Chapter 9

"... Saaaaayyy…" Bonney said, stepping away from Tashigi to confront Bon Clay head on. "Wait a minute… How can we trust you? How the fuck can we trust anything this guy is saying?"

"Thagk you for catching ub with the rest ob us," Tashigi deadpanned.

Bon Clay gasped, pressing his hands on his cheeks in shock. "You don't-! Oh! Of course, of course! Such an offer, you would naturally believe it was a trap! Fortunately, I have a way to earn your…. TRUST!" he emphasized that last word by leaning back and raising one leg in a high point ballerina kick.

Tashigi sniffled, sending blood down the back of her throat. She shivered in disgust, drawing the flashlight away from Bon Clay. When she corrected her hand, they were surprised to see he was holding a small stack of Polaroids. From where he produced them, they had no idea.

"Here, here, gather 'round!" He beckoned them to draw closer, which they did, hesitatingly. The Polaroids were of a two-story building stylized like an old western saloon. They could tell by the surroundings that it was between two other businesses, but they couldn't tell what services they would provide. To prove that they were recent pictures, the Polaroids also featured Bon Clay himself, posing flamboyantly in front of the saloon entrance. Some of them also featured him posing with fresh zombie kills, like some kind of mixture of a gay pride parade and a hunter of the most dangerous game: man.

He was also in the interior pictures, showing that it was a regular, classy, themed saloon-style bar. People were drinking merrily, performers were in the background playing music, and it was all only partially obscured by Bon Clay's grinning mug. "Are you in all of these?" Zoro asked.

"Are you saying I'm not photogenic~?" Bon Clay responded. "So? What do you think? How does a night of merriment sound? It would be free of charge, of course."

The offer was becoming more and more tempting with each passing moment. The trio looked nervously at each other. "We should ged all that wood back…" Tashigi muttered.

"... We could just say we got held up somewhere overnight… Zombies pinned us down, we had to wait for them to clear out…" Zoro muttered.

As Bon Clay leaned in more and more, his smile widened. It looked like he was winning, until finally Tashigi let her shoulders sink. "Alright, alright, we'll go for a liddle bit! Because you owe me!"

They were swept up in a hug from a man who didn't know what personal space meant. "You won't be disappointed~! Do wait out in front of the store, I'll pull around and you can follow mee~ I'm so excited, I'm so excited!" He skipped, twirled, and leapt away, back into the darkness, leaving them standing there stunned.

"This is a good idea, right?" Bonney asked.

Zoro just shrugged. "I've had worse."

Bon Clay drove a pink convertible that looked like a Barbie toy brought to life. No one was surprised to see it pull around the front of the Home Depot, nor were they surprised when Beyonce started blaring from the sound system at deafening levels. "FOLLOW MEEEEE~~" Bon Clay sang, gesturing at them to come along for the journey.

Tashigi wisely snatched the keys away from Zoro before he could climb into the driver's seat, and she pulled out of the parking lot, hot on Bon Clay's heels. Even if they did get separated somehow, it would be pretty easy to find him again, with the stereo as loud as it was. Clearly this man had no fear, and was to be respected.

The sun was still up by the time they arrived at Impel Down. It was a relatively short drive, but further out than anyone from Little Garden had driven. The exterior looked much the same as it did in the photographs, but they could just barely hear some kind of commotion inside. They parked near Bon Clay, who leapt gracefully out of his car to greet them. "We're a bit early for the actual party, but you're all still welcome to come in and meet everyone! We're getting set up now~"

He walked the trio to the front door, opening it to welcome them in. Zoro and Bonney crossed the entrance, but he stopped Tashigi. "Except you, dear~ You're simply not presentable in that state!" he pointed to her bloodstained shirt.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Mine, of course! That's why I insist you come around to the back so I can get you into something more presentable~!" He wouldn't take no for an answer, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her around the corner, into the alley between Impel Down and a building that once was used as an attorney's office. Zoro and Bonney made an attempt to go after her, but were quickly tugged further inside when mystery people grabbed their arms while they weren't looking.

The interior of the bar was fairly lively, even if it was primarily populated by "staff". And it was easy to tell the staff from the guests, because they were all dressed similarly to Bon Clay. Feather boas, fishnet stockings, tight pants, vests, sequins, flamboyant jewelry, makeup, the works. Bonney and Zoro were lead further in by two men at the door, pushing them

"Ohhhhh, it's a burlesque show," Zoro said, nodding at the stage. "Now it makes sense."

