Mary sitting by the window. In the corner a blonde-headed boy played with some toys, crashing trucks and cars into one another.

Mary turned to Anna and even from the distance Anna could see a deadness there. It was like all the light left her. Anna swallowed.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

"Why should you be?" Mary shifted, moving her legs to the floor, "You have a life to keep living. The living owe nothing to the dead."

"You're not dead Mary."

"I feel dead. I've nothing now."

"Yes you do. You've got a life to live." Anna walked forward, sitting on the edge of the bed, "Your father said your voice is fine and your lungs are completely healed. I thought you'd be doing promotion for your third album."

"Turns out you don't need it when you're all over the news in a fire that kills your husband." Mary snorted, "I think they all bought the music because I was a source of pity."

"Mary-"

"No," Mary shrugged, "It's fine. The money's in the bank where it belongs and I'm here, where I belong."

"Your mother said you haven't left the house in a week."

"Why do I need to?" Mary raised an eyebrow, "I send someone for the shopping, Tom and Sybil take George to school and the park which ingratiates Tom to my father, and I hired someone to do the cleaning every three days so everything's handled."

"That's not what I mean Mary." Anna snuck a glance at George but he was flying a car with Batman on top of it, paying them no mind. "I'm talking about getting out to see the sunshine."

"It's December, Anna, there's no sunshine."

"You know what I mean." Anna sighed, "You need a way to release your grief, Mary. Not bottle it all up in this house."

"I did release my grief." Mary straightened her back, "I cried at his funeral. Which you would've seen had you bothered to show up."

"I couldn't go."

"Too busy at your precious Cerulean?"

"I felt guilty because I felt Matthew's death was my fault." Anna tried to keep her voice from cracking, "I didn't want to show my face because I was afraid you'd think it was my fault too."

"I hope you're not expecting me to feel sorry for you."

"No," Anna shook her head, "I'm not expecting that."

"Good. Because I don't." Mary leaned back against the window, "I hear the Cerulean is reopening. Congratulations."

"You don't mean that."

"Why wouldn't I? I'm a part owner." Mary shrugged, "Maybe the opening will give me a reason to get out of the house."

Anna did not answer immediately. When she did she chewed on her lip a moment, "Are you looking into counseling Mary?"

Mary glared at her, "What a moment to throw my own words back in my face. I didn't think you'd sink that low."

"I wasn't-" Anna bit her tongue, "I wanted to know if you're talking to anyone."

"I'm talking to you aren't I?"

"I mean someone professional."

"What kind of professional?"

"Stop being so bloody belligerent Mary." Anna raised her voice and struggled to rein it back in. "You're in pain, you're grieving, but you've got to crawl out of your shell. You can't keep living like this because it's not living."

"And do what? Open a night club?"

"Say whatever you like, you can't hurt me by throwing my failures back in my face," Anna stood, "I'm immune."

"If you're so immune then why blame yourself for Matthew's death? Why blame yourself for any of this?" Mary stood too so they were toe-to-toe, "If you're so immune why haven't you had a steady boyfriend since that dickhead at Uni got you hooked on cocaine? If you're so immune how come you live alone, feel guilty that I ever talked to my father about your idea for a night club, or push everyone away?"

"Don't Mary-"

"Don't what, Anna? Tell you the truth? Make you confront the reality that you never recovered from what happened?"

Anna closed her eyes, putting her hands to her head, "Stop Mary."

"No, I won't stop. I won't stop because every year on the anniversary of the day you lock yourself in your flat and refuse to take any calls. You take Tuesday off because that's the day that it happened. You won't date anyone decent because they might actually want to be with you. And you blame yourself for a fire some shit set in your nightclub because it's easier than accepting that sometimes shit happens and we've got to learn to get the hell over it because that's all we can do."

Anna shook her head, trying to drown out Mary's words, "Stop."

"You're broken Anna and the only one who refuses to accept that is you."

Anna slapped Mary.

Mary stood in shock a moment and then slapped Anna back.

They stared at one another, both breathing hard with their cheeks stinging, and then broke down in tears. They clung to one another, sinking on the bed, and sobbed. These two women, so full of pain and anger and sorrow, let it all go in the most vulnerable they had ever been with anyone. The most vulnerable they had ever been with even each other.

When Anna finally managed to breathe evenly she reached over to Mary's bedside table and grabbed the tissue box. They shared it between then, turning the hiccups into giggles. Mary dabbed at her eyes before throwing up her hands.

"I knew I should've bought the waterproof mascara."

"I think your makeup looks fine." Anna wiped at her eyes, examining the tissue in her hand, "Mine on the other hand…"

"Screw your makeup Anna. Take the day off." Mary blew her nose, "Go somewhere fun and go wild."

"I don't have anywhere fun to go." Anna took a shuddering breath, her body still adjusting to being all cried out.

