As Serena walked into the store, she spotted them right away. They were in the corner; he was sitting outside the change room in boredom as she took a bunch of outfits into the room.

Turn around and leave.!

But of course, she ignored herself and stepped closer. He looked so perfect; like a male model. His oddly perfect face sculptured with his perfect eyes, his perfect nose and his oh so perfect lips. He was just perfect. His deep husky voice that never failed to run a shiver through her spine, the way his eyes would look at her… like he could see inside her.

Stop thinking about him, you have done so good this past month. Serena had managed to avoid most thoughts of Nate and ignore any lingering feelings and focus completely on being happy with Dan. Of course she couldn't help the pain in her heart every time she caught a glimpse of him, but the only way to make it better was to pretend she hadn't, and not acknowledge him at all. She couldn't bear to see hurt in his eyes, or love for her… and worse yet; it would kill her to see nothing, to not see love for her.

He hadn't noticed her, he was mumbling something to Blair through the door; running his hand through his shaggy hair –making her own hand itch to be that hand, to be able to run her hand through his wavy hair.

Serena stood frozen in place as people walked around her in annoyance, standing a few feet away from him, mere cloth racks in between them. Seconds past and she felt dumbfounded, she hadn't realized just how much she had missed his face… him. Her heart was doing flip flops that she couldn't control and tears sprang to her eyes.

Nate.

And suddenly the door opened and Blair waltzed out, looking gorgeous in a figure-hugging strapless black mini-dress. It was clear Nate thought so too, as his eyes lit up and he stood up when Blair did a little twirl for him to admire, before he wrapped his arms around her waist in appreciation. It was too much; the way they looked so good together, his arms wrapped securely around her, his eyes approvingly on her…

Serena felt something build up in her throat and was shocked when she felt a sob build to her lips.

Nate leaned down, his lips meeting hers half way in a gentle kiss.

Serena's eyelids shut closed as a tear escaped them. Her fingers clenched into a fist as she took a deep breath. This hurt more then it should. This hurt way too much.

Her left foot moved back, and soon she found herself turn and break into a run. She had to get out of there, and away from them. She ignored the looks thrown her way as she hid in the side alley. She was breathing hard as she wrapped her arms around herself. What the hell why does that affect me so much?

It was like her insides were going to fall apart if she didn't wrap her arms around her waist, all her insides were burning as Serena tried her best to keep herself together. It's just them, they're meant to be together… they've always been together. It's Nate and Blair…

But it caused her to moan in pain just thinking of them together; just thinking about their names alone caused her to wince. It wasn't right. It wasn't right for her to feel this way. It was unfair to Nate; to push him away yet hurt at the sight of him with his girlfriend, it was unfair to Blair; to not want to see her and her boyfriend happy together, and most of all, it was unfair to Dan. To be with him, while hurt over someone else; to be with him, and want to also be with someone else; to be with him; and not love just him.

Serena felt a sob escape her lips and she wrapped her palm around her mouth to muffle it. She shouldn't be crying. She shouldn't feel this way. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she go back to how things use to be, back to when Nate was just a tiny crush and her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. Life was so much simpler then, when everything was how it should be. Her Nate and Blair, best friends, Nate and Blair together, and she happy for them.

Serena shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to slow her racing her heart…

Nate smiled back at Blair as she went on about the upcoming ball, his grin perfectly in place as they stopped in front of her place. He followed her out of the car.

"Are you going to come over later on tonight?" She asked suggestively, playing with his collar as she tiptoed to get closer to him.

Nate gave her a small peck, "Sorry babe, not tonight," He said, "I have a late essay to finish,"

Blair pouted, "Aw Nate… I'll help?" She finished hopefully.

Nate shook her head again, grinning at her cute pout, "I never get work done at your place, that's why it's late," He pointed out, causing Blair to hide a grin, "Exactly," Nate ended, with a quick kiss to her lips before turning back into the cab.

