A/N Thank you for all the follows/favorites, reviews, and PM's! This is the last chapter that will follow the comic. Just a quick reminder, the comic scenes will feel a bit rushed because it's just a general idea of what's going on. The beginning of this chapter deals with sensitive subjects (talked about in the initial warnings) some might find disturbing or difficult to read. Dwight is listening to "Audiomachine - Tree of Life" in the truck in one of the later scenes. I thought it was fitting for the Saviors as the sun is rising up and they are heading towards the unknown.
Alice eases down on the lounge, dropping her bag and putting her fidgeting hands in her lap.
"You know the rules," I start, taking a step closer.
She nods her head.
"I can't fucking hear you."
"Yes."
"Don't you ever make me feel like I'm some fucking rapist, Alice. This was your decision."
"Yes, Sir."
"Negan," I correct, taking another step closer and sliding my gloves off, pocketing them with my keys.
"Yes, Negan."
I like the fucking sound of that. "Sometimes I get a little loud, so I suggest you're louder. I ain't trying to hear myself.
Her anger is gone entirely, just some stolid stare remains.
"Alice, you better liven the fuck up. I want to know everything you're not willing to do for me."
"I don't want to be tied up. Please," she begs me.
"That's your request?"
"Yes!"
I become disgusted. "The fuck would I tie you up like some kind of helpless animal for?"
"I— I'm uncertain."
I unzip my jacket, dropping it to the floor, then kneel down in front of her.
She monitors my every move.
It's fucking distracting. I know the sooner I get her out of these clothes, the less attention I'll pay to her face. I grab her obnoxious boots and quickly unlaced them, tossing each one to the side when I'm done. "High heels from now on. Even when we're fucking. Where are all your knives? You said you had six."
"There's one on my left leg."
I tug her pant leg up a bit and find one in her sock. "Where else?" I say, removing the knife.
"The vest." She slowly unzips it and puts it in my outstretched hand.
"There's lingerie in the bathroom. Pick out something nice for me," I smirk.
She goes into the bathroom, quietly shutting the door.
I plop down on my chair, stretching my legs out. It feels like a fucking hour passes. "Hurry up, goddammit! My dick's not getting any harder here."
The bathroom door opens and wife number six is revealed.
Well, turns out, I was fucking wrong.
"I'm sorr—"
"Shut up and come here." My eyes start at her black heels, up her legs. She chose to wear black stockings that go to her thigh. They clip to a lace garter belt under a black satin corset. Ever since I saw that corset, I've waited for a wife small enough to wear it, though it doesn't completely fit her. Who knew she had tits that nice under all that Kevlar? Goddamn, I thought they were going to pop out with each step she takes. I knew I hated that fucking vest. "Your tits real?"
She nods as her eyes start to well up.
"Don't," I snap.
She bites her trembling lip and looks up to keep her tears from falling.
"Look at me."
She slowly moves her eyes so they lock with mine.
"I have a special arrangement with each one of the girls and I already know what yours would be. You keep me happy and they stay outside when we fuck. Understand?"
She seems somewhat relieved by this.
"Are you a virgin?"
"No."
"I want the truth. I'll be able to tell."
Her face grimaces. "I know how this works, and I told you, it's my choice not to be promiscuous. It doesn't mean I'm ignorant to the subject or that I've never experienced it before—"
I violently jolt up and grab her by the back of the ponytail as she lets out a yelp. "You will respect me, Alice. I have been more than fucking fair with you!"
Her bottom lip starts to quiver again. "I don't mean any disrespect, I'm on edge and becoming defensive because I feel like your tone is condescending. It won't happen again."
I ease my grip up, and as I do, pull the rubber band from her hair.
Alice's hair is still damp from when she showered, curling in some areas as it cascades around her pale complexion.
"Keep your hair down." I discard the rubber band to the side and get comfortable on the chair again. "It's not that bad here," I say, setting my elbow on the armrest, "you don't have to earn points any more or ever go without eating."
She doesn't seem to care what I have to say. Her eyes are locked on the rubber band.
I snap my fingers as it breaks her trance. "Are you fucking listening to me?"
"I liked contributing."
A sickly grin creeps across my face. "You're still… contributing."
"May I still clear the undead with you all?"
"No," I snap, "the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I don't understand what I'm supposed to do all day. I just sit here and wait for you every night?"
"That is exactly what you're supposed to do. This back and forth bullshit is boring me and that's something you don't want. You ain't here to fucking chat. Dance for me," I demand, pressing my index finger to the wooden arm.
"I don't know how."
"You better fucking figure it out or I'll get Rachel to show you."
She looks down and starts to shift her hips side to side.
