Chapter 8
How had one night turned into five consecutive nights alone with Mark Fitzgerald? It had become their routine. Every night when he got off work, he would ride his bike to Clare's and stay for an hour or two to talk. She could barely believe she had once watched the clock with fear while she waited for Fitz to arrive at her house, when lately all she felt was anticipation.
But tonight would be there last night, she knew it had to be. Not only because her mom would be home tomorrow but because she knew she could not hide it from Eli any more. He had been tightening his grasp on her more and more. He wanted every moment accounted for, and he had become paranoid about all the possible "threats" to their relationship. She was tired of re-assuring him, and tired of making promises to be by his side forever. She was 16, what did forever mean to her anyway? But she knew she had to deal with things sooner, rather than later. And a plan had been forming in her mind since the first night her and Fitz talked.
Although if she was being honest, their time had been spent less talking about Eli, and more about getting to know each other. She hadn't meant it to be like that, but after a day spent being followed by Eli, and being emotionally drained by his clinginess, she often wanted a break from the reality of the train wreck her love life had become. Fitz was her escape.
Clare had learned so much more about Fitz then she ever thought possible. When he was just a school bully to her, he had seemed one dimensional but now he was in 3D. He had a crappy life these days-with a controlling stepfather, drunk mom, and cruel stepbrothers. But he still had a great sense of humor and could flip from a sad story, to cracking a joke in a millisecond. And Clare was thankful for that-they both had too much sadness in their life these days. Laughter was a welcomed switch.
Tonight when he arrived at 10:15 as usual, Clare spoke up first.
"Listen Fitz. I really like hanging out with you and all but tomorrow my mom will be home so these evening hangouts have to stop."
She hated having to say it.
Fitz raised an eyebrow
"Is that the only reason? I told you before Clare, I will respect whatever you want but I need you to be honest."
It was the second time he had said he would respect whatever she wanted since he reappeared. She liked that he said that, it felt like no one respected what she wanted these days.
Clare sighed. Fitz and her were friends now, and he deserved honesty.
"Well, my mom is coming back and she would kill me if she knew I had a cute boy coming over every night…" Cute? What had made her say that. She continued on quickly hoping the cute word would get lost among her sentences. "But I can't lie to Eli anymore either. He would go insane if he knew we were meeting like this."
"I don't think you should lie to him Clare. That's never good in a relationship. But I hate that you're afraid of him too. That's not so great either."
Fitz's eyes were locked firmly on hers.
"I know which is why I am going to have an intervention for him." Clare's plan had been forming in her mind all week.
"What? Is he on drugs or something?"
"No, it will be like an I'm worried you are losing your mind intervention. I am going to talk to his parents and Adam. If I can get them to support me then maybe we can get Eli into therapy. And if he can get some help then he will change and…"
"And you guys can live happily ever after." Fitz looked sad as he said the words.
"Is that a bad thing?" Clare had thought Fitz would support the redemption of Eli, the way she supported the redemption of him.
"No, I'm sorry that was an incredibly selfish thing to say. Yes, I think therapy would help Eli a lot and I will be praying for you and him." Fitz suddenly turned to head back towards the door.
"You don't have to leave. You just got here." Clare hadn't thought their time together would end so quickly.
"Actually I do need to leave Clare. But I feel like I need to tell you something especially since you were honest with me."
"What is it Fitz?"
Fitz took a deep breath and averted his eyes.
"When I was in juvie I had a special place to go in my mind –You. I just felt like you should know that I have feelings for you. I guess I kind of always have and that's why I was being so selfish about the Eli stuff. But I know you love him, and I think he can change. I won't ever think he's good enough for you, but it's not my choice. I just don't want you to be scared of him anymore."
"Fitz…" Clare began but could not find anything to say.
Fitz shrugged, "I guess it's better if we don't hang out anyway. I don't think I would be a very good friend to you when I am in love with you and you are with another guy."
Clare reached out to touch Fitz's hand. She wanted to hold onto him for a minute longer. She wanted him to stay. She felt like there was so much more that needed to be said. But instead he simply squeezed her hand, smiled slightly, and left her house without looking back.
