Review, review, review! New York here we come!
EPOV
…
The Advil had finally kicked in, for me at least.
Bella drove in silence, her hand resting on her half-empty coffee cup. Emmett was snoring loudly, curled up around his seat belt like a giant, sleeping baby. Jasper was looking greener by the second, staring forlornly out the window, looking as if he wished he'd never suggested this. I smirked, watching him in the rear-view mirror. If I had been a better person, I might have offered up the bottle of painkillers that still resided in my pocket. As it stood, memories of being jolted awake, my pounding head, and the vague notion that I would never drink again, made me snicker to myself a little as I flipped on the radio.
Emmett jolted suddenly awake, but it took him less than thirty seconds to realize where he was, and when he did, he grinned like a kid in a candy store,
"Aww, fuck yeah! We're going to get my girl back. Turn that up, Eddie!"
Jasper flinched, but quickly plastered a smooth expression over his face, catching my glance in the rear-view mirror briefly before he turned away. I guess we were back to not speaking. I bit back sharp words, catching Bella's gaze as she surveyed the bitter air between us.
"Are boys hungry?"
She cast a glance to the backseat. Emmett nodded enthusiastically, pulling out his Visa and booming ,
"My treat!"
Jasper seemed to wilt even more at the prospect of food, but managed a soft,
"Could I have some water? And some coffee?"
Bella grinned, but it was Emmett who answered,
"Sure can, Jazzy-boy! You look like death warmed over."
Jasper struggled half-heartedly against his crushing grip as Emmett smothered him with his arms, but was obviously too incapacitated by his hangover to escape. Bella giggled, and her laughter seemed to be contagious, because soon we were all laughing as she pulled into the parking lot of McDonalds.
A yogurt parfait for Bella, and strong black coffee with a side of fries for the hungover, and we were back on the road. Even Jasper seemed to perk up. I drove, taking over from Bella, who had been behind the wheel for almost five hours now. Emmett sat in the backseat pouting after Bella and Jasper had refused his offer to play the license plate game. And I Spy. And Twenty Questions. And Never Have I Ever. Jasper rolled his eyes as Emmett stuck his lower lip out, shaking his head,
"Never have I ever requires far more liquor than I will willingly consume after last night, Em."
Bella snickered, but I nodded, in complete agreement with Jasper. Emmett sighed. I couldn't believe how un-hungover he was. It made me want to hit him, just so he would have something to hurt over too.
It was just starting to get dark when Emmett volunteered to take over driving from me. We pulled over at a gas station, filling the tank and purchasing all kinds of greasy snacks, before getting back into the car. The radio played softly, something gentle and vaguely jazzy, but I could tell that everyone was getting tired. Excepting Emmett, of course, who was stuffing sour keys into his mouth with one hand, and cradling a Red Bull in his other.
As the streetlights blurred by, I tried to fight the feeling of melancholic tiredness that washed over me in waves. Bella snuggled into the back seat, leaning against me and slowly dropping into sleep, while Jasper silently took the front seat, leaning his forehead against the cool glass. Whether he was asleep or not, I couldn't tell, but I could feel my own eyes beginning to droop, and I knew it wouldn't be long until sleep took me as well.
My dreams were restless and fitful, filled with swirling images of Jasper, of our fleeting kiss. Of violence and the faceless boy he hadn't been able to protect. Of us together, of us being forced apart.
I awoke with a start. Jasper was driving, although I didn't remember pulling over to switch, and his gaze rested on me in the rearview mirror for a long moment. Emmett was snoring softly against the seatbelt in the front seat and Bella was still curled beside me. Jasper turned his attention back to the road, and I immediately missed the heat of his gaze.
The sign welcoming us to New York slid by the window in a blur of sunrise and lost sleep.
…..
"So what happens now?"
Emmett looked at Jasper, bewildered. Jasper sighed, leaning his cheek on his hand,
"These are only the preliminaries, Em."
We were sitting in the back row of the theatre at the American School of Ballet, Emmett bouncing his feet and staring at a brochure for the school in his hands. Bella and I sat on one side of him, and Jasper sat on the other, his feet up on the seat in front of him, as if he truly couldn't give a damn about the whole institution of ballet. We had just seen a group of fifty five dancers perform, and another group was currently taking the stage. Jasper nodded lazily down at the stage,
"They perform in the large groups, and cut by half. Then each group has half an hour to learn a whole new routine, and they'll perform again. The first half-group will perform when all the large groups are done. Then they cut again, and they'll do individual auditions tomorrow."