"Then go to John." Mary scraped all the used tissues from the bed into the rubbish bin and replaced it near her bedside table. "He can cheer you up."

"Not sure how."

"Just his presence." Mary took Anna's hands, "Do you remember when you told me I needed to trust Matthew wouldn't break my heart the way Kemal did?"

"I can't believe you remember what I said to you then. You were so wasted."

"And you were high," Mary leveled her finger at Anna, "Don't deny it, your eyes were both dilated at different levels."

"I was high for most of Uni." Anna shook her head, "What about what I said?"

"You told me that men aren't like buses, that another one isn't just going to come along in ten minutes."

"I think I specified another good one isn't coming in ten minutes." Anna snickered, "I've had them come in five but then they're always coming too soon for me."

Mary and Anna laughed until they were crying again. Eventually Mary composed herself, "The advice still applies, Anna."

"Why would he want to take on all this?"

"He's got his own baggage."

"I know, I heard it." Anna took a deep breath, "I still don't know how he didn't run for the hills when I told him mine."

"Because you are more than your baggage, Anna. Just like he's more than his." Mary adjusted on the bed, "We're all a mess. You know it, I know, and for some reason we all still want to be in one another's company."

"I don't know if I can, Mary."

"If you couldn't I wouldn't tell you to do it." Mary squeezed Anna's hand, "Don't let him get away. Not when he's everything you need and everything you ever wanted."

"How do you know what I want?"

"Because I've been your friend since you before you got clean and I believe some of the most truthful things I ever heard you say came in a drug induced state." Mary helped Anna stand. "Don't miss out on this."

Anna hugged Mary, "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault, Anna." Mary clung to her a moment more before letting go, "And I should be thanking you."

"Thanking me?"

"I haven't cried since his funeral and I haven't really felt anything since I learned he was dead." Mary smiled at Anna, her eyes tearing, "I'm sorry about what I said."

"You're right."

"Please say those words again."

"No." They laughed, "But thank you, Mary."

"What are friends for?"

Anna ran her tongue over her teeth, "Do you think you're well enough to sing at the reopening?"

"I sang at the opening, it only seems appropriate." Mary pushed Anna toward the door. "Now go and get your man before he decides you're too much for him."


Anna parked outside John's offices and saw Mrs. Bates outside, rocking in the rocking chair. She barely acknowledged the woman, pushing into the building. The steps were not even obstacles as she entered John's office.

He looked up from his desk, furrowing his brow. But Anna did not allow him to speak. She came around the desk, took his face in her hands, and kissed him.

For as surprised as the poor man was he immediately responded. Anna plunged her tongue into his mouth and he sucked at it. His hands reached around her waist inside her open coat and pulled her down on his lap. Her legs went on either side of the chair and she ground down on him.

He groaned into their kiss before moving a hand to the back of her head. The slight pressure of his hand angled her head for him to take the kiss deeper. She dug her fingers into his scalp, holding him in place while her hips rocked into him.

Eventually both had to break for air and John just held Anna there. She stared down at him, smiling as her thumb stroked over his cheekbone. He grinned back, licking his lips before running his hand in her hair.

"What brought this on?"

"Mary told me I needed to make a move on you before you decided I was too much for you to handle."

"Anna you're-"

"I wasn't finished," She put her finger on his lips. "I thought I was honest with you when we had dinner, that I told you everything but I didn't."

John only nodded, waiting for her to continue.

Anna took a deep breath, "I take Tuesdays off because I was attacked on a Tuesday. Every year, on the anniversary of the attack, I lock myself in my flat and cry. I don't date anyone decent because I don't want to confront the baggage I have or fix it because it scares me. I never got help for what happened except for rehab because I thought I brought it on myself. And I pushed you away, or only wanted you for sex, because I was afraid you might actually want me but then you'd discover you were wrong and leave."

John waited a beat, "Can I speak now?" Anna nodded and he continued, "No matter what I know about you, it won't change how I feel about you."

"Really?"

"Really. Even with everything I know about you, with all of it in the open, it doesn't change a thing."

"Well, it's out in the open, I'm glad of that at least." Anna let out a breath, "I don't have to worry about being found out anymore because now you know and my shame's got nowhere to hide."

"Shame?" John moved his hands to her face, "Why are you talking about shame?"

"Because I'm broken and I'll never be whole. Being broken, to me, is shameful."

"You're not broken." John forced Anna to look at him, "You're no more broken than anyone else. In fact, I think you're made stronger and better because of what you've been put through and survived. And even if you were broken there's no shame in that."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone's broken, Anna, in their own way." John smiled at her, "No matter what you think of yourself, you're the person I love most in the world and I've never been more honored to care for anyone than I am knowing I can care for and love you."

Anna hugged John, burying her head in his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her. Holding her. Protecting her. Keeping her safe.

Anna finally felt loved.