Author's note: Dear reviewer that claims the bear idea is stupid even by Ranma standards. In the manga, Kuno fused with a demon tree. He became an actual tree with Kuno's face and could only be freed by having an enjoyable date/kiss with a pigtailed girl. Another time, Ranma was nearly killed by an ugly bathing suit because it wanted so badly to be complimented. Finally, let us not forget the overweight ghost that intended to kill Happosai if no one was willing to steal her huge panties. I rest my case, Nothing is too stupid for Ranma.
I am owning the many nothings.
Magic and Mushrooms ch9
That could kill her! Ryoga realized as he watched Ranma duck and weave to avoid the cursed water being splashed her way. He wrestled his way out of Akane's grip and jumped across the room. He landed teeth first onto Shampoo's arm and bit down hard.
"Eeya!" She screeched, then brought the ladle down on his head. "Stupid pig no interfere."
He crashed to the floor. Dammit, I can't do anything to help as a pig! He thought as he fled the room.
Akane watched in annoyance. Jeez, that girl will do anything for a date. How pathetic. This display was not that unusual though for the Tendo home, so she decided to ignore them and eat.
-Cough cough, spit-
Could I have mistaken sugar for salt?
She didn't notice that everyone else was using the distraction as an excuse to not eat her food. Ranma aided them by throwing first the cutlery, then the dishes and finally all the food that Akane seemed to have a hand in at Shampoo as she dodged the water. Shampoo evaded nearly everything, except a bowl of miso soup that seemed to be eating a hole through her shirt, this only enraged the blue haired Amazon, who redoubled her efforts. Ranma pulled her belt off, infused the ends with chi and threw it at Shampoo, much like she had done with Kuno to pin him to the statue. Shampoo was more nimble than Kuno though and ducked below the belt before the ends embedded themselves in the wall.
After running out of projectiles Ranma had dodged herself right into a corner. Damn, now what do I do? If I hit her, I could get splashed, and I can't use energy attacks with everyone sitting here.
Most of the room's occupants continued to ignore the display as Shampoo once again put Ranma on the defensive. Nodoka looked on with a mixture of concern and confusion. Nabiki however looked on with a gleam in her eye, she reached into her school bag and tossed something to Ranma. Ranma caught it and grinned. She threw the item at Shampoo's face, and with a wide smile said, "Oh, what a nice, lacy bra you have there." In the blink of an eye, Happosai had latched onto Shampoo's face, completely distracting the girl.
"That will be 5000 yen by the way." Nabiki told Ranma, with her hand outstretched. Ranma groaned, but handed the money over. Getting further into debt with Nabiki wouldn't end well.
"Woohoo! What a beauty!" Happosai cried as he kicked off of Shampoos face holding the lacy bra. The kick knocked Shampoo off balance, as she fell backward, her arms flailed to the side. Two things happened at once, Shampoo crashed into Nodoka and they both fell to the floor, just as the water from the pale splashed out, landing on a stunned Ranma. We're gonna die! Was Ranma's last thought before the Aura of the Fierce Mama Bear burst forth. The sudden scorching heat of her battle aura turned the water to steam and dried her clothing instantly..
"You shouldn't have done that." Her eyes were sparking again, not that she was aware of it. It was a terrifying sight for the occupants of the room though. Everyone was frozen in place, even Happosai, still clutching the lacy bra, was unable to move.
Ranma grabbed the Amazon by her shirt, and pulled her upright before driving her first into the girl's stomach at full force. Pulling her fist back again, Ranma was prepared to hit Shampoo black and blue, but a hand on her wrist stopped her. She blinked a few times, "Not again..." She fell backwards but was caught by someone.
"What do you think you are doing?" She heard Ryoga shout at Shampoo. Ah, so that's who's holding me.
Shampoo recovered from her shock at Ranma's outburst and rubbed her bruised tummy. "Great grandmother tell Shampoo what wrong with Ranma. Shampoo wanted to fix problem with instant Nannichuan."
"You knew and you still tried that!? It could have killed her!" Ryoga sounded really angry. Ranma herself might have been angry if she wasn't so dazed from releasing so much chi.
Everyone had been recovering from the shock of feeling Ranma's aura, but talk of Ranma being killed got their attention and snapped them out of it.
