849 hits yesterday…way to wrap up a month…and 222 so far for today. Daaaaaammmmmn. Thank you!
"Now I'm aiming for heaven
But probably wind up down in hell…"
-"Rebels of the Sacred Heart" Flogging Molly
Whatever Jasper had given me for pain pills…whew. They were strong. Every time I took one it seemed like I slept for hours if not days. They did their job in taking away the pain from my hands and feet, but they didn't get rid of the nightmares and fears that kept overwhelming me at night. At one point they got so strong I started having nightmares during the day.
I had spent most of the last three weeks asleep close to it thanks to the meds. Edward had been watching over me and keeping me company. Which was weird considering I was still convinced he was gonna either kill me or hand me over to someone that would.
Sufficed to say, things had been a little uncomfortable. I mean, it got easier, having him carry me around. The first time he told me he was going to pick me up and carry me into the bathroom to change my bandages I panicked.
At first I was paranoid he was trying to get me high leaving me unaware of whatever he wanted to do next. After he had assured me he wasn't going to be inappropriate or anything I complied. It's not like I could walk on my feet anyway when they were in the shape they were.
I had no words for how it felt to be touched by him. Some of the girls from school used to talk about feeling butterflies or feeling their stomach drop when they were touched by someone they really liked. If that's what the feeling was that jolted through me, then the butterflies in my tummy were driving steam rollers with the bass turned up on their speakers. A shock wave passed through me that made me shiver and flinch away from him uncontrollably a little bit.
He looked at me with a concerned stare. "Did I hurt you?" So far he had only put one hand under my knees and had been getting ready to put his other hand behind my back.
I shook my head no.
"Don't hold that shit in. You need to let me know if I hurt you at all. Cause if you're hurt anywhere else, I'll call Jasper."
I nodded still trying to control the steamrolling bass thumping butterflies from driving me to convulsions. What the hell is wrong with you, Bella?
He put his hand behind my back and I shivered again. He looked at me with one eyebrow up and pursed lips like he was annoyed that I might not be telling him the truth. He didn't move me, he just stayed still waiting for me to explain myself.
"Uh…it's been a long time since someone's touched me for any reason other than to run me out of their trash can or hand me spare change. I'm sorry." It was the only thing I could think of to say. I figured if he had been honest with me, then I should be honest with him. Yeah, that's assuming he's been honest, dummy. He could be just holding out till the other guys get back to finish the job from the alley. He sighed heavily.
The pain killers started to kick in and I couldn't feel my face. At some point between the bedroom and the bathroom I had started to drift back off to sleep.
Somewhere in my stupor I heard him tell me to lean my head back. It was only then that I realized I was sitting on a cold surface with something to lean on. I had been staring at his face when it occurred he'd been talking to me. Lay your head back on the wall. I don't want you to watch this. Watch what? Oh yeah… I did as he asked me and quickly slipped back into darkness.
I could feel cold air and my feet stinging. It was slight but the pain was there enough to be aware of it. My feet felt different than they used to. There was less of a congested feeling in them. Now it was replaced by a feeling of raw skin healing slowly. That's new…sort of.
When I resurfaced I started taking deep breaths to try and center myself. I tried the same thing I did the two or three times I had drank enough to forget what had been happening around me. Almost like I was just checking to see if I could still breath slowly but heavily.
"How long have I been out of it?" I didn't look down at what he was doing. Instead I kept my eyes on his shoulders. They were strong and well defined through his black t-shirt. I watched for a second while they flexed and released as he worked on my feet and hands. It didn't take long for me to give back into the overwhelming urge to just lay my head back and drift back into sleep.
My left side felt hot. Like I had been leaning up against the glass of a window facing the sun. Edward was rubbing my arm up and down gently and at first it startled me. But hearing his voice put me at ease…somewhat. I couldn't figure out why he'd be waking me up but it seemed like he figured that out quick because he explained it was time to move me back to the bedroom.
I nodded. And dozed off again. I could feel the entire left side of my body heat up all the way to my scalp. I knew I was leaning into him and I didn't care. I had to thank him for being so damn nice to me considering he was literally carrying me back and forth when I couldn't manage on my own.
"Thank you, Edward." He seemed surprised. I couldn't help but smile at him for being silly about a simple, but truthful, show of gratitude.