Emmett looked at Jasper incredulously,
"Dude. How do you KNOW all this?"
Jasper shrugged,
"Rose has been dancing all her life. We used to watch the auditions together in the last week of August, before she started school."
Bella looked at her watch, glancing at me. We were all exhausted, having driven for two solid days to arrive here.
"Should we take a break, then? Go get some lunch, come back in a while?"
Emmett nodded, and even Jasper looked mildly excited at the prospect of food. We stood, Emmett shoving his sunglasses on, and filed out of the theatre between groups. The sights and sounds of New York assaulted us immediately, soft pretzels and hot dogs, garbage and machine oil hanging heavy in the air, the traffic sudden and loud around us. Bella grinned, stepping out onto the street. I thanked heaven that we were with Emmett, who seemed to have no qualms about paying for absolutely everything and then some. Even so, we were staying in a somewhat seedy motel, Bella and I in one room, Jasper and Emmett in another. Rosalie didn't know we were here.
"I feel like a burger."
Emmett grinned, rubbing his hands together. Jasper rolled his eyes, as I asked,
"Isn't that all you ever feel like?"
Bella giggled,
"He likes it so he can complain about how it's not as good as his."
We were all laughing, Emmett included, when we came around the corner and onto two men, sharing a deep kiss in the middle of the sidewalk. Deep enough that I blushed, catching a hint of tongue between them. One was tall, dark hair cropped short, dressed well in a striking blue suit, the other smaller and slightly built, wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, a bouquet of roses in his arms. Bella smiled, Emmett groaned, and Jasper looked away, seemingly horrified and uncomfortable, all at once. Aside from our little group, no one paid them any attention at all, which seemed to puzzle Jasper.
I tried to squash down the hope that was building as we walked down the street, passing other couples, two women with a baby, two men hand in hand with a tiny poodle, the very stereotype of gay. We must have unwittingly stumbled into the "gaybourhood" of New York, I realized. Jasper couldn't seem to make sense of it all, his eyes a storm of emotions, although his face remained impassive. I wondered if it was the lack of response, or the memories that were washing over him.
Jasper seemed glad when we finally ducked into a tiny, corner bistro for lunch. Despite the fact that he must have been starving—the rest of us devouring our food in less than five minutes—Jasper barely touched his sandwich, his gaze somewhere in the distance, his mind seemingly somewhere else. When we got up to leave, I spotted two men, a redhead and a blonde, hands entwined over the table top, exchanging smiles as they ate. Were they the reason he hadn't eaten? Had they reminded Jasper of us? When I caught his eye, saw the guilt flashing across his face, I had my answer.
"I think I'm going to head back to the motel and take a nap."
Bella yawned, pulling on her jacket. Her voice was sudden, interrupting the tense, silent, half-conversation between Jasper and I. It was just beginning to rain, splattering against the sidewalk between us. Emmett nodded,
"I want to go back to the theatre. Jazz man, you in? I need my ballet infoguide, you know."
He winked at Jasper, who seemed just as startled as I felt. Could he see now? That we were in no danger here? That this wasn't the deep south? He said nothing, not even looking at me, and allowed Emmett to lead him in the direction of the theatre. I tried not to let hurt well under the hope that had been growing. Maybe Jasper was simply too damaged…
"You alright, Ed?"
Bella's dark eyes were on me with concern. I nodded absently, wrapping one arm around her shoulders as we walked,
"Yeah, Bells. I'm good. Just…"
"I think it had an effect, Edward. Just…give him a little time. It's a lot to take in."
I nodded,
"We should go out tonight, hey?"
Bella grinned,
"You read my mind, champ. Let's go take a nap, and then hit the shops…we should have planned this a little better."
I shrugged. For having arrived with only the clothes on our backs and Emmett's credit card, I
didn't think we were doing too badly.
Bella was certainly right, however, when she suggested that we would need dress clothes to go out
tonight. We got back to the motel and collapsed into the bed, Bella's arm slung across my chest, her
gentle snores filling the air almost immediately.
I couldn't sleep.
