Chapter 9: Weaving a Home from Memories

A pleasant distraction had befallen Lance.

Pidge was of course working on setting up a system to run the game flux. Lance had been helping her out for about half a varga when the girl had lost patience with him and kicked him out. Her final words being ; "If you run into Hunk send him my way! He's good with these energy conversions-" Right before she'd once more disappeared beneath what seemed like miles of wiring.

These days it was better if Lance had a task set to him lest his mind be allowed to wander. It had all night to do that after all.

So happily he sought out Hunk, who was of course found in the kitchen. Brightly colored apron already wrapped around his waste. His thick brows lifted as Lance relayed what he could remember of Pidge's message.

"Wait, wait… you're saying you were helping her try to set this up?"

A twitch appeared above Lance's right eye. "What? You saying I can't do it? Crees que soy estupida? " He snapped, instantly regretting the sharpness or his tone as Hunk put his hands up.

"No-" As always the yellow paladin didn't snap back but remained a comical anchor. "I was asking because you don't even like video games that much is all."

"Oh." All in one tick it seemed as if Lance's exhaustion caught up with him. His shoulder's slumped.

"I just thought you couldn't sit still for that long. You were always outside ya know? Cruising for girls or out on the waves." Lance wasn't sure if Hunk was purposefully not looking at him, since this was a sensitive topic for the boy, or if the other really was just tidying the kitchen up before he left.

"Gotta find something to do Hunk." Lance shrugged, wishing that his voice didn't sound so disheartened. He started as his friend turned towards him and quickly lightened his tone forcefully. "Plus it's been fun hanging out with Pidge ya know! We never got along at the garrison." Lance hoped that his smile was convincing.

"Well …okay," Hunk continued to look at Lance, his brows drawn together. "You coming with?"

Lance shook his head. "Pidge made it pretty clear that I was- how did she put it? 'The exact opposite of helpful'" The Cuban boy gave a rueful laugh and pushed Hunk down the hallway. "Don't worry about me I'll find something to do." He cast his mind about for an idea of what that something would be, heart sinking.

"…I could… look for Coran? He usually has things going on…"

"Woah something must be wrong if you're willing to clean!" Hunk was teasing of course but Lance already felt bad.

"Nothing's wrong, now go on! Pidge is waiting for you. I don't want her to get mad at me just because you're so slow!"

Hunk still hesitated, giving his best friend a once over before nodding. 'Okay, but definitely find Coran okay?" I don't want you to be alone hung silently in the air between them as fragile as glass.

The taller boy knew Lance too well.

The blue paladin snapped his heels together and his hand sprang up to his head in a mock salute. "Yessir!"

It felt like forever until Hunk was out of sight. But Lance wasn't able to relax until the boy was. He felt drained for no good reason. But was glad that he had a heading for now.

He would find Coran. And hope that whatever the mustached alien had for him to do was not too tedious.

Keith's chest heaved up and down rapidly as he landed on his back, barely getting his bayard up to block the descending blade of the gladiator. Even as the muscles in his arms strained his feet scrabbled against the smooth floor for purchase, finding none.

If he could just get his legs under him, Keith thought. He'd be able to keep on fighting. Sure he'd already been going for a few hours. Taken down countless drones and faced off with four gladiators. Could feel each raw burn from a blast and every bruise from a blow that had landed.

His arm gave. Just a little but enough for the edge of the altean sword to bite into the flesh of his shoulder.

"End training sequence." The light glowing from within the gladiator's mechanism faded to nothing before it dissolved into particles of luminous pixels along with the other one that still remained along with a handful of drones.

Slowly Keith stood, though he'd meant to jump up, and shot a glare at who was standing behind the control panel.

Shiro looked down at him with muscular arms crossed. Before he turned and walked out.

Trying not to wince Keith moved as quickly as he could to the door, not even bothering with one of the soft altean towels. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with an impatient swipe of his uninjured arm.

"I had them you know."

Shiro raised one brow, sharp eyes piercing. "Then I'm sorry that you didn't have me convinced." Keith tried and failed to bite back his growl. "You're working yourself too hard Keith."

The red paladin could tell that Shiro was working himself into a lecture. Keith tried to interrupt that building momentum.

"I just need to get stronger okay? And that's not gonna happen unless I push myself."

Shiro sighed. "I agree that pushing yourself is how to grow. But not if you're running into the ground. How long have you been in here? I'm willing to bet you haven't even eaten yet."

