Chapter 9

Author's Note:

Skip Beat! and its characters belong to the creator Nakamura Yoshiki. Skip Beat! is serialised in 'Hana to Yume' magazine (Hakusensha) and licensed in English by 'Shojo Beat' (VIZ Media, LLC).

The work below is written in the spirit of fan appreciation.
UK English has been used throughout.


Thank you to everyone who wished me well. I'm feeling better now.

I have a shorter chapter for you this time. I've also incorporated a little titbit I've seen in spoilers for chapter 232, even though I haven't had a chance to read the chapter myself yet.


The read-through of the secret scene went well. Since only the three of them were there, the director gave them further advice on how to portray the very beginning of romantic interest according to his vision for the drama. Then he gave them more feedback on how their characters were developing. He didn't have much to say to Tsuruga-san, but he did have a fair bit to say to Kyouko.

"There's just something missing, some factor of the character that you haven't yet discovered. Konoe-san told me about the attitude of the character you played for his project. I'd like something like that, something with that sort of intensity, but of course not the same attitude because Tomoe is a very different sort of young woman."

Kyouko gave a deep bow. "I'll do my best, director. May I have a few more impressions of the character to help guide me?" She bit her lip, not sure if she was being too forward or demanding by asking that question.

Mifune-kantoku didn't seem to mind. "She seems idle or lazy at first, but there's an energy within her ready to be unleashed on anything she puts her mind to. She's shy and doesn't like people seeing the real her, but she's perfectly happy to be out-there and eyecatching if that means people are looking at a version of her that isn't real. She wears masks. She doesn't like people making eye contact with her, but if she feels disrespected or looked down upon, her anger can flare up and she will stare anyone down until their knees tremble. She's a walking contradiction." He laughed. "To tell you the truth, she's me. That's why I can't quite put my finger on what you need to do to bring her out, but I know that I'll know it when you've found it."

Kyouko nodded slowly. She looked the director over from head to toe. He was flamboyant. That evening he was wearing a black and white houndstooth coat over a black button down shirt and jeans. But he wasn't shy, and he didn't seem idle or lazy at all. Had he been in the past?

"I feel like a zoo animal," said the director to Tsuruga-san.

Kyouko gasped. "I'm so sorry!" She threw herself into a deep bow. "I was just looking for clues to the character. My apologies for offending you." She closed her eyes tightly, awaiting the rebuke she was sure was coming.

"That's quite all right. I'm glad you're putting so much effort into finding Tomoe. I just don't think I'd be much help now. Twenty years ago, maybe. But I've smoothed out many of the old edges and learned to be social. Have a think about it on your own. After all, Tomoe is from a different generation than me. You'll be able to find a version of her that suits the times, I'm sure."

"Thank you, Mifune-kantoku. I'll do my best." She looked up at him, then at Tsuruga-san. Both men were smiling. She wasn't in trouble.

Or maybe she was, because the words 'she seems idle or lazy at first, but there's an energy within her' were echoing in her mind, and they had sparked an idea. A very, very bad idea.


Ren gave Kyouko-chan a ride home. She was very quiet on the ride, no doubt still worrying over the puzzle of Tomoe. He knew from experience that as soon as she found the missing element, the role would almost begin to play her and her performance would be superb. He just hoped she found the missing piece soon.

Truth be told, he had a worry of his own. He knew that he had something to say to her, but he wasn't sure how she would take it. He couldn't leave it any longer, though.

"Mogami-san," he said as they stopped at a red light.

At the same time, she said, "Um, Tsuruga-san."

They both laughed a little.

"Please, go ahead, sempai."

"No, ladies first."

"Oh, no, no." She waved off his words.

He sighed. "OK. Mogami-san, I have something to apologise for."

He paused and looked at her out the corner of his eye. She sat patiently waiting with a blank expression. The light went green and he took a moment to attend to the driving again. When they were back up to speed and on a straight, he cleared his throat.

"Your mother asked to speak to me after the meeting with the director last week."

"Oh."

"She asked about your potential to make acting a long-term career."

She didn't say anything.

"I said you're doing very well."

He looked at her again. Her face hadn't changed.

"And, I'm sorry, but I accidentally said that you got 100% on your high school entrance exam, and that you've met Kuu Hizuri and he thinks you have potential."

She still didn't say anything.

"I'm really sorry. You aren't on as good terms with your mother as you'd led me to believe, are you? I said things I shouldn't have. You have my sincere apology." If he hadn't been driving, he would have bowed to her.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You have nothing to apologise for, Tsuruga-san."

"Yes, I do. I was thoughtless."

"It's fine. You can't be blamed for not having information that I deliberately didn't tell you."

The air in the car was thick with silence. When he couldn't bare it any longer, he said, "Would you tell me? If it helps."

She sighed and rested her head on the window. The lights of Tokyo slid over her face as they drove through the night. He was so sure the conversation was over that he nearly jumped when she began to speak.

"What happened to her was awful. I feel for her, I really do. But it doesn't excuse how she treated me. I'm just not pure enough in my heart to forgive her for everything." She gulped so deeply that Ren heard her throat working. "She said she only had me because she found out she was pregnant too late to have an abortion. And she ..." Kyouko-chan stifled a sob. "She hated herself, but took it out on me."

Anger rose up in Ren at the thought that Kyouko could very well have never been born and that her mother had been taking out her personal demons on a defenceless child. And as for that 'And she ...' — Kyouko was keeping something back, something worse.

