Chapter Nine
This Chapter may be heavy, but life isn't always sunshine and rainbows.
Thanks for the lovely reviews..keep them coming
I don't own them, if I did, no one would ever see them...hehe :)
This is the last Chapter I had written up so I thought I'd post and wait and post the other one tomorrow when I get home.
Get the tissues ;)
23 weeks
Blaine had felt off that whole day at school, he felt kinda sick, which thankfully had leveled off around 16 weeks. He felt a little achy and very very tired; he of course put it up to being pregnant. He didn't tell anyone he felt ill, he had a doctor's appointment the next day so if something was wrong they would be able to tell then. The fifteen minute drive home with Kurt, who was driving his car, he'd fallen asleep. Kurt looked over and smiled at the beautiful boy beside him, he bent down to kiss him on the forehead and Kurt immediately had alarm bells ringing his forehead was hot, that can't be good. He got up and ran inside straight to Carole, who knew by the look on Kurt's face something was wrong, very wrong.
"Kurt what is it?"
"Blaine, he's burning up and fell asleep rather quickly in the car."
Carole was out the door before he finished what he was saying, screaming for Burt. Kurt just stood there crying, after everything they've been through, please please be okay..please be okay, he pleaded.
Burt was on his phone dialing 911; Carole was carrying Blaine in the house, somewhere in the trip Blaine woke up. Kurt got down on his knees beside him on the couch, holding his hand as he looked at Kurt his eye lids were drooping.
"I feel so sick" he said weakly.
Kurt turned and Carole handed him a waste basket, Kurt's blood ran cold and he could've sworn his heart stopped. Blaine didn't just throw up..he threw blood.
Kurt looked panicked, and Blaine looked terrified, "they are on their way babe, hold on okay?" Kurt pleaded.
The quiet of the house was shattered as Blaine clutched his stomach and let out the most horrible scream Kurt had ever heard. He kept running his fingers through Blaine's hair, turning his head so Blaine couldn't see him sobbing. His face was contorted in horrible pain, his breathing was labored, all Kurt could do was plead, plead with a God he didn't believe was even there..but he pleaded anyway.
"You hang on damn it Blaine, I need you, you hear me I NEED YOU!" Burt grabbed Kurt as the paramedics rushed in, Blaine had throw up again all over everyone.
Kurt turned his head and buried his face in his father's chest, who was crying almost as hard as Kurt.
Kurt followed the paramedics as his parents jumped in their car following as well as they could an ambulance holding three of the four most important people in their lives.
July
They had managed to stabilize Blaine, and replace most of the blood he'd lost. The small uterus that the baby was confined in ruptured, causing rapid blood loss and with nowhere for the blood to go pooled in his stomach. They had managed to save Blaine, and their son was busy fighting for his tiny 1 pound life in the children's hospital an hour away. Kurt shuttled himself between both hospitals, wondering brokenly who he was going to lose first. Blaine had lost oxygen to his brain, they didn't know when or if he'd ever wake up. His son was on life support like his daddy, everyday bringing new ups and downs. They told him Christopher was a fighter, and to talk to Blaine about him, make him fight, if not just for Kurt but for their child as well. Kurt had never felt so alone, and broken. He couldn't even cry anymore, and he couldn't sleep, all he saw was Blaine's terrified face, and the blood...Oh God the blood. His dad had to hire a crime scene cleanup crew to get the living room clean. Kurt slept at the hospital, he couldn't bring himself to go in the house, to face the living room. So he couldn't imagine getting past that to go to their room in the basement..and even look at the nursery...he could cope with losing one..if he had the other. They got word to Blaine's parents, of course they didn't care, but Kurt thought they needed to know. New Directions came by, so did Wes and David, neither brave enough to see the tiny baby fighting so hard to live. They did brain scans on Blaine once a week, to check brain function, he still had some..but nothing had changed in the two weeks they'd been there.
Kurt left Blaine's side and made the hour drive to Children's Hospital to go see his son, he felt so numb, so empty. He place his hand against the incubator, silent tears running down his face watching his much too tiny son fight for his life...it broke his heart. Blaine's birthday, the weeks after, seemed a lifetime ago, he was a different person then. Every day he saw his son, he told him whatever news he had on his daddy telling him his daddy wants him to fight that they needed him here. He'd go to Blaine's bed side and repeat the same story, sometimes he'd get angry but mostly he felt like he was trying to walk through water up to his waist. Making so much effort to get somewhere only to look back and see you'd made no progress at all.
He felt crazy at times, he'd be at the Lima Bean, having a coffee, and he'd swear he'd see Blaine sitting across from him, smiling that smile that made Kurt's heart hurt now. He would be alone in his car and swear he'd hear him talking, he'd be out somewhere and hear someone laugh and turn around to realize it wasn't him. But he missed that sound so much, he missed Blaine so much he felt he may rip in two..half for him..half for their son. He was currently at his son's bed side, watching the machines help his son live, wanting to scream to the world "Why are you still going, why didn't you stop when my world fell apart...all over again!". The pain he felt now was different than when he'd lost his mother, he hadn't actually lost either one yet, but he didn't feel hopeful at least not for Blaine. The doctors were hopeful for Christopher, saying he was a strong fighter, all Kurt could think was..he got that from Blaine.
