Chapter 9

[EPOV]

As I walked into the house an hour later I realized that I walked in with different emotions. I had a different view of Poison and Death. Poison was the one who cried over the monster who left her and Death was her guide. He was her helper, her friend who helped her in need. I realized they helped each other struggle through the pain of losing a mate.

I wish I had someone who I could tell my pain to. Someone who could help me ease a bit of the pain. No one else understood the pain I felt.

Sure Alice was left by Jasper but she didn't feel the guilt I felt. She didn't know how it felt to lie to your mate and tell her that you didn't love her. She didn't know how it felt to watch your mate's broken pain-filled face. She didn't feel the guilt of leaving the only one you loved and only will. She just didn't know how it felt to know your mate was dead. Jasper was gone and alive. Bella was gone and dead. So I just couldn't talk to Alice about my emotions.

Now that I thought about it I realized that everyone was doing so much better than me. They actually made an effort to act normal and happy.

Alice was always happy and never once showed her pain. She knew how much it would hurt the rest of us. Death put his pain aside and tried to help Poison. To him she mattered first. I guess he hid his pain to make sure Poison couldn't see. I bet it hurt her to see Death in pain.

Poison…well. She was Poison. I could tell she was strong and tried to fight the pain. She tried to hide her pain for the sake of others. She knew her pain caused Death pain too. Her pain and mine are so alike yet different. She feels the pain of being left. I feel the pain of leaving. We both feel the pain of losing. Though there was one pain she couldn't feel. Guilt.

She had nothing to feel guilty about.

Though I bet if my Bella was alive here today she would feel guilty. She would blame herself for my pain.

Bella was unlike anyone else. No one could be like her. She was special, one of a kind.

I sighed as I saw Emmett and Death at the video games again. I went up to my room and turned on my stereo. I put on the CD I had made for Bella on her eighteenth birthday. The CD that remained hidden under her floorboard for ages.

As the first composition played I laid down on my new addition to my room. A king-sized, comfortable bed. It had gold bed cover and the frame was black with iron, night black roses adorned around it. I decided to listen to others thoughts. It wasn't something I enjoyed but in the current situation eavesdropping was okay. Perhaps I might find out a thing or two that was happening around the house.

"Oh my god! Carlisle is so gorgeous…" Esme's thoughts hit me lie a ton of bricks. I couldn't bear the thought of love. It hurt my heart. I guess Esme and Carlisle were back from their hunt. Carlisle's thoughts were similar.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve an angel like Esme. Oh how good she feels…"

"Should I get the blue with black lace or the pink with red lace? Jasper would have liked the blue one so maybe I should get it…" Alice was thoughtful and sad at the same time.

"This isn't fair! How the hell did Death just beat me for the forty-second time? He's better than Jasper!"

Typical Emmett. Thinking about videogames.

"OMG! My hair has a piece of grass in it! I am never doing it outside ever again. The bed is really the setting for me. Plus it feels so good when the blankets are tangled up between Emmett and me!"

I cringed at Rosalie thoughts. I decided to take a look at Death's thoughts.

"Wow! Who knew this house would still be full of lust, even though we're pretty close to being attacked. Focus! What to do? Poison's hiding something, I know that. But what?"

His thoughts seemed interesting so I decided to peek in more.

"It can't be Victoria and the fight because we're obviously going to win. There's no way we're going to lose with Poison on our side. Uhg! It's not fair! I can't believe I can't say or think our real names! Edward's too depressed and a gentleman to listen in. It sucks having a mind reader in the house. Poison is so lucky. Maybe I should ask her to shield me too? Oh right! She won't let me in! She really should consider talking to Edward. They both feel the same pain. Maybe talking would ease their pain. I can only help so much… I'll go talk to him now. Yes that's what I'll do."

I pulled out of his thoughts and sat up. I turned of the stereo which was now playing Esme's favorite. A few seconds later there was a nervous knock on the door.

"Come in," I called smoothly.

Death walked in and he looked down at the floor.

"I don't mean to interrupt anything but…"

"It's nothing," I said cutting him off.

"Look! You might have heard me in my thoughts but I was hoping you could talk to Poison. It would help both of you. I can feel the pain you're feeling now and I know she feels the same," he said nervously.

"I-," I started but I cut off by a shout from Alice.

"Hey Edward! Death! We're going out to town to shop for a few things. You guys are going to be home with Poison. Okay?"

"Sure!" We shouted together. We waited fro a few minutes and when we heard the car backing out of the drive we sighed.

"I think I'll try but I don't know how successful the talk will be."

Death nodded.

"Thanks so much! You don't know how much this means to me," he said fervently.

"You really love her don't you?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah. She means a lot to me. She's my only family left and I can't bear to see her in pain so much everyday," he responded lightly.

I nodded.

"Hey listen," he started but he was cut off by a crash. We jumped up at once. We both ran out of the music and to the room next to mine. We were greeted by loud noisy sobs. He sobs turned into wailing. It was painful. The pain hit my heart and I could feel the pain radiating out of the room.

