When Life Gives You Vodka…
…Run, Hide And Have Sex In A Closet
Butters lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling whilst his phone rested in his hand. Kenny's contact details lit up the screen but Butters still didn't dare tap the number.
He was so confused. He was sure he was right about Mysterion being Kenny but he hadn't had the chance to look into it. When the name had rolled off his tongue, Mysterion had fled and although Kenny was still working bar – he was darn good at avoiding people.
By the time Butters had finished his shift; Kenny had been long gone. He didn't even wait to chat up the girls like he usually did.
It just seemed to raise Butters' suspicions more. Why else would Kenny be avoiding him? Well, other than the other thing…
Oh this hurt his head, he wanted – no, he needed – to know. Because if he was right and Mysterion was Kenny then why had he kissed him like that? Butters may have been naïve but he was sure that no man kissed like that for someone they didn't really want – even if it was purely on a sexual level.
But then; if that were true then Kenny would have slept with him before… He had always stopped things before they got too far – heck, Butters was surprised he hadn't ended up with blue-balls.
He blushed at his own thoughts, hiding his face behind his hands. Stan was right; he had spent too much time around the foul minded blonde. His own thoughts were beginning to become impure.
He sighed and shook his head, lifting his phone back up as his finger hovered over the call button. But; even if he did press it – and by some miracle, Kenny answered – what would he say? "Hi, so I think you're this sexy ass dude who kissed my brains out last night. Can we talk about it?" That sounded pathetic even to him.
So what did he do now? He couldn't call Stan, he had gone home to probably sleep – not that he had seemed too bothered when Butters had mentioned his suspicions anyway… Then again, it made sense after how upset he had been, Stan probably just didn't want him to get his hopes up or read too much into it.
But darn; he was doing that anyway.
He had known from the start that starting anything at all with Kenny McCormick would be volatile at the very least. But he hadn't imagined anything like this.
Kenny grumbled to himself as he restlessly paced his apartment; what was he supposed to do about this fuck up?
Butters couldn't know the truth, if he did he would just get his hopes up. And if that happened, Kenny wasn't sure he could get rid of him a second time. The first was shitty enough.
If he was smarter he could – fuck, if he was smarter he wouldn't be in this motherfucking mess in the first fucking place!
He drank more from the bottle that was clasped in his hand – he was slowing down, barely a quarter of the bottle was gone and he'd been nursing it for the last three hours.
Fuck – this was bad.
He wasn't supposed to get affected by people, no matter who they were or how amazing it had felt to have him pressed up against him like that once more.
He shivered at the memory and felt a stirring in his pants that for once in his life served to do nothing more than just piss him off more.
There must be something seriously wrong with him – he'd known it for a while but now more than ever, he had serious problems.
And they all revolved around a naïve, sweet, sexy blonde who really didn't understand his worth in this world.
And it was much more than what Kenny was worth; this was why he had to get his shit together and keep to the game plan. Anymore fuck up's and he was just going to ruin everything and for once he wanted to do something right.
He couldn't just keep running, for one he had nowhere to run. For another; he was no coward.
But he was.
That's what all this was about. The voice in the back of his head always had a way of making him feel worse. But it was usually – and much to Kenny's annoyance – right.
Kenny never considered himself someone who let fear cloud his life. He died and came back on a fairly regular basis after all.
But right now he was terrified.
Terrified of feelings he had long since thought he was incapable of.
He needed a break from this place for a while, he needed some advice from someone who knew more about this stuff than he did.
His eyes lit up as he turned towards the kitchenette. He knew just the person – he just hoped he could stay there long enough to get the answers he was looking for.
Or else this was going to be a long ass night. Or week. Or… whatever.
The blade was cool as he pulled it out of the drawer under the sink, the metal shining against the harsh lights of his kitchen. He sighed a little, shaking his head at how little this act bothered him anymore. It's not like it was the first time he had used this option to get away for a while.
And it's not like anyone knew about it anyway – even if they did find him, their memories were always erased when he got back. It was just like he had disappeared for a little while. No big deal.
He flinched as the knife bit into the soft flesh of his neck, hearing the gurgling of air from his windpipe hit his blood, the catch as breathing became hard. He lifted his free hand, steadying himself before he collapsed. He closed his eyes and pulled the knife hard, the metal making a sound against the floor as he felt himself falling…
Butters screamed as he shot up in his bed, his chest tight and body covered in a cold sheen of sweat. He must have fallen asleep.
Fallen asleep to a nightmare.
His blood ran cold as he felt his heart trying to burst through his ribcage. He felt sick and barely had time to get to the bathroom before the entire contents of his dinner was deposited down the porcelain bowl.
He shivered and closed his eyes, feeling the wetness in them.
He was crying.
But the dream felt so real, he saw Kenny in his kitchen, watching the light play on a large kitchen knife. He looked calm – thoughtful even as he lifted it to his neck…
And…
Butters lurched forward as another wave of nausea hit him, his shaking fingers whitened from the vice like grip he had on the cold surface.
It was just a dream. It couldn't be anything else – just a really vivid, terrible, bad dream.
He flinched when his father banged a hand on the door, telling him to keep it down as he slowly climbed to his feet, catching his reflection in the small mirror above the sink as he splashed some cold water on his face.
He just couldn't shake the feeling that the dream was real.
He bit his lip as he went back to his room, grabbing his phone off the bed and looking down at the number still displayed.
This time he didn't hesitate as he dialled the number, listening to it ring…
And ring…
And ring…
The screams and general noises of distress didn't bother him nearly as much as they had when he was a kid and Kenny just shrugged as he walked the familiar dirt path, easily avoiding the shocks of fire and lava as they cascaded against the edge.
This was one maze Kenny had become a pro at. It was easy and familiar.
He saw the little house up ahead and started jogging towards it – he really hoped Satan wasn't busy. And fuck, even if he was he owed Kenny for all his help in the past so he could shut up and pay him back!
He didn't bother to knock as he entered the small home, glancing up to see Damien splayed out on the couch. He had a magazine in his hand whilst the other was… Kenny groaned a little and shook his head.
Trust him to walk in on something like this.
Damien smirked as he looked up at his guest, sitting up slowly with a coy smile. "Well, well… haven't been around much recently have you McCormick… And looks like you're just in time to join the fun…" The smirk was sexy as hell – and fuck, Kenny knew just how good that mouth was, there was a reason this place was sinful. But he didn't have the time for this shit right now.
"Sorry dude, not a social call. Your dad around?"
Damien seemed to pout as he lay back to get back to his… activities, shrugging his shoulder and sighing in a pleasurable way that had Kenny's nerves on edge. "He's out back, enjoying nature and being single – for now at least anyway. It makes me sick."
Kenny didn't dawdle as he thanked the male and headed to the back of the house and into the 'garden'. Not that anything actually grew down here but – whatever.
He saw whom he was looking for easily – well, how hard was it to see a hulking great beast of red? – And jogged up toward him, skipping formalities as he shouted. "I need to talk! You owe me and I need advice."
Satan turned, a scowl on his face at being spoken to in such a way before his eyes softened and he shook his head. "Damn kid, you're lucky I don't rip you apart for talking to me in such a way…" He pouted when Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed, leading the blonde to a small stone bench off to their left.
"Okay, okay… so, what is it? You never normally seek me out like this." He said, the concern was evident. It was odd but over the years he had come to view Kenny as another son – albeit one who occasionally came down here just to fuck his other son – but a son all the same.
Kenny sighed as he looked at the floor, his shoulders slumped as he tried to think of where to start and how to explain just what was bothering him right now.
Butters was close to sobbing as he tried relentlessly to call the blondes phone – but he wasn't answering.
He had sent numerous texts but they hadn't gained an answer either so he tried someone else.
Stan had been a no answer.
But with a couple of rings, Kyle's voice came floating down the phone as Butters let out a relieved sob.
"K-Kyle! I think something happened to Kenny! He-he won't answer his phone and I'm scared but he won't talk to me and I don't know if he's ignoring me or… or…" The rest was drowned out by another sob as he heard something drop on the other side.
"Dude, calm down… What happened to Kenny? I can't help if you don't calmly explain… just breathe dude…"
Kyle's voice seemed calm and collected and Butters wished he could take comfort in that but he was just so gosh darn worried that he didn't know what to do.
So he took a few deep breaths and took a moment to try and copulate what he wanted to say. "I had a dream… I-I… It f-felt so… so real…" He whispered, his hand gripping the phone like a lifeline.
"Okay… good." the voice of the redhead was still calm and collected, it was almost like a doctor. "Now, what happened?"
"H-He… K-Kenny… H-He k-killed himself…" His words came out on a sob as he closed his eyes, tears trickling down his face.
There was a long pause, followed by a slow sigh. "Butters, listen to me…" He sounded like he was talking to a child and for a moment Butters was overcome with how much Kyle would make a good father. "Me and Stan used to have dreams like that all the time. Each time they seemed so real, like we were stood watching him. But that's all they are; dreams. Every time we panicked and Kenny would just show up one day like nothing happened." He explained calmly.
Butters let out a slow sigh and sniffled slightly into the receiver. "B…But he… h-he won't answer his phone…"
"He does that. He goes out partying or, picks up some stranger… or they pick him up and he goes AWOL for a bit. Butters; think clearly, you know all of this, Kenny has been doing it for years and especially when a situation he's not fond of crops up."
Butters supposed Kyle had a point. With all of the stress between them it shouldn't surprise him that Kenny had gone off.
"S-so… wh-what do I d-do?" He asked, pulling his legs up to his chest and swallowing with worry.
"Just give him a few days. If he still doesn't turn up, let me know and I'll be straight back to help you find out what happened, okay?"
Butters nodded his head slowly – and then once realising Kyle couldn't see him he let out a croaky "Y-yeah…"
Kyle had been one of Kenny's best friends, if anyone would know it would be him. They shared so much…
Butters flinched as he remembered why he and Kenny weren't talking in the first place and he chewed his lip. "Kyle?"
"Yeah?"
"I-is it true…? A-about you and-"
Kyle cut him off before he could continue, groaning down the phone in frustration. "I'm going to stop you there. Look, he shouldn't have told you that and it's not how it seems. Okay, yes, we fucked. We've been doing it for a while now but there's nothing in it. Sometimes you want to relieve the frustration and it's good to have someone who is in the same boat, yano?"
No, Butters couldn't say he personally understood what that was like but it did make a lot of sense in a strange way – and it did sound like something Kenny would be up for. "So – it's not…"
Kyle sighed once more and Butters felt bad for causing him such stress. "No, Butters. Me and Kenny are nothing but friends. Will never be anything more than that. We just have a mutual arrangement that suits us."
Butters decided he would just accept that for now and said his goodbyes, ending the call.
But he didn't think he would be sleeping again tonight.
Satan frowned as Kenny finished his story, shaking his head and ruffling the blonde's hair. "You're going to hate what I have to say… but I think you really care for this kid. I'd even go as far to say you may just be in love with him." He pulled his hand back when Kenny gave him a look like he was about to rip him to pieces. "Hey now, you wanted my advice and I'm giving it."
"I don't do love." Was the simple reply as Kenny went back to staring at his eyes.
Satan chuckled at that, shaking his head. "Oh, you say that as if you have a choice in this life. You can't Kenny, you should know that from the things you have helped me with over the years… Life can't always be sex with no strings attached. One day you're going to end up running into your own puppet master – and then you're truly fucked."
Kenny grumbled something then, but the other didn't quite catch it and so he continued. "It's not a bad thing, they could even turn out to be your salvation in the end. We both know that the life you lead doesn't make you truly happy – you put up a good show, but when the curtain comes down you're just as lonely and vulnerable as the rest of the world."
"I don't want it! Fuck! All I'm good for is fucking up shit and ending up here! If life had any fucking justice it would just let me rot instead of dragging me back!"
The overlord sighed as he stood slowly, turning back to his adoptive son just as Kenny began to fade a little. "You're losing time here… But you need to learn that before you can be someone worthy of love – you need to be able to love yourself." He gave a soft smile and shook his head. "A very smart young boy once taught me that… You can't keep living in smoke and mirrors…"
Kenny blinked as he listened to the words, feeling himself being pulled back as his vision went dark once more.
Smoke and mirrors?
He may just have a way out of this Mysterion thing after all.
And as for the rest? Well he wasn't going to deal with that.
Kenny sighed as he headed to the closet at work that next Friday. He had a plan set up, and after a lot of grovelling he had gotten Maddie, Kai and even Ruby's help in performing his little trick.
By the end of the night, Butters would no longer suspect him of being the mysterious dancer and Kenny would be free to deal with the other problem.
And by 'deal' he meant still not talk to him and pretend it was all just a crazy dream.
He sighed softly, he had come back a mere two days after he left. A barrage of missed calls and texts on his phone. It seemed somehow Butters had it in his head that he had been in trouble. He had spoken to Kyle about it and what he had found out had prompted him into actually breaking his silence.
It had only been a simple text – 'I'm Fine.' – but he couldn't just leave Butters worrying like that, he would never pull himself away from the small blonde if he had that hanging over his head.
Stan and Kyle had once had these dreams and they seemed to just go away after a while. Kenny figured he just needed to be careful now – dying was not an option if it was causing the smaller blonde pain like that.
He couldn't do that to him.
He listened to the door, hearing the end of the performance; his own voice echoing through the speakers as Kai took his place on stage. They had dyed his hair a more sun kissed blonde – much to his annoyance – and dragged him into a pair of platforms to make up the extra height.
It wasn't a perfect match, but in the dim lights of the club it was very close.
Maddie had done well playing the recording over the music – the transition was flawless, even Kenny would have been fooled had this not been his own plan.
The door opened and his red-headed boss burst into the room, laughing like a giddy schoolgirl at something or other. She was late and Kenny glared towards her.
"You're late."
"Suck my dick."
Kenny rolled his eyes in annoyance – he swore she had a few screws loose somewhere in that head of hers. But he didn't have time to fret over that as he mussed up his hair some more. He flinched when she suddenly kissed him, pushing her away quickly. "What the hell?!"
She laughed and winked, unbuttoning some of her blouse buttons. "You want this to look realistic right?" She asked as he groaned, slapping her hands away as she started pulling at his own shirt.
She was enjoying this way too much – it pissed him off.
Butters stopped at the edge of the stage as Mysterion started walking down. He looked unsteady on his feet but Butters presumed he was just tired from dancing – or maybe he was sick? He had seemed a little out of rhythm tonight – but whatever, now he was going to catch him!
As the taller male stepped out from behind the stage, Butters pounced on him, ripping the mask from his face.
"Aha! I got you no– Kai?!"
Kai stared at him blankly for a few minutes before nodding and reaching for a bottle of whiskey that had been left backstage.
"B-But last week… y-you… why?" He couldn't put the words together, didn't know how to react to this.
And all he received in return was a shrug as the strange male turned on his heel and left – whiskey in hand.
Butters stood still, shaking his head as he tried to process everything. It had to be a trick… Kenny must still be around here somewhere… or else… where else did he keep disappearing too?
He turned his head as he heard a noise come from the closet, the door suddenly flying open as two figures came tumbling out.
His eyes widened as he took in the dishevelled clothing and sultry look his boss was giving the man beneath her–
Kenny…
He paled as he clocked sight of the blonde male beneath her on the floor. He was smirking and his eyes locked on the girl above him.
Butters didn't wait to see anymore, he just turned and walked out of the building.
Of course that was where Kenny kept disappearing too.
How could he be so stupid again?!
RubyNote: And Here we have Chapter 9!
A lot going on in this one and I apologise if the back and forth is a little hard to follow.
This was quite difficult to write because of it being back and forth between two different scenes, but I hope you like it anyway!