She blew him another kiss as it drove off. Nate sat back in his seat with a sigh. It wasn't like he was pretending to be happy with Blair, because he was happy with her but it still didn't erase the constant ache in his heart that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop feeling. It was there, in the background making sure he was never completely happy. Even when he smiled, he'd feel a weird pang and all of a sudden he couldn't smile anymore. He wasn't even thinking of her for so long now, but his heart still felt the pain for her.

Nate leaned his head against the window, his eyes staring out miserably. He saw two girls walk out of a store –blonds, and without even thinking Nate had to close his eyes and take a deep breath in.

Stop doing this to yourself.

But it was no use, Nate knew it would be near impossible not to give in, and think about her today. He had to go through his phone pictures back to when everything was good between them. He had to think back to his times with that certain blond. He had to see that smile again, even if it killed him… He had to.

Serena found herself locking herself into her room and dropping beside the window. She was sitting against the wall beside the window, her knees pulled up to her chest, all the while tears rolling off her cheeks. Stop crying, what are you doing?

But as much as she scolded herself, it was no use; there was no way to stop. She kept seeing Nate's face, his eyes, his words, and they were all teasing her, causing her to react. She could remember every single sentence he had ever said to her. She could remember the feeling of his hands all over her, and Serena had to wrap her arms around herself not to shiver.

And his arms around Blair.

Why did it hurt to see that? Why had she not been able to stop crying since?

Serena could feel her phone vibrate against her thigh and at first she ignored it, her cheek against her knee as she let her tears spill, but finally when it wouldn't stop, she pulled it out of her jeans and looked at the screen.

Dan3

She couldn't talk to him now. He would know, he would hear it in her voice. Serena couldn't bear to look any longer, and she threw the phone away from her in tears. It wasn't right. It wasn't right to feel this way. It wasn't right to love two people.

Serena heard thunder roar outside her window and she looked up startled. There was rain hitting her window violently and the sky had turned a dark grey, as the thunder grumbled slightly. And for some reason, that caused another sob to escape her lips and let her face fall in her arms shaking slightly in tears.

It was as if the weather had changed to meet her mood and it made her feel worse. Every time the sky would roar angrily, she would tighten her arms around herself.

Nate belonged to Blair. Blair; her best friend, her sister. Nate; the love of Blair's life. Serena; with Dan. Not with Nate, best friends with Blair –that was the way it was meant… suppose to be.

Then why didn't it feel right? Then why did she long for Nate?

All her life she had never had to think about it… to doubt it, she always knew that it would be her and Nate in the end. Even when Blair started to go out with him, Serena hadn't really thought too much on it, knowing that she herself was too immature for a commitment, so until she was ready her and Nate were doing their own thing. But in the end they would be together.

But now? Now that Blair really loved Nate and Dan really loved her? Now that Nate also loved Blair and she herself loved Dan. It meant there would be no together ending for the two of them.

Why did that hurt her? Why couldn't she look at Nate without feel pain?

And suddenly it was like she couldn't breath, her heart was clenching as if someone was holding it in a fist and everything seemed to hurt. She needed to hear his voice. She needed to hear him say her name.

It wasn't normal, she was craving it, and she was almost sure that she wouldn't last through the night without hearing him. It was like a drug she had to have or she would go insane. And before she knew it, she had thrown herself forward so that now she was on her knees to grab her cell, which had slid slightly under her bed from when she had thrown it there earlier. She quickly grabbed the phone and guiltily scrambled back to her spot against the wall, with her knees against her chest and her phone cradling in between her knees.

With teary eyes and trembling hands she dialled the number that she had memorized by heart.

Natie : )

Serena stared at the screen, as she put the phone on speaker. This decision hadn't quite reached her brain yet, and she was holding her breath as she waited to hear his voice. And she knew then, she would continue holding her breath until she heard him… it was like an obsession.

She almost thought he wasn't going to answer and her lower lip trembled at the thought, a sob slowly built its way up her throat, until…

"Hello?" He answered groggily.