"I can go get breakfast now!" If that meant he'd be allowed to get back to training again then Keith would probably do just about anything.

"It's lunch time. And I don't want you back in there-" he jabbed his finger towards the door, "until you've rested some. You have to allow your body to heal or you'll be no help when it really counts."

The younger boy knew this, he really did. But hearing it right from the leader's mouth was like a punch in the gut.

He wished that he could properly articulate to Shiro why it was so important to him that he become stronger. A hard task, when he didn't even fully understand why himself. Part of it he knew was because he wanted to protect… well… everyone. Another reason that he could barely admit to himself, was how devastating his defeat against Zarkon had been. How utterly embarrassing. Even though he knew no one thought that. Because everyone else knew he'd get his ass handed to him.

Well he hadn't.

He never wanted to feel that way ever again.

But it wasn't just those things that kept him awake and restless at night. Keen to feel the pull of aching muscles being worked and the satisfying sensation of sweat pouring from him. No. there had been a … growing darkness within him that lent him these nightmares and doubts. He tried not to think about the knife, but it sat heavily where he usually kept it. Keith had to drive this shadow away from his mind somehow. And fighting seemed to be the only thing that worked.

It wasn't like he could tell Shiro any of this. Not when he barely understood himself.

Shiro had been studying him, brows pulled together, creating a crease between them that spoke of his worry. Keith realized that he'd never replied to the man. And that his silence had stretched on for too many ticks. He pulled in a breath and opened his mouth., but the man was already talking before Keith could even figure out what he was going to say.

"Is everything okay? You've been more on edge lately."

Once more the leader's direct way of speaking left Keith momentarily speechless and he averted his gaze. He knew he couldn't unload on the black paladin, who already carried so much on his shoulders. The boy (for this is what he felt like next to Shiro) squashed the small selfish part of himself that wanted to reach out, to let go of all his own worries in a torrent.

But if Shiro could weather his own many burdens in such a silent and stoic manner than Keith could as well. It wasn't like he didn't have practice in handling his own issues alone. He always had after all.

So he shrugged and crossed his arms. "I'm fine." He bit out.

Shiro mirrored Keith's pose and crossed his own arms as he shifted from his previous relaxed position. A skeptical look flitted across his features before a gentle smirk lifted his lips and he shook his head.

"What?" Keith tried to keep his tone light, but failed utterly.

"Oh just – typical Keith – shrugging me off. Along with a flesh wound. No big deal right? Not much has changed since the garrison." He ruffled the younger male's hair, chuckling as Keith knocked his hand away, just as Shiro knew he would. His mouth opened again, and it looked like he was about to say more.

"I'm going to get lunch now!"

Shiro's laugh echoed down the hallway as Keith turned and headed towards the kitchen, the other close behind him. "I don't think so I want you to head to the infirmary first. Get some of that dermi glue they have. The cut looks pretty clean. And maybe change so you don't scare anyone." Keith growled and spun on his heels, stomping off in the other direction.

Whatever, it worked better for him this way anyway. After he quickly patched himself up Keith made his way to the bridge. Their current destination had been heavy on his mind. But he wasn't the only one. He found the princess exactly where they'd all last seen her, standing at the controls, her arms crossed and her brightly double hued eyes focusing intently upon the screen displays before her. He went to approach her, mouth open and question readied. Before he paused.

The last time he'd inquired about how much farther the blade's headquarters were she'd snapped at him.

He decided after a moment that he could work on being patient. And he turned back around, leaving Allura alone.

At first glance it seemed as if everyone, save the alteans, were already there. The front of Hunk's apron was a mess of green and pink splatters, the food he'd prepared a similarly colored feast. It smelled delicious. Not comparable to anything from earth, but his mouth had already begun to water.

Keith hadn't realized how hungry he was and slid into a stool, nodding to Pidge as Shiro complimented the chef, who was beaming as everyone tucked in.

Perhaps it was the lack of talking. Or the fact that Keith had been able to fill his plate for seconds without warring over the more delightful delicacies, but the red paladin paused in his devouring, swallowing hard to clear his mouth he looked around.

"Don't tell me Lance is still sleeping." He couldn't even pretend to hide his irritation. The way Hunk and Pidge shared a look meant that they didn't know either. Keith looked between the two, not yet worried by their expressions. Lance wasn't quite like Hunk in this regard but he didn't usually miss meals.