Her movements are stiff and awkward, but I don't give a fuck. "Turn around."
She spins around and trips on her heel. They're two sizes too big.
I thought she broke her goddamn ankle the way she landed, but she picks herself up.
"I'm sorry."
"Be quiet."
She nods and starts to sway her hips again, her hands inching up her torso.
"Closer, I want to touch you."
She steps back a bit.
I grab her hips, pulling her on my lap so she's facing away from me. My hand tangles in her hair as I tilt her head back. "You'll get better," I growl in her ear before licking it slowly. I want to fuck her in this corset so bad, but the suspense is killing me. "Go to the lounge, then get on your knees." I release her hair, moving her off me. Fuck, this is not going how I planned. She's so goddamn awkward, it's making me uncomfortable. I grab her wrist and pull her back, sitting her on my knee. "Alice, I just wanna fuck."
"Slower," her tears finally give, "please?"
I lean back against my chair, wiping them away. "Is it me?" I frown when she doesn't respond. "You're not attracted to me, are you?"
"I have always been attracted to you, Negan."
"You- …you have?" I am in complete fucking disbelief.
"Don't you think I want the option to lust after you?"
"Why don't you have that option?"
"I just don't, and I've tried every way I can to convey that to you, but you take it as a personal attack."
"Alice, it's just fucking! Goddammit! Look, I am fucking done. Go to the lounge or get dressed and get the fuck out, but if you're staying, you better fucking find a way to convey your lust," I yell. Maybe that's a bad choice of words. I don't want her to go. My confidence is regained when she presses her knee to the lounge. "That's what I fucking thought. You know something?" I slowly saunter towards her. "I think you like this cat and mouse bullshit. I think it turns you on." I tilt her down some so she's on all fours and curl my index finger, running my knuckle across her sex. No damp fabric, no heat coming from her, no reaction. She might as well be a blowup doll. Or one of those mannequin fucks. Now the stare to match. There's nothing wrong about me fucking her. This is her choice! She'll be screaming my name soon enough. Begging for me. "Sit back on your knees." I push her hair over her shoulder, reaching for the zipper on this corset. "What the.. fuck?" I lean in closer, cocking my head. "Are— are these initials carved into you?"
She's completely silent.
"Answer me," I yell, my voice startling her.
"It's a birthmark," she stammers.
"This ain't no fucking birthmark." This also isn't the only carving on her back. There's something else. I move closer and see all these indentions, scars, and burns on her back. I slowly unzip the corset and as I do, it reveals more mutilation. This must have been what Sherry was talking about. "Are these-" My eyes open wide. "You have got to be fucking fucking me," I gasp, jerking my hand from the zipper as her corset falls to the lounge. "What the fuck, Alice?!" I take a frightened step away from her, almost tripping. My heartbeat deafening. "There are fucking teeth mark scars on your back!" I'm in shock to see actual scars. "Who fucking did this to you!?"
"It's none of your business!"
"It most certainly is my business! You're mine." I grab her by the arm, spinning her to face me.
She covers her naked flesh and starts to cry.
"I won't ask you again! Did Donnie fucking do this to you? Answer me!"
"Stop it," she sobs. "...the... men you …killed at the bar did this to me."
"Jesus Christ," I whine, dropping to my knees.
Welcome her home properly
No, stop! Please, no more!
The girl belongs to us, and we ain't leavin' until we get what's ours.
I try to fucking catch my breath, digging my nails against my head. "Alice... did they rape you?"
She slowly brings her empty eyes up to mine.
I almost can't stomach to look at her.
"Repeatedly."
I reach my shaky hand out to her cheek. "Why didn't you fucking tell me, Alice? I never would have made you a wife if I had fucking known what those motherfuckers did to you. Why didn't you—" I dry heave as I shake my head back and forth. Then, I come to another horrible realization. "Those men said they had your sister's bracelet, so that means... oh, fuck, Alice, I'm so fucking sorry."
"A few weeks after the outbreak started, the men broke into my home. I had my sister stay hidden while they raped me, certain they would leave after they all had a turn. As they forced me out of the front door, that's when my sister chased after me and was captured, too," she whimpers as she struggles to recall the painful memory. "After several months, she couldn't take anymore and attempted suicide. I refused to let her perish in such a place, and was lucky enough to kill two of the men to help her escape. That was the last time I saw her. The scars on my back are from the numerous things I was tortured with as punishment for killing their men." She wraps her hands around her chest tighter. "When you asked what was wrong with my wrists, it's burns from ropes I was bound with. It's why... I begged you not to tie me up."
"Oh, God, no," I whine. I can't process what she's telling me. It's too goddamn much. I take a deep breath. "How long did this go on?"