Death banged on the door loudly.

"Poison! Are you okay?" He shouted but he was answered by another crash.

"Come on open the door! Please," he called out.

"Go away!"

Poison voice radiated off of her and I felt like time I found out that Bella committed suicide.

"Please Poison! We only want to talk to you," Death said in a bit softer tone.

"We?" Poison asked. Even when she was confused I could feel the pain coming off of her.

"Edward and me. Please we just want to talk to you. No one else is home," Death pleaded.

There was a sorrowful "ok" and the door swung open of its own accord. Death and I walked in cautiously and gasped.

The room was littered with glass. On the floor lay pictures and broken frames. Poison was curled up in the middle of the bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her chin was resting on her knees and like usual her hood was up. Death crossed the room and pulled Poison into his arms. She pushed him away after a few seconds and her face pulled up to look at me for I had followed slowly behind Death.

I had a strange desire to pull her hood down and look into her face. She patted the two spaces on either side of her. Death ad I sat down on either side of her.

She sighed and a sob escaped her.

"Hey! You okay?" I asked her quietly.

She nodded.

"How do you do it?" She asked quietly.

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"Hide the pain. How do act all happy and normal in front of everyone?" She may not have noticed Death slipping away but I did.

"I don't. You're better than me at it. I'm only getting better a bit now," I said.

She turned her face to look at me.

"At first I couldn't be near my family. I was broken and useless. I still am now. I started getting out of my room a year ago. I was so bad that my family had to bring my food to my room for me," I explained.

"Time heals all wounds," I heard her say softly.

I opened to my mouth to protest but she cut me off.

"That's what he said. But he was wrong. Love can't be cured."

"What was he like?" I asked looking down at the gold bedcovers. I was curious to know how he was like. The one who broke Poison's heart.

"Perfect," she said simply. "He's the most perfect man I have ever seen. So flawless. Like the god Adonis himself."

I pondered over the few words she just told me.

"Very selfless and kind. I can't describe him in any other words than perfect. He was everything a girl would ever need. Everything I needed. He was to me like air is to humans. He was an angel sent down from heaven. A good liar too," she said in a silky voice. Another sob escaped her lips and I couldn't resist the urge to pull her into my arms. At first she was shocked but then she relaxed.

"He said he loved me. But then he told me he didn't. Death is his brother so when I found Death again he told me that what he said was all a lie. He had never stopped loving me. So to this day I remain confused. I don't know who to believe," she told me sadly, shaking her head.

"It must be horrible for you," I told her.

"It is but I try to cope. So how did you lose your mate?" she asked. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she added on in the end.

"I think I will. I'll feel so much better with it off my head."

"So shoot!" she said.

"Well it all started here in Forks. Fifty years ago we were attending Forks High and there was a new student. Isabella Swan. She liked to be called Bella. I tried to read her mind but I came up blank. It was weird and irritating. So after lunch I had biology with her and she was my lab partner. When she came close to me I smelled her blood. It was the most delicious blood I had ever smelled. She was my singer. I spent the entire period planning ways to kill her. In the end I couldn't take it and left for Alaska. I stayed with the Denali clan for a few days. Then I went back, not wanting to feel like a coward. I saved Bella from a van and she got suspicious. I started ignoring her and after a while I decided it was too much. I couldn't stay away from her. I saved her from nearly being raped in Port Angeles. She knew my secret and accepted me. She didn't scream and run away from me like other human beings. We fell in love and became inseparable. On her eighteenth birthday she got a paper cut and was nearly attacked. I decided we weren't safe for her. I lied to her and told her that I didn't love her. I knew it was the only way she would let me go and forget. A few months later I found out she killed herself. It was her second attempt. The first one landed her in an asylum. She escaped and jumped off a cliff. It hurts so bad everyday knowing that it's my fault. The guilt of knowing that it was my fault that she died. I spent each day thinking that she didn't even know the truth that I still loved her," I shook my head sadly and a sob escaped me. I tried to keeping in my pain but it was becoming excruciatingly hard for me to do so.

"It's okay! Let it out," she whispered sympathetically and rubbing slow circles in my back. She pulled us down into a laying position on the bed. "Let out the pain and guilt. It'll help."

Then I couldn't help it. The locked up sobs wracked out of my body as I dry sobbed my pain. I spent crying for hours. My family had returned but Death had warned them to stay clear of the top floor. Poison stayed with me throughout the painful time. She whispered comforting words and helped me wash out my emotions.

By the time I had finished with my weeping, I felt so much better. I felt like loads of pain had been lifted from my body.

And for once in the last fifty years….

I felt alive again.

Thanks for reading this chapter and I appreciate those who have stayed with me this entire time. Thanks once again and please don't hesitate to review and tell me what you think. Please feel free to send me advice, your opinion and of course the answer to whether or not I should continue. If you have any questions just post them with your reviews!

Love,

Shagun. C

P.S. I know reviewing sucks but please for the sake of my story!