"Burlesque… Oh yeah! They're like fuckin'… fancy strippers, right? This'll be better than I thought!" Bonney immediately perked up.

Zoro's shoulders sank as he looked around the rest of the bar. In true saloon fashion, there was a staircase on the right wall leading up to a second floor with a number of private rooms. The bar was to the left of the doors, and there were tables scattered everywhere else in front of the stage. "Not exactly, it's more of a performance than eroticism but… yeah sure, fancy strippers."

He then had a bottle smashed over his head and was tackled to the ground.

Meanwhile, Tashigi was dragged through a back entrance, through a hallway behind the stage where the dressing rooms were. A number of pretty girls in lace and stockings and garters were in the middle of getting ready for tonight's show. Also, there were handsome men in lace and stockings and garters, getting ready for tonight's show.

Blushing profusely, Tashigi was tossed into a private dressing room where an older woman was leaning against the wall. "Hello Shakky~~~! Do me a favor and make this one sparkle! She deserves it~!" Bon Clay said, before spinning away and leaving Tashigi alone with the woman.

Shakky (or at least Tashigi assumed she was Shakky) pushed herself off the wall and studied Tashigi up and down. "Hmm… Are you a new dancer for tonight?"

"Whaa!?" came Tashigi's high-pitched, squeaking yelp.

"The burlesque show. I've never seen you around."

Tashigi's eyes went wide. "No! No no no no no! Absolutely not, I'm not a dancer! I think there's been a mistake, because that is 100% what I'm not here for!"

"Okay…" Shakky nodded, taken aback at the outburst.

"I just want it to be clear. Absolutely clear that I'm not going to get into some kind of situation where I end up on stage and make a fool of myself. I just want a new shirt! I don't know what that Bon Clay guy was thinking!"

Shakky just shrugged, unfazed. "Sure, sure, honey. Although, I'll just come out and say it, I think you need more than a new shirt."

Tashigi raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean…?"

"I mean, you look like you haven't slept in 36 hours and you're clutching your sword like you're waiting for me to come at you with a knife. And your left hand has been balled into a fist since you walked in here."

"I'm just… tense."

"There's tense and there's on the verge of a heart attack. Come inside. We'll get you into some better clothes and some real makeup and you can tell Aunt Shakky what's bothering you." She crossed the room past Tashigi and leaned out the doorframe. She called out to whoever was listening, "HEY! TELL MY HUSBAND TO BRING US A BOTTLE OF VODKA!"

Tashigi leaned backwards down the hallway to see a girl scamper off to alert whoever Shakky's husband was. She turned back to Shakky, who was gesturing for her to look through the rack of costumes hanging along the back wall of the dressing room. "Go pick out something cute."

She walked towards the rack, but looked over her shoulder at Shakky. "I don't really do… fashion."

"I can tell. Just find something you like, I'll handle the rest."

Tashigi pouted at the older woman, but started flipping through the sequined and feathered outfits anyway.

Meanwhile, Zoro's vision was starting to return and he found himself face-down on the floor with another human being sitting on his back. "Thought I recognized you! Hey, buddy! Been a while, huh?"

"Who the fuck is this, Zoro? Who the fuck are you?!" That was Bonney's voice, being as helpful as ever.

"Small world, huh? Who'd've thought we'd be in the same bar at the same time? How long's it been, ten years? You look good!"

"Did you break a bottle over my head?" Zoro grumbled.

"Pffft," the voice scoffed. "Of course not! It didn't break."

"WHO IS THIS WOMAN?!" Bonney shrieked. "AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK JUST LIKE TASHIGI?!"

At that, Zoro tried to push himself up and the massive size of his huge and manly muscles meant he was able to lift himself even with the added weight of a grown woman. The woman sitting on his back toppled off, collapsing onto the floor and quickly righting herself. When he stood up, he squinted as he looked at her, trying to place why she felt so familiar.

She did look a lot like Tashigi. Their hair was the same color, and she even held a katana at her side, but she didn't wear glasses and her hair was kept much shorter. She also carried herself completely differently, looking far more laid-back and carefree than their swordswoman associate.

