Temperance Chapter 9:

I was unsure how I came to be in Lothlorien, I had lost consciousness a little while after we started towards the forest. I suspected that I would have stayed asleep if it had not been for the feeling of a needle piercing my skin and sewing up my back. I whimpered slightly at the pain and the feeling of my own blood running down my sides and around my front. I was laying stomach down on a wooden table that had a white cloth thrown over it. The surgeon paused slightly at my sound but continued to work stating simply.

"I will be done soon." I really hoped that he would be done soon; the needle was a pricking that woke up the pain from the gash across my back. The more the surgeon messed with it the more it hurt, but at least I was alive. I bit my lip to keep from making another complaining sound as the memory of seeing Gandalf fall came crashing back into my mind. It was by no means the first time I had seen someone die, but it had affected me nearly as much as my brother's death. He though was my fault, Gandalf's death was not.

Tears slid down my face as I tried to tame my sorrow at the loss of Gandalf, my effort was futile. I put my forehead against the wooden table and hoped that the surgeon did not see my tears. It was a pathetic attempt to hide the tears as the surgeon saw and commented.

"What happened to you?"

"It is clear what happened isn't it?" I said trying to not let my voice shake as it was inclined to when I cried.

"I can see the result of whatever happened, but I wish to know the events that led to you coming to me in this condition child." I turned my head to look at the surgeon; he was an elf with dark brown hair and a fair face only beginning to show the first signs of age. He didn't look at me; he was focused on stitching me up.

"A goblin snuck up on me and nearly killed me."

"A goblin snuck up on you?" He said with a slightly scornful tone.

"We were in the process of fighting a cave troll at the time, I was a bit distracted by the giant troll trying to kill us."

"What of the bruising? The salve patch you had over your back would have been a good thing to heal the bruising but only did you harm when you were struck. The salve would have caused infection if you had not made it to us as quickly as you did."

"The bruises were from falling out of the grips of some tentacle monster outside the doors of Moria. It wasn't an ideal landing as I had a hobbit to hold onto."

"You sacrificed yourself to protect one of the hobbits? That is very brave, stupid of you but brave." I grimaced as he tied off the thread and cut it. He turned away from me and set the needle and extra thread aside. When he turned back to me he had a small jar in hand, it appeared to be another salve of some sort and he began to spread it along the stitched wound. It was cool against my skin and almost immediately began to dull the pain.

"Yes well they are my friends, I would protect them. Stupid or not, I don't ever want to be useless again." After spreading the salve along the wound he again turned away from me for a moment, this time he had a towel and a roll of bandages.

"Sit up, so I can wrap the wound. You sound like you were unable to protect someone you cared about. Who was it?" I sat up as he requested cringing as my sore muscles and newly stitched back complained. I was thankful that they had thought to put me in an underskirt when they started in on my wound. I was though topless and blushed deeply as the surgeon used the towel to wipe the excess blood from my back and begin to wrap the bandages around my chest.

"It was my brother, forgive me for being blunt but it is not a story that I have shared with anyone. I do not intend to start telling it either."

"If you do not wish to share I will not continue on the topic. The group you were with has been very worried about you. They insisted on being with you during this process, Lord Celeborn was able to convince them that it was not the best idea. What is your purpose with that group; it is a strange escort for a woman to have."

"It's nothing like that, we are on a mission. We all are working to rid the world of evil."

"Strange that you would seek to destroy the ring, though I suppose it is in your nature." I frowned at this comment, what the hell was he talking about? Perhaps he was referring to the fact that I was a woman. More and more I was getting the impression that women didn't go on adventures, and certainly didn't travel with a group of nine, now eight, men. I think the surgeon didn't really care; he was just making small talk with me.

"I don't think it is strange that a woman should want to help. I know it is not normal but I am not some dainty flower that needs to be protected."

