Travelling at speed in the ambulance with the sirens wailing Leonard was overcome with guilt. To his horror he'd come to realise that in his haste to get to work that morning he'd forgotten to ensure that Grace had her inhaler. He doubted that he'd ever be able to forgive himself. By the time they arrived at the emergency room Grace's condition was deteriorating and was taken immediately into a trauma room.
"Please please don't let my baby die." Leonard said out loud to a room of people who were unable to hear him above the din coming from the medical equipment and their own verbal exchanges as they battled to save Grace's life. The sight of needles and tubes was beginning to make him nauseated and feeling as though he might be sick at any moment, he stepped out into the hall.
"Leonard what's going on?" asked Howard as he approached his friend.
"I don't know Howard….nothing seems to be working." he garbled frantically. "My God this is my fault... I forgot to pack her inhaler. How could I forget?"
Before Leonard could finish Bernadette pulled him into her arms, offering much needed comfort.
"Leonard this is not your fault." she insisted shaking him gently by the shoulders."You can't blame yourself; you have to be strong for Grace, do you hear me?"
"Amber..My God." Leonard began his thoughts turning to the woman he now cared for deeply. "Have you heard anything?"
There hadn't been any news and as far as Bernadette and Howard were aware she was still being held captive by her monster of a husband.
"Leonard, you have to trust that the police will get Amber out. There's really nothing we can do. Right now you need to focus on Grace."
Leonard had always admired Bernadette's strength of character and the way in which she seemed able to deal with crises that he and his other friends were not. When Penny had died he and pretty much everyone else around him had fallen apart, but despite her own grief Bernadette had remained strong for all of them and had largely taken over the funeral arrangements.
"Dr Hofstadter."
Leonard turned to face the physician that had just emerged from the trauma room where Grace was being treated. He introduced himself as one of the ER's attending paediatric physicians.
"Can I ask are you a doctor of medicine?"
Leonard shook his head, "No, I'm a physicist." He answered. "My daughter, how is she?"
He was almost too afraid to ask for fear of what the stern faced doctor might say.
"Grace isn't showing signs of improvement at the moment and we're concerned about her oxygen saturation levels. We're intubating her so we can put her on a ventilator and then transfer her to the paediatric ICU." he told Leonard calmly.
Through the glass Leonard could see another physician guiding a tube into Grace's throat.
"But she will be ok won't she?" Leonard asked with the desperation of a man close to breaking point. "I mean once she's on the ventilator her condition will stabilise and she'll be ok right?...right?. Just tell me my little girl is gonna be ok."
"Dr. Hofstadter right now I'm afraid Grace is a very sick little girl, but please be reassured that she is getting the best possible care and that we're doing all that we can." The doctor said in what sounded like a well rehearsed reply." Is Grace's Mom here?"
At the mention of Penny Leonard heart lurched. Right then he would have given anything to have his wife at his side. If there was ever a time he needed her it was now.
"Grace's Mom died two years ago."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there somebody you would like me to call? Grace's grandparents perhaps?"
"No thank you. " Leonard replied.
Thousands of miles away in Nebraska there was little Wyatt or Susan could do and he had no intention of phoning his own mother. Beverly Hofstadter was the last person he needed. Just then the double doors of the trauma room swung open and Grace was lying was wheeled out in the hall and toward the elevator. After watching their sorrowful friend disappear into the elevator beside his daughter Bernadette finally allowed herself to cry openly.
"Oh God Howie. I can't believe this is happening." She sobbed collapsing onto a nearby seat.
"You heard the doctor. Grace is in the best place." Howard said putting arm around his wife's shoulders and pulling her close to him, planting a kiss on her head. "We just have to be here for Leonard."
"Howie I'm pregnant."
Bernadette's announcement seemed to come out of nowhere and at first Howard was certain he'd misheard.
"What?..Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
She had been returning from her doctor's office and on her way back to work when Howard had rang with the news of what had happened.
"Oh my God Bernie that's terrific." Howard exclaimed, after finally absorbing the news. "I'm gonna be a Dad."
"I wasn't going to tell you until we knew Grace was ok because it seemed wrong to be happy right now, but I so wanted you to know. We're having a baby."
After years of waiting and living with disappointment Bernadette and Howard were finally expecting their first baby. Meanwhile three floors above Leonard was at his daughter's bedside in the PICU gazing down at her with an anguished expression. Never had he seen her look so small and helpless.
"Why don't you take a seat Dr. Hofstadter?" a nurse wearing scrubs with a teddy bear pattern said "I know it's upsetting, but Grace is in the best place right now."
"Do you have children?" Leonard asked without averting his eyes.
"Yes, two boys. Ten and thirteen a real handful I can tell you." She laughed.
"So you know what it's like then? The unconditional love you feel for your child? How you would do anything for them?"
The nurse nodded slowly in reply.
"Yes I do. I got divorced last year so I also know how difficult it is being a single parent trying to raise a child."
Leonard brushed away some lose strands of Grace's hair from her face, as he looked around the PICU he could see the distraught faces of other parents as they kept vigil at their child's bedside.
"Grace. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl." the nurse said as went about reading the monitor and making notes on a chart.
The name Grace had been Sheldon's mother Mary Cooper's suggestion after her favourite hymn and had been delighted when Leonard and Penny announced their baby daughter's name.
"Amazing Grace." Leonard whispered to his daughter. "You saved me."
"I'm truly sorry about wife Dr. Hofstadter." the nurse touched Leonard's shoulder.
During her coffee break earlier she had seen the news report concerning the arrests of the two men that had shot Penny, described then as a Pasadena waitress and wife of a physicist based at Caltech University. When Grace had been transferred from the ER she had recognised the name and made the connection that Leonard was Penny's husband.
"Grace is my world. If it hadn't been for her after my wife died I don't think I'd been here now." Leonard confided. "My research, the house none of that matters. Without Grace I have absolutely nothing."
The nurse nodded her understanding. "Can I get you anything? Some coffee maybe?"
Leonard shook his head and the nurse left. Seeing his daughter looking so fragile and knowing it might have been avoided had she had her inhaler, the feelings of guilt were beginning to consume him. Remembering the song that Penny used to sing to Grace when she was sick, Leonard began to quietly sing it to her.
"Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty
Little ball of fur
Happy Kitty Sleepy Kitty
Purr Purr Purr"
"I'm sorry Daddy isn't as good at singing Soft Kitty as Mommy was sweetheart" he whispered as he finished. "Oh Grace Honey I'm so sorry I know I've let you down...Please don't leave me."
Leonard buried his head on the bed and began to sob.
"She's going to be just fine Leonard."
Coming from the other side of the bed was the sound of a familiar voice that for so long he'd yearned to hear. Leonard lifted his head and couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was Penny smiling lovingly down at her daughter….
