Disclaimer: We don't own Alec and Renesmee, for reasons we still don't understand. That doesn't mean we can't pretend and pull on the strings of their puppets, though. Happy reading, darlings! -Cee and Tiff {IITM} [Please read author's note at end of chapter!]


Chapter IX: Honesty

Recently.

That word kept replaying in my head as I scanned the poem over and over. It was a beautiful poem, really. But it leaked sadness everywhere. I was never really good at dissecting poetry, but this one was written so clearly that it made me feel like I see the sun through the fog. Completely apparent. The narrator, who I assume is Alec, was very...sad. Sad and clearly in love. Being a vampire means a lot of things. Blood thirst, immortality and never being tired. Sleep becomes a distant memory for vampires. And when there's no sleep, there's no dreams to look forward to at night. According to this, Alec wanted to dream more than anything, because that's the only way he could be with this person. Who I guessed was Jane? Who else would it be?

For moment, I pretended it was me. But I knew that would be a waste of time. Alec would never want me like that. Not in reality, and certainly not in dreams. It's obvious why he couldn't be with Jane, though. She was gone. He said so himself. He saw it happen, and now the only way he could hold her again was through dreams that will never come. It's quite tragic, really. To want someone and not being able to touch them. It made me want to hug Alec. But I knew better than that. He would think that I was crazy, hugging him when there was no reason.

Looking down at the words, I reread my favorite lines of the poem. Though it was hard to choose which part like I liked more than the others. It was all so alluring and made my blood rush to my cheeks, with its sensuality and detail. But this one part made it all the more lovely. It made my heart ache for the man in the bathroom.

In my arms, I keep her safe.

In my heart, she has taken place.

I wait, I wait; it shall not come.

Jane must've really been someone in order to remain in his heart for so long. I briefly wondered what she looked like. Was she tall or short? Red hair, blonde? There was no doubt in my mind she was beyond breathtaking. Every female vampire was. That fact meant Jane was flawless. Where with me, all Alec saw was flaws. Just thinking about Jane spread an unknown sensation through my veins. I couldn't describe it. Anger? Frustration? I was overwhelmed with it. I always knew I had issues with myself. Deep down they were always there, and I never ever believed love was a good thing. But now that I knew what Alec felt about Jane, it made me want to puke. Suddenly, I was glad that I didn't know what she looked like.

Jealously.

That's what it was. I was jealous. Only it wasn't like that time in the book store. What I was feeling now...this was true, gut wrenching jealousy. The kind I didn't think I could over look. Not ever.

Trying to push the emotion aside, I felt a presence standing in front of me. A shadow cast over the book in my hand. I didn't need to look up to know who it was. Instead, I kept my face down, my hands loosening on the leather of the book.

"Enjoying that, are you?" Alec growled as he snatched the book out of my hands.

I stepped back away from him, mentally preparing myself for the argument that's doomed to take place any moment. I no longer feared Alec the way I once had, and I knew he wouldn't actually kill me. But I knew how shortsighted he could be. I thought about what he said in the beginning of all this, about me touching his stuff and then briefly, I thought about him grabbing my things and leaving them on the side of the street.

What was he planning on doing now? Were we going back to square one again? Where he threatens me and numbs my body? For some reason I couldn't see that happening anymore. Alec had opened up to me tonight, far more than he ever had before. It would be tragic if the person I saw tonight disappeared from me forever. In fact, I think I'd miss him greatly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was...just curious." I explained quickly, waiting for the whip-lashing to commence.

Alec only shook his head and turned his back on me, returning the book to its proper place. While his eyes weren't on me, I was free to admire his naked upper body with no judgment from him. He hadn't bothered drying himself with a towel, once again. Beads of water traveled down the glowing pale, smooth lines of his back. I watched with admiration. Only moments prior to this was I examining the small birthmark on his hipbone, and now this. Was this his form of punishment? He was killing me slowly this way. Even if I was dying, I thanked God for such a gift. He may have been pissed at me, but at least I'd have something pretty to look at while he yells or whatever he had planned.

"If I wanted you to read something of mine, I would of offered it." He replied coldly after what felt like forever. I nodded, because what else could I do? He was right. I was a snoop. What's worse is that if it were me, I'd be beyond forgiving. Just imagining Alec going through my book of photos sent my breathing into a frenzy.

"I said I was sorry."

"Yes you did." He sounded indifferent. Was he embarrassed because I read his work? If he was, he didn't show it. "Because you were caught."

"That's not true," I argued. "I'm sorry because...well actually...I'm not sorry." I walked over to be my bed and pulled back the covers, readying myself for sleep.