"I could see you becoming a capable warrior, though I think you are a ways from being a true warrior." He tied off the bandaging, the white fabric ranged from my waist to my neck. I could feel my stitches still bled as the bandages started to absorb my blood.

"Here let me help you with your dress. You should avoid moving about too much, walking should be no problem but I advise you to rest. It is the quickest way for you to heal." He said tossing a pale silvery purple dress over my head and pulling my arms through the sleeves like a doll. It had a swooping half-moon neckline that was mimicked in the back. He pulled me off the table and to my feet spinning me around to lace up the back. He did not tie the dress very tightly as to be kind to my sore state. After he tied off the dress he handed me a pair of cloth ballet flats, they not surprisingly matched the dress. I didn't feel right wearing the shimmering purple dress, it felt to fine for me. I was also hoping that the bandages prevented my blood from staining the dress. Blood was near impossible to get out of clothing and I would feel even worse if I ruined this dress, I feared I was becoming a burden to the fellowship. I slipped on the flats and looking at the surgeon said.

"Thank you; I never caught what your name was. I am Senia."

"My name is Thaldrian, it is not necessary for you to thank me Temperance. It is Galadriel who you ought to thank. Were it not for the lady you would not be here right now."

"If I see her I will be sure to thank her then."

"To join your comrades follow the path there until you reach the pond and turn right." Thaldrian said turning away from me and started to clean the area. It appeared that he was finished talking to me so I followed his instructions.

I had to admit I was worried about getting lost in the woods that I now walked through, this was not the issue as the path was clearly defined through the ferns and underbrush of the forest. The forest was something spectacular, the trees larger even than those of the redwood forests of my home world. The trees had a silver blue tint to their bark and the leaves acted as a thick cloth over the sky. A sky which in the forest could not be seen, my only indication that it was daytime was the fact that it was bright.

I was completely in raptures at the beauty of the forest around me that I didn't realize that I had reached the pond until my foot went into the water. I stepped back shaking what I could from my foot. The pond was filled with white and silver fish that seemed to float in the crystal clear water. I took a good five minutes just watching the fish in the pond as they swam around circling each other.

When I finally made it to where the fellowship had settled down I realized that it must have been very early in the morning as most of them were asleep. All the hobbits slept in beds that were nestled between the roots of a great tree; Gimli was snoring loudly on a bed that was formed into the side of a giant root. Legolas was nowhere to be seen. It took me only a moment to locate Aragorn and Boromir, they were on the other side of the tree talking softly. I walked over intending to greet them when I caught their conversation and paused.

"Boromir if you are so sure of your affections then I am not one to tell you what to do about it." Aragorn said softly, I half hid behind a root and watched them. I was perhaps ten feet or so away but their talking was the only noise aside from Gimli's snoring.

"I know you are not indifferent towards Senia, what are your intentions towards her Aragorn?" I paled; please let that statement not be true. I didn't want Aragorn's affections at all, I already had Boromir, and I suspected Legolas as well. Aragorn would be simply too much.

"Senia, how can I explain it? She is like a little sister to me Boromir. I worry about her and I care about her, but that is it. Boromir, I am engaged. I simply don't love Senia in that manner." I gave a soft sigh of relief, thank the gods! Aragorn thought of me as a sister and not as a romantic possibility. On top of that he was engaged? I had no idea that he was engaged, I assume it happened before I met him. It made me happy though, that their lives were not as terrible as they made it seem. They didn't have to kill evil monsters daily and they had normal lives waiting for them after this was all done.

I noticed that Aragorn turned his head slightly when I sighed, he couldn't have heard me. That was impossible I barely made a sound. Yet as I listened I got the distinct feeling that he knew I was there now.

"Still I would not risk breaking the fellowship because of my affections. It is clear that Legolas also has feeling for her."

"Legolas will not allow himself to love Senia unless he was sure that she loved him back. The sorrow of unrequited love can be enough to kill an elf." Boromir gave a frustrated growl and said.

