Chapter Eight: Again
I come from a place that hurts ~ Janet Jackson
It was late, near midnight and I was still in my office. I still had a pile of paperwork to complete and my mind couldn't focus. My mind was completely on Logan. The man had swept out of my life and then back in like it were an everyday occurrence. It wasn't fair.
I had started to move on with my life. I was starting to fall out of love with him, but now I felt as if Logan was pulling me right back to the moment he left.
I remembered waking up, alone and abandoned. I remembered the tears that fell from my eyes as I held my pillow close to my body. I remembered how vulnerable I felt that night and how empty I felt the days after.
The pain was not a pleasant memory and all I wanted to do was push it aside. I hated feeling weak.
It was hard seeing Logan again and all the feelings I had tried so hard to push back returned. I was again fighting the love that I had felt. I couldn't fall in love with Logan again. I couldn't allow myself to be hurt like that again.
I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my shoulder. I was so tense between the Wolverine and my work, I was absolutely stressed.
I heard a soft knock on my door.
"Enter," I called and Dazzler walked in.
"You need to get some sleep," she said as she sat in the chair in front of my desk.
"Alison," I groaned.
"Don't Alison me. I know you. You're fretting and overthinking."
"I am not."
"You are and I get it. Your world has just been turned on its head."
I went to say something and Alison cut me off.
"It has. Suddenly this guy you've been in love with shows up out of the blue and you don't know what to do."
I set my elbows onto my desk and rested my head in my hands. I groaned and shook my head.
"I do not know what to do," I said pitifully. "What can I do? What should I do?"
"Let it play out. See what happens. Either you end up with the Wolverine or you don't."
Alison shrugged.
"I am not sure if I want to be with Logan anymore," I said. "When he left, I was so hurt. I do not want to feel that way again."
"But you do."
I sighed. Alison knew me so well.
"I do and I hate it."
"You wished he had stayed away?"
"Yes, no," I said raising my head. "I do not know."
Alison said nothing else to me. She just stared at me with a look of pity and sympathy.
The next day, I was exhausted. Between my emotions and lack of sleep, I was just out of it and was in a terrible mood all day. All my students and all my staff knew to give me a wide berth. All but Logan who seemed to love to walk into the danger zone no matter what the situation was.
He did not care that I left a note outside my office door stating that I was not to be disturbed he just rushed right in.
"What is it, Logan," I asked with an edge to my voice.
"I just wanted to see why the sky is so cloudy today."
I looked out my window. Indeed, the weather projected my mood.
"I just had a rough night," I answered. "Is that all?"
"No," Logan said harshly.
I looked up at him.
"Well," I said sternly.
"You're not telling me, why you're upset."
"I have just told you. I had a rough night."
"Not an answer."
"It is, now get out." I said.
Logan just stood, his arms crossed.
Feeling irritated, I rolled my eyes.
"I know you can hear better than anyone, Logan, so I knew you heard me. Now do what I asked."
"You didn't ask, you demanded and I want more of an answer than a rough night."
"That is the only answer you are receiving. So go."
Logan let out a harsh growl before he stormed out of my office, slamming the door.
I sighed and sat back in my chair. I added his temper to one of the reasons why we should not be together.
The list was fairly short. His love for Jean, his bullheadedness, his overly alpha male attitude, his tendency to run away, and now his temper. All good reasons to not be with Logan. But my heart did not care about some made up list. It wanted to be with him no matter what.
It was my head and not my heart that I wanted to follow after Logan's current display.
I had to push aside my feelings. It was my decision that I needed to continue to move on. I could not allow my heart to rule my head or I would be hurt again.
END OF CH. 8
