Ok, a couple of things. First, I'm so so so sorry about the incredibly long wait for this chapter. I got really sick (like seriously, not-going-to-work-cause-I-can't-leave-my-bed sick) last week and I have been recovering and catching up on real work since then. I just haven't had time before now to update this story. I promise, I won't make you wait that long again (barring, of course, another unforeseen illness). And as payment for your wait, this update is really long.

Also, I'm a little sad about the Julian in my story. I'm really liking him on the show so it makes me sad to have him be a bad guy here but this is how the story has played out in my head since the beginning. All apologies to the Julian from the show!

Finally, I know this is a really, exceptionally bad day in the life of Peyton. I'm sorry! I just…well, its always darkest before the dawn, right?


Chpt. 9--Dark Side of the Moon
Album by Pink Floyd

The days following Peyton's awakening passed quickly. Peyton was moved out of ICU and though her lingering pain was palpable, it was clear she was regaining strength every day. Luke and Brooke spent their nights sleeping at Peyton's downtown apartment and in the morning, while Peyton met with the therapist who would soon supervise her physical therapy, both caught up with the details of their own lives that had been left behind in their haste to get to Peyton. For Brooke that meant a seemingly endless stream of phone calls and e-mails to ensure her clothing line didn't fall behind the demanding pace of fashion. She also took some much-needed time to create new designs, a gratifying chore now that she was reunited with her harshest, and most talented, artistic critic. Lucas found his inspiration renewed and spent his mornings racing through his second novel. At times it seemed his thoughts flew faster than his fingers could type but he could only be grateful that the talent and drive to put pen to paper wasn't, as was his most secret fear, lost forever.

When morning drifted into afternoon, Brooke and Luke headed to the hospital to join Peyton in her room for lunch. The three old friends were surprised at how quickly, and seamlessly, they fell into a comfortable routine. Conversation flowed as easily as ever, running the gauntlet from hilarious recounts of high school pursuits to impassioned reviews of up-and-coming bands. Everyone consciously avoided any potentially difficult subjects. Brooke refused to mention the constant harassment she received from her mother while she, in Victoria's words, 'babysat her parasitic loser of a friend.' Lucas thought to bring Peyton her ipod and sketch pad and spent his afternoons entertaining the two girls with stories of Jamie, Lily, his mother and Andy's reunion, the Scott family's trials and successes, and any other Tree Hill news he could think of. For their part, the girls were a voracious audience, surprised by how much they both missed the sleepy town of their childhood. Peyton avoided asking Lucas about Lindsey or what he was doing in her life again. By refusing to dwell on the pain of their past, Peyton rediscovered what the loss of the boy she loved had obscured: Lucas Scott was a friend and she missed him.

Not wanting to ruin their newfound truce, Peyton waited for a rare moment alone with Brooke before she brought up Julian. Concerned that she had imagined seeing him the first time she opened her eyes, Peyton asked Brooke, "Julian? He's ok, right? I saw him here, I thought."

"Yeah, he's ok. He's…He's just not here anymore."

Peyton assumed Brooke's hesitation was due to fear of telling her Julian took off the minute things got tough. She pursed her lips and spoke sarcastically, "Just having fun, right?"

"Peyton--" but before Brooke could continue, Luke entered the room.

"Hey blondie! I smuggled in some chocolate chip cookies for you!"

With a slight shake of her head so Brooke would let their conversation drop, Peyton smiled at Luke and dryly replied, "Chocolate chip cookies? If I'm not mistaken, that's your favorite food, not mine." But her hand snuck out to grab a cookie and she closed her eyes at the first glorious bite of non-hospital food. "Mmmm…"

"Yeah," Luke was smug, "that's what I thought you'd say."

Unfortunately, however, this idyllic routine was precariously balanced on a tightrope of questions and fears and secrets and it wasn't long before their enthusiasm came crashing down.


"How're you feeling today, Ms. Sawyer?"

"Same as yesterday--ready to go home." Peyton tried her sweetest smile on her surgeon. So far flirting hadn't worked (even Brooke couldn't penetrate his unflappable control) and the doctor refused to give Peyton an exit strategy. But she kept trying and her pulse raced with excitement when he perched his hip on the side of her bed. Instead of smiling at her as she expected, he turned to Brooke and spoke quietly, "Ms. Davis, can you give Ms. Sawyer and I a minute alone?"