"For me, five hundred and seven days."
I let go of her face and turn my head to the side, throwing up. "Fuck," I cough.
I see it, that blank stare she gets.
I don't like how she looks at us, like we're going to run a train on her.
That bitch looks comatose.
From what I could make out before she put her shirt on, she has these gashes in her back.
I have said the most degrading things to Alice without the slightest thought to this being the reason she is so opposed to any form of sex. Every sign, from everyone, I ignored. Now it makes complete sense why she is the way she is, and why she has never become a wife. She was truthful when she said she really is attracted to me, but even more truthful when she said she could never act on her feelings. I see why she was so determined to save those women at the RV park.
I know after what you've been through it's hard to trust anyone again.
"How did you escape?"
"Rick's son Carl found the complex by accident. They helped me escape."
And there it was. I sit back on my legs. "That's why you agreed to this wife shit. You couldn't let me kill Rick's woman. You felt obligated to save her after what he did for you."
"I asked Carson who she was when you refused to tell me. He told me about your plan to use her against Rick Grimes."
"Were you with his group a while?"
"No."
I tilt my head to the side some, noticing several splotches of uneven skin tone on her chest. What the fuck is that? I lick my finger, wiping the makeup from her chest. "Oh my fucking God." There are teeth marks on her breasts. "You tried to cover them," I say choked up. That's what took her so fucking long to leave the bathroom. She didn't want me to know what those men did to her, or guilt trip me into stopping. How could somebody fucking do this to her? I move my hand up a bit to the one on the top of her left breast and rub the makeup off. It's different shaped teeth marks. Knowing she's screaming, begging, crying for grown men to stop; I can't mentally process it. I snatch my jacket off the floor, forcefully wrapping it around her. "I'm sorry for touching you, I just… Fuck, Alice."
"I- I didn't know there were marks on my back, too."
"There's eight fucking sets of teeth mark scars on your back." There's no fucking telling how many are on her chest, or other places for that matter. "Do... do you want to know the initials?"
"Whether the scar is there or not, I will never forget his name." This is also why she is so cavalier about taking her life. She's just some shell. Her body a vessel for a spirit that doesn't exist.
I cup her damp cheeks, tilting her head up. "I'm so fucking sorry I put my hands on you, Alice," I tell her disgusted.
"You didn't know."
"It doesn't make it fucking right."
"It was my choice to be a wife."
I press my lips to her temple. Alice hasn't been right in her head since day motherfucking one and God only fucking knows if I just pushed her to her breaking point. I go into the bathroom, looking around for her clothes. I see them in a neat pile and take them to the lounge, kneeling down in front of her. "Get dressed."
She drops the jacket and reaches for her shirt.
I put it around her, buttoning it up. "I'm so goddamn sorry, Numbers." I pull off the high heels and help her in her pants and boots. Finally, her vest. I stuff her tie into one of the pockets before putting my jacket back around her, then zip it up. "Go back to your room, okay?" I pull her bag over, putting her bra and undershirt in it before giving it to her.
"Thank you, Negan."
I don't want her to fucking go. Christ, I wish it didn't take something like this for me to see exactly how much I care for her. "Alice, promise me that this isn't goodbye. Give me a chance to make things right between us."
Her eyes are so goddamn empty.
It's the only time they have ever bothered me. "Alice, please. Promise me this isn't goodbye." I reach out for her hand, feeling this knot in my stomach. Don't fucking let her go.
"I promise."
"Okay," I murmur as her fingers slip through mine. I'm so fucking numb, I just stand there, in the same spot, for over an hour. I could drink myself to sleep, but I deserve to feel like the piece of shit I am. I've fucking ruined everything between us because I think with my dick.
"Alice." I knock softly on her door. "Please, I just want to talk." When she doesn't answer, I push her door open.
She's nowhere to be found. Her things are gone.
I scoop up a piece of paper on her bed.
I'm sorry I was deceitful.
I crumple it up, then violently throw it to the side. Dwight. I dart upstairs to his room. "Did you fucking take her from me?!" I kick in Dwight's door.
He stares back at me, slowly getting up from his chair.
"Oh, Christ!" I take a few steps back. He didn't take her. Where- Where is she?
"What's wrong?"
God fucking help anyone that accidentally steps in my way as I run full force downstairs like a goddamn stampede and out the front doors. She couldn't have got fucking far. "Alice," I scream once I get to the gates. "Alice!" I feel so fucking helpless as I spin in a circle, trying to decide on a fucking direction. I start for the bar, shoving undead to the side that get in my way. "Alice! Alice! Goddammit," I whine when it's completely empty, slumping to my knees. I pick up the chair beside me and hurl it at the bar, shattering the glass cabinets. "Fuck!" This is only the beginning of my tantrum because when I get back to the parlor, I rip the bookcases out of the wall almost bringing the entire goddamn wall with it. It's my middle finger to Alice. "You didn't even let me fucking try to fix things between us!"