Alec tilted his head slightly, a smirk spreading across his lovely face as he sat in the chair across from me. I blinked, because he looked so...desirable, smirking at me like that. As if he was enjoying some inside joke.

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh. I'm not apologizing because your poem is..."

"Is what?" He asked, his face instantly turning serious and...vulnerable? Was Alec scared of what I thought of his poem? Why would it matter what I thought of his declaration of love for Jane?

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was embarrassed. The poem definitely didn't match well with Alec's supposed 'asshole' image he set out for everyone around him. Did it really matter what I thought of it? Regardless of the reason, I chose my words carefully as I snuggled into my bed, pulling the cover up to my chest.

"It's...nice."

"Just nice?"

"What do you want me to say, Alec? It wasn't meant for me."

Shit. Did I really just go there? It sounded like I was complaining or something. When really I wanted to know why it mattered to me.

Alec then shocked me. He busted out into laughter. But it wasn't the genuine laughter I craved so much, it was the same cynical laughter that chilled me all the way to my bones. What brought this on? I was being completely serious about an important topic, and he was laughing?

"I don't know what's amusing..." I grumbled, sinking deeper into the comfort of the bed. "You lost someone you cared about. How is that in anyway funny?"

He shook his head to himself, his eyes closing briefly. I reached over and turned off the lamp. Darkness fell over the two of us quickly, leaving only an awkward silence behind. Until, however, he shifted in his chair.

"You're right. It's not funny at all. Especially since I didn't lose her. You can't lose someone you never even had.."

Ouch. Okay, now I was even more depressed over his poem. But hold on...he never had Jane? I was growing more confused by the second. The mystery of his past was overwhelming me by the need to know. I wanted to know about him. I need to know. That was perplexing, because the need to learn things about someone was something I had been out of practice in. I hadn't much cared in a long time. But I didn't know why this even surprised me.

I was starting to like him. Of course I'd want to discover things about him. The reasons why he is the way he is. It was dangerous, the longing to console in him. It wasn't natural for me. I didn't like it. I didn't open the feeling with open arms. I wanted it to all go away as quickly as possible. Only then would I be insured safety from the clutches of the disappointment attachment can bring. Even scarier, I felt like I was hopeless to stop anything that came my way.

Naturally, I also couldn't stop the questions from flowing out of my mouth, either.

"What do you mean you never had her? But I thought...I mean, the way you made it sound..."

Silence. A tense silence.

"...Beg pardon?" Asked Alec after several moments.

"Well...I mean, when you mentioned Jane, I just assumed..."

More silence. Unbearable, almost. Until...

"J-Jane?" Now it was hysterical laughter that swelled in the pitch black room. Not bitter, just extremely loud laughter that seemed to boom out of his chest. I could almost see his head thrown back against his chair, his shoulders contracting. "You think...my poem- is about- Jane?"

I blinked in confusion. Had I really been wrong this whole time? Could it be that he wasn't in love with this Jane character after all? Two emotions swarmed inside me at once. The first I could register was relief. The second, was bitterness, because if it wasn't Jane, it was more than likely someone still living. Somehow, that made it even worse. I felt like someone had punched my stomach, my heart heavy in my chest.

How pathetic can I possibly be?

"I just assumed..." I muttered.

He sighed, his laughter at last subsiding. I heard him get up from his chair, and then to my utter astonishment, I felt his presence growing closer and closer until he was actually lying down next to me. On the same bed. On my bed. He was above the covers, so I didn't have too much reason to freak out.

Actually, I did. He was shirtless, he was wet, he was breathtaking. And he was close. Very close. I could smell the fresh scent of soap and shampoo off his skin. It sent a delightful flutter into the pit of my stomach. I wanted more than anything to reach over and simply touch him. I had to clench my fists, dig my nails into my palms to contain myself.

What was he doing to me?

"No, Hersheys. Not Jane. Never, ever Jane. That's...sickening to even think about." His voice held a certain amount of disgust at the mention of Jane in that context. I knew he was telling me the truth. That didn't help me with the knowledge that there was still someone else, though.

"Jane was a friend?" I asked timidly.

"Something like that, yes." He confirmed.

I didn't know what compelled me to notify him of this, but as my conversation with Adriel popped into my head, I couldn't help myself. Ever since Ade had informed me that Alec had assumed Jacob and I had been dating, I had secretly wanted to inform Alec personally that this wasn't true. It was pointless, though. According to Ade, Alec liked me. But how much could Alec like me if he was in love with another woman?

"Jacob was like my brother."