"On the contrary-" A sudden vibrant voice made all but Shiro jump in their seats. "Number 3 found me earlier today, wanting to get that Kaltenecker settled into the castle properly."

Keith snorted, but didn't correct Coran on the cow. Instead he focused on the other bit of information. "Lance came to you wanting to do a job?"

"Why yes. And actually his idea was a pretty good one." Keith tried not to let his disbelief show and Coran continued on, twiddling with his bright orange mustache. "A stroke of genius if you will. He thought to use the headwear that you all used from the training room-"

"Oh! You mean when we were like, forming Voltron with our minds and Pidge kept messing us up?" hunk's index finger was held up as he recalled their first few days as paladins.

"Hey!" Pidge squawked, going to kick the large boy beneath the table and missing.

"Why yes! Exactly!" Coran spoke over the now squabbling pair (the yellow paladin had teased the younger girl about her short legs) "He thought to take those and combine that technology with the memory chamber to create the perfect habitat for this Kaltenecker, so he's nice and comfortable. We Altean's take our hospitality very seriously.

"Could have fooled me." Shiro was obviously teasing. A fact that went over the old alien's head.

"Oh you're all different. You're paladins! Soldiers!"

Pidge's tone was more surprised as she spoke. "You mean you integrated these techs without me?" She raised a brow dubiously. "With Lance's help? And it worked?"

"It's definitely an unconventional way to use it. Better or course, than using it for interrogation though! And the integration itself was rather simple-"

Keith tuned their conversation out, swiftly losing track of the meaning of the technical terms, along with his interest. He was still starving so he took advantage of everyone's attention being held to load up his plate with a third helping.

His mind idled over what Lance had suggested to do. The fact that he even thought of it at all. Offering to do work that he didn't have too wasn't like him at all.

Though it did make sense that it would be Lance who would go out of his way for the cow. After all it was the blue paladin who wanted to keep it in the first place. He should step up and take responsibility for the first time in his life.

It had only been two days so the memory was still clear in Keith's mind.

"Is that a cow?" Keith's elation that Shiro had been able to bond more deeply with the black lion was short lived as he was reminded of the cow. Which just had to be here because Lance had done something, again.

"Sure is! Her name's Kaltenecker-" Lance stated and had the gal to sound proud of himself, because of course he was.

"What are we even going to do with it?" Keith had mumbled, crossing his arms in his well worn stance.

Lance brought his hand up to his chest, fingers pressed up against his shirt, mouth opening in ire. He was the picture of offense but Keith couldn't bring himself to care.

"Now Keith is that how you treat all the ladies? No wonder you're still single! And this beautiful gal just saved us?" He turned his deep blue eyes back to Shiro imploringly and the red paladin snorted. "We're keeping her of course!" Despite the surety in his tone Keith saw something like doubt flash through those ocean like depths. He uncrossed his arms, blinking swiftly in disbelief.

No way.

He'd have to have been mistaken.

A trick of the light.

Lance was always so arrogant. There wasn't enough space in that big head of his for something like doubt. Right? Not right alongside his ego.

Keith flicked his gaze to Shiro, not wanting to look at Lance again, though he couldn't say why exactly. He knew what their leader's answer would be. It was just not practical to keep it here. Even though he could hear their leader's voice giving the final say, veritably dropping the axe, Keith wanted to halt his words. Wanted to find an arrangement to keep the damn cow. He didn't even give a shit though, right?

Didn't want Lance to look sad.

Which was such a weird thought.

He didn't want to see that hopeful light be dashed from Lance's eyes. And really what an idiot to be so pleased with something so simple.

"I don't see why not."

Shiro's words caught the red paladin off guard and Lance was not the only surprised laughter that had filled the room.

"-and Lance claims to have a grasp upon the Kaltenecker's home."

Keith jolted in his seat for Coran's bright voice soundee uncomfortably close to his ear. The food that he'd been holding at the ready, positioned between the plate and his mouth, fell from his spoon and plopped onto his shirt. His attention became split between trying to wipe the garishly colored space food from his jacket (damnit his favorite) and push back from Coran who was uncomfortably within his personal bubble. The older altean was sitting right next to him, leaning over with his chin resting in his hand, still talking.

"Uh- sorry what?"

"Could you take number 3 his lunch please?"