Before Brooke could move to leave Peyton noticed the expression on Dr. Stevens' face. "Wait. Can she stay? I…you look serious. Can she stay?"

"Of course. Ms. Sawyer, I know you've spoken to a physical therapist and you know about the long road you are going to have getting back on your feet." Peyton nodded. "But there's something we haven't discussed. I wanted to…well, frankly, I was just so happy you were alive and talking to us, I wanted to give you a few days before we discussed this." Brooke scooted over to clasp Peyton's hand. "You've been told that there was a tear on your uterus caused by the accident, right?"

"Yeah." Peyton nodded but she was still confused.

"You suffered what is known as a uterine rupture. This generally occurs to women who are pregnant or have previously had a cesarean section. However, it can also be caused, as in this case, by trauma to the uterus." Peyton squeezed Brooke's hand reflexively as she began to grasp what the doctor was telling her. "The damage to your uterus was extensive and you lost a significant amount of blood. We tried to control the bleeding by repairing the uterus. That was your first surgery. However, we were unsuccessful and you began to bleed internally again. We had no choice but to perform a hysterectomy." Peyton couldn't prevent the tears that streamed down her face. "I'm terribly sorry. In a patient as young as you, we try everything possible to avoid such a drastic procedure but the damage was simply too much. We had no other choice."

"A…" Peyton couldn't get the words out. "I…I can't have a baby. Ever. That's what you are telling me, right?" The doctor nodded his head while Peyton turned her tear-streaked eyes to Brooke. "I…I never thought about…I mean a baby…I'm not even…but…Brooke."

"I know," Brooke shared the pain only another woman could feel. "I know."

"There's a lot to talk about, including hormone replacement therapy and alternative family planning. But I want to give you a little time to digest this information. I'll be back tomorrow to discuss this and…we'll figure out when you can leave, I promise." He tried to smile at Peyton, wanting to bring a little joy back to the room, but she hadn't turned away from Brooke. "Ms. Sawyer…I'm…" At a loss, he shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said quietly as he walked away.

"Dr. Stevens?" Peyton called before he could leave. "You saved my life. Please don't ever apologize to me." Then she turned into Brooke's arms and quietly wept.


As Luke approached Peyton's room, his steps were quick and light. He had finished his second book and he couldn't wait to tell Peyton about it. It was as though the words had been stored in his head (or was it his heart?) all this time and it only took seeing her again to unlock the story of a boy who sees a comet. But when he turned the corner to Peyton's hall the two police officers Brooke had pointed out were standing near her door. Moving quickly to reach her room before they entered, he called out, "Excuse me! Officer!"

The older cop turned around, "It's Lieutenant. Lieutenant Daniels."

Nodding, Luke stuck out a hand to the man. "Lieutenant Daniels. And…"

"Officer Stinton."

Luke nodded at Peyton's door. "You're going to talk to her, question her, right? So you're gonna tell her about Julian?"

Lieutenant Daniels replied, "We need to speak to Ms. Sawyer, yes. I'm sorry, but you are?"

"Oh, sorry. Luke. Lucas Scott. I'm a friend. We…umm…Brooke, her other friend, and I… we haven't told her about Julian." Officer Stinton raised one eyebrow. "I know, I know. We just wanted to give her some time to recover and…well. I guess each day it got easier not telling her, you know? Anyway. She needs to know. So…I'm going in there with you." It was a statement, not a question, but Luke's expression dared the officers to disagree with him.

"If Ms. Sawyer wants you there, you can be there. But stay out of our way." Lieutenant Daniels spoke as Luke pushed through Peyton's door. Peyton was still curled in Brooke's arms. Though both girls had stopped crying, all three men easily recognized the ravages of nearly-dried tears on their cheeks.

"Peyton? Brooke? What happened?"

Peyton just shook her head and closed her eyes. She wasn't ready to share this news with anyone, least of all Luke.

Brooke was the first to notice the officers who had followed behind Luke and, dropping her forehead to Peyton's hair, she groaned "Now? Do you have to do this now?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Davis, but sooner is better than later. Ms. Sawyer. I'm Officer James Stinton and this is my partner, Lieutenant Stewart Daniels. Your doctor said you were well enough to speak to us. We have to ask you a few questions about the accident."

"I don't… I don't remember much."

"I understand. Can you tell us what you do remember?"