I felt his gaze turn upon me, his body shifting to one side. Heat rose from the pores of my body, I could almost feel it radiating around me at the sensation his eyes left on me. I turned my head, matching his stare. My eyes had quickly adjusted to darkened room, and my heightened vision could make his features out perfectly. Those piercing, sangria colored eyes fixated on me. My breath got caught in my throat. It felt like earlier on the scrambler ride, when I had thought we might have almost kissed. Only now it was much more tempting. In the privacy of seclusion while we lay in the same bed.

All I wanted was just to brush my lips against his, if nothing else. I could live with that. Just the tiniest taste of that alluring mouth of his. I bit down on my own lip hard in protest, not caring if this gesture gave my thoughts away. He knew my attraction towards him. There was really no point in disguising it. His eyes found my mouth, remained there for a second or two, then resumed their position on my eyes.

"Was he, now?" He asked so gently it was almost a whisper. "A brother?"

I nodded in confirmation.

He sighed, shifting his body again so he was on his back. He stared up at the ceiling while I stared at him. What was he thinking? I couldn't make out a reaction at all. As far as I could see, he didn't have one. Typical. He was so hard to read. It was maddening.

"Hersheys?"

"What?"

"What did you really think of my poem?"

"You really care about my opinion?" I asked, taken back.

He shrugged his naked shoulders, one of his hands lazily resting on his stomach, while the other was propped up under his head as a form of cushion.

"Just making conversation," he replied.

That was good enough for me. Only now I was tongue tied, and longing to be touched by those beautiful hands of his. I was having a hard time conjuring up any thoughts at the present moment. I forced myself to focus, because I could drool over Alec anytime. Right now, though, he was asking for my opinion. Something that would probably never happen again.

Make it last, woman!

"I thought it was heartbreaking, actually..." I whispered.

"Why is that?" He whispered back.

"The concept of it all. You want sleep, so you can dream. You want to dream so you can do the things you otherwise couldn't do. And you can't even do that. It's...tragic."

He remained quiet, as if waiting for me to continue.

"Like now. You're lying here in a bed. No matter how long you'd stay here, you would never fall asleep. Separated from what you want most. That's terrible, Alec..."

He broke his stare from the ceiling, finding me again. The raw emotion in his eyes reflected perfectly on the words written in the poem. I could see them all forming in his iris'.

I wait, I wait. It shall not come.

"That's reality, Vanessa." He replied, resting his head on the pillow.

I shook my head.

"This is why I don't fall in love. It only causes destruction, heartache. Always. Nothing good ever comes out of it...at least, not really for vampires."

His brow furrowed at this. He seemed displeased by this. Why? I was telling the truth. He must've known this deep down himself. Giving your heart away to someone was a really big risk. Not only did it cloud your judgment and make you vulnerable to attack, it make you rely on someone entirely for everything. Now, I wasn't IN love with Jacob, but I did love him. And I did rely on him. That only made it that much worse when he turned up gone. I had no idea what I was doing. I was clueless.

And my parents? Do I even need to go into that? Look where love got them. They loved each other so much, they got married. Then they had me. The biggest mistake of all. Then their love for me was so great they put their own lives in danger. For someone who wasn't worth it. The reminder of that made tears sting my eyes, and I quickly turned my face away from Alec, hiding.

"You don't really think that, do you?"

"Maybe not all vampires. I just know from my own experience that it isn't good-"

"Well, obviously your experience in love is very limited, Hersheys.." He interrupted, his turn now to shake his head in disbelief. "You think I'm tragic? Not as tragic as someone who recognizes love as something to be disgusted by." His voice had taken on a slightly offended note by this point.

What the hell?

"I didn't say I was disgusted by it, Alec. I'm..."

"You're scared of it..." He finished for me, his tone softer now. It was like he thought he was reading my mind. He nodded to himself, so sure. Truth me told, I had never thought about it that way, being scared of love. I guess in a way I was. How he knew this, though, I had no idea.

I didn't have to tell him that, though.

"Scared? I'm not scared." I lied, horribly so too. He chuckled through his nose, obviously not buying it. "Okay, Licorice...what are you scared of?"

He pursed his lips in thought, taking several moments to reply. He leaned up on one arm, facing me, his cheek in his palm.

"The past," he admitted.

"The past? Why would you be scared of the past? I mean...it's in the past."

"The past always effects the present. And I wonder about the things I could have done differently, how things could have improved if I knew then what I know now...you understand?"

I nodded, because in truth, I did understand. The past did haunt me. Although, I'm not sure if there is anything I could have done that would have changed things now. That's what was even worse. There was nothing I could have done to stop my family's death. Nothing to stop Jacob from leaving me. Nothing to stop the Volturi's assumption on what I was. The only way I could have stopped this is if I had never been born, and that I had no control of. That was on my parents and their love.

If they could've known what my existence would cause...surly they wouldn't have considered me.

"What could you have changed if you knew then what you know now?" I dared to ask.

He smiled sadly, grief in his eyes. I didn't need him to answer aloud to know the answer.

He could have saved Jane.

"I'm sorry, Alec.."

He shook his head, dismissing my apology.

"Why do people always apologize for things that aren't their fault?" he asked, sounding as if he expected me to know the answer.

"Human nature?"

"You're not human."

"Half human," I corrected. He rolled his eyes in typical Licorice fashion.

"My mistake."

"I'll let it slide just this once."

He chuckled through his nose again, leaning back into his pillow. I kept expecting him to get up and go back to his chair, or the bed across from mine. But he didn't move. Instead, he seemed to be growing more comfortable. Or at least as comfortable as a vampire can get. I decided not to mention it, risking him moving. I instead closed my eyes, now realizing how exhausted I actually was. This day seemed to have lasted a lifetime. Too much had happened. I saw it all reply again.

The nomadic vampire who almost killed me. Alec saving my life. His voice as he said, "Not my Hersheys." More fighting with Alec. Talking on the phone with the seductive Adriel, Barnes and Noble, getting jealous of Amber. Holding Alec's hand in the car. My meltdown over Jacob. Another huge fight with Alec. Hershey's Drops. The fair. Sophie's pink rose. Alec gripping his pole. The sound of his laughter and how much it comforted me. The presence of Alec's cool body mere inches from mine.

Yes, almost asleep now.

The last thing I heard before I was pulled completely under sounded something like, "Dream something happy for the both of us."

If only. My dreams were seldom happy.

Tonight was no exception.

I'm standing in the vast green forest.

Home. Forks. Yes, definitely home. Everything is the same. The damp earth beneath my bare feet, the green leaves, the moist air, the rain drizzling from overcast skies. Everything is just as before. Alice's lighthearted giggle. Emmett's booming laugh as he tracks down a bear. Rosalie and her cool smile. Esme, her soft hands braiding my hair. Jasper's dimpled grin. Carlisle at her side, his gaze on her face so tender. Momma, her soft embrace and voice whispering to me. I can hear Daddy's piano playing from afar, the song he always plays.

Everything is so warm. So perfect.

Then, as if in the blink of an eye...they're all gone. No piano. No laughter. Nothing. It seems colder now. Bitterly cold. Eerily cold. I'm standing alone now, looking around frantically. That's when I see my Jacob. Standing five feet away or so. His face is hard as stone, revolted. I blink in confusion. Jacob never looks at me this way.

'Jacob?' I ask. It is then I realize I'm small again. Just three months old. The size of a toddler. My feet beneath me are tiny, my hands have dimples. My hair long, bronze and in ringlets that fall to my waist. I feel helpless. Weak. Unwanted by the way Jacob is glaring at me.

As I look back down to my feet, I see...ashes? Are those ashes? Yes. Ashes everywhere under me. All around me. Fire. I can feel it on my skin. Too hot. My heart is pounding now. When I look back up at Jacob, he's shaking with fury.

"You killed them, Nessie."

I shake my head frantically, wishing the ashes would go away already.

"No, I didn't. I swear, I didn't!" I scream. It doesn't matter. He wont listen.

"I'm as good as dead now, too. Your fault. Always you. I was happier before. I was free. You took that away from me."

The ashes are everywhere now. Flying around me in a frenzy. Clouding my vision.

"You killed us."

I feel myself sinking. Lower. Into the hot ashes like quicksand They burn my skin. I'm screaming for Jacob. He only flakes into ashes himself, the last thing I see is a shake of his head. And he's gone. They're all gone. And I'm drowning.

Air pushed its way out of my lungs in a howling scream. I wasn't really sure if I was still dreaming or not. I could still feel the ashes on my skin, still see Jacob's scorned face as he glared at me. I'd had this nightmare once before, only then I had been in the clearing where they had all been killed. And Jacob, instead of him turning into ashes, he phased into his wolf, growling and snarling at me, preparing to attack.

It was only when I felt Alec's comforting, cool hands on my skin that I was assured the nightmare was over. But in a sense, it would never really be over. It seemed it was always there with me. The thought in my head.

I killed them.

Hot tears pooled in my eyes and quickly spilled over onto my cheeks, blurring my vision. I tried keeping the emotion locked inside of me, desperate to appear strong for him. I had already lost my composure once in front of Alec. But when he pulled my body closer to his, making me lean into him, there was really nothing I could do to stop the sobs that broke from my chest.

"It's okay...it's over.." He whispered, the sound of his voice reassuring.

I buried my face into his shoulder, my tears falling on his skin. His arms wrapped around me, securing me against him, protecting me from everything else. It was as if I was in a cocoon, where nothing else existed. My sobs subsided slowly, but the tears were abundant. I wrapped my free arm around Alec, feeling as if I couldn't get close enough.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was still dreaming. Could it be he was really holding me? That I was letting him? After all the insults, bickering, cold silences passed between us...I was really in his arms? I felt too good to be real. I decided in that moment that being this close to him felt better than anything I had experienced in a long time. The sweet, soothing scent of his skin. His long fingers as they brushed wet, tear soaked hair from my face. His wintry cold body cooling me down, as I was overheated.

I could have stayed here with him forever.

"What was the dream about, Hersheys?" He asked gently, his breath hitting my cheekbone. I felt goosebumps spring on my skin.

"Nothing you would want," I replied, my voice cracking. "Maybe it's a good thing you can't dream, after all."

That's when I really questioned whether or not I was still sleeping. It was when he put his lips to my forehead, kissing the skin ever so softly. Light as a feather. Before I even had time to process it, it was gone. But the memory of his mouth still lingered on my skin, tingling in the most pleasurable way. I sighed quietly, equivalent to that of a cat's content purr. Who knew minutes after screaming with terror would I now be the most comfortable I had been in months.

Did he have any idea how much the littlest things he did influenced me?

"Alec..."

"Hmm?"

"Please don't be mean to me tomorrow," I whispered so low I, myself, could barely hear me. "Don't try to make me hate you...I don't think I could handle it."

He was silent for so long I almost believed he had fallen asleep himself, were it possible. It was when I said his name again did he speak.

"Go back to sleep," he encouraged, never breaking away from his lock on me.

He neither said yes or no. But I'd have to take my chances.

I closed my eyes, knowing even before going under that I would have no more nightmares. At least not tonight. Not when I felt as safe as I did now.

I wasn't sure if it was my own thought, or if I was already dreaming again. I was too comatose to be the judge. Either way, somewhere from a distance, I heard:

In my arms, I keep her safe.

Waking up the next afternoon (and I knew this by glancing at the alarm clock on the nightstand) was one of the most awkward morning afters I had ever experienced. And we hadn't even had sex. We hadn't even made out. But yet, there we were. Both of us lying there, saying nothing. I didn't look at him, and he didn't look at me. Sometime during the night, I must have shifted, because I was on my back, but he was no longer within touching distance.

I tried not to be upset over that fact.

"Thanks..." I muttered underneath my breath, heat burning my cheeks. As I sat up.

"For what?"

"Last night.."

"Don't mention it..." He replied, sounding a thousand miles away. I tried not to be upset over that fact either.

I should have expected as much. He was pulling himself away. At least he didn't seem to be insulting me. Maybe he was taking my request from last night into consideration. That must have meant something, right? Still, I was never one for silence. There was a reason I talked so much.

Where as he was most likely regretting comforting me last night, I couldn't be more grateful. He didn't have to do what he did. I hadn't even asked him to. He just did. I didn't know what compelled him to to it. Maybe he just pitied me, I was so pathetic looking. Whatever the reason, I didn't regret it. I couldn't make myself regret it. It was stupid, I know. It's not like it was ever going to happen again.

I glanced at the alarm clock again. It was two-thirty. I had slept the day away. Surly Alec could have moved, gone back to his chair after I had fallen asleep if he wanted to. But he stayed.

This was overwhelming. This was...I hadn't prepared myself for this.

I couldn't lay in this bed any longer. He was making it too awkward for me.

"Oh!" I exclaimed aloud randomly, .

"What?" He asked, confused.

"We're not on the road! You didn't pour water on my face to wake me up like a douche. We're-"

"I'm not driving today. I called Ade. Our drive is going to be more difficult the closer we get to California. You understand.." He indicated to the window.

I followed his gaze, indeed understanding. I could see sunlight peeking through the edges of the dark curtains. It perplexed me that he called Adriel and I didn't wake up. Normally I was a light sleeper. I guess I had really fallen back asleep hard, blocking out everything else. I guess Alec's arms was the cure all for me. Oh, perfect.

"You check the forecast? It could get cloudy later?"

He shook his head, still avoiding eye contact with me. "No. Clear blue skies for the rest of the day."

Again, maybe this was dumb, but I wasn't disappointed we weren't going anywhere today. The idea of being stuck in a room with him for several more hours...wasn't so terrible. Well, unless he continued to show no enthusiasm whatsoever. I could see him drifting again, and I knew that unless I said something, there would be no talking at all. And no talking only made what happened last night even more awkward.

I remembered the feeling of Alec's lips on my forehead, and still questioned my sanity on whether or not it was real. But it had to have been. It was as if I could still feel it. And the tension in the room was too thick.

That must have been why he was so silent.

I sighed loudly, getting up out of bed. I glanced in the mirror above the dresser, horrified by the way I looked. I still have tear streaks stains on my cheeks, and even though I had gotten several hours of sleep, I looked exhausted. I went into the bathroom, washing my face, but not bothering with any makeup. I redid my ponytail, pulling it up higher on my head. It looked really sloppy, but I didn't care. I went back into the room, going to my suitcase. I pulled out a pair of striped blue pajama pants. I was only still wearing my over sized tee shirt, but I felt like my naked legs were somehow inappropriate.

As I put on the pants, I shook my head to myself. I was a low cut, show all skin kind of girl wasn't I? Since when did I care about being appropriate? Since when did I just want to lounge around in my pajamas?

Before you turned into Vanessa Wolfe. That's when.

I groaned in frustration and pushed that thought aside. I looked over at Alec again and he still hadn't even looked at me, but the crease of his brow I can tell he was in deep thought. I suddenly wondered if he was thinking about me. What he thought of last night and this..whatever this was between us. I'd like to think Alec was becoming my friend if anything but I knew Alec didn't do friendship. Much like I didn't do love. How strange it was that Alec seemed to love someone at all when he didn't seem to like even the mere idea of getting to know someone. Whoever he was in love with, she must have been someone quite special to get him to accept his feelings so willingly.

Seeing Alec move from the bed over to his chair, I had to fight of the feeling of more disappointment. Something is definitely not right. I moved over to my bed, and sat, facing him. His eyes never glancing near mine, He just simply sat and started writing in that book. That the tragic poem laid in.

"Are you writing another poem?" I asked, hoping to break this awkward silence we had going on. I figured if he wasn't mad about me reading the other poem, he couldn't be upset over me asking about another. It was only nature for someone to be curious. Right?

Instead of a voiced answer however, Alec just simply shook his head no. I narrowed my eyes and laughed bitterly. Confused as to why he was putting up that wall around him. I could practically feel it surrounding him, keeping me out. I wanted to get a sedge-hammer and pounding against the invisible force, but I couldn't. So I kept talking.

"When did you write that poem?"

Alec shrugged. "Yesterday night. While you were sleeping."

Whoa. I didn't think it was that soon. That means it was when we were at the B&B. On our famous honeymoon. I'm sure whom ever the focus of the poem was, she wouldn't be to thrilled to know he told someone we were married. I had so many questions about this mystery girl. Who was she? What was she like? Where was she now? Was that why Alec was so cold and filled with such darkness? He had lost his lover? I could see how that would make someone go a little insane. Loosing someone you love must be earth shattering, it always is in the movies at least and the way Jacob always talked about my Mom loosing my father that one time. How did he describe her in his absence?

Lifeless. The light that my mother had, was burned out and sealed shut that nothing, not even his presence could make go away. Not fully.

Although the theory seems legit, I knew deep down that Alec's problem wasn't because of a girl. It was Jane. She was his Jacob. And watching her die in front of broke something inside of him that could never be fixed. Though not being with the girl of his non-existent dreams also doesn't help any.

"Is she pretty?" I asked, biting my lip, scared of the answer, not knowing what to expect.

Alec finally looked at me with a annoyed expression. The light in his eyes from yesterday completely vanished. I mentally prayed for it to return. My fear of him being cruel must have been bigger then I thought. Because looking at him like this, it made my heart ache, the air in my lungs refusing me.

Please, Licorice. Please.

"Why do you want to know?" He said, dryly.

I looked down at my hands that fumbling around each other. Unsure of how to answer him when he was in this...funk.

"Curious."

"Well don't be. It's pointless to discuss her when you believe love is for fools?"

"Why would that matter? I can't ask?"

"No. you can't." he said sharply, then picked up the book and walked around me and threw himself on my bed.

My bed. Huh. Interesting. It's quite funny how there's two equally nice beds to lay on and yet Alec finds mine to be his choice of comfort. That act made me feel a little better but at the same time, made me confused. Was he being nice to me or not? Will he ever make up his mind?

"Why are you being like this Alec?" I asked, in a low voice that could come across as a whisper. I found myself crawling to be close to him, wanting to feel his body near mine. I sat back on my knees and looked at him. I mean really looked at him. His jaw was perfection. His creamy white skin only enhanced his features like his dark chestnut hair that was even more messy then usual as his head laid across my pillow. His rose colored eyes locked themselves on my face. Studying me. My guess as to why his hair looked the way it did was because he's been running his fingers through it a lot recently. Was he frustrated? Overwhelmed? The thing I didn't get was that Alec had no reason to be that way, not a reason that I could easily determined at least.