And it was suddenly heaven as relief shot through her. His husky masculine voice was enough to make her breath slowly. Now that she got a taste of it, she wanted more. She wanted to hear him more. She even wanted to burst into his house and hold his perfect face as he whispers her name. She wanted her lips to touch his and for his arms to wrap around her waist like they had Blair's.

"Hello?" He murmured annoyed, clearly having been disturbed from sleep.

Serena opened her mouth to reply, but suddenly she froze. This brought Serena back and her eyes widened. What the hell was she doing? At least she had the sense to call him private so her name or number didn't show up for him.

This was so stupid, she was so stupid. She had done so well the last month, and now by showing this weakness, it was going to be harder. This was only going to complicate things, only make them worse.

Serena sighed deeply, as her thumb slowly trailed to the off button.

"Serena," He whispered, almost strained.

Serena's breath got stuck in her throat and she stared at the phone in horror, all the while the sob that had been just inches from her mouth finally left her lips and she quickly muffled it with her sleeve, her eyes closing as tears left them again.

Nate had been awoken by his phone ringing. He had forced himself asleep when his hands had ached to go through pictures of Serena. He had forced himself asleep before he could get in too deep and the pain in his chest would be too much for him.

So when the phone had started ringing, he had tried hard to ignore it. He didn't want to wake up and face grief again, the pain that was slowly overflowing in him and he knew would come out soon. He had to keep it buried, and the only way he knew how was to not think at all.

But the ringing didn't stop, and he groaned as he reached his arm out to feel the side table for his cell, before putting it against his ear, his eyes closed the whole time.

Infuriatingly enough, no one spoke. It was a blocked number, so he didn't even know who it was, which pissed him off even more. He was about to snooze off again, with the phone against his hear when he heard a muffled faint sniff, Nate sat up quickly, "Serena,"

And the ache in his heart was back.

No one responded once again, but Nate held his breath, waiting.

"Serena," He whispered again, he was so sure it was her that it shocked him, and it hurt when she didn't respond back, "Please," he managed through the pain, the pain of someone pouring boiling water on his heart.

Please what? Please talk to me? Please let me see you again? Please leave Dan? Please let me be with you?

Once again, he heard the slightest sound, the sound of a distant sob and something squeezed at his heart, "Don't cry," He pleaded softly.

He looked around his room quickly; he had to get to her somehow. It had been way too long since their last communication, and it frustrated him that after so long, the stupid phone had been their first communication, the stupid phone separated them. That's when he heard it; it was so low and faint that he hadn't even realized it was on. In the living room outside his mom was listening to the radio, and he heard the song being introduced. He quickly rolled off the bed and turned on the radio on the other side table, quickly shifting to their station. The station that he Blair and Serena use to put on after school, and the girls would dance to the songs as he would sit on the counter and laugh. His trembling fingers quickly turned it on, and the line had gotten so quiet he was scared she had disconnected.

He paused for a second, and realized in relief that she was still there. It hadn't been disconnected.

"Serena, it's your favourite song, the one you were obsessed with in grade eight… the one you always said made you think of me," He whispered in the phone, "I never told you this, but back in middle school, when you use to make me listen to it with you every time it came on, it use to make me think of you too," He admitted, shyly.

Serena waited for him to go on, her heart breaking with every word.

"It's on our station. You remember back in the day, before we got ipods and computers."

She knew what he was talking about as soon as he had mentioned that it made her think of him. It was so weird; she had totally forgotten about that song, she hadn't listened to it probably since middle school. She felt a weird clench at her heart, as she scanned her room quickly and her eyes landed on her clock, which was part of a cd player and could turn to a radio.

"Bye Serena," He whispered as Serena quickly got up and sat on her bed, fiddling with the clock to get it to switch into the radio. She looked back at her abandoned phone on the ground and her heart ached to speak, to say it back, to say so many other things. But she knew she couldn't, he already knew it was her, she couldn't confirm it, because then it would make this real. She didn't want him to know it was her for sure, this way she could continue her façade.