"Then how were you sitting next to her as if nothing was wrong?" His voice sounded harsh even to his own ears.

"It's fine, you don't need to worry about it, Tsuruga-san. Because I've made my decision about how to deal with this. I could hate her, and myself, and become just like her when I'm older: bitter and full of self-loathing. But I don't want to. I want to break the cycle. And I need to be vigilant about that because I've already shown signs of going down that path, haven't I? I mean, how I dealt with that guy's betrayal."

Ren gritted his teeth. "That guy deserved everything you threw at him, and more."

"Maybe. But I became something very scary back then, and I still haven't entirely returned to normal. I don't want to be like that again, even if it means just letting go of my anger and accepting the people in my life as they are."

Ren bit down hard on his anger to keep himself from saying anything else harsh. She knew he was angry and seemed to think he was angry at her; she flinched away from him and dropped her gaze to her hands that were folded in her lap. But she was right about letting go being the better option. He tried to follow her example and felt the tension drop out of his shoulders in response. "So you're going to let your mother back into your life?"

"Hm," she said. "To a certain extent. I'll never be exactly close with her. It's too late. But she's realised what she did wrong and she wants to try to make amends. If the things she does for me are helpful, why not let her?" She let out a dry chuckle. "Mother said that she doesn't want to deny me anything. In truth, I was worried that she would try to deny me from acting. But she's letting me do whatever I want. It's not exactly a bad turn of events." She peeked at him from under her eyelashes. "Does that make me a bad person for taking advantage of the situation?"

"No," he said. "Absolutely not. It means you're trying to make the best of a bad situation. It means you're a strong person and I admire you for that." He smiled at her briefly before looking back at the road.

"Thank you, Tsuruga-san," she whispered.

"So I didn't screw anything up when I spoke to her?"

"No, I don't mind her knowing that I got 100% on a test. Especially not a test that she wasn't around to pressure me about. I'm proud that I got that score for myself, not for her."

They fell into an easier silence for a minute or so.

"Oh!" said Ren. "You wanted to say something too, didn't you? What was it?"

Her side of the car seemed to fill with a dark cloud. "That's all right, Tsuruga-san," she said in a strangled voice.

"No, really, what was it? You seem bothered."

She fiddled with the hem of her jacket. "Um, I was thinking about the missing part of Tomoe. I think I know what it is, but I'm uneasy about using it."

"Mogami-san, whatever life experiences you have can be used to flesh out your roles. You should use whatever you can to build a memorable performance. That's what the best actors do."

"I understand that, sempai, really I do. It's just ..." she hesitated. "Um, I don't think you're going to like this one, so I wanted to warn you first."

"Why? What won't I like?"

"Um, well, something the director said when he was telling me about Tomoe stuck with me. It reminded me of someone ..."

When it seemed she'd lapsed into silence, he twirled a finger to keep her talking.

"Um, please don't be angry, but I think I need to channel a little bit of that guy into the role."

Ren sighed. Her hesitation made sense. "But Tomoe's not an extraverted narcissist like he is."

"I know, but even he has other sides. There are some ... things that seem to match. Things that people don't usually see. It was what the director said about Tomoe seeming idle or lazy but having a lot of latent energy that made me think of that guy. Before he made it big he was a bit like that."

Ren couldn't help but imagine Kyouko spending time with that little shit before they had fallen out. He imagined her cooking food for him as he lazed about with a guitar. It was all he could do to stick to the speed limit.

"Stop feeling that way, please," she said. "If I'm to let go of my anger, I ask that you to do so as well, because I can't help but be swayed by your anger. Please, Tsuruga-san."

They had reached the street behind Darumaya, and Ren was glad because he needed to stop driving. He pulled over, turned the car off, and then swivelled to look at her. "You intend to accept him back into your life as well?"

"No. Not accept him back. I just want to let go of all that anger. I think it will be better for my career and future this way. It will definitely be better for the new drama. I don't want to feel angry while playing the role." She looked up at him with big eyes. "Please, Tsuruga-san. I know that you have your own problems with him. But I want to move on."

I want to move on.

He surprised himself by smiling. Then his thoughts caught up and he realised what was making him happy. "I want you to move on too, Mogami-san. I want you to have the happiest of lives. OK: I'll make an effort to let go of all that too, because I want what's best for you." And I'll be inspired by your example, Kyouko, because I too have things I want to move on from.

She turned so red that he could see it even in the dark. She seemed to be having trouble meeting his gaze.

"OK, come on," he said. "I'll walk you to your door."


When Ren returned to his car, someone was standing beside it waiting for him: a middle-aged man in an expensive suit. The man gave him a shallow bow as he approached.

"Tsuruga Ren, I presume?" the man asked.

Ren nodded. "That's me. I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"I'm Toudou from Viride General Law Office."

A lawyer? And that business name — why does it sound familiar?

"I work with Mogami Saena," said Toudou-san.

"Ah." Ren felt whatever polite smile he had been wearing start to slip at the name.

"I'll be up front with you and admit that this isn't a coincidence," the man continued. "I was staking out Kyouko-chan's residence to confirm a suspicion. If you have a few minutes, may I have a word with you?"


Next time: What does Toudou-san want to talk to Ren about?


Yup, I dropped the 'chan' from Kyouko's name in Ren's thoughts half-way through that scene on purpose. The way I see it, the honorifics can be used as an important part of character building — the difference between how they call someone out loud and how they think about them, and also how this changes over time.