Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Brassfans are the best! Hope you enjoy this one; sorry it took me so long to get it up.
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Slowly Jim seemed to improve. Moving from ICU into a private room where he could have visitors had Sofia hoping it would help his spirits. Sofia was beginning to worry though; depression was beginning to settle into his eyes. Everyday Phil came to work with him and everyday his right side got stronger. And everyday, there was no response from his left side. They both understood the implications; the longer he didn't respond, the less likely it became that he would.
Then one day she walked into his room after a session with Phil. Jim was sitting in the chair according to doctor's orders; an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. More if he felt up to it. She noticed an immediate difference in his attitude. There was a twinkle in his eyes she hadn't seen in days. He motioned for his writing pad, which she held for him. Learned a new trick, he wrote.
She smiled. "Are you going to show me?"
He looked down at his left foot. Concentrating, his brow began to furrow. Her eyes followed the trail of his and she watched. Subtlety, almost imperceptibly, his toes began to wiggle. Sofia began to giggle. "Oh, that is a good trick!" She exclaimed. "Can you do it again?" She saw the corners of his mouth turn up a little as he tried to grin. Looking back at his toes, he began to wiggle. His eyes found hers and reflected the obvious glee that he was feeling.
"Well, that's worth a notation in my little book," she laughed. "Big rewards for that trick."
He nodded his head in agreement, his eyes dancing merrily now. Then he looked at his left hand. Concentrating again, he was able to make his thumb twitch. "Well, you are just full of tricks, aren't you?" Sofia covered his left hand with hers, gently rubbing his thumb. He looked back at her face, gazing into her eyes. He exhaled and then for the first time since the beating, he tried to speak. His jaw was still shut, but she was able to understand what he said. "For you," he managed.
"For all of us," she smiled. "I know this is hard, Jim. I know how frightened you are."
He was trying to speak, his eyes revealing the panic that her words made him feel. Her hand went to his lips, "Shhh, it's okay honey. You don't have to be the tough guy with me, remember. You are a part of me, just like I'm a part of you. This scares you and I know why. But you don't have to be afraid, Jim. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what. You understand? And as for you somehow feeling like less of a man….on your worst day you are more man than most men on a good day, And you're the only man I'll ever want. So what I'm saying is this; we're in this together…good and bad. And in case you are thinking some macho bullshit like I'm here out of obligation, then get over it. I'm here because there is no place I'd rather be."
Jim closed his eyes as he soaked in her words. A shudder ran through his body. She had understood his greatest fear; that he wouldn't recover and she'd leave. There were still no guarantees about anything. But at least now, they could talk about it. She understood.
A couple of days later she was with him when his lunch arrived. Jim groaned as the lady put it down. More mush, he thought. He'd kill for a good steak….and the ability to chew it. He sighed and began to "eat."
Sofia smiled and teased. "Just imagine your favorite meal, Jim."
He looked at her, his blue eyes gleaming. Then he pointed at her, "you."
"Hmmm," she grinned salaciously,. "Wonder what the nurse would do if she came in here and witnessed you getting your wish. I think she has the hots for you, you know."
Jim just shook his head. No way the nurse had the hots for him. He wasn't the kind of guy women had the hots for. Sofia tilted her head, watching him, her eyes twinkling. "I mean, it's no surprise I suppose," she began. "You're my favorite piece of eye candy. Other women are bound to enjoy you too."
Jim almost choked on his mush as she said that. Eye candy? He looked at her in disbelief.
"Yeah, I look at you and see a big chunk of white chocolate, decadently tasty….Sweet and delicious, melts in my mouth…and in my hands." Her eyes sparkled as he looked at her, he was somewhere between laughter and awe. He loved her so much and he needed her. Despite his doubts about how fair he was being to her, he had to have her in his life. And he was scared that eventually she would get tired of him or that he would drive her away. After all, he wasn't good with relationships; he had the history to prove it.
They sat in a comfortable silence as he finished his "food." A few minutes later, Phil came in to help Jim back to his bed. "How was the food?" Phil smiled.
Jim grunted his disapproval. Phil chuckled. "It'll get better." He looked at Sofia and then back at Jim. Jim was watching and the comment from Phil about Sofia being a hot mama blazed into his head. Suddenly, without warning, Jim felt a rage boil within him. He swiped his arm across the table top, sending the tray flying, the utensils and vessels clattering to the floor.
Phil looked stunned and Sofia moved towards Jim in shock. His mood had changed so drastically and so quickly. It wasn't like Jim at all to lose control like that. "Jim?'
He glared at her with dark eyes, anger flooding his space. He looked back at Phil and became even more agitated and began pounding the table top. Phil, looking flustered, left saying he was going to get the doctor.
Sofia tried to reach out to Jim but he pushed her hand away. He struggled and finally got a word out, "Bastard!"
Sofia was confused. Why had his mood changed and what was he angry about? Again she tried, "Jim, what's…"
His eyes focused on her. Why was he doing this, he wondered. But he knew the answer. She deserved a younger man, someone whole….not an old cripple like him. "I'm a bastard….marrying you," he managed to say through his closed jaw.
"What?" she asked warily.
"Wrong….shouldn't have…. Bad for you."
"Stop it, Jim! Stop right there. You know that's not true."
"It is….all wrong…"
Sofia was angry now…so angry that she wanted to slap him, bring him to his senses. "Jim, it's like saying all that we have is wrong…even Jeb. You can't really mean that?"
Somewhere in his mind, he knew that he didn't but he was so angry the words came out anyway; "Unfair to him too. Wrong."
Her hand flew up to slap him, her own frustrations overwhelming her. But she stopped herself. "Dammit, Jim…" Afraid that she would hurt him, she turned and fled from the room.
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