"About this promotion," Vic says, strolling into the parlor.
My eye twitches as I lunge for him. I break two of his goddamn ribs when it's over and leave him to die and bleed out at the bottom of the stairs. Truthfully, I always thought it would be satisfying, but it isn't. "V— Vic?" I press my fingers to his neck to feel for a pulse. "You made me do this to you! You kept antagonizing me! Fuck!" I lift up his limp body and take him to the infirmary. Never did I think I'd care if Vic died. His face isn't even recognizable. God, what have I fucking done?
"Will you unlock the medicine cabinet, Sir?"
Fuck me. Alice has my keys. They're in my jacket pocket. Well, it isn't the first thing I've ripped from the wall today.
The Doctor becomes paralyzed at my anger as everything scatters on the floor.
"Do whatever it takes to make sure Vic pulls through! Fuck," I scream.
"Ye— yes, Sir."
I look my men over as they gather in the cafeteria. The loss is significant. Fuck, and here I thought it couldn't get any worse than losing Tim. "Saviors, at dawn we're taking this war to their fucking front gates and ending it. When this is over, we'll be stronger than ever. Order will be restored, and the Saviors will take back what is theirs." It's hardly a pep talk. I just don't have it in me right now and dismiss them for the night to be with their families. Marshall hasn't come back with Tara, and Mark isn't at his post by the water tanks. I push open Alice's door, hoping to find something. Anything, but it's all fucking gone. Just this wall of driver's licenses. "Hmm." She's marked a spot on the map for me, however, the spot where the license should be is gone. It gives me optimism that maybe she just needs some time to herself, and that she doesn't want to forget me. She even made her bed before she left. I don't want Sanctuary to be some pit stop for her. Am I ever going to see this woman again? I start for Connor's room and open the door, but I can't go inside. So, once again, I close a door to another vacant room. Another one of the original eight falls. None of my wives have come back to the parlor. I rest my hand on my doorknob. "Please don't fucking be locked," I murmur. The knob turns and the door opens. "Thank Christ." I sit on my bed and look over my scarred hands. I'm a fool taking the risks I did with Lucille. Just one small cut and I would have- "Fuck," I gasp. That's it! That's how we're going to fucking win this goddamn war! Lucille will finally have her revenge for what they did to her.
I take my cigarette box from the end table and pull out the picture of my mom, running my thumb across it before I shove it down into my pocket. I start to put the box back but take the picture of Alice from it that Amber drew. There isn't a part of me that's angry when I look at it. It's my fault things are so fucking fucked and when I finish this war, I'm going to find her. Make things right between us. I dig in my armoire, looking for my other jacket. Hopefully, this one is only temporary.
"It's the big day," Joanna says with a sadness in her voice.
Goddamn, I'm so fucking grateful to see her. "I'm going to be alright."
Tears stream down her face.
I pull her into a hug. "Where's Sherry and Amber?"
"They never came home last night."
"I figured as much," I frown. I guess I thought they'd at least say goodbye but do I really deserve closure after what I put the two of them through? That means Sherry is going back to Dwight after all.
Joanna steps away from me, wiping her tears away.
"I love you," Rachel cries, wrapping her arms around me.
I hold her, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. Out of all my wives, I fear for Rachel's safety the most when I'm gone. She can't take care of herself like the others can if something were to happen to me.
"Please be careful," Rachel tells me.
Joanna hugs Rachel and it's a relief to watch my girls get along. To pull together because of their love for me. It's the closest thing to a family I've ever had.
"Hopefully, you're not my first patient," Nicole smiles, giving me a soft shove to the stomach before hugging me.
"I'm so fucking proud of you, Nicole. I wish your mother could see the woman you've grown into."
"Thank you, Baby." Nicole joins Joanna and Rachel.
I take them in once more before I shut the parlor doors.