It didn't hit him until she smiled, grinning ear to ear and saying nothing. That's when he gasped and yelled out "KUINA!"

"ZOROOO!" she yelled back with equal excitement, as if she was just seeing him for the first time, and hadn't tried to knock him unconscious. "I'm surprised you're still alive after all this time, if your reflexes are that bad!"

"Zombies usually don't come at me with glass bottles…" he muttered.

"Okay okay okay OKAY! Who! The fuck! Is this!?" Bonney butted her way into the conversation.

Zoro groaned, having momentarily forgotten Bonney was there. "Bonney, this is Kuina. She was a friend of mine back when we were kids." He looked back at Kuina. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again after I moved. How'd you get down here?!"

"Oh, after Zombie Day, I just up and started wandering, you know? I didn't feel comfortable settling down anywhere, so I just walk the earth, go where my sword takes me. Yesterday it happened to take me here. And today it's taking me to the bar, where I am going to drink you under the table," she said, poking Zoro in the chest.

"What! Zoro! How come you never told me you knew a fuckin' party animal like her! I always thought you were too boring for that shit!" Bonney exclaimed.

"For one thing, we're not close enough friends for me to share my life with you. For another, Kuina never acted like that when we were kids. I seem to remember you being a perfectionist who had to be dragged outside to have fun."

"The end of the world happened. Suddenly getting into a good college stopped being important, and well I uh… heh! Didn't take it too well? I was angry for a long time, violent for a long time... And eventually I just decided to say 'fuck it' and do whatever I wanted! It's freeing…" She said wistfully. "So here I am! Drinking and partying and getting into fights! Like you used to do!" She again jabbed Zoro in the chest with her finger.

Bonney could barely maintain her glee. "You are MY kind of girl! Let's go get fucking PLASTERED!"

Kuina pulled the duo to the bar and leaned over the counter to shout at the bartender. "HEY! HEY! RAYLEIGH! OLD-TIMER! YO, WHISKEY! LEAVE THE BOTTLE!"

The bartender, a bearded old man with tiny spectacles, walked slowly to their end of the counter. "Oh, Kuina. I take it you're staying another night after all?" he said, deliberately taking his time to tease the new patrons. When he dropped off the bottle, Zoro and Bonney made note of how massively ripped he was for an old guy.

He walked off to tend to other patrons, waving over his shoulder. "Don't get too hammered before the show, you guys! You won't enjoy it as much!"

Zoro and Bonney went from staring at him to staring at Kuina. "Who is that guy?!" Bonney demanded.

Kuina shrugged nonchalantly as she opened the whiskey bottle and took a long swig, passing it to Zoro afterward. "Eh, he owns the place. Him and his wife. They're cool people."

Zoro took a drink from the bottle and passed it to Bonney. "We can't fuckin' tell the others about this place," Bonney said before gulping whiskey down. "This is our secret, got it?"

"Agreed."

At that moment, Bon Clay strolled up behind them and slapped Zoro on the back. He leaned over Zoro's back as if they were old friends. "Hello~! Glad to see you're enjoying yourselves! Your dear Tashigi will be out in a moment, and I have a feeling she'll look and feel so much better~! I left her in wondrously capable hands~"

"Okay cool-" Zoro started to say, but Bon Clay was already twirling away to greet other guests. "That guy is weird…"

Kuina snickered. "Yeah no kidding, huh?"

Meanwhile, Tashigi was starting to feel the buzz after her third shot of straight homemade vodka. She had ditched the tropical shirt and mom jeans for a classy, yet sexy red burlesque ensemble. The corset, the tights, the heels, the gloves. Her hair had been, to use the scientific term, floofed up to maximum levels, and she was currently lounging back on the couch in the dressing room. "What gets me, more than anything? No accountability. They don't…" she paused to stifle a hiccup. "They don't have a leader there! No one's in charge! I had to throw all her stuff out the window, because it was the only way I could communicate with her!"

"Sounds to me, they think they don't need one," Shakky said. She was leaning against the wall, grinning bemusedly at her young new friend.

"They just decide things arbitrarily! We're supposed to be… representatives of our community! The outpost is the… the cornerstone of this alliance! We have a duty! Responsibility! We joined this alliance for a reason!"

"You mentioned that earlier. What was that reason again?"

