Chapter 9

Hallelujah

There was an awkwardness in the air. The whole house could feel it and it revolved around…..of course… Eli and Clare.

...

"I really messed up, Alli." Clare washed her face getting ready for bed.

"There is always tomorrow, remember. You have to take it one day at a time." Alli said.

"But I can't keep using my past as an excuse." She put her pajamas on.

"You're right but you are getting better. Me and Dave saw that little display of wrath today." Clare blushed.

"Yeah about that. Something just came over me." Clare said. "Where were you two anyways?" It was now Alli's turn to blush:

"We were in the tree….enough about me…..you have to learn to deal with your emotions….I know I just came here, but I can tell Amelia really loves you…she really wants to help, but doesn't know how."

"I kind of got mad at her today." Clare admitted. "Because she tried to keep me from seeing my mother's package."

"That's understandable." Alli brushed her hair.

"Now I see it…../i see where Dave is coming from now though. Everyone is trying to protect me. I need to start protecting myself."

"You're right…..you are also going to have to handle your emotions with Eli. I know it's not simple but you can't keep avoiding him. I mean…you two live in the same house." Clare nodded hugging Alli.

"Thanks."

….

Eli was looking at the moon through his window. He woke up in the middle of the night. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't get away from Clare. She haunted his dreams. Her pale face that showed every emotion…every desire she had. He had to see her again.

Walking to her room, he cracked the door to view her face. Quietly walking in, he touched her face lightly.

"Eli." She said softly. He smirked, she was dreaming about him. He wanted to crawl in the bed with her but he had to control himself. This was going to have to be enough for him now. Going back to his room, he rested his head on the pillow. How can he get her to see herself? How could he get her to love herself?

Dave couldn't sleep either. Not because of a nightmare but because of something else. He didn't know what it was? He was restless. All he could do was look at the ceiling and listen to Adam's light snoring. Eli had probably gone to check up on Clare. How can a couple get into an argument in less than a day?

Walking down stairs to get something to drink, he glanced at Alli sleeping on the couch. He would be a fool if he said he wasn't attracted to her. He couldn't help it. Her persistence and curiosity…he was fund of. He liked the way her eyes shined when she were around him…..maybe it was his wishful thinking. Drinking his milk, he walked back upstairs.

Alli was not sleep. She felt his presence as he walked down the stairs. She knew it was Dave. Why did she feel like this around him? At first she thought she was mistaking sympathy for affection, but that was not the case. With him, nothing was forced. It fell into place. How? Eli and her's relationship was unlike her friendship….she guessed they were friends…...with Dave. They never ran out of anything to talk about, plus she constantly thought about him. She also felt as if Dave trusted her with his secrets…..she had hoped.

Clare cried. All her feelings were overwhelming. Nightmares plus her separation from Eli was burning through her. It was like Eli was in her veins and she couldn't get him out. But she had too. She refused to be hurt. Everyone who was supposed to love her did not. Her mother only brought up her short comings. Her father never praised her. That why she had worked so hard to win. If she won more, she could be seen as Darcy, but that was not the case. She only won their disappointed. If she had gotten close to Eli, he would be disappointed in her too.

…..

Adam woke up in the middle of the night with one thing on his mind, Fiona. He had just met her, why can't he get her out of his head. Sitting up, he noticed Eli and Dave were tossing and turning, no one but Amelia was getting a good night sleep. Emotions are tricky. He wished he thought more with his mind, rather than the heart. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are destined for loneliness, it always shows you the opposite.

Fiona was sitting outside her window on the roof. The dark sky was covered in stars. The sight was so bright….so immaculate. She wanted to call Adam but she scared he would judge her. He would soon find out the real her. People only saw her as stuck-up. They refused to believe that she was shy and timid. She didn't know what to say, so she never said a word. She would always open her mouth, but words never formed.

Being around Adam was refreshing. It was like they were two kids in kindergarten. Both not knowing one another, but playing together and becoming the best of friends. She missed him. Why did she keep thinking of her as a him…..uggghhhhhhh…it was to frustrating.

Her Grand-aunt warned her to stay away from him. He was crazy, but….she was crazy too. All she wanted was to have a friend. Why did Adam have to be so different?