"Good Morning, Saviors! Thanks for gathering for me so early today. Look what we have here! I know it seems fucking crazy to have these undead fucks inside the walls, but these beauties are the lynchpin of our war plans going forward. Believe it or not, these things are going to help us win this fucking war. You all know how this shit works. You get a bite, you get any kind of wound from these things, something from them gets in you, and you fucking die. We're all infected. We all have this to look forward to when we die. We know this. But for some goddamn reason, one of these things bites us, no matter how minor an injury it would otherwise fucking be, the fever sets in. That fever burns us the fuck out. Makes us one of them faster than we'd planned to be. Which fucking sucks. That's the dangerous world we're living in. But we're going to use it to our advantage!" I rest Lucille against the shoulder of this undead. Oh, he's fucking mean as he snarls at me. "You see this? Look at it, watch how I'm just getting in there, rubbing all up in its grill. Lucille is getting to know this sorry sack of dead flesh." Sorry, Lucille. "Yeah! Get nasty, girl!" I hold her up for all to see. "Now look at this! The new and improved better than before all awesome and abso-fucking-lutely deadly Lucille. I don't have to crush your head or pound your face through the back of your skull with her anymore. The slightest touch from Lucille, just a kiss and she's left her mark. We're going to do this with all our weapons. We're going to gunk them up. We're going to have space-aged zombie bacteria weapons at our disposal. And we're going to kill every fucking last fucking one of these ungrateful fucks. Load 'em up, and let's hit the fucking road!"
Dwight starts to put in a cd but sets it back down.
"It's fine," I tell him.
"Seriously?"
"Why fucking the hell not," I shrug, pressing my boot to the glove box. I almost fucking turn the shit off right away, but focus my attention out the window instead. We'd come back from shittier shit. I hear a lot of times that the worst thing about this world is the people in it, but it's not, because people are capable of change. The undead? The undead will always be undead. There's no magic fucking cure from this shit. No pill. No injection. Just holding on as long as you possibly fucking can. Honestly, I fucking prefer it this way. I don't even think about my life before. The way I see it, things are better now. We are the new world order. We are the Saviors. I glance over my shoulder at my men in the back. We're going to be alright. My lip curls upward as I lean back against the seat again. There's a tranquil feeling that comes over me. Something I haven't felt in a while. What a goddamn great time to be alive.
"We attack at sundown."
"We'll be ready."
"I fucking know you will. Now, rest up, lay low, stay out of sight. The shit's going to hit the fucking fan like a goddamn tornado in a few hours. I gotta get something to eat."
Dwight is furious as his eyes burn at me.
"What? What do you fucking want?"
"Where's Alice?"
"Did I ruin your fucking getaway plans?"
"You send her to an outpost?"
"No. She left."
"I'm sure you played no part in that decision."
"Don't fucking dare say I didn't go fucking look for her."
He thinks about it for a second before he speaks. "That's why you came to my room. She left you."
"You think I wanted Sanctuary to be someplace where she could catch her breath before packing her shit and sneaking off in the middle of the night? No. I never wanted that for Alice. I wanted to come home, and see her sitting in the parlor, knowing that she's fucking safe. Not worrying about whether she can handle herself or not because she couldn't get to one of her knives fast enough. Did I want to fuck her? Undeniably. Did I let that cloud my judgment? Yes. But that doesn't mean that I didn't fucking want things for her. For us. I'm going to find her after this is all over and bring her home, and I'll be goddamned if you or anyone else is getting in my fucking way!"
"I saw Vic in the infirmary, the Doctor was giving him CPR. Did he hurt her?"
"I put him there because I was angry she left and his fuckin' mouth sent me over the edge."
"Whether you were angry about Alice or not, Vic deserved what you did to him. It would only be a matter of time before he hurt someone."
"Are you actually siding with me on something?"
"I side with you plenty, Negan. The problem is you hear what you want."
"Now you want to grow a pair that you've decided you're leaving?"
"Like I said. You hear what you want. It's not too late to end this war."
"You're out of your goddamn mind if you think that. You better make sure you're on the right side, Dwight."
"I know I am," he sneers, going over to one of the sleeping bags.
Our convoy stops right outside the Hilltop. "Get those meat puppets from the truck. Everyone else, head for the walls." I feel a little better about my odds once all my men pour from the trucks and gather behind me. I take a step forward. "Okay, men, hold your positions!"
"Stop right there! This doesn't have to escalate. You have no idea what's on the other side of these walls. Believe me when I say you will not survive this."
Seriously? Oh, this is fucking rich. A Boy Scout. "Shut the fuck up, put the spear down, and go get Rick. I know he's in there. The adults need to talk."
"Right now you're talking to me."
"I don't even know who the fuck you are. Someone shoot this motherfucker."
Too bad the fuck wasn't impaled by his own spear on the way down. "Rick! I need to hear from you! I will kill every sorry fuck on that wall, and things will get ugly really fucking quick. Show yourself!"
"Rick?! I don't know who you're talking about," someone else shouts.
"Okay, looks like we're going in. Motherfuck. Muck up your weapons, we're going to give these fuckers a one-way ticket to a life of being an undead fuck." I run Lucille across its flesh once more. "Make sure you get all your arrows dirty," I remind Dwight.