"I simply do not know what to do about this. She has made no sign of favoring anyone, let alone me. I do not know if I can go through with this now Aragorn. We did not know these facts about her before, in my heart I want to pass them off as lies. How could I continue now knowing what I do?" Aragorn ran his hand through his hair and said with a slightly helpless tone.

"None, of us knew. Except Gandalf, he chose not to tell us. Most likely because he knew it would cause us to become conflicted about this mission. Regardless we must continue there is far more at stake here, the safety of Gondor and its people are only a small portion of those we will save."

"It is true though, no matter how much I wish to deny it I cannot change this fact. Nor can I change how I feel. Strange how natural it seems that she would accompany us on this mission to destroy the ring and Sauron. I should never have let my feeling affect me so."

"I suggest that you talk to her when she is not bound to the house of healing anymore. Decide what you wish to do, but know that if you do decide to love her it will change nothing." There was the proof, he knew I was here; the comment was my cue to come out of hiding. I was deathly curious as to what about me they didn't know but now did. I wanted to ask about it but got the distinct feeling from how vague they were being that they did not want to talk about it at all. To be honest I was at a total loss for what they might be talking about. I had figured out my dreams and knew that they were nothing to fear anymore. While I still sensed the ring and heard its whispers to me I guessed that it was tempting the other members of the fellowship as well. So I wouldn't be so odd to be experiencing that. They said it was something that Gandalf had known but didn't share so it was very possible that it was something I didn't know either. Perhaps it had something to do with Thaldrian calling me Temperance; I made a mental note to ask Aragorn about it later. I started walking over towards them; it appeared that Boromir was yet unaware of my presence.

"Hey there, finally got patched up." I said as I reached them. They both turned to face me though their expressions were a mix of happiness and guilt. Did they blame themselves for my getting hurt? Their eyes were clearly trained in on the bandages visible above the neckline of the dress.

"Stop starring it's not that bad. They stitched me up and then wrapped it. How have you all been?"

"I am sorry for you getting hurt Senia…" Boromir started but I cut him off with a stern look.

"Do not blame yourself. It is no one's fault but my own for not paying attention and it's my own fault for getting hurt." He looked slightly taken back by the confidence and honesty behind my words but smiled and said.

"I am glad to see you are up and about again."

"Speaking of being up why is everyone still asleep?" I asked looking at Aragorn; he was the one who usually got the fellowship up and moving each day.

"We are in the safety of Lothlorien resting up for the next stretch of the journey. Though shouldn't you be resting Senia?" Aragorn asked as if knowing that I had just gotten patched up today. I gave a sly smirk and said.

"Well they told me to rest, but they also said I was good to walk around. Besides I want to stretch my legs and I need to find some elf named Galadriel to thank her for letting me in Lothlorien."

"We thought you were unconscious when that happened. I am sure that she will be by to visit at some point. You can thank her then, but I have to insist that you rest for now. You just got 'patched up' as you put it. It would be pointless to cause your body stress by trying to do too much right now." Aragorn said as he started to walk gesturing me back towards where the rest of the fellowship was asleep. Boromir followed on my other side silently glancing over at me then straight ahead. It was frustrating, what did Gandalf not share with them that apparently since coming to Lothlorien they knew? I was 99.999 percent sure that Aragorn knew I was there for that bit of the conversation but I decided to go tactfully about the subject and start out with a simple question.

"Do you think I have any place trying to destroy the ring with the rest of you? I have hindered the fellowship more than I have helped it and have overall been a burden upon you all." I glanced between the two, the expression on Aragorn's face told me to drop the subject, Boromir on the other hand looked like he was trying to come up with a way to avoid telling me whatever it was that I didn't know about myself.

"You want to help save Middle Earth like we all do, you have been willing to fight and sacrifice your own heath for this goal. I would say that you have a place in the fellowship." Boromir answered, I suppressed a sigh, the question was not direct enough clearly.