….

Clare looked at Eli as he began fixing closet door handle. He noticed but ignored her. She would have to come to him….on her time….when she was ready. It was a rainy day but errands had to be done. When he was done, he went upstairs to see if he could do repairs upstairs.

He had to stay away from Clare. The more he was around her, the less he was able to keep control himself. When she would turn her back to wash dishes, he would stare at her body. He felt guilty for thinking such thoughts of her but he couldn't help himself.

He imagined walking over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist from behind and kissing her neck. He imagined her moan his name as he left love bites here and there.

"Eli you're drooling." Adam said as he sat down to write the monthly checks for Amelia. She kept telling him to do it, but he was a procrastinator to the fullest. He would have to go to the store and pay it because he forgot to mail them. Amelia gave him one her responsibility talks.

…..

Alli was getting Amelia's raincoat from the closet as her bracelet fell into a box. Putting the raincoat on the table, she walked back to get her bracelet from the box. She bit her lip. Why did she always have the unfortunate luck of finding Dave's things. Putting her bracelet back on, she looked through his pictures. He looked so happy with his mother. She was a pretty woman who had welcoming eyes…..eyes like Dave… that showed how much he cared.

…..

After 10 minutes, Eli finally convinced Amelia to stay at home since the weather was bad. According to the broadcast, it was going to be bad all day. That is why he and Adam were going to make hurry up so they could get back safely.

….

"What are you doing?" Dave came inside the house after checking on the horses and brings the dogs inside?

"I….I'm sorry. I dropped my bracelet….."Alli mumbled.

"You're rambling….why are you always getting into someone's business?" Dave snatched the pictures from her hand. He looked at his mother and tears formed in his eyes. He cried the tears he couldn't cry when the doctor said she had died. He cried all the times he refused to cry so he would not be weak.

Alli watched him, tears forming in her eyes too. Grabbing his wrist, she led him upstairs to his room. Wiping his tears away, she took the pictures from his hand.

"Dave, its ok to cry. From time to time, I cry. Sometimes life becomes some complicated and confusing. You want so bad for them to come back but they don't. But you learn to live and cope."

"I don't want to forget her Alli." he rested his head on her shoulder.

"You won't. She will be there with you to guide you." Alli pointed to his heart. Sitting up, Dave looked at Alli in her eyes…she missed him being close. He traced her face.

"You're right." He kissed her cheek.

…..

Clare laid in her bed looking at the knife she snuck away. It taunted her, tantalized her. It needed to be used. It wanted to help her forget. Hearing the knock on the door, she hid it underneath her pillow.

"How are you doing Lovely?" He granny kissed her forehead.

"I could be better." Clare helped her sit on the bed.

"I know your parents can be unbearable. My son has made mistakes with his life Clare….those mistakes have affected you and your mother as well, but you have to find happiness. You can't keep harming yourself. The pain is still there dear. You have to face it. I love you. We all love you. You have to love yourself. I'll leave you alone now sweetie."

As she left she waited 5 more minutes, then pulled out the blade again. Temptation was a beast…the more you fed it….the hungrier it got.

"I am so glad you two made it." Amelia said knitting.

"You two need to get dry." She said.

"We are on it." The two boys separated. Eli checked on Clare. Opening her door, he saw her sitting on the floor, crying. Forgetting about his ego, he sat down next to her. He looked at the knife with her.

"I know it looks amusing to you at the time, but you have worked too hard to become stronger to give in again. Not only will you be hurting yourself but others around you.

"Then I am like my father then, selfish….giving in to my desires." She cried.

"No those are for different reasons, Clare. Look at me…..Look at me." He turned her head to look in her eyes.

"I want you happy Clare. If you're unhappy then I am because I like you a lot. I care for you." Eli kissed her sweetly.

"Sometimes I feel so weak Eli." Clare said holding herself. Nearly jumping when she felt him rub her arms, she relaxed:

"I need you here to help me." Clare said.

"I need you here too, so I'm not going anywhere."Eli said kissing her once more. Once he removed the knife from her hand, the lights went off.

"O crap." They laughed.