Keith couldn't quite bite back the "why me," as he scrubbed at the red fabric.

"Because you're the only one still here-"

Keith snapped his head up, blinking in confusion, the emotion swirled like lilacs caught in a gust of wind within his otherwise dark irises as he looked around the room. They were indeed the only two left in the kitchen. He hadn't even noticed the other paladins leaving.

"And you can't take it to him because…?" Even as Keith voiced this he felt childish. He already knew how busy the other was, how much Coran did for them. But before he could take back his haughty words the man had started to calmly explain himself. (though he didn't even need to, Keith felt plunged into contrition for his reaction)

"I'm going to take Allura her food. I'm not sure when she ate last, or rested for that matter." Despite his otherwise composed and sunny demeaner a note of worry had entered his tone. The wrinkles around his eyes and mouth deepened for a tick, just in case Keith wasn't already feeling guilty for trying to get out of this rather simple request, before he smoothed his fair features once more. "Also because Lance requested to do this part alone and I expect you wont stick around for too long."

In spite of himself Keith's interest had been perked. Since when did the loud mouthed boy want to do anything alone? He loved being the center of attention after all.

"-It wont take long at all.' Coran had once again been talking and Keith chastised himself for allowing his attention to slip. Perhaps he was more tired than he thought. "So you can get back to training in a… oh how do you earthlings put it… in a jelly!"

Oh… wait, Keith couldn't head back to the training deck. He sighed as he remembered that Shiro had forbade him from fighting the gladiator more today. So he literally had nothing better to do.

In the end Keith couldn't help but return Coran's contagious smile as he took the fully loaded plate held out to him.

Soon enough his expression turned pensive as he walked away from the kitchen with the advisor's directions to the otherwise never used room that was to be the heifer's clear in his mind.

Since Lance wanted to be alone the red paladin would respect that. After all he understood all too well that particular feeling. So he'd just… pop in, take a peak at what the other boy was doing (he couldn't help it! He was curious) and leave the plate. That way he didn't even have to disturb Lance, who wouldn't know that Keith had been there.

When he arrived Keith pulled in a deep breath, not sure why he was nervous. He chalked it up to simply him mentally preparing for a fight with the other. (he never knew what to expect. Every so often they got on just fine. But normally they were quickly at each others' throats) the door slid open quietly and Keith stepped into the room.

What he saw took his breath away.

The most breathtaking view of Aegean blue stretched out as far as the eye could see. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the way dazzling rays glinted off the white sand. It was almost as if he had stepped out of the castle of lions and straight into the ocean. At first he didn't notice where he stood, atop the water, nor that he cast no shadow. He knew the entrance was behind him, but the rolling waters of azure and turquois swirled together into the white caps of waves.

In fact one was forming in that moment. Rolling towards him and building until it towered above, the mere shadow of it turning the rest of the sea around him a deep cobalt, so much like Lance's eyes…

"*Oh man I am going to own this wave*"

While Keith didn't recognize the alluring language he instantly knew who's voice this was and turned. The other boy's name catching in his throat. Lance was shirtless. Which shouldn't have made Keith's cheeks heat up as they did now. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before. But unlike the swim trunks he'd worn on their failed expedition to the altean pool the one adorning him now was skin tight. He was sitting upon a long board…

It had taken Keith too many ticks to understand that it was a surf board. (he'd been too long in space fighting galra) for the wave was about to wash completely over them. Lance had jumped to his bare feet in one fluid motion. Keith instinctively brought his arm up to cover his head. Of course he didn't actually get wet as he passed through the massive swell like the hologram that it was.

The angle changed, following Lance as he rode crest, shifting his weight so naturally to dip the nose of the board downwards. Keith held his breath as the Cuban boy plunged, but he stayed afloat. Lance guiding it with ease. Cutting through the water as the ridge curled in on itself. It fell over the boy like a curtain , obscuring him from view and for a tick, right before it crashed in a roar against the ocean Keith thought he'd gone under.

He shot clear of the tunnel, board flipping through the air as he cleared the white caps. His laughter more pure, more free than Keith had ever heard it bounced out of him.

"Ya know Kaltenecker if I'd have managed that move during a tournament I woulda won easy peasy." Lance's voice, closer at hand, startled Keith, who jumped, his back hitting the wall.