"Is chance Shampoo willing to take. If Ranma stay as woman, Shampoo have to kill anyway. If Ranma turn to boy and live then everything is being normal again." She explained, trying to seem unapologetic, but tears were forming in the corners of her eyes.
Ryoga's fist balled at his side. "Get out! Get out before I kill you myself!" His voice was low and dangerous, this was no idle threat.
Ranma's eyes were closing. She knew she shouldn't sleep while danger was still present, but she felt so safe with Ryoga's arm around her...
All eyes turned to Shampoo. She looked around the room, she was outnumbered, and she didn't want to cry in front of all these people, so she turned and left. She was out of water anyway, so there wasn't a reason to stay. She'd be back with a new plan another day. She knew now that Ranma had cheated on her, with a guy of all people! He'd either become the man she expected or die as a woman. Her tribe's laws permitted no less, that's what she told herself over and over as the tears finally fell.
"Ranma!" Ryoga yelled as she slumped in his arms. He slid to his knees and let her lay on the floor, her head on his lap.
Nodoka and Akane rushed forward to check on her. "He's breathing, I think he's just exhausted from releasing such a ferocious battle aura." Nodoka said.
"Ryoga, what was that you said before? About the water possibly killing Ranma?" Akane asked.
He couldn't explain that with Ranma's mother in the room, he needed to buy time, if only a little. "Uh, because, those crazy Jusenkyo powders, are, uh... never work right, you know? Hehe..." smooth...
Akane and the others didn't look convinced, but didn't say anything more because of Nodoka's presence.
"Hmm..." Happosai pondered, "Where have I seen an aura like that before?"
"It was rather unique, it was unlike any aura Ranma has ever used before." Genma noted.
"It was so scary!" Kasumi added.
Nodoka forehead creased in thought for a moment, "That girl..." Nodoka said, "…made it sound as though Ranma couldn't change back from being a girl." She looked at everyone present sternly, her sword resting on her knees.
"Oh..."
"Uh..."
"Err..."
"You see..."
Akane spoke up, realizing that Nodoka couldn't have seen Ranma being hit with the water because Shampoo had landed on her, "She's just upset because Ranma's been training as a girl so much. She has a crush on him, but she's a little crazy."
"Yeah," Ryoga added, "The day that Ranma was in the hospital, I caught her trying to trick Ranma into turning back so that he'd take her on a date."
Nodoka accepted this and put her sword away, what a manly son I have, to attract so many women to him.
"Ohh..." Ranma stirred. She tried to sit up, but Akane and Nodoka pushed her back down.
"Just rest dear, you're exhausted." Her mother told her.
"Did I hurt anyone?" Ranma asked.
"Not badly, you only hit Shampoo once. Ryoga stopped you before you could really hurt her." Akane answered.
She glanced up at him, "I guess I owe you, again." She said with a weak smile.
"Hey, what else are friends for?" Ranma's eyes widened and he realized that was the first time he had ever acknowledged that they were indeed friends. He just smiled back. No one but Nabiki noticed the almost tender way the two looked at one another before they broke eye contact and looked awkward.
After a few minutes of looking thoughtful, Nodoka spoke, "Ranma is clearly having difficulties controlling his battle aura. This needs to be addressed a soon as possible, Genma, as soon as he recovers begin his training."
"Yes, of course." Genma agreed.
"That terrible chi left me completely paralyzed, and I cannot normally even sense battle auras. Were any of the rest of you able to move?" Nodoka asked as she looked at the martial artists in the room.
"It felt as though I would burst into flames if I moved so much as a muscle." Soun replied.
"I couldn't move at all Auntie Saotome." Akane admitted.
Genma just shook his head, he'd never seen an aura so full of burning anger.
Hopposai didn't answer, his face was scrunched up in thought. I know I've seen that aura before, but where? It was so long ago...
"Oh!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Happosai, I forgot to give you the mail that came while you were away." She handed over a stack of lingerie catalogues that he had ordered. His eyes sparkled as he perused the pictures on the cover. All thoughts of the aura were removed from his head as he ran off to his room to view his lovlies. He of course did not forget to take his lovely new lacy bra.
"Ryoga," Nodoka turned to the boy, "how is it that you were able to move?"
"Oh, uh, well the first time I used my own aura as a shield, because Ranma's aura was so hot I was hesitant to get close. This time though, I just ran through it, it was hot but surprisingly, it didn't burn."
