Wait
Josh looked furious. Just flat out pissed. I was kind of hoping that he had taken his pills, because truthfully, I was scared. I hoped that this didn't remind him of what happened at Legacy; a heavy dread began to develop in my chest. I quickly freed myself from Upton's grasp and went towards Josh. "Josh I…I…he just came to me!" I started.
He barely looked at me. "I know it's not your fault, Reed. I already saw that bastard all over you." Josh went towards Upton. "Who the fuck do you think you are, forcing yourself all over Reed? Over my girlfriend? Huh?" His hands started to form fists. Oh God, I hoped this wasn't going to turn into a fist fight. Upton ignored him and instead turned to me. I slowly cowered behind Josh, trying to ignore the penetrating glare from Upton.
He looked like he was trying to control his anger. He shook his head in disbelief. Upton took a deep breath and said "Is this the lucky man you were talking about?" He looked immensely hurt and confused.
I swallowed. "Yes. Now can you please leave?" I pleaded.
He glanced down, as if he was embarrassed. When he looked up, he smiled sadly. "Now I fully understand." He swallowed. "I'm sorry- to both of you." He shoved his hands and his pocket, and headed towards the door. Josh and I moved out of his way, and I felt Josh shaking from anger. Before Upton left, he turned to Josh and said:
"You are an extremely lucky person to be with Reed. Treat her well" said Upton. Josh's glare softened a bit but it went back to being stoic and indifferent. "I know" replied Josh. Upton then left and shut the door with his head hung low.
All was quiet for a few minutes. Frankly, I was scared. I hoped he wasn't going to hate me and say things like he did in Legacy. My breathing notched up a bit just from remembering the fateful night that happened.
Josh sighed and sat down on my bed. "Who was that?"
I swallowed. I didn't want to explain to Josh that I was having a fling while he was in the States, and how close I was to…doing something.
"He…well, his name is Upton Giles." I stated. Please don't ask more, I secretly prayed.
"Ok, so how do you know him?" he was staring at me carefully.
Oh God this was going to be very hard to explain. I had to be strong. I took a deep breath. "Um…Noelle introduced me to him, and we… you know…kind of hung out?" Ah! So much for telling myself to be strong!
I could tell it wasn't working because Josh instantly straightened up a bit. His shoulders squared and his faced toughened. "What do you mean, 'kind of hung out'?"
Shoot. What was I going to tell him? That while he was with Ivy, I was having fun with an extremely hot British guy? I was always a bad liar, so lying wasn't going to work for me. I started to sweat again from being nervous. I hoped he wasn't going to get mad at me.
"Ok, ok! When I came here, I was single, so I hooked up with Upton and things went sort of fast. But Josh, I never, ever forgot about you! Every day I would check my voicemail or my inbox to see if you even contacted me! And when you didn't…" I paused and I threw my hands in the air. "I didn't know what to think." Unwillingly, I looked up at Josh. He looked pissed off.
"So…you hooked up with Upton, while I was in the States? While I was with Ivy, even though I didn't want to because every minute I was thinking about you, you decided to have a fling?" burst out Josh.
I was shocked. He was such a hypocrite! How dare he! How dare he accuse me of hooking up with someone when technically, I was single at the time! He was the one who tore my heart in the first place when I saw him with Ivy the next day when we had broken up!
I shook my head. "Josh, do you have any idea- no wait a clue- as to how hypocritical you sound?! After you dumped me at Legacy, you went back to Easton and started holding hands with Ivy way before I went out with anyone!" I was getting very frustrated at this point. "Speaking about Ivy, have you even told her about us?"
His words came out in a rush. "No I haven't, because I thought it was kind of rude to dump her on the phone. Besides, that's not the point. Why are you calling me a hypocrite? And why are you bringing Ivy up for no reason?"
I glowered at him. "You haven't told Ivy that we're together?" Truthfully, I was hurt. Did he not care about me? After all, it is kind of hard to continue a relationship when there is someone else out there.
"Like I said, I didn't want to just dump her on the phone. Ok so… why don't you explain to me why you're calling me a hypocrite?" said Josh.
He's not answering the question.
Of course he wasn't. He ignored the question twice already. What if…what if Josh had fallen for Ivy? It was only normal, right? I mean, he thought that we were never going to be together again. So he started to fall for another girl. Oh no, oh no…
I stared at him. "Josh" I started quietly, "have you fallen for Ivy?" I asked unwillingly.
Josh froze. His green/blue eyes just kept looking at me. My heart started to beat frantically; his silence pretty much told me yes. It took a few moments for Josh to collect this thoughts. "I love you, Reed. Remember that… Look she was there for me, and…she's not a horrible person, ok?"
