Chapter Nine: Upping the Antics

One day on the bridge of the Enterprise, several members of the senior staff and crew griped about the latest 'unusual mishaps' that were taking place aboard the ship. The crew suspected that Lore was the culprit. Though the pranks were relatively harmless, they were nonetheless distracting and irritating.

Counselor Troi explained a traumatic experience she had when she attempted to replicate chocolate brownie and instead received a bitter Klingon delicacy made from the heart of a Targ. Unfortunately, she couldn't tell the difference since the textures were almost exactly the same — until she took a bite.

"I don't think I'll ever look at chocolate the same way again… at least not for the next few weeks anyway." She confessed.

Geordi explained that he was left unscathed by the recent wave of Lore's high jinks. He suspected it was because Lore had already put him through hell and knew he wouldn't be fazed by such childish behavior.

Cmdr. Riker elaborated on a mishap that occurred during one of his holodeck excursions.

"Everything was going smoothly until I played my solo. Every time I played a note, I got pelted with tomatoes! I didn't understand what was happening until I was covered in sauce!" Riker exclaimed.

"Will, are you sure that it was a holodeck mishap? You know, I've heard you play, it may have been a natural reaction from the audience." Deanna replied through giggles.

"Very funny, Deanna. Remember that during your next helping of Klingon Targ heart." Riker replied with a half smile and laughing eyes.

Capt. Picard described an occasion when a rather lengthy book he was reading had duplicate pages, just after the point of the story's climax.

"I was just about to discover the identities of the final three suspects after completing page 471 only to find that the rest of the book had been replaced with duplicate pages of 471. Now that's what I call… perpetual suspense." Capt. Picard explained with marked annoyance. "Then there was the time when I sipped my tea, only to realize that instead of the usual Earl Grey, the computer had replicated molasses."

Everyone on the bridge stifled their amused laughter.

"It seems the only people who were spared from Lore's shenanigans are Geordi, Beverly and Worf." Cmdr. Riker replied.

"Speaking of Worf, where is he? It's not like him to be late for duty." The captain replied.


After receiving a communiqué from the bridge, Worf wondered why the chronometer did not wake him at the usual time as he grumbled Klingon curses. He hastily took a quick shower before throwing on his uniform and dashing out the door with no time to check his appearance. Once he entered the turbolift, he checked the time and the computer verified that he was thirty-seven minutes late for his shift. As he stepped onto the bridge, he wasted no time in apologizing for his tardiness.

"Sir, I apologize for my lateness. It will not happen again." Worf said to the captain in his burly voice.

"Mr. Worf, I was beginning to think…" The captain said as he turned to face the Lieutenant and paused mid-sentence. He cracked a faint, confused smile. "Mr. Worf. What happened to you?"

Everyone on the bridge turned to face Worf and stifled their chuckles. Deanna was not so successful at hiding her amusement.

"Excuse me, captain." She said, her voice shaking with laughter as she ran off the bridge.

"Why was she laughing?!" Worf demanded before checking his reflection of one of the consoles and was enraged at what he saw. His hair and beard were bright pink!

Worf pounded his fist on the console and growled a string of Klingon curses. Commander Riker could no longer contain his amusement which escaped in the form of a muffled chuckle that threatened to grow into roaring laughter.

"Contain yourself, number one." Picard ordered Riker quietly.

"Yes, sir." Cmdr. Riker replied, still chuckling silently through tightly pressed lips.

"Sir, I am not amused! Lore must be stopped! I will disassemble him with my bare hands!"

"Worf you will do no such thing. I assure you, Lore will be properly dealt with. His antics have gone too far." the captain said sternly.

At that moment, Data stepped onto the bridge. He was taken aback by Worf's appearance and felt a potentially precarious emotion rising to the surface. It was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain his restraint and felt compelled to deactivate his emotion chip.

"Worf, what has happened to…?" Data tried to ask with a confused grimace, but was interrupted by the captain.

"Data, where is Lore?" asked the captain.

"In my quarters, sir. Is he responsible for…" Data turned and gestured to Worf, "…this, sir?"

"Yes!" Worf growled angrily.

