Okay, this chapter is very long. I really wanted to get into Naomi's mind with this chapter. I wrote it to the best of my ability, but I'm not that confident in it. I hope everyone gets it. I would also like to say that this story is meant to follow the storyline of the actual show. I have/will make modifications here and there that deviate from PP, but my intent is to just fill in holes to storylines that already existed on the show. I do know who I would like Naomi to end up with but this story is evolving as I write it, so you never know. Keep commenting to let me know what you think :)

Chapter Nine

"Hey, why is everyone in the conference room" Naomi asked as she walked into Violet's office and plopped down on one of the couches. Missing three days of work was coming back to haunt her. Between catching up on paperwork and seeing rescheduled patients, her morning had been swamped.

Violet was perched at the edge of her desk, tinkering with her cell phone. "We have a new case that's a little controversial; we scheduled a meeting today to decide if we should take them on as a patient. I guess we forgot to mention it this morning. The meeting is supposed to start in fifteen minutes if you're available" Violet answered blandly. She didn't give Naomi any details nor did she even bother to look up from her phone.

Naomi studied Violet and considered Sam's earlier advice; his words had resonated with her. It was time to stop carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, to explain to her friends how she felt and reassure them that she was slowly but surely healing. If Jordan were there, he'd probably encourage her to open up too. Naomi decided to start with Violet; their friendship had suffered a little when Addison joined the practice, but Naomi knew Violet would always be there for her, and Violet knew Naomi would always be there for her too. The incredible restraint Violet showed that morning was admirable; Violet was the nosiest one of the group and she hadn't uttered one word. Even now, she was avoiding eye contact to keep her questions at bay. "Okay Violet, let me have it" Naomi said, cutting to the chase.

"Have what" Violet asked, playing dumb.

"Whatever you're dying to ask me. I know it almost killed you to not bombard me with questions this morning. Ask anything you want and I promise I'll answer" Naomi promised.

Surprised, Violet dropped her phone on her desk with a loud thud. Rising from her desk, she walked towards Naomi. "You're serious, no subject is off limits"?

Naomi hesitated, wondering if she would later regret this. "Nothing is off limits" she confirmed.

Violet could barely contain herself. Her friend was finally opening up; she didn't want to squander the opportunity. Naomi might not give her another chance. Going to the door, she closed and locked it. She drew the blinds, walked to the couch opposite Naomi and sat down. There were so many questions; she didn't know where to start. After a moment, Violet decided to start with the most obvious question and let the conversation naturally evolve from there.

"As usual, Violet is going to be late. And did anyone even bother to tell Naomi about the meeting" Pete said, annoyed.

"If no one did, I'm guessing Violet is about to" Amelia said, as she watched Naomi walk into Violet's office. The other doctors turned just in time to see Violet drop her phone and walk towards Naomi, excitement in her eyes. Seconds later, the blinds closed.

"What the hell is going on" Pete started when his phone rang. It was Violet's number. "Guys, Violet's phone is calling me, it must've dialed me when she dropped it" Pete announced, leaving his unasked question hanging in the air.

"You're not suggesting we listen, are you" Sheldon asked.

Was there a phone epidemic going on Sam wondered as Amelia answered. "Hell yeah, we should listen. I want to know what's going on, don't act like you guys don't.

Pete looked around the table. No one would verbally agree with her, but they weren't denying her words either. Amelia's sentiments rang true. On the last ring, Pete answered his phone and put it on speakerphone for everyone to hear. They picked up the conversation when Violet asked, "So what's the real deal between you and Jordan"?

"We're friends" Naomi said, grabbing a pillow and holding it close to her chest. She had a feeling this would be a long and emotionally draining discussion.

"Oh come on Naomi! The electricity between you could spark a fire. And I only saw him for two seconds. You didn't even bother to introduce him when he showed up on Valentine's Day before you disappeared with him for three days. I thought you were going to tell me the truth" Violet said.

"I am telling the truth" Naomi said simply.

"So you're telling me that you've never slept with him" Violet asked skeptically.