Nodoka didn't have any idea what that could have meant, she wasn't a martial artist. Then again, the martial artists in the room had no idea either. "Well then, until Ranma can get this under control, I must insist that you stick close to him. It seems there is no one else capable of stopping him. I will arrange for you to attend school with him immediately."
"Yes ma'am." Ryoga replied, even if he didn't really want to play babysitter to Ranma. The woman seemed unbalanced, and though she had put it away, she did still have her sword close by, so he didn't argue.
"And of course this means that I must extend my stay." Nodoka finished. Everyone in the room cringed upon hearing this.
Dammit Shampoo... Ranma cursed the girl, she had almost gotten rid of her mother.
"Ugh, how is it even possible for your dad to snore that loud?" Ryoga complained as they left the Tendo's the next morning.
Ranma shrugged, "Ya get used to it." She said, then rolled her eyes when she saw Ryoga turn the wrong way down the street. "School is this way, ya moron." She informed him as she grabbed his wrist and dragged him along to ensure he wouldn't get lost. Ryoga stiffened at first, but quickly pretended to not be affected and followed along.
Akane was happy to see the pair getting along for once. The training trip had clearly done wonders for their friendship. She completely missed the blush that spread over each teen's face from the contact.
"Who art thou to lay thine filthy hands upon the beauteous pigtailed girl?" Cried an unmistakable voice as the trio approached the school gates.
"Ugh..." uttered both Ranma and Akane.
Ryoga tried to free his wrist from Ranma's grasp, but Ranma had an idea. She instead wrapped her arms around Ryoga's midsection in an affectionate embrace and turned her head to face Kuno, "This is the man I love! You must forget about me!" She declared loudly.
There were gasps and giggles from the students that gathered to witness the morning's entertainment. Ranma's antics never failed to amuse the whole student body. Akane just rolled her eyes as she considered whether or not she should yell at Ranma for getting poor Ryoga involved.
Ryoga's eyebrows shot up in surprise, his heart rate accelerated at the declaration and his face went bright red when he realized that most of the students were assembled. Ranma, Do you really feel that way? He had no idea how to react, but he supposed he should say something. Fidgeting his index fingers, he began to stammer, "R-R-Ranma, I-"
Worried that Ryoga would ruin the act, Ranma nudged him in the side and whispered into his ear, looking very affectionate to onlookers, "This nut job's been givin' me trouble because I'm not supposed ta fight. Play along."
She's just toying with me again! He realized with a great deal of annoyance, but there was also a sense of disappointment that he hadn't expected would be so prominent. He considered dislodging her, but he was afraid of hurting her in her current state.
"What sorcery has ensnared you my love? Step away that I may break his hold on thee!" He held his bokken aloft.
"Put your arm around me! You are so not sellin' it." She whispered to Ryoga, who ground his teeth together in irritation, but hesitantly complied. "It's no magic, I love him truly and he loves me. We are fated for each other! You must give me up!" She announced dramatically, Kuno paid more attention to theatrics and she knew it.
"Fear not, my Pigtailed Princess, for I will save you from his wicked clutches!" Kuno charged, intending to try and strike his newfound enemy around the pigtailed girl.
The two were so surprised that he'd risk hitting her just to get at Ryoga that they had little time to react before he was upon them. His bokken swung down in an arc, aiming for Ryoga's free side. Ranma deflected the wooden sword with a swift kick and Ryoga followed up by punching Kuno in the stomach, possibly a little harder than he had intended. Kuno crumpled, completely winded by the strike and in tremendous pain.
Ryoga, having found an outlet for his irritation, pulled Kuno back up by his collar, "Fight me if you want you idiot, but if you ever put her at risk like that again, you will pay." Kuno fell to his knees after being released.
Kuno struggled to reach his hand out, "I will never concede!" he declared, before falling face first in the dirt.
That got the students gossiping, hushed whispers everywhere speculated upon Ryoga's new behavior toward Ranma that seemed to go beyond acting. Akane attributed it to their newfound friendship.
Ranma wrapped herself around Ryoga's arm and in a teasing voice she said, "Aw, I knew you loved me."
Ryoga was tired of being made a spectacle of, he practically growled as he said, "I didn't do it for you!" His eyes darted toward her stomach.