"Gotta be careful not to alter the weight. And they're called bolts."
"What the fuck ever. Christ." I raise Lucille out in triumph. "We're coming in, Rick! This is your last chance to hang your bare ass over the side of that wall and let me climb up and slap it red for you getting your man killed just now. It's the right thing to do." Now I'm starting to get pissed off. "Okay! Anyone in earshot, listen the fuck up! Lay down and bury your fucking face in the fucking dirt! Got it? Put your fucking hands behind your back! And don't fucking move! You surrender, you live. Otherwise, we're mowing all you fuckers down! You have been warned." I give the signal to my men. "Take it down!" It brings down an entire panel of their wall. "What the fucking hell?"
Rick's group opens fire on the truck.
"Shit fuck... What the fuck are you people waiting for!? Let's bust some mother fucking heads! You pricks are gonna wish you were face down in that motherfucking dirt surrendering!" My Saviors and I pour in like a swarm. "Spread out! If it moves, fucking kill it!" I could have slaughtered a lot more people, but I was after one motherfucker, and as my fucking luck would have it, he stood not but fifteen yards away. "Dwight, look there. You see that? They're completely distracted. They don't even see us. Shoot him. Take Rick out. Even if it's not a kill shot. That muck will make him sick. It's perfect."
He just fucking stares back at me.
"The fuck you waiting on? Do it!"
Dwight raises his crossbow, hesitating once again before squeezing the trigger.
"Ungg!"
Yes! Right in the fucking side! Even better. Now the prick can suffer.
"Rick! They're behind us!"
They unload their guns as we use the building as cover. "Rick's as good as dead. And without him, they're nothing. Game fucking over. Phase fucking two, let's move out," I order the others, as we gather near one of the cars outside their walls. One of my men hit me in the back of the head with his rifle. "I'm right here, goddammit!"
"Sorry, Sir. I didn't see you there."
"Can you really not see out here?! It's dark but it's not that fucking dark. Whatever, where are we at? How many men have we lost?"
"Best count, we've lost less than ten, won't really know until we can regroup. I've got men gathering just to the east of and west of the front of the house. They're keeping quiet like you wanted. We're ready to storm in whenever you are."
"You found everyone?"
"Most everyone. Rest are either dead or will hear us when we charge in and join."
"Let's move."
"Once we're inside, if it moves, kill it! It's time for this war to end!"
"Hurry," Carl shouts, as Rick's men try to take cover in one of the houses. "We gotta shut the door!"
"You think a fucking door is going to stop us, kid?! Come on, you're smarter than that."
Carl slams the door, even locking it.
"Tear it the fuck down. Weapons at the ready! I don't want to see any hesitation! Remember, every drop of blood gets us one step closer to putting this nasty business behind us! Let's make sure these fuckers never find the fucking balls to try this again!"
Car lights from behind us flip on. "Take 'em down!"
Four men in front of me drop to the ground. "Get out of the lights!" Fucking idiots! I can't even tell what direction the fire is coming from. How could they have fucking prepared an ambush like this? Several bullets barely miss me. "Fuck! Retreat! Run! Get the fuck out of here!" Trying to get out of this place was a maze of storage containers and dead bodies. We should have taken out more of their men, but most importantly, Rick won't survive the night.
Dwight chucks another piece of wood in the fire. "Do you think it's wise to camp this close?"
"We're fucking doing it, aren't we? Jesus, Dwight, sometimes I just don't think you have a fucking brain in your head. Let me spell it out for you. Those people are fucked, and it's not like they just don't know it yet, they are fully fucking aware. They're staring at a fucked up gate and watching all their injured sweat their nut sacks or vaginas whichever, off before they fucking die. And here we motherfucking sit. In plain view. Roasting marshmallows for all they know, and you shot their leader. Rick motherfucking Grimes. After that fucker dies, they'll be so lost. They'll probably come begging me to take their shit and let things get back to normal, and I'll happily be their Savior again. As long as they let me piss all over that asshole's body."
"Piss on him?! You're serious, aren't you?"
"You could try a little harder to hide your disdain for me, Dwight, but I get it. We've got a history and I'm too goddamn motherfucking happy about how well things are going to get angry with you. But seriously, there's nothing weird about wanting to piss all over Rick Grimes' dead bloated body. He ruined everything. Every motherfucking thing. It'd be weird if I didn't piss all over him. Wish I was there to see him, sweating through his shirt, eyes sinking back into his skull. Little Carl, crying his exposed eye socket out-"
"Sir, got a report from the scouts. There's a vehicle approaching the Hilltop. That guy you brought in, the bullet maker, he's driving. And, Sir, Carson is with him."
"You know what? Who fucking cares? We'll get them back soon enough."
"I fucking despise what you've turned into."
I whip my head around. "Don't fucking start, Dwight! We were just starting to get along."
"This bullshit war you've got us all fighting. What for? Do you even know why? Supplies? Resources? By the time we're done, these places will be inhabitable. These fucking rules that you enforce on us, but twist them to suit you. Your bad decision got Connor killed. Vic won't survive the injuries you caused. Do you really think Carson is ever coming back after you treated him like some fucking lap dog? You sent Marshall after Tara, another bad decision because deep down you're trying to ignore the fact both of them are fucking dead. You forced Alice out of Sanctuary, which is a fucking death sentence. All their blood is on your hands, Negan. Yours. I know you got enjoyment from burning Mark's face. It was like you couldn't wait until you had the chance. Sherry chose you twice because there was no other choice. You made sure of that."
"Fuck. You."
"I never should have fucking trusted you."
"In a few hours, none of that shit will even matter, and you'll be someone else's problem that is, if you leave alive."
"I can assure you I'm leaving this alive. Just so you know, Sherry came home to me last night and when this is over, she's leaving you, too."
Sherry leaving hurts. I've done every-fucking-thing for her, and it's the thanks I get. Still, I can't sell her out because I know what pushed her to the edge is Alice. I should have fucking told Dwight everything right then. Cleared this whole mess up, but I promised Sherry, and no matter how angry I am with her, I won't tell him. Besides, there will never be trust between the two of us. It also makes me think about the betrayal of Carson leaving. Especially, because I have always treated him fairly. I don't know how to run Sanctuary without Carson. He's vital to our survival. Guess I'll have to fucking figure it out. I've got the entire night to come up with something.
This is it. Our finest hour. "Fire at the school bus, get their attention," I tell my men. Several rounds tear through the metal. The shell casings still on the ground, and the dust settles. "Hello? Anybody home?! White flag, I come in peace! To accept your peaceful surrender. I think technically waving the white flag means I'm surrendering, but let's not be stupid, okay? You fuckers got your asses handed to you with a side order of my dick up those asses. Heh. So, let's talk. I'm sure you don't want to fight anymore, so let's not fucking fight. Let's be fuck buddies again and stop all this fighting. Let's move from one F to the other F and my favorite F. Let's end this goddamn war." The fuck? "I feel like I'm talking to a fucking wall here. I'm talking to a fucking wall, aren't I? Fuck."
Dwight steps closer. "They can hear you. Give them time."
"I know Rick is dead! Scrape up whatever passes for a leader in there and send him the fuck out here. Let's formalize this shit already! I give you my word that this is a neutral zone. No more bloodshed. Lucille is drunk off her ass and couldn't handle another drop. Come on, people. Don't be such fucking cowards. We don't want to have to come in there, but we sure as fuck will if you make us. I'll—"
"Surprised?" Rick stands on the hood of the school bus they've used as a temporary gate.
"Dwight?! This better be a fucking ghost!"
Rick climbs down from the hood, advancing towards me. "Don't look at him. Look at me!"
"Oh, I'm looking at you. You're limping. You're moving slow, Rick. You've seen better days for fucking sure. You might even be on your last legs. Let's call it a day, let things go back to the way they were. That way I can go home and fuck a wife or two and you can go back into recovery. You look like hell."
"Let me put this in words you'll understand. Fuck you."
"I want to let you in on a little secret. I don't really enjoy killing. Your little Asian friend, sure it was, neat once I started, but I never wanted to do that. You made me do it. Don't make me do it again."
"I want to let you in on a little secret. You must be the absolute stupidest fucking person still alive."
"What?"
"You want to end this? Let's end this. Smarten the fuck up and let's do this right. Let's work together."
"I don't follow. You proposing we hold hands and sing songs? You're really going there? You're worse off than I thought."
"I'm proposing you stop fucking everything up so that we can all live. What the fuck are you fighting for? We're fighting a fucking psycho who threatens to kill us if you don't give him half our shit. We're fighting for a peaceful way of life, after surviving a whole lot of not peaceful times. What I'm getting at, Negan, is we've lived through a lot of shit, and we've figured out how to live in the new world and you're screwing all that up. The dead are the problem, but we've wrapped our heads around that problem. They'll always be danger, they'll always be there, and we're capable of dealing with that, long-term. Now, all we have to worry about is you. So that's what we're fighting for. A world without Negan. What about you?"