Tashigi shot a slightly hazy, pouty glare at Shakky. "It's a good cause! It's not a bad thing! It's just… complicated! I just wish… everyone would take more responsibility. I feel like I'm the only one who cares."

"It sounds to me that you're trying to take on responsibility that isn't there. If no one else sees a problem with the setup they have going, why should it bother you?"

"Because there's no civilization without order!"

"Well, from what you told me, they sound pretty rambunctious, spontaneous… But have they really caused any trouble?"

"Well-!" Tashi thought about it. "N-no…" In fact, the only real trouble that had happened in the weeks since she arrived… was her and Zoro's fault in the first place. "It just feels weird when someone isn't in charge."

"If everyone's already cooperating, there doesn't really need to be a leader. That's how we run things. My husband and I own the bar, but we don't really need to do any management. You shouldn't try to control too much. Take it easy, it's the end of the world after all."

She then gestured to the door with her thumb. "Now I'm gonna need you to clear out, I still got my own work to do. Go party with your friends and enjoy the show. And try to make an effort to actually interact with them."

Tashigi suddenly sat up. "O-oh! Wait, y-you mean dressed like this?" She gestured to her outfit.

"Of course. What, did you think this was just fun dress-up time? What's the point of wearing that if no one's gonna see it?"

By the time she snuck her way back out into the bar, the place was filling up with its evening crowd. The sun was setting through the windows and people were taking their seats, ordering drinks, talking amongst themselves. It was difficult to find Zoro and Bonney in the crowds, since their green and pink hair didn't stand out as much amongst everyone else, but eventually she found them sitting in a half-circle booth near the front of the stage.

To her surprise, both of them cheered when they saw her. Even the other mystery woman cheered. "Holy shiiiiiiit!" Bonney cackled. "You look so fuckin' hot!"

"I-It's just what I'm wearing while they wash my other clothes!" Tashigi laughed awkwardly.

"Well, you should keep it! Good look for you! OH!" Bonney suddenly turned to the mystery girl. "This is her! Tashigi! Your doppelganger!" She gestured for Tashigi to sit down, "Sit next to her, go on! And take your glasses off!"

Tashigi shuffled and pushed her floofy dress under the table and let the mystery girl bump shoulder to shoulder with her. They glanced over at each other and Tashigi was momentarily completely confused. "Uh who-"

"Glasses! Off!" Bonney shouted, leaning dramatically over the table. Tashigi complied, and when she did so, Zoro sat up at attention to stare at both of them.

"Shit, they do look exactly alike…" He muttered.

While Bonney laughed like a hyena at the sight, Tashigi looked over at the mystery woman. "Sorry, who are you?"

"Kuina. I'm Zoro's friend and apparently your evil clone. Nice to meetcha!" She reached awkwardly to give Tashigi's hand a vigorous shake, and then stood up as much as she could from the table to shout for another round. "AND SOMETHING EDIBLE, I DON'T CARE WHAT!" she added.

It's amazing what a change of environment can do for people. Within minutes, the trio were talking with each other more freely than they ever had before. To Tashigi's surprise, Bonney was actually making her laugh, instead of roll her eyes, and Zoro hadn't felt so relaxed while also being awake in months.

The relative peace of the evening wasn't meant to last, but even that didn't bother them. As they continued drinking, the lights in the bar eventually dimmed and the spotlights shone on the stage. The nightly performance was about to start, which drew the foursome's attention and quieted them a bit.

Bon Clay appeared on stage, welcoming newcomers to Impel Down, welcoming back returning guests. It seemed the man did not have an off switch, because he was just as… gratingly enthusiastic as he had been when he met the group earlier in the day. He set the stage for the dancers, and as the performance was just getting underway, Zoro felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Scuse me, you four… Could I ask you something real quick?" It was the old man, Rayleigh, from before. The foursome gave him a quick glance to acknowledge his presence, then went back to the show to indicate where their priorities were. "Alright, I'll get right to it. One of my scouts reported that there's a bit of a… cluster coming our way. Nothing our people can't handle, but I figured a bunch of swordsmen like yourselves might be interested in helping out."

Zoro was suddenly more interested in what Rayleigh had to say than the beautiful women onstage. Not that he ever had much interest in women in the first place. "Hold on… You spend all day helping me get completely toasted and now you want me to go out and help your people kill off some zombies?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Rayleigh said.

"I fuckin' love this place."