"I… Julian and I, my boyfriend," Peyton heard Luke's sharp intake of breath, "my ex-boyfriend. We went to a party with some friends in Malibu. We were riding home and I… I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in a hospital."

"Did you drink alcohol at the party, Ms. Sawyer?"

"Yeah. A couple of drinks. That's probably why I fell asleep. But Julian, he wasn't drinking."

"You didn't see Mr. Baker drink at the party?"

"No. I…I didn't want to go. To the party, I didn't want to go. It was his friends and…well, they aren't my favorite people. So I made a deal. If we went, I got to drink. He had to stay sober. So I mean, sure, maybe he had a beer or two, but he was sober when we got in the car. I swear he was."

"Does Mr. Baker use any drugs, Ms. Sawyer?"

"What?" Peyton's head shot up so fast from Brooke's chest she almost connected with Brooke's chin. "Drugs?"

"Do you know if Mr. Baker uses any drugs?"

"Of course not. I mean, not that I know of. Wouldn't I know something like that? What's going on?"

"Just a few more, Ms. Sawyer." Lieutenant Daniels had yet to speak and his smooth voice surprised Peyton. "Do you recall stopping anywhere during your drive from Malibu?"

"No. Like I said, I was asleep pretty much the entire way. Why would you ask me about drugs?"

Officer Stinton resumed the interview. "We found an assortment of cocaine and heroine in the smashed portion of Mr. Baker's car." Brooke hugged Peyton closer when she gasped. "There was…it appears the scene of your accident was pretty chaotic and Mr. Baker's blood alcohol level was not tested. However, witnesses have reported Mr. Baker's car was traveling at an excessively high speed and he went through that red light without hesitation. The red light camera clearly corroborates this. We believe Mr. Baker was high for a portion of your drive home. We believe he stopped to buy and use drugs, though we aren't certain which ones, at a gas station off Genesee Avenue. The station closed down about three weeks ago but it turns out their security cameras were still turned on. Just a really unusual stroke of luck. We have tape of Mr. Baker, approximately 30 minutes before your accident, handing cash to a known drug dealer from West Hollywood in exchange for a small paper bag. Mr. Baker then entered the men's restroom through a busted door and did not return to his car for approximately seven minutes. The drugs found in his vehicle were contained in a small paper bag, the same bag we saw on the tape. We believe, even without the blood test, we have enough to successfully charge him for vehicular homicide."

"Homicide?" Peyton had been silently weeping against Brooke's chest but now her eyes were wide open. "Murder? But I'm…Oh no. Oh God. Luke." Peyton turned miserable eyes to Luke. She knew Brooke would sympathize with her grief but she couldn't help it--no one understood the affect her mom's death had on her everyday life quite like Luke. No one knew how she felt every time, every single time, she sat at a red light.

He was next to her on the bed instantly. "I know Peyton. I know baby." Cupping her face in his hands, he spoke quickly. "This isn't your fault. Peyton, listen to me. This isn't your fault." He kept repeating the same words over and over, staring determinedly into Peyton's weeping eyes.

"Ms. Sawyer." Lieutenant Daniels cleared his throat. "Your blood alcohol was taken at the hospital. It's routine procedure in car accidents. You were over the legal limit but there were no drugs found in your system. And you are clearly visible, on the convenience store tape, sleeping in the front seat. Everything you've told us matches the evidence we have found. We've talked to friends of Mr. Baker who say he had a drug problem a while ago but that, as far as they knew, he'd been clean for a while. We think this was his first time back off the wagon, so to speak. You couldn't know about that. Your friend is right, Ms. Sawyer, this isn't your fault."

Peyton finally turned away from Luke but she brought his hand to her lips while she spoke. "The…the victim," Peyton shuddered and Brooke wrapped her arm around her shoulder. "Can you…can you tell me anything?"

"Her name was Ashley Turner and she was 42 years old. I'm sorry, but her family has asked us to remain discrete. They don't want…it's a natural inclination to want to speak to them, Ms. Sawyer, but they've asked that you refrain from contacting them."

"No, I…of course. Whatever they want. Oh God. Please. I'm sorry, I can't take anymore. Can we… can we finish this tomorrow?"

"I think we have all the information we need for right now. We'll be contacting you again, Ms. Sawyer." Not appreciating the terrible irony, Officer Stinton spoke from the doorway, "It's good to see you doing so well."