"I...I don't know." Alec said honestly. "I don't know how to act around you anymore."

my brows pulled together in confusion. Was I really that impossible to digest?

"Why can't you just be how you were last night?"

"I can. But in the end it wouldn't be the smart thing to do."

"So you think you have to be a asshole too me? Is that it?" I snapped, my voice getting louder as I asked to the question. Alec groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

That's when it hit me. I was right.

Alec believes he has to be mean to me. Has to push me away to protect himself, or was it me he was protecting? I couldn't be sure. All I knew for certain was, Alec didn't want to be cruel to me. Not really. He feels he simply has no choice.

Some how though all the frustration and feelings I found myself doing the unthinkable. I reached over to where his head laid on my bed, and pulled his fingers from his face. Forcing him to look at me, cupping his cool marble face in small hands.

"Vanessa..." Alec whispered, closing his eyes and then opened them to gaze at me. His hands gripped on my own, while I kept holding his face.

His eyes told a million different stories. All ending with him being sad and alone to which mirrored my own life story. But where I have only lived one life however, Alec has lived thousands. Thousands of years of no dreams. No hugs, and no connection. Alec was a island of himself. And looking into his eyes, I knew. The reason behind the girl he loved not being here just didn't matter. As he said. Not because I found love to be for fools, but because she just wasn't. As tragic as that was he has accepted it. He longed for her, clearly but he for some reasons believes it wouldn't change a damn thing.

He has learned to except the tragic ends of his stories.

"Why must you hide from me?" I whispered, moving my thumb down Alec's cheek as my eyes bared into his, while his did the same for me. I felt as if every nerve in my body was ending. The only sound in the room was my racing heart, and our breathing. There was nothing else that mattered. Nothing but the two sets of eyes. Two red, and two brown and the simplest of touches.

The action of touching him, even in this innocent fashion made me burn for more. Yet it was not on a physical level as to why I burned but something inside of me melted. He had the strangest effect on me. He made me want so many different things, hell, he even made me want to feel. Every emotion that was possible to feel, and he made me want it.

Alec blinked twice and shook his head. Not moving away from me, but not looking at me anymore either.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, as I bit my lip.

"Honesty." I sighed, gracing my finger across Alec's button lip. "I just want you to be honest with me. Be yourself. I don't need anything else."

Alec rolled his eyes and looked away from, avoiding eye contact and then turned to his side, facing me, his finger ever so gently moved a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My eyes widen at the tenderness, but I didn't speak a word.

"Honestly?" I nodded. Smiling. "I want to know about you." He said, with a small smile. I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to see if he was playing me, but when he didn't make any snarky comment, I realized he was speaking the truth. In fact, I dare say he wishes to know me.

"There's nothing to tell really." I said laying back down the bed, facing him. My body not touching his, my eyes casting downward. I tried to think of things to tell him that were true. But everything would lead to suspicion. The reason why I feel free to ask Alec questions is because he allows me too. He openly said I can ask anything so long as it didn't have anything to do with Adriel. However, I forgot the part where I was suppose to share things with him as well. I forgot I also had to be open for discussion.

Shit.

My heart, at the mere mention of opening up to him anything honest and true broke out in racing speed inside my chest. My nerves in my body were shot. He had caught me off guard. After all the years of hiding Renesmee Cullen and lying about basically everything, I had become a pro. Or so I thought. Instead, it only took my Licorice to tap inside my head, crawl under my skin and just simply admit he wanted to know me. It was that honest answer that had me actually wanting to say something true for once. Having me want someone to actually know Renesmee Cullen again. It's been a long time since she's gotten to speak. But deep within I knew I couldn't let her out. I couldn't straight out say who I really was. I have to be two faced. Where I have demanded honestly and trust, Alec has to get the opposite in return. It broke a little part of me to just admit that.

"What's the matter?" Alec voice broke the silence that filled the room, his eyes turning form the usual hard, sneer to concerned with a slight hint of worry. His eyebrows pulled together as he moved a strand of hair from my face, tucking in behind my ear.

What was with him being so...conflicting to my emotions?

"I wish I could tell you everything." It took me a moment to realize that I was actually speaking. And to my surprise it was the truth.

And my chest felt like I lift a huge brick off of it as air raced back into my lungs.

"But you can't." It wasn't a question.

I shook my head.

"It's not that I don't-"

"What's cake taste like?" Alec asked, randomly his eyes generally showing interest. I looked at him puzzlingly, and Alec chuckled. I must have been looking at him like he grew a second head, because Alec then reached over, and rubbed his hand down my face as if to wipe off the expression. I bit my lip and giggled.

I freaking giggled.

Will I ever not be surprised by him? I hope not. With the way things are going, I feel like I could keep him forever.