Jasper's bewildered expression, his confusion and his guilt, kept spinning through my head. They
did nothing to soothe the sting of attraction that had been growing under my skin since we left the West coast, the memory of Jasper gripping my arm, confessing that he wanted to keep me safe…it made my heart ache, and definitely made me want him more than I already had. If that was even possible.
I lay awake, staring up at the cracked ceiling, lost in my thoughts, until Bella stirred against me,
blinking her way back into consciousness. I smiled down at her, kissing her forehead, and she
snuggled up against my chest,
"Couldn't sleep, hey?"
I shook my head. She nodded,
"Let's go get some clothes, yeah?"
I nodded, sitting up and running my hand through my hair, only succeeding in tangling it further. Bella smiled at me, tying her hair into a ponytail, and grabbing the magnetic key card off the table.
"Let's go. I'll even let you pick what Jasper gets to wear."
She winked at me, and I had to laugh.
…..
"Just put it on, Emmett. We're all going out tonight."
I nodded,
"Bella picked it especially for you."
Emmett had balked at the powder blue colour of the dress shirt Bella had picked for him, but I agreed with her: he was big enough to pull it off. When he finally put it on, after much protest, it looked incredible. He grinned at himself in the mirror, catching Bella's eye in the mirror,
"Damn, girl. You do know a thing or two. How'd you guess my size?"
"I just told them you were football player size."
Bella grinned at him, letting her hair fall loose from its ponytail around her shoulders and over the dress she had bought, a dark, edgy purple, skin tight and one shouldered.
"Jasper?"
Her voice was slightly concerned as she knocked on the bathroom door. We were all getting ready in our room, Emmett in his light blue shirt and dress pants, Bella in her dress with stilettos she claimed she could walk in (although I had my doubts), and me in a deep, forest green dress shirt that Bella claimed "brought out my eyes". Jasper was still in the bathroom. We'd guessed him to be about my size, but now I was wondering if we had guessed wrong.
"This shirt is too small, Bella."
Jasper's accent was pronounced as he opened the door. The shirt we'd bought for him—plain black—was tight against him, showcasing every flex of muscle, every hardened plane of ab muscle, and I bit my lip so hard I swore I tasted blood in my effort not to groan, because holy fuck…..
"You look hot, Jasper. It's not too small."
Bella looked him up and down, her tone decisive. Emmett whistled lowly under his breath. I said nothing, knowing it would come out husky and full of want. Jasper's eyes met mine for the briefest of moments, and he blushed, looking away. Yeah, he knew how hot he looked.
…..
The club was huge. Lights, sounds, pounding music swirled around us as we entered. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust, but when they did, I realized that there were men everywhere, their hands travelling each others' skin, their lips meeting in drunken dance floor kisses. I looked to Bella, who winked at me, and led us to a booth. Trust Bella to pick a gay club.
"Two Coronas, a gin and tonic, a vodka and cran, and four shots of tequila."
Emmett turned innocent eyes on our table after placing the drinks on the table. Bella grinned, but Jasper looked mildly ill at the prospect of more tequila.
"More tequila, Em? Do you have no taste?"
Emmett laughed heartily,
"We're here to have fun, my friend. Look around, everyone else is."
Jasper surveyed the space around us, seemingly only now becoming aware of the men, touching intimately all around us. He downed his shot of tequila before any of us could blink, chasing it with Corona, and I could tell it was going to be an interesting evening.
"TO MY JAZZ MAN!"
Emmett held up his shot, and Bella and I joined him in taking them, all attention on Jasper as we swallowed. He ignored us, taking another long pull on his beer, as if trying to soften the edges of confusion and fear that were playing on him with liquor. Emmett paused, watching this for less than thirty seconds before announcing,
"ANOTHER ROUND!"
And disappearing back to the bar. Bella and I exchanged looks. Jasper looked down at his beer, his mind apparently far from here. An interesting night indeed.
…..
It was close to three am when we stumbled into the motel room. We were all far too drunk to function. Emmett had somehow managed to get his hands on yet another bottle of tequila (although it felt as though we'd already finished at least one between the four of us), and he set out four cups on the floor in a circle, pouring shots into each one.
"You bitches are playing Never Have I Ever with me now. Because you wouldn't in the car. Ten fingers, and then shots. Shots, shots, shots."
