A/N: Another short chapter.
Two months later.
Jane:
I see you across the cafe from me. Ma is telling you about a new recipe she tried and she's encouraging you to try it out. You learned your lesson weeks ago not to try new recipes from Ma. At least until she made me taste them. I feel sort of bad for you but I'm actually quite amused by this. This is where your kindness gets you, Maur. You're willing to do anything Ma asks, even if you don't want to. You take a bite of whatever that is and make a face that only I can understand. You are truly disgusted but Ma doesn't see that. In fact, if anyone looked at you, they won't see it. They would think you were uncomfortable but that's all.
"Why don't you just go talk to her?" Vince ponders, and I guess he's been watching me watch you. I look at him like he's stupid and just said the most absurd thing ever. "I mean, you haven't talked to her in weeks. I know that you miss her."
"I talk to her all the time, Korsak." I start pushing my food around on my plate to distract myself from watching you. If I even look at you again he'll make a big case of it.
"No you don't." He isn't buying my lie. I decide to just give up but Ma saves me from admitting to defeat and missing you.
"Is there anything else I can get you, Janie?" She asks, observing my full plate. "You haven't touched your food."
"Yes I have!" I defend in the only way I know how to Ma. I get louder than her. "This was over here." I use my fork to point to the chicken. "And this was here." I point to the pasta.
"I don't know why you hate me." She shakes her head. "Would you like something else?"
"I told you when I got in here that I'm not hungry." I did tell her that. I wasn't hungry.
"You always say that now." Vince jumps in and I give him a look. His eyes dart back down to his plate. That's what I thought.
"I'm just not hungry, Ma." I say, apologetically. Hopefully that will get her to back off. "I'm sorry. I'll take this home with me and finish it when I do get hungry." This is a lie. I'm just going to throw it away like I do everything else she makes for me. I feel bad about it. I should start giving it to a homeless people, at least they'll enjoy it.
"Promise?" She looks at me.
"I promise this will be eaten." I smile. By a homeless person I spot on my way home. This pleases her because she smiles big then walks away. Vince is still staring down at his food as he eats it. I smile, pleasingly. I'm still afraid to look at you again so I keep my eyes on my own barely touched food.
I see you from the corner my eye and I try to keep my eyes focused on the plate. "Hey doc," Vince says. "Where ya going?"
"I..." You look at me to see if it's okay to stay. I don't say anything. I just continue to look at my plate. "I...I have a date."
"A date?" He looks at me then back to you. "With who? Isn't it a little early for a date?"
"We have odd schedules." You explain. "We picked the most available time for both of us."
"With who?" He asks you again, not letting go of that question like it'll save his life. "Is it with someone here?"
"No." You seem so...sad. I try not letting all of this information get to me. I try not letting it anger me because this is what I signed up for. This is why I signed up for it. You would move on and we both suspected it. I just didn't think it would be so soon. I only hoped it would be after I moved on, myself.
"A doctor?" Vince questions.
You hesitate for a moment, I can tell your eyes are probably begging for me to tell you it's okay. "Yes." You finally give up. "I have to get going. She doesn't like it when I'm late." You walk away without another word and Vince looks at me.
"She?" He repeats. I only shrug. "Since when is the Doc a skirt chaser?"
"Don't know." I start pushing my food around on my plate, again. I know he can tell that I'm angry but I'm too pissed to care. I got myself into this. I could've had my chance with you and I blew it. It's too late to tell you that I want you now. It's too late to even try to tell myself that. I've come too far. I'm accomplished too much. I can look at other women now and see their beauty without comparing them to you. I can genuinely think something's funny and want to laugh at it. I haven't been able to get laughing down yet. I'm not as mean as I was to everyone else because I was trying my best not to be mean to you.
I can't let myself go there with you now. I'm moving on too and that's the way it's supposed to be, right? That's the way things ought to be. Us happy with other people because God knows we can't make each other happy. I'll be happy, again. I'll be happy again one day.
I know a bunch of you will judge Maura. And I'm okay with that. But whatever you say about her, remember that not everything is as it seems.
Next update: March 20, 2012
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