If I Mean A Lot to You.
An EClare Story
Okay, 9th chapter, here it goes!
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, or anything on here.
Clare's POV:
Graduation day, I was going to watch the boy I love get a diploma, and get a scholarship. This was going to be a great day. I just knew it. I walked into my room, and looked in my mirror, and I thought my baby blue dress looked amazing with my eyes, and I knew how Eli loved those, I put on a white cardigan, and my family and I left to the graduation. I had just realized Jake was graduating too. Great. We drove over there, and there was Eli, CeCe, Bullfrog, Adam, and Tori. They seemed to be waiting for me. I skipped over there, and the first thing that came out of Eli's mouth was the words "My god Clare, you look gorgeous." I heard Bullfrog scoff, he didn't seem to like me now-a-days since what happened with us, but I saw CeCe elbow him, and he apologized. I said "Thank you, Elijah, you look handsome as well." He smirked, and he kissed me. It was an amazing thing. Then CeCe told us to take a picture together, just Eli and I. We did just so. CeCe took about 4 pictures before she said it was perfect, but they all were, honestly. Eli, Adam, Tori and I took a gang picture too. Tori and I weren't too close, but I mean, we talked. I kind of think she didn't like me, but it wasn't my problem. My phone buzzed all of a sudden it was from Alli. It read:
"Clare, we need 2 talk ASAP. I mean NOW. meet me in front of Degrassi. Concerning u and eli."
Great, just what I wanted, someone to tell me what to do. I dismissed myself, and they gladly let me go, and I met Alli as she pleased. The first thing she said was, "Clare, why in the world would you date him again? All he did was manipulate you, and scare you, yeah he was sweet, but he's crazy!" I was angry, no, I was pissed. I started to yell. Denying everything. I was crying then. "He is not! Alli, he changed. He's changed, he's good! He-" she interrupted me and said "No, he's scary, just like he's always been. I couldn't even.. I heard footsteps then, who could be outside, right now? Everyone should have been inside. The ceremony was about to start.
Eli's POV:
I couldn't believe it. Clare was still scared of me? I thought this time was gong to be different. I thought she truly meant she loved me. I guess this was the only way she wouldn't be lonely. I was enflamed with anger and yelled at her "Clare, I scare you, okay? So watch your damned brother graduate, and get back with him! I thought you meant you loved me, I thought you meant everything you said! I was happy! But no, everything is fucked up. I'm fucked up. I'll never be well enough for you. I can never cover up the bad with all the good things I've done. I'll never get you without you still being scared. Without you feeling suffocated. And I'm leaving this god-damned town, and I'm not coming back. I love you, Clare Diana Edwards, but you fucking know how to drive me insane. I know how to drive you insane. We're like fucking fire and gasoline. We just blow up on each other. We just push each other to the fucking edge. I'm sorry I suffocate you, and Alli, thank you for making her realize she didn't really love me. Thank you, so fucking much. I'm sorry that I can't have your approval of dating Clare, but this won't happen again, since Clare is too scared of me. And Clare, I love you. I just don't think we can talk ever again, and that'd be for the best for the both of us. Especially you." Before she could reply, before a single tear could drop form her pretty little eyes, I ran off. I ran off to graduate. I ran away because this is what was best. I was so close to breaking down, but I held them back just for this moment, no for this day. How could I get over this? She was still scared of me. I guess my dreams have been right all along, but this time, I left instead. I pushed her away. Someone I wanted for so long, I pushed her away.
I went to sit with the graduating class, and my parents knew something was up. I just smiled. They were announcing named, and then I heard mine all of a sudden, they said how I got the scholarship this year, and how I'd be going to U of T to major in writing. I stood up there so my parents could take a picture, and then I sat back down. I heard Jake's name. Apparently he got into some college for baseball, or some shit like that. I didn't care, as long as he was far away from Clare. I didn't want him to randomly appear and just…ruin her innocence. I couldn't let that happen to her. All of a sudden graduation was over.
My Degrassi years were over. I was ready to get out. I was ready to try and move on, even if I died trying.
Clare's POV:
I couldn't stop crying. When I heard Eli's name get called, I looked at him, he smiled, and went on. How was he okay with this? I was completely heart broken. Why wouldn't he listen to me at all? He wouldn't let me express my side of he story. He interrupted and exploded before I was able to defend him, and he wouldn't stop so I could defend myself.. and he just left. He ran off before I could say anything.
How dare he accuse me that I never loved him. I always loved him. Even when I was with Jake. I loved him so much. I saw his family leave graduation, and I had to go after them.
CeCe's POV:
As soon as we got home, Eli started to cry. My baby boy started to cry. Was it because it was he was leaving Clare? Wait, Clare wasn't here. My son was crying, and I had to know why. Eli was going up to his room, but before he headed up the stairs I yelled "Boys! We're having a talk! Come to the kitchen. Right now!" and they did so. I took my husband's hand, and said "Eli, we can't just let you off crying to you room, what's wrong?" he wiped away his own tears and sighed, then he said "Um.. Clare." I sighed too. I said "Baby boy, what happened?" I looked at him with so much sympathy, and he broke down, and went on with his story, going into detail like it was his sessions with Dr. Nash. His story ended with "And I just don't know what to do with her anymore.." and then the door rang. Bullfrog went to answer it. Of course, it was Clare. Bullfrog said it wasn't a good time for Eli, and it were better if she left. She refused to move. Eli was still crying. Bullfrog and Clare went out it outside, and I told Eli "Honey, what if you were wrong? What if you went off on her for nothing? What if you stepped in before the conversation was over? I raised you to hear the girl's side of the story too. You've always been bad at that. Go talk to her. Now." He looked at me, almost angry, but thankfully, and said, "Okay, mum." And I heard him say "Bullfrog, please, let me talk to her." Clare was crying. I felt so horrible for those two, having a love like that. It reminded me of how Bullfrog and I had so many heartaches, but so much love along with it. Their love was so much…profound though. Even though Bullfrog didn't like Clare all that much for Eli, he didn't see the similarities in their relationships with ours, but I sure did.
hey guys! I know it's been SOOO long, but I have school, ya know? :/ I've been super busy, and i've neglected this story, but I WILL finish it, promise. (: thanks for whoever is still reading. reviews please? (: you guys are the best. xoxo - Sarah. (:
