A/N
I am so sorry for such a late update, but as you know a lot has been happening lately! The Hunter's Heart is still available on Amazon, if you do get it please leave a review. I like them ;)
Anyway, here is the next chapter!
So, here is Edward's POV of the journey home and he's finally getting some answers he wants and we get to see a little more inside his head. I hope I got it write so please let me know what you think cause I am a little nervous about it.
EPOV
I strived for patience as I raced down the highway. Despite the tempting smell of Bella's fresh blood, and that I was furious with her, I didn't drive as fast home as I had on the way to Seattle.
I hadn't lied when I'd said I had broken pretty much every speed law ever made.
When Alice had shown me the vision she'd had, I hadn't thought, I had just raced out of the house, and into my car, intent on stopping her before she did anything stupid. Alice had warned me that I would be too late, but that hadn't stopped me.
What was she thinking? I thought angrily. Drinking, getting tattoos, and then going to a bar in a city she barely knew. It was beyond dangerous; it was stupid.
I was thankful for the time that I'd spent over the past six weeks reacquainting myself with her potent scent. It still burned like a branding iron had been shoved down my throat and swirled around, but it was tolerable.
It was nothing like when James had almost taken her away from me, and the smell of her blood had threatened to override my control. It was hard still, now that I knew how her sweet blood tasted, and with its nectar in the air, the demon in me wanted to be unleashed.
Bella, who had been quiet for the past couple of minutes, rolled her head toward me as she fingered her necklace. "Do you like my necklace?" she asked, her voice slurred and almost childlike.
I frowned down at her. It was a question I hadn't expected, since Bella barely spoke to me about important things, never mind trivial things, like her necklace. "Yes, it's very beautiful."
She smiled at that. "It's the Evenstar necklace that Arwen gave Aragorn. I'm totally crushing on him right now," she told me in a loud whisper.
Fighting down the idiotic flare of jealousy because she had a crush on someone other than me, I had to remind myself that Aragorn was a fictional character. "Is that so?"
"Yep," she replied. "I don't like the blond chick, though. I mean, I know that, in a lot of ways, she and my future husband are better suited together, but that's not the point. Just because it's easier doesn't make it right, you know?" she asked looking up at me.
I nodded absently as her words went through my mind. I should have known that she would see it like that. Bella was nothing but full of courage, and she would fight with everything for the one she loved. Give up everything for him.
"You are much like Arwen," I admitted quietly.
At that, she beamed up at me and nodded her head, as if she'd known all along, but liked to hear it.
It was another five minutes before we spoke again. I was trying to think of something to say to her without destroying the brief truce we seemed to have, thanks to her drinking. Bella, on the other hand, was fascinated with the car radio.
In all the months that Bella and I were together, she always seemed slightly uncomfortable in my car, as if she were afraid that she shouldn't touch anything. That didn't seem to be a problem anymore, I thought dryly, as she switched from radio station to radio station until it got on my very last nerve.
"Stop playing with that. It's not a toy," I hissed as she poked at every button with enthusiasm.
"I'm not!" she argued as she held her hands up.
I sighed and turned back to the road thinking of ways to talk deeply with a woman who was not herself at the moment.
"Bella," I snapped, when the radio station turned yet again.
Bella groaned. "You're such a grouch," she said as she dropped back into her seat.
She is intoxicated, I reminded myself. Do not snap at her. Let her be, I told myself.
"Bella!" I snapped and heard an evil laugh come out of her mouth from beside me telling me that she knew exactly what she was doing.
"My back hurts," Bella spoke up after a few seconds of blessed silence. Something I never thought that I would be grateful for in her presence.
"That's because you had a tattoo earlier this evening. You, the girl who can stand neither blood nor needles," I added through gritted teeth.
"I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth a lot of the time. Bill was really nice about it. I'm thinking for the second one, I'm going to have 'Just because you can doesn't mean you should', written, like, on my wrist or something."
I rolled my eyes. She was planning her second one already.
Bella squirmed in the seat next to me. "It really does hurt." She turned to give me a long look. "If you bite my back, I'm going to be really pissed."
"Let's just be quiet for a while," I suggested.
She held up her hands innocently. "I'm okay with being quiet. It was you that's been yapping on ever since we got in the car."
We only made it half a mile before Bella started humming a song under her breath. It took me a while to realize that it was one of the many country song's I had heard her listen to over the past weeks.
I thought about it for a moment. Bella was drunk and obviously not herself, but I wasn't above using that to my advantage. I could finally get some of the answers I wanted.
"Tell me something, Bella," I began.
"Shoot," she nodded once.
"Why do you listen to country music? In all the months we were together, you never showed an interest."
Bella smiled softly. "You really want to know?"
I nodded my head. "I wouldn't have asked otherwise."
She shrugged her shoulders. "What two genres of music did you tell me once that you couldn't stand? Rap and country," she answered her own questions. "And as much as I like a bit of rap I couldn't stand listening to it constantly so I listened to some country. Before I knew it I realized just how wrong you were," she laughed.
"And how was I wrong?" I asked unable to hold back a smile, even though I felt like someone had wrenched out my heart. She couldn't even listen to the music she loved because of me.
"It's beautiful. It's fun and sassy, or sad but truthful. I went from liking a song here and there to trying to listen to as much as possible. You should listen to it more, you know?"
I nodded my head. I wasn't about to tell her that every song I'd heard her listen to was now on my IPod, as well as part of my collection at home. Anything to feel closer to her.
"I will," I promised her. "I've noticed that you seem a lot more... upright lately," I finished not knowing how to venture the subject without offending her.
Luckily, Bella laughed. "Upright? That's the polite way of saying I don't fall on my ass every five seconds."
I joined in her laughter, enjoying the moment despite the smell of blood in the air, and my residual anger over her actions tonight. I could put that all aside, though, for the chance to talk to her again.
I had lied earlier; I could admit it to myself. I didn't miss the 'old Bella', because she was the same. Bella had always had this side to her only she'd been too afraid she show it. Whatever had changed to make her more comfortable, and confident in her own skin I was grateful for. The only thing I missed about her was the part that had offered me her love so freely.
I missed that more than I could say.
"I guess you could put it that way," I smiled. "What happened?"
"Well, we were hanging out, and Jessica suggested that it could be something to do with an inner ear infection. She'd read that things like that could affect balance and stuff, and so I made an appointment. Turns out that it wasn't that, at all," she laughed.
I nodded in agreement. I would have known had it been something like that.
"Surprisingly enough, it was nothing to do with that," she giggled. "It does turn out however that if you walk around with your head down, trying to fade in as much as possible, you do tend to stumble and knock into things a lot. It was about two months later when I realized that, while I was still a little bit of a klutz, I didn't fall down half as much, and when I did, I just laughed it off."
I smiled softly. Good for her, for finally finding her confidence and shrugging off what had once humiliated her so much.
"And Charlie? You're a lot closer to him now."
She smiled as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. "I love my dad. For the longest time I thought of him as just Charlie, a guy who was techniqually my dad, but when I finally got to know him I was already grown, and more a parent than my own mother. I didn't need someone to look after to me and question me. I also had you and your family, and I was absorbed in that. When you left, he was really worried about me, and I got to see behind some of his walls that I didn't even know were there."
I nodded. "He's always loved you very much. The day you were nearly killed in the parking lot, I could see that he wouldn't be able to live without you." Another reason I hadn't wanted her to become like me; to see the damage it would do to her father.
"He is wonderful. Anyway, it was him who agreed to let Angela and Jessica drag me out the house, and then stay over as much as I'd like. Before I knew it, our relationship was changing. We didn't sit in silence all the time, we had thing's we could discuss and laugh about. I felt more comfortable around him, and then after a while I thought nothing of kissing him on the cheek, or giving him a hug." She laughed suddenly. "I remember the time when we had a slumber party at Angela's, and watched scary movies all night. We scared ourselves witless. The next night I swore that I could see monsters in my room so I grabbed my blanket, went and woke him up, and slept in his room with him. I'd never done that before. It was nice," she shrugged once again.
"Jessica and Angela. I remember at one point, you didn't like Jessica and only spent time with Angela occasionally..." I trailed off.
"I was a bad friend," she confided. "I saw myself as being above all the high school stuff they said and did and thought, and then I realized that, no, I wasn't above it, and I was an idiot for the thinking that I was. They're sweet and kind, and they were there for me when I felt really alone."
I closed my eyes against her words. Could I ever truly make it up to her? Did staying make me as selfish as she had said? Right now it felt like I was. A part of me, the part that always wanted Bella as safe and as happy as possible, told me to leave, to let her be happy. But the more selfish part of me wanted to stay.
I wanted to be the man that she had once thought I was. The one she had loved without reservation, despite my faults. I feared that was too much to ask.
"You seem to have a lot more confidence with fashion," I said, wanting to pull myself away from my melancholy thoughts.
"Do you like my shirt?" She asked sitting up and pulling the fabric away to show me. "It was like a sign from the gods that I should wear it. Do you like it?" she repeated.
I looked at the shirt that showed off her toned arms and delicate collar bone. The material seemed to flow like silk over her skin, drawing my attention to the lines of her body.
"More than I should," I admitted darkly.
Bella simply laughed. "I put on some weight since you last saw me," she admitted. "I don't mind, though. I like my body the way it is now. I got me some curves," she laughed.
Yes she did, I thought as I forced my eyes to the road.
"I'm hungry," she said abruptly.
I nodded my head, and soon found a fast food place where Bella, who had once picked at food and then insisted on paying for everything, ordered enough food for ten, then turned to me and said, "Well, I'm not paying."
For the first time in a truly long time, I laughed freely as I paid for the small mountain of food that Bella had ordered.
On the drive back, I continued to probe Bella, to get some of the answers that I so needed. I kept it light, and on more trivial topics.
I found out that she honestly couldn't chose which her favorite country artist was, and that she had practiced some of the dance moves I had seen her do in the club with Jessica and Angela for hours.
I found out that, while that she had watched Lord of the Rings multiple times, she had yet to read the books because she hated it when she didn't know pronunciation of names or places, and feared she'd rip her hair out trying.
For a long time she answered my questions without batting an eye, somewhat unaware that while she thought we were just having a conversation. That she was actually feeding my deep-seated need to have more up to date information about her life.
Alice could tell me what she was doing night after night, and Jasper could tell me her every emotion, but I never knew the why, and now I was finally getting it.
What did make me laugh was to find out that the books she had preferred had changed somewhat. When I met her she had read classics like Bronte, Shakespeare and Austen. Now she constantly read Christine Feehan (whom she had proudly declared was her favorite author), Sherrilyn Kenyon (finally I got to know who Acheron was) and Gena Showalter (she had then ranted about the cuteness of Gideon and how she hoped she wasn't going to drag out Thane and the boys stories, like she had with Paris).
It didn't surprise me that Bella spoke more passionately about the characters in her books then she did about herself. She had always loved reading, and while her genre preference had changed, it was nice to know that she still enjoyed it.
After a while Bella started to get tired, especially since she'd filled herself up on cheeseburgers and milkshake.
"Edward," she whispered as she curled up as much as possible in her seat. "I'm cold."
I hated the fact that, as much as I wanted to I couldn't close the window. While her tattoo was healing, her wound was still open, and the scent of blood still clung to her.
"I'm sorry, Bella," I apologized before reaching into the back seat to grab the jacket I had thrown there days ago. At a red light, I tucked the jacket around her and turned up the heater, trying to keep her as warm as possible.
"I'm sorry," I whispered again.
Bella turn to look at me with tired eyes and, for the first time in so long, a kind and loving smile that warmed me as nothing else could.
"You always worry so much, Edward and I don't know why. You worry about this, and about that, and the maybes. You worry so much, in fact, that you don't see what's truly in front of you sometimes. Like me," she added quietly.
I brushed her hair away from her face as she closed her eyes. "Perhaps. I do see you, though."
I needn't have spoken since Bella was fast asleep, and snuggling up under my jacket.
On the rest of the drive home I tried to think of ways to prove my love, my sincerity, and how truly sorry I was for not only leaving her, but for making her believe that I didn't want her anymore.
I had given her space, which had seemed to help minutely, but I couldn't think of anything that would help us get back to where we had once been.
Should I serenade her? Perhaps send bouquet after bouquet of flowers, write a song, beg and plead with her night and day to consider giving me a second chance?
I didn't know, and the more I thought about how unsure our future was, the more I worried.
Eventually, I pulled up outside Bella's house and to keep from waking her, I got out of the car and quickly made my way to the passenger door. It was the early hours of the morning and the thought patterns of her neighbors showed that they were all fast asleep, so I didn't have to worry about using my vampire abilities.
I pulled her into my arms, careful to not only hold my breath for safety's sake, but to keep from touching her tattoo and perhaps causing her pain.
After all this time, they still kept the spare key in the same place, and I let myself into the house, closing the door with my foot behind me.
It was strange, I thought, as I stood there. I had lived in some of the most beautiful places on the planet. I had lived in mansions, and beautiful houses with art, and history, and everything that most people would crave.
Yet, this small house with its male furniture, and small kitchen table with three missmatchrd chairs, and narrow stairway, was the one place in my life where I'd ever truly felt at home, and I knew that Bella was the reason why.
As I carried her up the stairs, I remembered the night of her birthday party. The guilt I had felt. The shame and horror at knowing that she was hurt and it wasn't because of an enemy, but because of my family and myself.
If it had been a nomadic vampire, I could have gotten over it eventually. But when it's your brother who attacks the woman you love, when it's you who have to fight the urge to kill her and can't hold her hand while she's in pain, that you have to leave the room, how can you stay?
I had thought of nothing else all night long as I'd held in her in my arms and prayed, for the first time in nearly a century, for God to help me find a way of staying.
No sign from God had come, and I wasn't surprised. The only thing that I could see behind my eyes was Bella hurt and bleeding, and because of something as simple as a paper cut. It was no enemy, or fatal accident, just something that happened to humans every day, and yet it could have cost Bella her life.
I knew she didn't understand my reasoning. I knew she resented it, and I couldn't blame her, but I hadn't seen another way. Bella loved me, and I knew she would have stayed with me, even though her life was at risk every day. That night had proved that, and I couldn't lie to myself any longer.
For days I had tried to think of a way that she could be safe, and I could stay, but I hadn't found one. The only option was for me to leave, and for Bella to have some normalcy, and the chance to see what her life could be without me in it.
I could never truly explain how it had felt to stand there in that forest, and speak the words that burned worse than any venom as they came from my mouth. To see her face, and the pain there, and know that once again I had caused it.
Then Bella had thrown my fears and insecurities back in my face, and I knew she didn't mean them, but they had cut deeper than I had ever thought possible.
Bella had then walked away. She didn't know that I had stood there and watched her leave, and fought every instinct to follow after her. Eventually I'd had to make myself leave the only place that offered me any comfort, and return home.
The others had already left, so I was truly all alone. I had sat there, at the piano, and replayed the day when I had first brought Bella here. How she had sat and watched me play with awe in her eyes.
I knew that, if it were possible for vampires to shed tears, I would have filled an ocean. Eventually, I had gotten into my car and drove away, leaving everything I loved and cherished behind.
Placing Bella gently on the bed, I pulled the covers around her, ran downstairs to get her a glass of water for in the morning, and placed it on the bedside table with some pain killers.
While she lay there gently snoring away, I walked around the room, where all of my favorite memories had ever happened.
It had more feminine touches of color and style, like the once purple curtains were now a bright yellow with white daises on them. The bed, a new one that we could have used all those months ago was bigger, and had the same design.
There were pictures everywhere of her and the girls, and even some of Charlie, and of her mother that I had never seen before.
I couldn't help the small chuckle as I traced my fingers across the nails that stuck out at odd angles in the window frame. She had spirit that was for sure.
Knowing that I would have to leave, that she wouldn't want me here, like she once had, I walked over, sat on the edge of the bed, and leaned in to press a tender kiss to her forehead, before pressing mine to hers.
"I know I failed you, Bella," I whispered. "And I wish I knew how to make it up you. I guess I'm going to have to let you take the lead here, because I seem to keep messing up," I chuckled.
"So take all the time you need, because I'm going to be right here waiting for you. Just don't make wait too long," I smiled.
For a moment I allowed myself to imagine none of it had happened, that it was the night of her birthday, and I could take it all back. In the end I knew it was nothing but a silly fantasy. I had failed her, and only she could decide whether or not I stood a chance.
Pressing a last kiss to her cheek, I left her bedroom and went downstairs to leave Jessica a message saying that Bella was home safe, and she would call her when she awoke. I knew that Bella would.
Looking around one last time, I closed the door behind me, got in my car, and drove home. As I pulled up outside of the house, I sat there for a minute. Inside Alice and Jasper were preparing for our families return. The town thought that my family was already back, but they hadn't arrived yet. It was easy to keep up the lie, since we didn't venture into town a lot anyway.
I didn't want to go inside yet, though. I didn't want this night end.
Glancing over I saw the jacket that I had used as a make-shift blanket for Bella, and pressed it to my face.
It still smelled of her.
A/N So, what do you think? Next chapter will be Bella's morning hangover! Again, I am sorry for such a late update!