"I never said that. Jordan and I have sex constantly, there's just nothing romantic about it".

"I knew it" Amelia yelled.

"Shut up Amelia! Do you want them to find out we're eavesdropping" Cooper whispered angrily.

"Relax Cooper, I doubt they heard us" Pete said. "So Naomi has a sex buddy. I'm so proud" he joked. Everyone laughed, except Sam. He tried to pretend Naomi's sex life was new news to him, but it was hard. All he could offer was a small smile; one he couldn't put much effort into since he was trying to ignore the pain in his gut.

"Shut up so I can hear what they're saying" Addison said suddenly, quieting the doctors.

"Why didn't you just say so" Violet asked, a little irritated. "You know that's what we wanted to know. Are you embarrassed? There's nothing wrong with having a friend with benefits".

"Because I decided I wouldn't tell anyone unless I was directly asked. I knew you guys wouldn't get it. You'd think I was lying about the nature of our relationship or as you just said, think we were friends with benefits. Jordan is more than that; we're not toys that use each other when it's convenient. Just because we're not in love doesn't mean we don't love each other. You just wouldn't understand" Naomi explained, blowing out a breath.

"Then help me understand" Violet said, sitting back into the couch to get comfortable. She had a feeling this was going to be a long complicated answer; that somehow the bulk of Naomi's problems directly played into her relationship with Jordan.

The silent pause lasted so long, the doctors in the conference room began to fidget. The fact that Naomi was taking so long to respond did not bode well. "Are you sure the phone is still connected" Charlotte asked.

Pete looked down at his phone. "Yep. It's still on" he answered, his face frowning in worry. The moments slowly ticked by as they waited for Naomi to speak.

"Naomi" Violet said softly.

Twiddling her thumbs, Naomi looked up at the ceiling. She could do this; it would make her stronger, it would help her heal. Dropping her gaze, she looked her close friend in the eye. "As you know, these last few years have been...extremely hard for me, for all of us..."

"You don't have to acknowledge my problems or anyone else's problems right now" Violet interrupted. "This is about you. You've helped all of us through our problems; let me do the same for you. Okay"?

Naomi nodded; she took a deep breath and began again. "You've met my parents, right" she asked.

"Once, about six years ago; right before your father died" Violet answered, not sure where she was going.

"What did you think about them"?

Going with the flow, Violet indulged Naomi with an answer. "I thought your father was extremely nice, attentive, and caring. He reminded me of you. Your mother...she was polite. She was perfectly nice but she seemed a little detached, emotionally distant; not as warm as Cooper's mom but not as cold as Addison's mother".

The doctors stifled a laugh, avoiding looking at how Addison reacted. Sam rubbed her back to keep her calm.

"That's an accurate description. My dad was the most wonderful father in the world. Whenever I had a bad day, he would console me. He took time out of his busy schedule just to spend time with me and my brother. Even after I left home, he was always checking up on me. We talked at least once a week. My mother, on the other hand, I know she loved me but sometimes it got lost in translation. She was so invested in my future, I felt invisible to her in the present. She was determined for me to succeed in life, professionally and personally. All she would talk about was what I failed to do instead of what I had already accomplished; about how my current decisions would affect my future. So in order to please her, I became a perfectionist. But no matter how well I did, she could only see what I needed to do next". Naomi paused; her mother always provoked mix feelings.

Violet was completely lost but she remained silent. Naomi would eventually get to the point.

I resented my mother, I still do, because she never took the time to tell me she loved me or was proud of me like my dad did. But in many ways, she rubbed off on me. I worked my butt off in college and medical school, graduated near the top of my class, became one of the most sought after fertility specialist in the country. Even in my personal life, I succeeded. I married Sam, had a beautiful baby girl. I did everything I was supposed to do, and I did it the right way and in the right order. I was living the perfect life, the dream. And then one morning I woke up and my world completely disintegrated. My husband told me he didn't love me anymore, that our marriage was stifling him, and that he wanted a divorce". Naomi coughed, tried to keep her emotions at bay by choking them down. A lone tear still escaped her right tear duct.