"Data, kindly return to your quarters and escort Lore to the bridge." The captain ordered.

"Yes, sir."


By the time Data reached his room, his curiosity had elevated. He contemplated the sensation that forced him to deactivate his emotion chip on the bridge. Data understood that the emotion was triggered by Worf's appearance and wanted to explore the depths of the sensation. Data's inquisitiveness escalated to a point that he felt obliged to reactivate the chip. Upon doing so, he burst into uncontrollable laughter immediately upon entering his quarters. Collapsing into a chair, Data threw his head back, laughing with utter abandon.

"What's so funny?" Lore asked sharply.

"Worf… pink…!" Data managed to sputter between hysterical bouts of laughter.

Lore looked at his brother with marked surprise before joining him in hysterics.

"Oh, you've seen the Klingon's new 'do?" Lore asked through his chortles.

"Yes, Lore. It should not be funny and yet…" Data broke into another fit of laughter. He and Lore placed a hand on each others shoulders as they supported each other through the hilarity.

However, Data remembered his orders and he decided that it would be unwise to indulge his humor much longer. Therefore, he deactivated his emotion chip anew so he could regain his composure and carry out his duties. Data rose to his feet and glanced at Lore, who was still chuckling.

"Lore, the captain wishes to see you." Data stated.

"Now brother? Can it wait?! We were having a really good moment there!" Lore exclaimed with a broad smile.

"No, Lore. It can not. We must now leave for the bridge."

Rolling his eyes, Lore groused: "Dear brother, you're such a killjoy. Well, actually I am a bit interested in seeing the Klingon's new 'do for myself."

The two androids exited the room and headed off to the bridge. Upon their arrival, Lore gawked at Lt. Worf to admire the result of his prank.

"Worf, that shade is all wrong for you! You really ought to talk to your barber." Lore replied smugly. Worf shook with anger as he growled.

"Worf, you have permission to be excused so you can return to your normal state." The captain said.

On that note, Worf stormed past Lore, muttering Klingon curses as he entered the turbolift. Capt. Picard called the android brothers into his ready room.

"Lore, you're pranks have gone far enough. You are to stop this foolish behavior at once!" The captain exclaimed.

"Come on Picard! How do you even know it was me? It could've been anybody! There's no proof that I did any of those things!" Lore exclaimed with a broad smile.

"You will address me as Captain! Yes, you're right about the fact that we lack the necessary evidence to pinpoint the exact person responsible for all of the craziness that's been happening on the ship lately, but you tripped up on one thing… this!" The captain tossed his book on the table. "You were the last person in my ready room before my book was altered. Prior to your visit, all the pages were there. Well? Pick it up! Review your handiwork!" The captain ordered.

Lore picked up the book and skimmed through it, reading it at super speed. When he was done, he raised his gaze to meet the captain's.

"Riveting tale! Absolutely wonderful reading! However, I'm confused. All the pages are intact. Which pages did you think were missing?" Lore asked with a faux innocent expression on his face.

"You know damn well which pages are missing!" The captain exclaimed impatiently as he took the book from Lore. He flipped through it and was astonished to see that all the pages were intact with no duplicates!

"You see, Captain? I'm sure all we have here is just an honest misunderstanding." Lore smugly replied.

"Lore, I don't know how you did it, but when I get to the bottom of this, you can be sure that…"

"Sorry to interrupt you Captain, but you have an urgent message coming through from Starfleet Command. Would you like me to patch it through to your ready room sir?" Cmdr. Riker's voice cut in on the intercom.

"Yes, put it through, number one." Capt. Picard replied before turning his attention to Lore. "We'll finish this discussion another time."

Lore and Data walked to the exit, but Lore stopped and turned to regard the Captain with a final thought.

"You know, Captain. Humans are usually very predictable, but I was almost surprised to learn that the Count had orchestrated the whole crime. Turns out he wasn't the victim after all, but the perpetrator." Lore replied with a defiant smile before he made his exit with Data, who gave an apologetic look to the captain.

Once he was sure he was alone, Capt. Picard let out a low groan and hurled his book onto the sofa in an attempt to release his frustration. After he had gotten it out of his system, he answered the call from Starfleet.