"I just feel like there is so much I don't know about myself. Like why did I appear in the council and what possessed me to join the fellowship when I am from a different world entirely?"

"Those are questions that I don't have answers for Senia, they seem more like things you have to discover on your own." Aragorn answered this time, when I looked at his face though he wasn't looked at me but at Boromir. They both then dropped the topic and decided to side track me.

"Senia would you like something to eat?" Aragorn gestured towards a half moon shape that two roots made. Inside was a table with benches, it was laden with food. I smiled as I saw that Merry and Pippin were both now up and eating breakfast. I would let the topic go for now, I could corner one of them later and demand answers.

"Senia! It's wonderful to see you out and about!" Merry said spotting me first, I marched forward ahead of the two men and sat with the hobbits.

"We were so very worried about you. They wouldn't let us see you at all when they took you to the house of healing." Pippin said his mouth half full with cold chicken. I had to admit that the bounty of food was appetizing and my stomach gave an undignified growl at the smell of the fresh bread and hot oatmeal. It appeared that the elves had gone to a great deal of trouble to provide a large variety of food. I took a wooden bowl and filled it with the oatmeal and tossed some blackberries into it before digging in.

"Senia don't eat so fast you'll choke!" Pippin said alarmed at the rate which I ate. I swallowed my current mouthful and said with a smile.

"Are you kidding I am as tough as an ox! Nothing can kill me!" I said in a joking voice hitting my fist against my chest then faking a cringe. Merry shook his head and said.

"Now don't be silly Senia, we were all terribly worried about you and you're making fun of us."

"What is life without laughter? I appreciate you being worried about me though, I am happy to see that no one else has gotten hurt since, well since Gandalf." My smile died at the mention of Gandalf, I honestly worried for the fellowship, and Gandalf had led the group everywhere it was going. I didn't know the way to Mordor, I am sure that Aragorn could get us there. At the same time, Gandalf's confident leadership and unquestionable sense of direction had gotten us this far. The only true danger we had faced since starting the journey was in Moria and Gandalf had been reluctant to go there, for good reason it appeared.

Everyone had become quiet since my mention of Gandalf and I wish I hadn't said a thing about him. We all felt his loss and were all trying to come to terms with it. I handled my pain by trying to lock it away and avoid it. So instead of thinking on Gandalf I ate my oatmeal rather mechanically focusing on the flavor of the berries.

A while later and the rest of the fellowship was awake. The awkward silence was banished as the other two hobbits and dwarf joined the breakfast table. A jovial mood returned when Pippin boasted that no one could eat more than a hobbit, Gimli took this challenge and an eating contest commenced. To be honest Gimli was making an admirable effort at it, so far two whole chickens had been consumed and now they were on to rolls. Gimli was starting to slow down in his eating as Pippin sat with a smile and steadily took out another roll.

Gimli picked up another roll and practically turned green at the sight of it. He tossed the roll down and shaking his head and said.

"I give, you win." Pippin smiled broadly and the rest of us just laughed as he finished his roll, as if to say that he could continue on eating. Legolas walked up returning from wherever he had ventured off to, he looked over at me then said.

"Shouldn't you be resting? Your injuries were severe." I was about to say that it was unnecessary that I felt fine when Frodo piped in.

"You should get some rest Senia." I tossed my hands up in defeat and said.

"Fine I'll go take a nap, I feel fine though, I mean I would rather take a walk."

"Not a chance, now go lay down." Aragorn said with a smirk as I got up and made my way towards where the beds had been made into the tree roots. I found a nice one where the roots formed a cocoon shape. I crawled up the side of the root and flopped into the bed. It was warm enough that I didn't bother trying to get under the blankets and as still as I was it was a chore to even get into the bed nestled between the roots. Lying on my stomach I rested, my head on the side of the root, the wood was smoothed over from years of wear and was a comfortable curve.