Sam's heart stopped. He didn't know exactly where Naomi was going with her monologue, but he had a feeling his involvement in her story was just the beginning. He felt eyes staring at him, trying to gauge his reaction, but he kept his focus on the cellphone in the middle of the table.

Violet started to stand, to reach over and comfort Naomi but she was stopped. "I'm fine, really. It still hurts when I think about it, but I've moved on. I'm not dwelling on the past. I'm sharing all of this with you to explain my next point. With all the pushing my mother did, she never prepared me for what to do when things went wrong. She didn't explain to me that no matter how hard you worked, things could still fall apart. So when the bottom fell out, I had absolutely no coping skills. My father had passed away; I didn't have his strength and comfort to lean on. So I tried to teach myself; I went with the old-fashioned 'fake it till you make it' method. And every time I thought it was working, that I could get through my current dilemma, another bomb would explode. I hired Addison only for her and Sam to take over the practice behind my back. And while I acknowledge the part I played, I wish they would have come to me instead of pushing me out. I would have still been angry, but I wouldn't have felt betrayed. I was sleeping with Sam at the time for crying out loud. Could you imagine being in you ex-husband's bed one night, a man who doesn't want to be married to you or even make a commitment but doesn't mind fucking you, only to wake up the next day to find he's stolen your job? But despite everything, you still love him and you feel so lonely and lost, you keep sleeping with him"?

"Oh man" Pete said. "I have a feeling this about to get very dark". He looked over at Sam who was loosening his tie. He had no defense for what Naomi was saying and he knew it. The pain and regret was written all over his face.

Sam felt Addison place her hand on his. He badly wanted to snatch his hand back, but he let her try to comfort him. Addison didn't know that nothing at this point was going to soothe him. Plus, she needed comfort too. Taking over the practice had nearly ruined her friendship with Naomi back then. It had taken months for them to reach normalcy again. Sam squeezed Addison's hand for her benefit.

"I remember. That's why I told you to stop sleeping with him; which you did...until you started up again" Violet recalled.

"I know. He was like a bad drug habit I couldn't shake. And then when I finally did shake him, another bomb dropped in the form of Addison's brother. I finally moved on with the worst possible person. And the worst part is that I knew better. Not only did Addison repeatedly warn me, but I knew from firsthand experience; I watched Archer screw everything in sight when we were in med school together. But instead of thinking with my head, I used my vagina and it bit me in the ass. In retrospect, it wasn't love, it was lust; but it still hurt when he left. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Two men in two years wanted nothing to do with me".

"How could someone as beautiful and kindhearted as Naomi ever think she wasn't good enough" Sheldon exclaimed. "Any man would be lucky to have her".

"Tell that to the men who left her" Charlotte said, looking at Sam. "Any woman's confidence is bound to be shaken when men keep pulling disappearing acts on her.

"So you decided to date for fun because you didn't believe there was anyone out there that would stick" Violet guessed. She remembered the days when Naomi and Pete seemed to be bar hopping every night. Naomi was trying to date away her pain and Pete was busy trying to forget her and the drama she'd put him through. At the time, they weren't sure if Lucas was his son.

"Exactly. And then the next bomb dropped. I was so wrapped up in my own woes; I wasn't paying close enough attention to my daughter".

"Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened to Maya. You're a great mom Naomi; kids are stubborn, sometimes they have to learn the hard way" Violet said.

"I know. But I can't help but think that I didn't do enough. In some ways I've become my mom; I don't think Maya felt comfortable enough to approach me. And I proved her right. I tried to force her to have an abortion which goes completely against my moral beliefs. I didn't support her marriage. And when I didn't get my way, I more or less ignored her for the majority of her pregnancy. I thank God every day that you guys were there for her and I'll never forgive myself for neglecting my own child when she needed me most. Coping skills or not, it should be a mother's natural instinct to be there for her child.

"Naomi..." Violet began.