Thinking about everything he had done for me, even considering the circumstances, my heartfelt heavy when I thought about all of this being over. He didn't look entirely happy with me again when I mentioned my thoughts out loud. Rather than worry, though, I let the drugs wash over me again and drifted off. I couldn't help but wonder if he could stay near me, though. That warmth was overpowering and seemingly addictive.
*****
Nothing terribly eventful happened over the following weeks. Edward kept watch over me and kept me pretty numb from the pain killers. Between making me three meals a day and carrying me all over the house I owed him more than I could ever repay. In a twisted way I was grateful for him bringing me into his world regardless of the circumstances. Thinking back now, I don't know how much longer I would have been able to live with the way I'd been going.
It had been long enough that Jasper had okayed me walking on my feet for no more than five minutes a day. It wasn't hard for me to abide by his directions. My feet were still so sore from him cutting into them so walking for much time at all was as bad, if not worse, than having the glass in them.
Edward hadn't pried about anything having to do with me or how I'd ended up on the streets. I was thankful for that. Considering I already felt like the mooch of the century, I didn't want to feel his guilt coupled with his overwhelming generosity.
I didn't know how long that'd last, though.
The heat I had felt the first night Edward had carried me to the bathroom hadn't faded. I wondered if it ever would. I also wondered what the hell was wrong with me that I felt something like that from someone I hardly knew.
*****
I'd been drifting in and out of consciousness when I heard Edward talking to someone. A guy. I hadn't heard the other man's voice before since I'd been in Edwards apartment but I was immediately on edge. This can't be good. My emotions started to overwhelm me and I probably looked as terrified as I felt. The man was huge. Even standing next to Edward…he was HUGE. His dark hair was short like Edwards, almost shaved. His shoulders were wide and wrapped in thick muscles that just looked solid and impenetrable. He had a huge smile on his face like he had gotten away with something so huge it merited sharing with everyone he knew.
That still didn't calm me.
"Why is he here?" Edward wiped his hands over his knees as he remained kneeling beside me on the couch. He looked nervous and somewhat regretful. That set off more alarms in my head.
"I've gotta go outta town on some business." Was I going with him? You should have known he was leaving. Look at how he's dressed…black suit, white shirt, black tie…dummy. Was he going to end everything now and that's why Emmett was here? "You're gonna stay here and heal up. He's gonna stay here and just take over what I've been doing." He might still kill you while Edwards gone…so don't get too happy about being thankful you've had Edward to take care of your ass.
"Hey Bella." His voice wasn't alarmingly evil sounding. Not like the guy's I had heard in the alley that night with Edward. What if something happens to Edward while he's gone? Then what happens to you? "I hope you like video games, 'cause you're gonna be watching me play 'em a whole fuckin' lot while this asshole's out on business."
You're worried about getting killed and he's thinking about video games? You might live, after all. I couldn't help but smile a tiny bit at that. I wanted so badly to ask him where he was going. And to tell him to be careful. And to ask him if I was going to be alive when he got back. And if there was anything he needed me to do for him while he was gone or when he got back. My mind was racing with questions that I felt like I needed to ask him. What if it takes longer than a week? Who will stay with me then? What if Emmett has to leave on business? What if there's an emergency? What would merit an emergency?
"…But stay off your feet and ask him for whatever your need or want…" Want? What could I possibly want? What did he mean? Was it okay to ask for things? Not while he's gone. You don't know what Emmett's capable of.
"You got any questions? 'Cause you sure look like you do…" I shook my head vehemently 'no'. Why would you even miss him? What's wrong with you?
I watched him slowly stand from kneeling beside me. He leaned in towards me and rested his hand next to me on the back of the couch. He looked like he was about to come so close to me with his face that I could kiss him. He paused at my forehead. I could smell the crisp scent of starch and aftershave. He smelled amazing. I couldn't help but watch him. He was close enough that I could see the stubble on his face and the scar under his chin that ran from his ear to the middle of the underside of his chin.
He caught me looking at him and quickly snapped back up standing up straight. What the hell was that about? He said goodbye to Emmett and walked out the door. He didn't even say goodbye to you. Don't get too comfortable, silly girl.
A/N: So I'm gonna end it there for now…I'M IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 right fuckin' now. So untangle your panties and spend the idle time leaving me a review. I'm sleepy and it's past my bed time.