For perhaps a half hour I simply watched the forest around the grove we had occupied. I hadn't seen any elves aside from Thaldrian. I wasn't sure how large the city in this forest was but the elves here seemed inclined to leave us alone. For once though I was content to be left alone.

I could faintly hear the fellowship which was still gathered around the table as I finally drifted to sleep.

When I opened my eyes it was to the park that I had created in my dreams it was not as bright as when I had created it, for the most part everything was the same. I grimaced as I stood the movement hurting the still healing wound on my back. I found it odd that my injury would carry over to my dream, regardless I set out for the trees with a purpose now that I was in my dreams.

'You barely survived that little encounter, you should be more careful.' I turned around to see a vague outline of a person though it was hard to see them. They were clear and their form was wavering as if it was made from mist, the person registered in my mind as the ring. I wasn't sure how I came to that conclusion but it felt as true as saying the sky was blue.

"I didn't intend to get cut up by a goblin, he snuck up on me."

'You did not listen to me when I told you that you were weak. If you had me then you would not have gotten hurt and Gandalf would still be alive.' I frowned at the ring; it was a part of me that I would rather be without. When I didn't respond to it the ring spoke again, I couldn't see its face because its face wasn't there, and the mist form was like that of a shopping mall mannequin.

'Aw did I upset you? You know that I am right; you know that if you had me then you would strong enough to save them. He died because of you.' The ring stopped its verbal attack and turned looking into the trees; I followed its gaze and saw the dark shadow of Annatar. Ignoring the ring I started towards him. When I got to the tree line I looked back towards where the ring had been but saw nothing. I looked at Annatar and sighed.

"I thought we were past the shadow clouds, come on and drop the cloud."

'It is right you know, you must be more careful, it would not due to have one of us die. You are the weakest of us, the most vulnerable, because you are the only one that is mortal.'

"You might be right, but I don't want to become stronger at the cost of who I am. If being stronger means that I will change into something I don't like it isn't worth it. Besides you are just saying that to avoid dropping the cloud. Now stop stalling."

'You are far too interested in seeing my deformed state; do not be disgusted when you see me though. I have warned you.' With that the cloud of darkness started to draw itself inwards towards Annatar. It congealed into a deep black that covered his body like paint had been dumped on him.

'Are you sure you wish to see me? This is your last chance to change your mind.' I remained silent waiting, he sighed and the black coating that surrounded him transformed into black robes that fell around him. His skin was pale which contrasted drastically with his long black hair. He had a fair face that was made captivating by his candy apple red eyes. He was tall; taller than Aragorn and Boromir, he was unnaturally tall and his build was that of a warrior. I had a hard time believing that he was part of me; his stature was too intimidating to be me. Though he had called himself my strength he seemed to be stronger than I could ever be.

If I spotted him on the battle field I would have turned tail and ran. He was in no way scarred or deformed as he had described. This seemed to shock him too as that was the expression that dominated his face as he looked at his hands. I did however notice that he was missing a finger on his left hand. In all he looked very similar to the elves.

He fixed his gaze on me for a moment and scrutinized me then he seemed to come to some conclusion and smiled at me.

'It would seem that you have healed me, I finally understand your purpose. He was a fool to bring you here.'

"What are you talking about? You know who brought me here? Do you think they could send me back home?" He ignored my questions completely taking two long strides towards me he stopped and stood towering before me. In one smooth gesture he pulled me into his arms and holding me tightly despite my injury and whispered.

'Sleep now little dove in dreamless peace.' My world faded away and the last thing I saw were Annatar's candy apple red eyes watching me with amusement.

When I woke up it was dark in Lothlorien, well darker. Everything glowed like it was lit with moonlight even though the canopy of leaves prevented the moon from shining down on the forest floor. It was singing that woke me, but it was in no language I understood. I identified it as being elfish for it sounded the same as what I had heard in Imladris. I groaned slightly as I sat up, whatever Thaldrian put on my cut to kill the pain had worn off. I gingerly hoisted myself out of the cocoon bed that was nestled between the tree roots and made my way over towards where the fellowship was lounging silently. They looked over to me as I approached; Boromir stood offering me his seat on a bench that only he was occupying at the moment. I sat down and Boromir sat next to me on the bench.