"God didn't forgive me either, that's how it felt at the time" Naomi interrupted, changing the subject yet again. "Looking back, I think I fell for Fife from the first moment I saw him. He was mean, arrogant, annoying but everything he did affected me so personally. However, before I could come to terms with my feelings for him, William stepped right in. He was sweet, nice, and charming. He gave me my job, gave me a chance to start over. I was very fond of him but I think I started dating him because I felt indebted to him. I fought so hard to be happy with him and not complain; William was the perfect man...on paper. Fife was just...right. And he was like a dog with a bone when he decided to pursue me. I loved the chase almost as much as I loved him; so when the very first opportunity arose, I fell right into bed with him. Again, I went against my own beliefs and became something I detested, a cheater. As much as I loved Fife, I couldn't live with the guilt and learning that William was sick made me feel guiltier. It was a no brainer to fly to Switzerland to be with him during his treatment; it was my way of trying to make amends for my indiscretion. I was concentrating so hard on taking care of him and trying to forget Fife, nine weeks passed before I realized I was pregnant.

"She and Fife" Cooper gasped.

"No wonder he left so fast" Pete surmised.

"I knew she liked him but I never knew she acted on it" Addison said, in shock.

"Pregnant" Amelia asked. The next question hung in the air. What happened to the baby?

"Pregnant" Violet gasped in shock. "You never said anything".

Naomi's voice was reduced to a whisper now. "If people don't believe in karma, they should. I was so mad at Maya for making me feel like failure, for forgetting to use contraception, for having sex in the first place. Then I turned around and did the same damn thing; fell into bed like some sex crazed teenager and forgot about the consequences. And since I was so intent on Maya getting an abortion, I guessed God saw fit to make sure I suffered a miscarriage. I hemorrhaged so badly, I almost bled out. It took three days in the Swiss hospital to stabilize me. The doctors said it was stress but I strongly believed it was my punishment. I believed I should have died in that hospital. And if not then, I should have died the night Olivia was born. After my miscarriage, I tried to get my act together; Maya and I were repairing our relationship. But when she went into labor, she called Dell. She should have been able to call me; it should have been me in that car, not Dell. Because of my selfish actions, Dell died and Betsy lost her dad". Tears were flowing freely down Naomi's face.

"Oh Naomi" Addison cried. She was hurting for her best friend; she felt horrible that she wasn't in a position to comfort her when she needed it most. Being with Sam meant her privileges were forfeited.

"She wasn't kidding about bombs exploding. It seems like Naomi hasn't gotten a break in four years" Cooper said gravely. He looked at his fiancé who was trying her best to hide the tears pouring out of leaky eyes.

Violet couldn't take it anymore; her friend was hurting more deeply than she ever knew. Standing up, she went to sit next to Naomi on the other couch. Wrapping her arms around her she said, "Don't say things like that Naomi. Some things just happen that are beyond are control. God doesn't hate you, nor is he holding a grudge. The drunk driver who hit Maya and Dell is responsible for Dell's death, not you. Do you think we'd be better off if you had died either in Switzerland or in that car accident? You're too good of a person for the world to be without you. I'm so sorry about the baby Naomi, I truly am but none of it is your fault. Things just happen".

"I know that logically, but my heart still feels guilty. I'm getting there; I'm in a much better place than I was six months ago. But talking about it brings up old feelings, makes me feel like I'm being transported to the past. I could've handled things so much better. I was a complete mess and it affected my decisions" Naomi explained, clinging to Violet.

"Can I ask...the baby...was it William or Fife's" Violet asked hesitantly.

"William and I never slept together. It was Fife's baby; he never knew. He was so angry with me for leaving, he packed his bags and left. I haven't heard from him since. Once William found out about me and Fife, he forgave me before I could finish apologizing. He apologized for pursuing me in the first place when he knew he was dying. William even encouraged me to go after Fife, but I felt the least I could do was stay. So I did and in return he left his foundation to me".

"Which is how you eventually met Jordan" Violet said, realizing Naomi's story was finally becoming full circle".

