A/N: Me: Sorry sorry sorry sorry! I didn't update this weekend because I was at… AAU Junior Olympics!

Fang: I had the house to myself almost the whole weekend. It was nice.

MooMoo: We were there too!

Rawr: And B's dad.

Fang: Well I just ignored you two, and B's dad is easy to hide from. That crazy extra-toed cat though… that's another story completely.

Me: Anyway *glare* … the Pirates movie was awesome! Not as good as the original ones, but still pretty good. Fact: I have lots of gold, silver, bronze, and copper metals from both states and regionals (like two states together, etc) in the Junior Olympics. I have, like, at least 10 from each. None from nationals yet :/

January 29, 2013 (Max/Fang/Iggy- 19; Nudge/Ella/Ian- 16; Gazzy- 13; Angel- 11; Tyler/Lizzy-1 1/2)

Fang POV

"Fang?" Just the sound of my wife's voice made me instantly wary.

"Yea?"

"Um… Ella and I are gonna go out tonight. Total, Akila, Angel, and Gazzy are sleeping over at my mom's. Nudge and Iggy are also going out. So you need to watch the twins." she explained.

"No."

"What?"

"I'll, like, blow up the house, lose the kids, I don't want to change diapers, it'll be a disaster!" I exclaimed.

Max arched an eyebrow at me. God her eyes are so beautiful. Like chocolate… mmmm…. I was jolted out of my hormonal thoughts as she coughed at me. "Sorry… what?"

She huffed. "I said- well, too bad for you because all the reservations are already made. And we're leaving in… 10 minutes."

I gaped at her while she walked out. Why that sneaky little… ah… I couldn't get mad at her.

(A/N: Me: I noticed none of my line breaks were showing up. At all. So the stories are probably really confusing. I'll make sure they actually show up now.)

I stared at the toddlers in front of me. They were throwing foam building blocks, giggling, flapping their little fluffy chicken wings, falling over, and generally being cute.

I smelled something… something… gross. I wrinkled my nose. I sniffed near Tyler- nope. Lizzy… phew! I picked her up, held her far away from my body, and walked to the bathroom. I set her on the changing table.

"Now… what do I do?" I muttered to myself. I shook my head, realizing how insane I was. Soon I'll be seeing talking T-rexs and platypuses (A/N: Me: What?) … or is it platypi? I have no idea.

I shrugged and started pulling down her diaper. I turned away and gagged at what was in there. You do not want to know.

I tried again, and this time I threw up a little in my mouth.

I thought for a second, then got an idea.

I came back in two minutes later wearing a haz-mat suit that used to be a Halloween costume and a gasmask. I had tongs, rubber gloves, and a bio-waste container. I was ready.

I slowly picked off the diaper with the forceps, holding it as if it was radioactive. Who knows… maybe it was. I dropped it carefully in the bin. I donned three pairs of rubber gloves and cleaned her off. I put on three new pairs of gloves and put a new diaper on her.

Whew! Done!

I had finally gotten the twins to finish their bottles of formula and baby mush after 45 minutes. 'Cause God knows I wasn't breast feeding them or anything.

I burped Tyler, then Lizzy. Thank God for the rag 'cause I'm pretty sure she puked on it a little. Lovely.

I herded them into the living room. They had learned to walk at a pretty early age- about 8 months. They went straight for the TV. I swear- they're addicted to that thing.

I walked over to them and turned it on. Dora was on. They clapped and giggled- I groaned.

I sat on the couch and I think I dozed off a little. I woke up to Tyler screaming and LIzzy laughing. I jolted upright, and rubbed my eyes. I looked around- nothing seemed wrong. Tyler and Lizzy were fine, the house had no holes, the TV was… wait… where was the TV? I looked around, puzzled. I heard the TV all of a sudden, and whipped around.

The TV was back! Tyler had stopped crying, and Lizzy looked… mischievous.

"What did you do?" I asked sternly. She gave me some babble. I shook my head and sat back down.

I was spacing out, looking at a plant outside, when Tyler started screaming again. I looked, and again, the TV wasn't there anymore. I furrowed my eyebrows and walked around the living room. Now… if I was a TV… where would I be?

Oh God- three hours and I'm already insane. There's still two hours before they go to bed!

The TV started again, and when I looked back, it was there! Okay… maybe I'm hallucinating. I pinched myself- nope. Still awake. I walked over to Lizzy. "What. Did. You. Do?" Please tell Daddy that he's not insane and there are no dinosaurs or platypi here either!

She giggled, pointed to the TV… and it vanished. I gasped and reached out. I could touch the TV- it was still there. Which means… she made it invisible! I stared at her. Well… she was pretty much like me… so she got a variation of my invisibility. I smiled- it was pretty cool.

Too bad she used it for evil instead of good. She made everything invisible- even important things- like the remote! And my laptop!

I slumped back on the couch, exhausted. Only half an hour left! Wonderful sleep….

Tyler ran up to me, punched me in the face, and ran away. What the F? I scowled and rubbed my cheek. That was gonna hurt in the morning.

He ran up to my other side, punched me on the other cheek, and ran away again. Where was this kid learning this stuff? Oh right… he and Lizzy watched Iggy and me have a fight one day. What? He cut up my favorite hoody to make a bomb shell.

Tyler appeared, out of freaking nowhere, and hit me. Where the sun don't shine. Okay= that's it. I got up to chase after him- maybe spank him a little. What I didn't expect was to not even be able to see him anywhere. I asked Lizzy, "You messing with me?" She smiled 'innocently'.

I felt some wind on my back, and whirled around. There… if I watched it closely enough… a little blur. With orange pants and red shirt… what the heck? Tyler?

He skidded to a halt in front of me. As soon as I blinked, he was on the other side of the room.

So he had super speed like Max. Except in running. This would make discipline hard.

"That's it. You're both going to bed." So Tyler started running around the room. On the walls. And Lizzy made herself invisible. Greeeaaat.

A/N: Me: Yay! New powers! And don't worry- Fang is a good Dad. He just has no idea what he's doing.

Fang: Hey! I resent that!

MooMoo: Too bad. Cry me a river.

Rawr: Build a bridge. Get over it.

Fang: Your pets are mean!

Me: Oh well. *shrug* Fact: I got first in high jump and pole vault, and seventh in hurdles today at Junior Olympics states today! And I would like at least five reviews per chapter- so that means 45 after this chapter. We're at 39- only six more!

Fang: Pleas review so she'll stop complaining!