"Why are they singing?" I asked softly still tired from my nap that lasted far too long.

"It is a lament for Gandalf, this will be the second night they have mourned him." Aragorn said softly as if not wanting to interrupt the song. I had to admit for a lament it was beautiful, I wished that I could understand elvish as I would have liked to know what they were saying. We all sat in silence for what seemed like hours and the more I listened the more I wanted to share in the lament. Finally I came to a conclusion and started to sing.

"Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You have come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across a distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All Souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West" When I started singing the fellowship was half asleep around me now that I was done I had succeeded in putting Pippin to sleep with Merry nearly there. The others were still awake and now trained on me.

"Not as great as the elves singing, but it's the only song that I know that is suitable for a lament." I said explaining the song to the others. Quickly wiping tears from my eyes before they fell trying to reign in my emotions.

"It was beautiful, thank you for sharing that with us." Aragorn said settling back in his chair with a contented sigh. Legolas watched me as I tamed my emotions and stopped the tears.

"You should not bottle your emotions of grief so."

"I never let my grief out; it is my way of coping. When people don't know you're grieving they don't know you are vulnerable."

"Bottling up your emotion will only force it out later in force."

"My life has been filled with grief Legolas this is how I deal with it." Legolas nodded and said.

"Just know that there is no shame in showing your sorrow." We all fell silent and resumed listening to the elvish lament songs. Slowly one by one people left to go to bed, I despite having the sleepiness that resulted from sleeping too long stayed up. As the night lingered on the fellowship had all retired for the night save for Boromir and myself.

"Senia, may I speak with you about something?" I looked over at him and said.

"I had a feeling that you've wanted to talk to me. What is it?"

"How do I begin? I am sure that you have noticed my affection for you by now. I know that you have said that you would not marry; I simply ask that you give me a chance. Love is not a thing one easily comes by and to find it in a chance meeting is rare." I remained silent for a moment considering Boromir's words. He was asking me on a date that much was clear; I just didn't understand how he expected to have a proper relationship with me. I was going to go home, as soon as I figured out how. Annatar had said something about the person that brought me here but then caused me to sleep a dreamless sleep. Then there was also this new information that the fellowship had about me, I still didn't know what it was but it affected Boromir's choice to tell me outright he loved me. Whatever it was he decided he loved me enough to ignore the information.

"What are you all not telling me? What is it about myself that I don't know?" Boromir looked shocked at my question but I continued on.

"I overheard you and Aragorn talking about me, what is it that I don't know?"

"It does not matter, I have chosen to love you regardless of the information provided to us. It is not important beyond that." Boromir said. I looked down at my hands as they rested in my lap.

"What if I find a way to return home?"

"I will just have to make you so madly in love with me by that point that you will not want to return." Boromir said with a smile, he could tell that he was swaying me. After all he only asked for a chance. I was not indifferent towards Boromir; I cared for him as a dear friend. If it was enough for love I did not know.

(Thank you to everyone who has reviewed the story thus far, I have sent replies to several of you clearing up a few points that were made. Please keep in mind that the story is, save for small portions, from Senia's point of view. So when ages of characters are mentioned it is Senia's guess at their age. I know that many people fear this turning into a Mary Sue but do not fear it will not turn out that way [ at least not intentionally]. Many of these comments about Senia being a Mary Sue have stemmed from her personality. Please understand that Senia is a very jovial character and behaves so intentionally. She is meant to be a kind hearted and understanding person because of her past( yes I know there is little information beyond the fact that her brother died and she blames herself for that). Just a note but the next chapter is going to have very little LotR plot in it as they will be in Lothlorien for the majority of the chapter. Depending on how I write it might carry into the chapter after that. Again thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing.)