"Yeah. Right around the time I slept with Fife, I discovered Sam and Addison had feelings for each other. They promised me that nothing happened and I wanted so badly to believe them. I was upset but I had it in mind that when I came home from Switzerland, I would try to mend my relationships with them, like I did with Maya. I wanted to get my life back on track. But that was impossible, my worst nightmare came true. When I found out about Sam and Addison, that was the final nail in my coffin. I wasn't just hurt, I was broken; I felt fractured and splintered into a million pieces".

Sam and Addison felt everyone's attention turn to them. But they were too busy looking at each other; they both sensed each other's regret for hurting Naomi, but how could they truly be remorseful when they loved each other? It was a catch 22, there was no winner.

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt? We knew you were upset, but not to this extent. We didn't realize everything you were dealing with" Violet said.

"I didn't want to put you or anyone else in the middle. I didn't want you to feel like you had to pick sides, so I just kept my mouth shut. And when foundation business was presented to me, I took the opportunity and ran. I've always been interested in world healthcare, but I ran because I had no other choice. Violet, I was on the verge like never before. If I would have stayed and tried to pretend everything was normal, I would've wound up in a locked room with padded walls. Meeting Jordan and those three months away was the best thing that ever happened to me" For the first time since their conversation started, Naomi smiled. Jordan made her smile.

"Wow. Even when she's hurting, she's still considerate" Amelia commented.

"What drew you two together" Violet asked.

"I was still reeling when I landed in Africa. Tears would stream down my face without me even noticing. Jordan picked me up from the airport. At first I thought he was some random stranger trying to make a pass at me, but I was too emotionally bruised to take him seriously. Though I have to admit, the attraction to him was instantaneous. But it was strictly physical; my heart didn't flutter but a pool of heat centered between my thighs. It scared me; I knew I wasn't in a good head space to make rational decisions. I thought he would take advantage of my weakness, but Jordan did the opposite. He commented on the mutual attraction between us but he didn't push; he was a friend, he listened when I talked, told me things I needed to hear, he was my support system".

"How did you wind up sleeping with him"?

Naomi's smile turned bittersweet. "I'd just gotten an email from you about Betsy. It left me depressed and considering whether I should come home; at the same time, I knew I was too damaged to come home and I would be no good to Betsy. Jordan knocked on my door and saw my distress; he asked if I wanted to talk but I refused. So he suggested we trade horror stories. The fact that he was willing to open up to help me convinced me to talk. So through a scotch induced haze, we talked about our situations. It helped both of us to get things off our chests, but it left us sadder than ever. Jordan suggested we have sex to make us feel better. I originally told him no, that it would make things messy, ruin our friendship. He was confident sex would only strengthen our friendship, that it would be only an expression of our close bond. I don't know if his words made sense to me or I was too tipsy to care. The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of him naked" Naomi laughed. "And as they say the rest in history".

"He must be pretty good at what he does to get you to skip work for three days" Violet laughed.

"He definitely looked like a back breaker" Amelia said, winking at Charlotte. She knew Charlotte was thinking the same thing but wouldn't dare admit it in front of Cooper.

Naomi's happy mood was returning. Her face became bright and animated. "Earth shattering Violet, the sex is earth shattering. And it's purely physical. Our love for each other doesn't interfere with our sex life and vice versa. Sex with him is more like therapy".

Sam felt the knot in his stomach twist tighter; he felt like throwing up. Hearing his ex-wife talk about another man's prowess in bed infuriated him. Maybe it was his ego, but he didn't want anyone touching her, caressing her, making her cum as well or better than he did. Not only did he own the title as her first lover, he wanted to keep the title as her best lover. It was stupid, he knew. Sam shouldn't even care, but he did. And he couldn't explain why.

"Sex therapy" Violet said. "I like it".