"Cake?"

"I've never had it. Was turned before they got around the invitation. I always wanted to know. Everything, taste like dirt."

Oh my Licorice. I'm beginning to understand you more and more. I thought it would be hard to uncover Alec, but the more he talked about sleep, and living too long, and what cake taste like, I'm beginning to get it. Or at least I think I did.

Alec misses his humanity.

Such a strange revelation for me to discover. In the beginning of all this, I had thought someone like Alec would love being immortal. With his attitude towards me, and his cruel, almost monstrous persona was enough evidence to convince me. However the man—this vampire made missed his beating heart.

"Cake...tastes sweet. And soft. Fluffy kind of. It's warm and moist in your mouth, sometimes if it's just out of the oven it can melt on your tongue or fall apart when you cut into it. The icing makes the cake though. And it depends on how it's made, on what the icing taste like. It can be rich. Creamy."

And that's how the rest of the day proceeded. He'd ask me about food, and I would describe it to the best of my ability. When asked about the worst food in the world, I started to laugh. Instantly, Jacob's famous mac and cheese came to mind. I told him as such, explaining how I had been gagging just at the sight of the chunky buttery goodness. It was the worst mac and cheese I had ever seen.

He joined me in laughter, till finally his eyes turned intense, which only made my heart flutter in my chest.

"What..?"

"Who are you?" He asked, reaching over and caressing my cheek softly with the pad of his thumb. I looked at him, puzzled. What kind of question was that? Wasn't I who I said I was? Well, sort of, at least.

In that second, I was beginning to panic a little. He was looking at me as though he could see my soul, his eyes staring right through me. Had he caught on to the act? Did he somehow find Renesmee staring back at him?

"What do you mean?"

"Your face...it lights up when you talk about Jacob." He whispered. "It's as if you love him."

"I did.."

"I caught two contradictions in that sentence," he said. "One, you're talking about him in the past tense, even though you're so convinced he's alive-"

"Alec.."

"And two, you said love is for fools."

I turned my head away, staring at the wall. Were we really back to this again?

"It is for fools...just drop it, please?" I pleaded, border-lining on desperation. My heart was picking up its pace, sending my body into shock.

"I can't.."

"Why not?" I snapped, getting angrier and angrier as this conversation kept recycling over and over. I wanted to hit him, scream and luck myself in the bathroom and pretend that I had never found that damn poem. Pretend that Alec didn't love anybody. Pretend that I didn't love anybody. Love didn't exist it all. Done deal. No one is hurt. No one dies and no one suffers.

"Because I've seen love. I know the good in it."

"I seriously doubt that."

"Just listen," he sighed, taking my face in his hands, gently forcing me to look him straight in the eye.

Close. Very..close. I could feel the air from his mouth touch my face. I wanted to sink into him and bring my mouth to his, to breathe his words.. I'd never been this close to him before. Never really considered it. Not like this. It was intimate, and yet it wasn't at the same time. I had never felt like this with anyone but Jake, and even that was different. With Jake I felt comfort, but with Alec I felt like I was on the edge of something. Like someone had spun me around and I had no idea which direction I was going, but I wasn't afraid to travel the unknown. As long as he was here. I would be okay.

"I have seen it. And it is rare for vampires, I'm not going to lie. And it's scary...but it has to be worth it. Love is not blind, Vanessa. It's the purest gift we have on this earth, the only thing that makes sense. No matter how much you run, it's going to follow you. And you know what? You're going to want it someday. When it's right, you'll want it. And you're going to finally be able to see everything for what it truly is.."

His voice was so soft as he whispered this, as if it were just our secret. Alec did always seem to have a way with words, and hearing him speak these almost made me want to believe him. Not only that, but it also made me want to love him. Hell, maybe apart of me already did love him. I wouldn't know. But I did know that since I met Alec, the darkness started to make a little sense. More clear. Bright. It was all because of him.

"Who did you know that had love like that?"

I expected him to say himself, naturally. I expected him to open up to me about the girl from the poem and why she wasn't with him now. What had happened to separate them. I wanted to know, more than anything, who held his heart. How they had done it. And most importantly, who showed him love. I wanted to see it for myself.

But being how he is, he never said the things I wanted him to say. Instead, he turned my world upside down with just one sentence.

"This couple I knew..." He said, his brow furrowing.

"Well, who were they?"

"Their names were Edward and Bella."


Writer's Note: So, what did you guys think? Pretty simple chapter, but the ending there is sure to cause some conflict, right? Thank you guys were the reviews! You're awesome. Hope you're not too pissed at us. In general, thanks for sticking with us. We haven't given up.
Anyways, please review and tell us your thoughts.
-IITM