"Okay, I'll play your little game. You want to talk through this, that will make you feel better? Sure. Let's fucking do it. Frankly, I've just been defending myself from a bunch of ungrateful fucks most of the time. But mostly, I'm trying to restore order. Get things back to where they were before you came along and fucked everything up. You see, I know what it takes for people to survive and it's someone like me. Someone to keep everyone in line, to keep everyone preoccupied so they're not focused on how goddamn miserable they are. I'm saving lives."
"You're just stupid enough to believe that, aren't you? Can I remind you of something you seem to have forgotten? We have the whole goddamn world to share. There's just not that many people left. There's no reason we should be fighting. We have a common enemy. Y'know, the one that comes in and kills us in the downtime between killing each other. What we're doing, that's helping them win. We do this long enough and neither one of us win. So here's my new idea. You want half our shit? Fine. Make us some blankets. Bring us tools. Siphon gasoline for us. Gather up cloth for us to make new clothes. Or just make new clothes and give those to us. Do something productive."
The fuck? Does he think I'm running some kind of fucking sweatshop in that factory? I swat his hand away when he presses his finger to my chest. "You're proposing we establish some kind of fucking barter system?"
"Yes, that's it exactly. But that's only the beginning."
"The beginning of what?"
"The beginning of everything. Do you not realize what we have here? What we've already built? The potential of what we have here is almost limitless. We have a lot of people between us. People who are smart and capable, who can do amazing things if we work together. We can establish a system of trade. Then we can build safer places to live. We can fix roads. We can set up farms. This many people working together we could accomplish so much. We could fix it all, Negan. Everything. We may never be able to get things completely back to the way they were, but we can get damn close. People can live their lives, children can grow up in a safe environment. We could be happy. All of us. We could rebuild civilization, maybe even do a better job of it this time."
"Fuck!" Rick is …right. "Fuck. Fuck Fuck. We could establish a safe zone between our communities for travel. If we worked together it could be easily maintained. If we divided certain tasks among the communities, there's very little we couldn't accomplish. Food, supplies, construction, security. If we delegated and cooperated it could change everything. I've had it all wrong. I've been acting like a hungry dog, hoarding supplies, pushing others away, for safety, for my people. Goddammit, I think you're right."
"We can do so much more together. United. So much that could be changed. You're seeing things my way."
"Yes. Yes, I am." Wait a fucking second… Of course! That's where Alice went. With Rick. Oh, Christ, I could show her that I'm someone she-
Rick slashes his knife across my throat. "Good."
I choke for a fucking breath, clutching my severed throat before taking a knee.
"It's done! This war is over! We have a Doctor who can save his life! Surrender and allow us to take him, and we will not attack. You can appoint a new leader and return home. Decide now before he dies!"
I tackle Rick before another word leaves his traitorous mouth.
"Maniac!"
"Ngg." I punt this fuckhead right in the jaw. "Kill… Me...?!" I hope I broke this fuckers ribs as my boot knocks the wind out of him. "Kill… You!"
He struggles for a breath.
"You… y..."
His leg flies up.
I quickly grab it. "Fuck... you..." I twist and break it. "Heh... uh…" I sway a bit, then topple over to the ground. I must be hallucinating as I watch Dwight pick up Lucille.
"Stand down! Put away your weapons, and calm down. This war is over. Negan has fallen! If you want to survive, you will follow me as you followed him! We don't have to be afraid of his rules anymore! Things will be better now. You'll see. Give me a chance. Go. Dismantle the camp. Prepare for the journey home."
"Fu...ck... y…you... Dwig—" I gurgle. You know how they say right before you die, your entire life flashes before your eyes? Mine didn't. Instead, I get one small snippet as I bleed out on the hill and my heavy eyes close. It's my most favorite memory of Alice. The day I came home and Joanna was brushing her hair.
Why are you staring at me with such intensity?
Because I'm pretending there's more to this than what there is. The way you looked at me when I came in, like you were happy to see me, no one's ever looked at me like that before. Greeted me with such a genuine welcome. Made me feel like I'm worth a goddamn.
"…if we kill him… we're worse… rules are changing… punished…"
This is like one of those dreams where you scream, but no one can fucking hear you. Open your fucking eyes! You can't die. Not here. Not like this. Rick's voice slowly starts to become louder.
"Wait for me outside."
I think he's talking to Carl. Thank fucking Christ I'm alive.
"You're awake, aren't you?"
My eyes spring open. Shit, I'm handcuffed to a fucking gurney. "I'm... in and out. I think I just caught the end of that. You have me and you don't want to kill me? Okay. So what now?"
"Now we rebuild. We're going to undo all the damage you did and with you out of the way, we're going to thrive. I'm going to keep you alive, I'm going to make you watch what we become so that you can see how wrong you were. How much you were holding us back. You're going to rot in jail until you die an old man, Negan. You're fucked."