"It's more like soul therapy. I loved Sam with every fiber of my being; when he left, he took a piece of me with him. Not only did he make me feel unlovable, he made me feel worthless. Archer only added to how I was already feeling. I ruined things with Fife all on my own; I let my guilt and mess of a life sabotage whatever could have been between us. My self-esteem was bottomed out; I convinced myself it wouldn't have lasted anyway. Then I met Jordan; he helped me realize somewhere along the way, I stopped loving myself. He helped me regain my confidence. When he looks at me with desire in his eyes, he makes me feel like a woman. When he touches me, he makes me feel worthy. When he kisses me, I feel loved. Every time I'm with him, I get a little piece of myself back that I thought was gone forever. Being around him heals my soul little by little, and the best part is that I do the same for him". Naomi closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the couch.

Would the level of hurt he had inflicted on Naomi ever end Sam wondered. He was feeling lower than low at this point.

"Wow" was all Violet could muster.

"Exactly. Jordan is like another drug to me, but this time it's a good drug". Naomi opened her eyes and looked at Violet. "I have another confession to make".

"I don't know what else you could possibly tell me". Violet's system was on overload from all the information Naomi shared with her. "What is it"?

"You know I was only supposed to be gone for three weeks right? But when my time was up, I still didn't feel strong enough to come home and face my life, I didn't want to leave Jordan. So when we got to the airport, he asked me to pick a place and suggested we go. We hopped a plane to Tahiti and stayed for two months. We did nothing but lie on the beach, talk, eat, drink and have sex for ten weeks straight. It was glorious" Naomi exclaimed.

"Wow" Pete said. "Naomi is just full of surprises. I'm starting to doubt how well I know her".

"I know what you mean" Cooper agreed.

"How did you ever decide to come home" Violet asked.

"Partly because it seemed like so many things kept happening here while I was away. Also, it was just time. I'd finally gotten enough time and space to work through all of my emotions. The next step was to come home and get back to my life, deal with my new reality. I'll never be able to fully heal until I deal with everything head on. I won't pretend and say it's been easy, but every day I feel a little stronger, a little better. And having Jordan here will only speed up that process".

"Are you sure you're not in love with Jordan"? The way Naomi's eyes lit up when she mentioned him was intriguing.

"I'm sure. I love him, I really do, with all of my heart, but we're not in love. What Jordan and I share is more like what you and Cooper have, plus sex" Naomi laughed.

Cooper shook his head at the comparison.

"It sounds more like what you and Sam had" Violet said cautiously.

Surprised, Naomi's eyes popped. She thought about it, compared the two men. "No, Jordan is very observant. He can tell when I'm upset; he gets me to open up and he's really skilled at giving me a different perspective. That's why it's easy to talk to him. With Sam, it wasn't necessary. Sam would automatically know what I was upset about, how I felt, and why I felt that way. I never had to express anything because we were always on the same page".

That was so true. Throughout their marriage, Sam and Naomi were so in sync. Not only were they spouses, they were best friends. Sam thought about how he never had to explain a thing to Naomi; with Addison, he had to explain everything. He could read Addison but she wasn't good at doing the same. Not like Naomi who he was sure could still read him when she chose to.

"Maybe you and Jordan could build up to that point" Violet suggested.

"Maybe, but I'm not sure if I want it to. I like where we are now" Naomi said. She was suddenly very tired of their conversation. Telling Violet her story had been much harder than telling Jordan. Violet knew her too well; she was there for so many of the traumatic events in her life. "I think I've sufficiently spilled my guts. I don't think I could say more even if there was more to tell. Thank you for listening, I love you". She leaned over and gave Violet a long deep hug.

The thought of them forming an even deeper connection didn't sit well with Sam. He was more than ready for Violet and Naomi's conversation to be over. He didn't think his heart could take another surprise or big revelation.

Violet hugged her back with equal fierceness. "Thank you for sharing, I love you too". She pulled away slightly to look Naomi in the eye. "Don't ever be afraid or think you have to endure your problems by yourself ever again. I'm here for you whenever you need".

"I know" Naomi said. "I know. But let's hope nothing else happens" she joked. Looking at Violet's face and touching her own, she saw and felt dried tears. Naomi continued "Why don't we freshen up and join the others in the conference room. I think it's safe to say we're more than a little late to the meeting".

"Oh my god, I completely forgot. Let's go" Violet exclaimed.