A few seconds later, she heard the phone disconnect and she turned her attention back to the clock, and finally got the stick on the right station, before sitting back slowly. Serena sank to the ground in front of it as the song played, a single tear sliding down her cheek in agony as she listened.

Another night goes by without sleeping
Cause I know I won't wake up next to you
Another life goes by without dreaming
And I can't help but think that mine will too

Serena kneeled back into her heels and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. It wasn't working, this wasn't right.

"No, not again," Nate groaned as Serena dragged him into his house.

"It's suppose to come on at four today, I checked it up, you have to listen to it with me Nate," Serena pleaded, giving him her puppy eye look that he could never say no to.

Nate glared at her, before letting her drag him along grudgingly. He knew there was no way out now, the puppy eyes had been down, and he was trapped.

Nate sat back on the bed, his back against the backboard as he took a deep breath in.

I'm standing before you
With this label on my head
I'm pleading before you
For you to understand

Serena looked at herself in the mirror across her and sighed. Please Nate, please understand that what I did, what I have done is for the best. Blair loves you a lot, and Dan loves me. And you and I love them; just to see if there's something between us, we couldn't hurt them… it would hurt too much. Please understand.

Nate ran his hand through his hair in frustration, Serena; I wish you could have understood. I wish you had understood how I felt about you. I wish you could've understood my love for you.

"What do you like about this song?" Nate asked frustrated as he sat across her on the couch.

"It's about love," Serena whispered.

Nate was surprised, this was Serena, and Serena wasn't much of a love person. She didn't believe in stuff like that, "They never mention love in it," He stated.

"It's about wanting to be with someone so bad, but not being able to." She explained, rolling her eyes, "That's why I like it so much, it's so sad. Two people that love each other not together and not being able to get this person out of your mind, isn't that sad?" She whispered, pulling her knees against her chest and resting her cheek against one knee sadly.

Nate laughed, "I didn't know you liked sad songs,"

"It's not that I like it really, it's just that this song has so much meaning and its kind of heart breaking. It's sad to listen to, and I like that,"

"Ok emo-girl, you're a loser," He teased.

Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes and it's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of you

Serena looked up at Nate, "That's my favourite part, and this is why I love hearing it with you," She teased, but underneath it, she had really meant it. Everything about that verse was for Nate, was how she felt about Nate.

Nate had rolled his eyes, "Okay," And even though he pretended to brush it off, he hid a smile.

Nate closed his eyes; he couldn't bear to look around his room. Every single item held something about Serena; some memory; some opinion.

The time is slow and I am sinking
Into a hole blackened with lies
And though I made it myself
You stand watching as my life passes me by

Serena let her arms fold on the bed as she hid her face in them. She had made everything so complicated, everything was so messed up. Serena couldn't help it, and soon found herself sobbing lightly into her arms.

I'm standing before you
With this label on my head
I'm pleading before you
For you to understand
How much I adore you
I'll be there til the end
When everything falls down
Will you hold my hand?

"I'll hold your hand," Serena whispered slyly with a wink, causing Nate to laugh.

"I don't see anything falling down?" He stated.

"If it ever does," Serena insisted, "You know we'll be together in the end right, do you want to be with me in the end?" She teased, unknown to Nate that she had really just confessed what she felt in her heart.

Nate smiled at her, "Depends on the choices," He teased.

Serena swatted him playfully before lunging forward to playfully tackle him to the ground, "You wanna change your mind?"

Nate laughed, but when Serena pouted that cute pout, Nate melted, "Of course I want to be with you in the end," He whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from her eyes.

Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes and it's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of you

Serena couldn't get Nate out of her mind. He was everywhere. All she could think of was him. It was crazy, and it wasn't right. She wanted to scream in frustration, but the thought of not seeing him made her lower lip tremble.

Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes and it's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of... you

Nate groaned, letting the back of his head hit the wall behind him in frustration. A month had passed; he had rid his mind of all thoughts related to Serena. And now this? This set him back in his progress greatly. Would he ever be able to get her out of his mind, or better question… his heart?

A/n Serenate Aghast. Lemme know what you think? : ) Read and Review!