Tears started to form around my eyes. I couldn't believe this was happening. While I was living in pure hell, Josh had somehow found bliss without me. I absolutely could not sink this in; I would just ignore his silence and go back to being happy. It wasn't that hard, right?
But I couldn't. This new revelation punched a new whole in my chest. I thought Ivy was just a filler for Josh. I thought that when Josh read my note, he would go back to loving me unconditionally. I was wrong. Oh so wrong.
At that, my tears fell down, and I pretty much collapsed. My breathing somewhat stopped and I felt the room spinning. "Reed!" exclaimed Josh. He came over, and started to hug me. "Reed! Jesus, are you ok?" There was plain anxiety and worry written all over his face.
I looked up through the thickness of my tears. "Do you really think I'm ok? Do you think I was really ok when I saw you and Cheyenne on top of each other? Do you think I was ok when you made me choose between you or Billings?" I freed myself from Josh's clutches and stood up. A fresh new batch of tears started coming. "Do you think I was ok when you called me a slut and didn't even bother to listen to me? I listened to you even though I had no idea you were drugged!" I inhaled and wiped my tears away. Josh slowly stood up. I shook my head. "This…is too much." We were standing about three to four feet apart, but it felt like miles to me.
Josh was quiet for a moment. "Things… have changed. We…obviously have some things to take care of." He hesitated. "Maybe we should wait. Or at least until you get back to Easton."
My heart stopped. He wanted me to wait? "You want me to wait until I get to Easton!" I shrieked. "I waited a month and a half for you to even look at me! And then I waited two weeks for you to call me! Now you want me to wait another month so you can get your thoughts straight?!" I was going hysterical right now. Josh looked alarmed by my sudden outburst.
"Reed, I'm not saying I don't love about you, it's just during the time we were apart…" he sighed. "I- not you Reed- I need to take care of stuff. I care about both of you. But doing it like this, it's wrong. I hope you understand" explained Josh.
The fuck I didn't understand. Suddenly, I was so angry. I didn't like the fact that Josh was going back to Easton without me. I hated the fact that Josh cared about Ivy. I hated every part of it. I wanted all this stupid drama to end.
I looked at Josh in the eye. "I'm tired of waiting." My voice started to tremble. "I…I'll see you when I get back to Easton." My voice cracked and I began to cry. Why the hell was I declaring a clean break when I was obviously still in love with him? Was it because I knew he had feelings for Ivy? Or was it because when we weren't together, it showed how ugly we could be to each other and that Josh and I were capable of doing things like that? Was it ok for me to forgive what Josh said to me at Legacy? Those horrible words that negated everything?
Josh looked at me uncertainly. There was confusion and sadness on his face. He came by me, hesitantly at first, and kissed me on the forehead. His lips lingered a bit longer than it should have. I was still crying my ass off; there wasn't an end to those tears. Josh let go of me and he slowly went to the door. As I realized that he was going, probably for good, I wanted to yell for him to come back. But I didn't. My mouth was frozen.
Reluctantly, Josh opened the door; instead of it being an empty hallway, Kiran, Noelle, and Taylor tumbled into the room. Even better, people listening by the door. All three of them looked guiltily; even Noelle didn't have anything to say. Josh ignored them and turned around to give me one last look. Through the thickness of my tears, I saw some brimming on his eyes. He looked so…empty. Almost instantly, before I could say anything, he turned his head and went through the door.
He was gone. He really was gone. It seemed like Hurricane Reed just strengthened its force, without any help whatsoever. God, I'm a mess.
I crashed. Literally, I crashed. I sunk to the floor, and my down pours just kept pouring. I pretty much had waterfalls coming out of my eyes. Immediately, I felt three pair of arms covering me, trying to make me feel better. Taylor, Kiran, and Noelle were hugging me so tight that by doing that, they could try to take all the sadness and pain away.
I continued to cry, and my best friends continued to be with me.
Never in my entire life did I feel so empty, yet also very full than I did at that moment.
sob sob :( i have to admit, it was a hard chapter to write. i thought it was necessary; i mean do you honestly think josh was just using ivy or vice versa just so he could forget about reed? probably in the beginning, but not later. and the part where reed questions her decision to break up with josh, shes saying you know, if reed wasnt drugged would he have still acted like that? you know, ignore her, call her a whore and whatnot. they obviously needed to sort things out.
thanks again for the reviews everyone
and to all josh/reed fans: please dont be mad at me! i hope you understand