Bella snickered, but we all took our places in the circle.
"Baby Bell, you go first."
Emmett commanded. Bella laughed,
"Baby Bell?"
"Yeah. Like the cheese. They're delicious. Man, I'm hungry…do you think this place has room service?"
Bella rolled her eyes, but raised her cup,
"Never have I ever…ridden a horse."
Jasper folded one finger down, and I bit my lip. This game was going to be the end of me. We hadn't even come to the racy questions yet, and I was already fighting the urge to touch Jasper. Just to see if the electricity was still there between us. I went next.
"Never have I ever…danced on a table in a bar."
Both Bella and Emmett snickered and folded one finger down. Jasper sighed,
"Never have I ever…gone streaking."
Emmett pouted, folding his finger down,
"Not fair. You knew I was the only one who'd done that."
Jasper snickered,
"Yeah. Your turn, big guy."
Emmett rolled over onto his stomach,
"Never have I ever…kissed another guy."
Jasper rolled his eyes, and he and I both folded our fingers down. Bella appeared confused,
"Wait, do I count that?"
"Fuck yeah, Baby Bell!"
It didn't take long before we were all down to shots, and I suspected the game would be ending sooner, rather than later, judging by the amount of tequila in everyone's systems. The questions had gotten increasingly revealing and racy. We circled back to Emmett, who was slurring quite badly,
"Never have I ever…had sex with a guy."
Bella took her shot quickly. Jasper and I locked eyes as I raised my cup, the tequila burning as it went down, and even through my drunken haze, I couldn't help the shock of heat that thrummed through my body. Jasper was…a virgin. And fuck, that shouldn't have been the turn on that it was. His eyes were darkened to navy, and for one, single moment, we were the only people in the room, electricity sharp and dangerous between us. Emmett cleared his throat, breaking the moment,
"Jazz man, really?"
Jasper just nodded, his hooded gaze still on me. Bella's eyes were drooping, and she was curled up around her empty tequila cup. I tore my gaze away from Jasper, trying desperately to obtain any sort of normalcy, grinning down at her,
"Tired, Bells?"
My voice was pure gravel, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jasper's eyes darken even more. Emmett stood up, swaying precariously,
"We should go to bed. We've gotta go see Roshalie tomorrow. Come on, Jashper."
Jasper nodded, standing with surprising grace. His eyes never left mine as he walked out of the motel room with Emmett. His eyes, those beautiful baby blues, darkened with need, with want, with fear…those eyes kept me awake all night.
…
"We're going to head back to the motel."
Bella was looking exhausted and slightly green in the theatre seat next to me. It was almost midnight, and the individual auditions were still taking place. Jasper and Emmett nodded, absently, clearly completely absorbed in what was going on in front of them. We'd been watching for more than twelve hours, breaking only to get bagels and coffee, suffering through our hangovers. Every time I looked at Jasper, I felt the sharp shock of heat and desire curling in my belly, despite my best attempts to push it down. To dissuade myself, to remind myself that he was never going to be ready to be in a relationship. Fuck.
Bella stood, and I followed her out of the theatre and into the rain. It had been raining all day, and now it was dark, cold and raining. Fortunately, the motel was only a few blocks away, and even our slightly seedy room was preferable to the theatre for more hours.
When we got back, Bella fell into bed and was almost immediately asleep.
I lay awake, my eyes on the ceiling, trying to talk myself out of wanting Jasper.
There were a million reasons why he was bad for me, and absolutely no reasons to pursue him. No reason that indicated he might be good for me. But that didn't stop me from wanting him. It didn't stop my heart from aching when he wasn't around. It didn't stop him from surfacing in my dreams every damn night. And it certainly didn't stop the nearly immediate erection I got from hearing his dark, southern drawl.
A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts, and I got up quickly, trying not to disturb Bella. She was fast asleep, though, like a rock. The glowing red numbers on the digital clock told me it was just after two in the morning. The knocking came again, and I flung the door open.
There, dripping wet, his shirt plastered to his chest, his curls dripping down his face, his eyes dark and full of storm, was the source of all my fantasies.
"Jasper."
His hands were on my shirt, fisting the fabric, pulling me outside into the rain with him, his eyes desperate, searching mine,
"She got in."
….
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