"Of course," she said as she let go of his arm, "I knew that. I was just jokin' around, jeez." His words had stung, but she wasn't about to admit it.
Ryoga felt a pang in his chest as he watched Ranma deflate at his comment, she hid her emotions quickly though behind a façade of sarcastic annoyance. "Ranma, l-"
"We're gonna be late for class." She interrupted. She grabbed a corner of his shirt and dragged him across the school grounds, not speaking another word.
Idiot! Ranma scolded herself, What the hell were you thinking, playing around like that? Did you think he'd really want a freak like you? Hmph! It's not like I want him anyway. When this is all over I'll be a boy again and I can forget this ever happened!
That's right! I'm a guy! I'm a guy! I'm a guy! She chanted over and over in her head. Some guy, you're pregnant. Shut up! You like a boy! Shut up! He'll never want you. "SHUT UP!" She screamed, gripping at her hair, to get the voices in her head to stop. A light sweat broke out on her forehead as she realized she was still in class. Everyone was looking at her like she'd gone nuts.
"Saotome! Go stand in the hall." Ms. Hinako glared at her, wielding her trusty 5 yen coin. Ranma felt drained, but thankfully the madwoman of a teacher had held back somewhat.
Ryoga, who was seated at the back of the class, could feel a depressive chi drifting into the classroom. "Dammit." He muttered before hitting his desk, breaking it in two.
"Hibiki! Hallway, now! And you'll be expected to pay for that!" Ms. Hinako scolded him. Ryoga got up to go... "That's not the hallway, that's a window you idiot!"
The class laughed as the teacher pulled him away from the window and shoved him out the door.
Ukyo, noting that Ms. Hinako had reverted to her childish form quickly and was now playing with some kid's confiscated Game Boy, leaned over and whispered to Akane. "What's gotten into Ranchan?" Ukyo had intended to spend more time stalking, no, investigating, Ranma. Unfortunately, well unfortunately for her plans, but very fortunately for her business, there was an anime convention going on just down the street from her shop. Business was booming and she just couldn't spare the time away. She already let Konatsu run the shop all day while she was at school, to let him handle everything all evening as well was unthinkable.
Akane shook her head, "I have no idea."
Ukyo wondered if telling Akane her suspicion was a good idea or not. The youngest Tendo was volatile, but it would be nice to have an ally to help her uncover the truth. After several minutes of deliberation she had decided. "Hey Akane…"
Ranma and Ryoga stood side by side in the hall. Neither one saying a word. Come on Hibiki, you came out here to apologize, just do it. "Ranma, I-" just like before, Ranma cut him off.
"I'm sorry." She said, surprising him. "I shouldn't have used you to try and get rid of Kuno." She took a deep breath, "Ya don't have ta listen to my mom you know, you can go. I can handle myself just fine. Akari is probably wondering where you've been anyway."
"Akari dumped me." He replied.
"Why?" Ranma asked, she thought the country girl adored her little pig-boy.
"I told her what happened. She broke up with me and her grandfather chased me off the farm. If I ever step foot back there, they'll be having bacon for breakfast." He remembered very clearly the threats the old man had issued during his pursuit.
"Sorry." Ranma hung her head, she didn't want to be the cause of him getting in trouble.
The depressive chi coming off her had increased noticeably, it couldn't compare to Ryoga's usual depths of depression, but for Ranma it was heavy indeed. "Don't be sorry, I was there too if you'll recall." Ryoga reminded her, "All this moping isn't like the Ranma Saotome I know."
The heavy thoughts on her mind added on top of the pregnancy hormones caused a dam to burst within her. "Well, maybe I'm not the Ranma Saotome you know! I'm sure as hell not the Ranma Saotome I know! I don't know who the heck I am! All this mess is turnin' my head inside out." She could feel tears burning at the corners of her eyes and fought to keep them in.
Ryoga didn't have the answers, but at least he could apologize. He put the buckets of water he was holding on the floor and placed his hand on Ranma's shoulder. "I'm sorry. For what I said before. I didn't just do it for the, you know..." He gestured again toward her abdomen, not wanting to say the word aloud in school, where any member of the excitable student body might hear. A tiny smile graced her lips and most of the heavy aura dissipated when she looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity there. The shrill yell from the classroom behind them completely ruined the moment that they'd almost been having.
"Shampoo is what? RANMA!"