"Everyone in my family can surf. My lil siblings and cousins are always asking me to show them my sweet moves. Even my older sisters are impressed, but they'd never say. My dad though? He never really cared about this sort of stuff. He always wants me working on something more serious. Like my hit ratio. Pushing me to be a better marksman-" As Lance spoke the images around them had shifted like fluid, showing the laughing races of smaller kids with features similar to his. The same nose, same sharp chin, same mischievous glint in their eyes and flirtatious smirk. But none of them had those dark blue irises. As the boy fell quiet the room settled over the scene of a tall broad shouldered man standing diffidently behind a Lance that was not laughing. This version of the blue paladin held a pistol aloft, both hands keeping the gun steady, shoulders squared up. A small frown creased his brows as he concentrated on a far off target.

"*Keep both eyes open mijo*" Previously Keith had seen no familial resemblance, but now he could tell. Both of their frames were set identically, the younger mirroring the older. And Lance's usually dark blue eyes now glinted lightly with the same steel found within his father's.

"Estoy." Lance's voice was tense."

"*Take a deep breath in.*"

Lance said nothing this time, simply dragged in a slow inhale that lifted his shoulders-

"That might be a bit too loud for ya huh?" The scene began to dissolve before Keith's eyes, and he was finally able to pinpoint where the real Lance was. Sitting to his left, leaning back against the cow who's large form was laying down. Those baleful brown eyes were staring directly at Keith. His own purple gaze widened as his breath stuttered along with his heart. But Lance hadn't yet noticed him, who had a clear view of the other boy's profile. Without the worry that those sharp azure eyes would turn on him angrily at any moment Keith was able to truly study Lance. The regal line or his nose and how it tilted upward right at the tip. The strong edge of his jaw which disappeared under the soft brown curl of his hair. Following that highlighted the smooth mocha skin of the boy's cheeks, leading the eyes up to the royal eyes, now swirling darkly with something unnamable.

Keith's fingers itched for the weight of a pencil, the feel of tedtur3d paper beneath them in this moment. His violet gaze following the contour of Lance's features, plotting out the drat of graphite in his mind.

Not even the alien shape of the mind meld headset could distract from Lance's lovely visage-

Wait. What did he just think?

Sure it wasn't the first time he'd thought Lance pretty. There had been a number of boy's back at the garrison he'd found attractive. At least from a distance. And the other paladin's big mouth had swiftly ruined that initial appeal. But Keith had never before seen Lance look like this. Had never thought him graceful before. Had not once even thought the boy capable of such a breathtakingly sorrowful expression.

A grumbling sound snapped Keith out of his thoughts. "Man oh man I'm hungry! I bet I've already missed lunch!" Keith ducked his head, glancing down at the plate that he still held. The first inkling of guilt staining his mind. Yet he didn't call out or step forward. He held back from making his presence known. He couldn't even say why. Maybe he was worried about how Lance would react. Or perhaps it was just that he wanted to see more.

Around them there was a brief glimpse of a large family, more people than Keith had expected, gathered around a table that seemed almost too small. Their sounds of shared joy were muffled for the memory never took full form.

"Man I don't know how long we've even been at this girl. I should probably finish up and get you settled."

From beneath him vibrant green grass sprung up, filling the room with a vast field. In the distance more cows could be seen grazing. And closer at hand stood Lance, surrounded by a group of children, all of whom were trying to mimic the fancy footwork the older boy was displaying. Keith watched enthralled as the ball was bounced on one knee and then the other. Almost dropped until the last possible tick when with a clever kick it was pulled back up into the air. This imagine lingered for but a moment.

The real Lance waved his hand in irritation and Keith flinched away from the movement, eyes flickering over to the boy. His heart ached at what he saw there, like a storm cloud now shadowed his demeanor. The group of children were gone and in their place stood a small barn.

As Lance worked on the details of Kaltenecker's new home Keith slowly moved to place the food quietly on the ground by the door.

"Now lets see… Coran said that once I was finished the castles… magical science or whatever would-"

The other boy's voice faded as Keith slipped carefully out. The same guilt that had only begun as a twinge begore now took root, tendrils twisting into hid now heavy heart. He knew he'd seen something he shouldn't have. Intruded on moments of Lance's life he couldn't talk about right now. Not while they were all out in space and involved in a war. So far away from things like 'family' and 'home.'

Not for the first time, nor the last, Keith wished that he could reach out to Lance. That his offered hand would be accepted. Because it was obvious that he boy needed someone too.