Late August
Christopher had improved, he was almost 3 pounds now he was almost six weeks old. He wasn't on a ventilator anymore, still on oxygen but he could almost breathe on his own. He did the most amazing thing yesterday, he opened his eyes and looked at Kurt. What Kurt saw in those eyes was Blaine, he had the same beautiful eyes of his father, and Kurt broke down at seeing them. Because he was certain he'd never see those eyes again, although they belonged to his son and not Blaine, he still saw Blaine there. The doctors were confident he'd be home by thanksgiving, Kurt couldn't wait. He kept pushing the thoughts of we should be bringing him home together..I shouldn't be doing this alone out of his head.
There hadn't been much change in Blaine, his body itself had healed by now, his stitches were out, and his incision healing well. Kurt had finally made it through his house, only to go upstairs to cry himself to sleep every night in the spare bedroom. Most nights however, Finn would come in his room and hold him while he cried. They spent many nights sleeping this way, Finn trying to offer comfort, Kurt desperately seeking it. Kurt felt like it was his dad's heart attack all over again, not knowing if he was going to wake up trying everything he could think of to try and help Blaine. He allowed the prayer vigils by his bedside by Quinn, Rachel, and Mercedes, he even let them in to pray for Christopher. Kurt thought that God only heard half of the prayers, Christopher was thankfully getting better..but Blaine wasn't. He couldn't help but be angry, he was angry at everyone and everything...he'd snap at someone then break down into sobs not being able to hold himself together. He felt like Miranda Bailey on Grey's Anatomy telling everyone he was holding himself together with tape and glue..that at any moment he could let go, but he couldn't..he just keeps putting the tape on the cracks..trying to stay as in control as he can.
He regularly sang to Blaine and Christopher, they claimed when he sang Blaine's pulse would go up..making them think he could hear him.
October
Christopher was now three months old, and 4.5 pounds..nearly ready to come home. Kurt was looking forward to this for so long, that now he's panicking, he couldn't do this on his own. He was angry with Blaine for leaving him here, but still somehow being here with him. He felt him everywhere, in their room, in the nursery...he saw him in his dreams. He walked into Blaine's hospital room that day, he'd written a song for Blaine, and wanted him to hear it today. After today he knew his visits would be fewer as next week he'd have a baby to take care of. So this was like his last attempt to wake him up, to make him fight, because if he couldn't fight for them..Kurt wouldn't ask it of him. It had been almost 3.5 months, and the doctors told him everyday he's like this the more likely he won't wake up. Kurt couldn't just leave him, couldn't let him go, no not until Blaine was ready to go. Blaine was still there, he knew in his heart..he was still here.
When he started singing a crowd of nurses had gathered outside the door and his parents had shown up to see Blaine like they did every other day. They alternated hospitals every day, seeing Blaine and Christopher. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry..but not being able to stop the tears running down his face.
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
And I knew it couldn't be but my heart believed
Oh it seems like there's something everyday
How could you be so far away
When you're still here
When I need you you're not hard to find
You're still here
I can see you in my baby's eyes
And I laugh and cry
You're still here
I had a dream last night
That you came to me on silver wings of light
I flew away with you in the painted sky
And I woke up wondering what was real
Is it what you see and touch or what you feel
Cause you're still here
Oh you're everywhere we've ever been
You're still here
I heard you in a stranger's laugh
And I hung around to hear him laugh again
Just once again
Oh...
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
Away
Kurt couldn't even compose himself once he was done..his parents came to his aid, his dad wrapping his arms around him like he did that horrible day 3.5 months before. Kurt was so upset he didn't see the single tear fall down the face of the boy lying in the bed...
A week later Kurt brought pictures of Christopher to add to the others for Blaine to see when he woke up. These were different, as their son was home, in his bed where he belonged..they were only missing one piece of their family. He put a picture in Blaine's hand and closed his hand around it, hoping that the picture could give him strength to come back to them. They needed him, Christopher needed him...Kurt ached without him there.
That night he found the lyrics to the song Blaine wrote what seemed like a lifetime ago. Then he noticed the bottom of the page, lyrics that he hadn't heard, he'd finished the song and now he wasn't here on Christopher's first night home to sing it to him like he'd planned to all those months ago.
Kurt sat in the glider, rocking Christopher to sleep with the lyrics sitting on his lap, he kissed the top of his head, breathing in that baby scent he loved and sighed.
"Your daddy is supposed to be here", Kurt started having to stop and regain his composure, "he's supposed to be here to sing this to you. He wrote it for you before you were here, before life was cruel to him all over again. So Chris even though I'm singing this..it came from your daddy's heart..don't ever forget that."
I was never alive
Till the day I was blessed with you
When I hold you late at night
I know what I was put here to do
I turn off the world
And listen to you sigh
And I will sing my angel's lullaby
Know I'm forever near
The one you can always call
Right now all you know to fear
Are the shadows on your wall
I'm here close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
And I will sing my angel's lullaby
Tell me how to stop the years from racing
Is there a secret someone knows
I'll never catch all the memories I'm chasing
Never be ready to let go..
Kurt tears wouldn't stop as he sang his the last part of this song to his son. He knew Blaine had wrote it after their conversation about his mother never knowing how true the words he'd written that day would turn out to be.
And when the world seems cold
And you feel like all of your strength is gone
There may be one tiny voice
Your reason to carry on
And when I'm not close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
You will sing your angel's lullaby
Let this be, our angel's lullaby...
Kurt hugged his son close to his chest and sobbed, praying that Blaine would wake up and see this beautiful child in his arms. He laid Christopher in his bed, wiping his eyes, he heard his phone ringing in the other room. He bent down and kissed his son's head and walked into the other room. He picked up his phone, his heart stopped it was the hospital...
Sorry for the sad chapter..it gets better from here..promise.
