Gina laid in her bed in her room in the dorm that she and Sharon shared, staring up at the ceiling. The moonlight was shining peacefully through the window that was right above the headboard to the bed, casting a shadow of the window along the far wall and parts of top of the room. She was fully aware that she should be sleeping, and she had actually tried, but restlessness had overcome her and her tiredness from training so hard in the Training Area. Sharon, in typical fashion, found no problems in returning to her own bed and collapsing down on the sheets, almost immediately in deep sleep upon arrival. Ravi, who was very happy to be able to spend time with Gina again, was snoring cutely in a corner near the end of her bed. He didn't notice that the other occupant had awoken, and that was quite fine with Gina, since she couldn't really understand why she was awake after all of the things she went through in that day anyway.

And tomorrow, it'll all start anew. Get up, have Xu grab us breakfast, spend most of our time in Squall's office trying to find out as much as we can, have Xu meet us for lunch, wait until dark, train until we're busted and bruised, sleep, rinse and repeat. This has got to be the most boring schedule I have ever had in my entire life, even while working with the Lobby Shop. But it's necessary, I suppose. In all honesty, Gina didn't know what she hoped to gain from the information resources she had at her disposal. But it did give her something to do in between eating and training and sleeping, since above all that was going to be required due to the monsters that roamed the earth. Not to mention if they were very unlucky and while en route to wherever they decided to go ended up in the middle of a SeeD brawl. In fact, Gina decided to shut her brain down on that topic right then and there. She didn't want to think about fighting actual people, SeeDs on top of that. She got pretty lucky when it came to the Galbadian Army all those years ago, but she also had her sorceress powers on her side where if she wanted to, she didn't have to kill or seriously hurt someone to get them to otherwise comply.

The subject hadn't come up as of yet, since it had only been the first day and they were mainly concentrating on the many uses of the new weapons they had acquired, but Gina was fully aware that she had lost all of her sorceress powers. Now that she thought about it, she had probably ceased to be a sorceress when she crossed back over the portal to her own world, since things like magic and sorcery didn't exactly exist back at her home. It was a relief in some ways, since she was all too aware of the power she held within her the whole time, especially after taking over Adel's portion. It was as if there was a never ending well within her, that was both enticing yet terrifying at the same time, since she knew if she went too far within that abyss it would consume her. It took such a great force of will to simply command tiny parts of it, since while being a sorceress one couldn't separate the "small" spells from the "oh shit we're all going to freaking die" spells. It was all part of that dark magical realm that, for most, was too dark to handle. Sometimes, Gina didn't know how she handled it as well as she did, and chalked it up to her will to simply do what she had to do and get home.

Of course, that just left her now to actually get to know the weapon she chose, and learn it well, since that would be her main way of protecting herself rather than just knocking people aside with her mind. She didn't miss it though; she still remembered all of Professor Trepe's instructions on how to draw and store magic, and how to do it before she literally stumbled onto the fact that she was a sorceress. Not to mention the art of archery was something Gina had been eyeballing for the past year, but she wasn't able to do it on campus since she didn't have a car to drive herself to the classes that were situated in an area at least a 10-minute drive away. Egh. When I get done with college, the first thing I'm doing is renewing my driver's permit and finally getting that license. Not being mobile will become even a larger problem once I get home and don't want to risk my life taking the Detroit buses. Ew.

All of her musing aside, she still couldn't get back to sleep. Staring at the ceiling may entertain her best friend for hours on end (as Sharon would say, "Doesn't take much to amuse an idiot!"), but she would go nuts if she didn't find something else to do if her body wouldn't allow her to slip into the slumber she knew she needed.

Sighing, Gina sat up. This is getting me nowhere. She decided to go down the darkened hallways of Garden, hope to god she doesn't run into a patrol officer somewhere, and go to Squall's office. She thought about waking up her best friend to go with her, but she decided to let the poor girl sleep. She hadn't complained of a nap ever since the first time she mentioned it, and she couldn't function well on anything less than 10 hours of sleep a night. Putting a robe on over her very comfy pajamas, Gina slipped soundlessly out of her room, and eventually out of the dorm.

It wasn't until she got safely into Squall office (she didn't even run into a patrol officer on the way there; it seems as though Garden isn't as worried so much about the students inside the grounds as the ones that could be OUTSIDE) that she realized she really had no clue why she was there. She was restless and didn't see sleep in her near future that night, but it didn't mean she was finding herself productive enough to actually do worldly research on the FFVIII realm. Her mind brought her back to the day's events, and her semi-success in hacking into Squall's personal computer. Maybe I could try that again, only with the password Xu left me from the Headmaster. Not really thinking of anything else better to do except perhaps go back to her dorm and try to get the sleep she needed, she sat down in the seat in front of the computer and waited for it to boot up after she had pressed the power button.

Instead of putting in Squall's password when the little box on the monitor popped up, Gina keyed in the new pass code she had received from Xu. Half doubting that it would work for some reason, she blinked in mild surprise when a new menu automatically loaded in front of the normal one that all the students in Garden could access. Moving the mouse to this plainer new menu, she discovered that all the administrative pass code did was unlock the directory to the entire database. Unfortunately, one needed to know exactly what to look for in all of the sub-menus and such, because the list could very well become massive and daunting. Gina was already doubting herself and what exactly could she hope to find in Balamb Garden's archives.

Her mind drifted back to her curiosity at finding Selphie's blog.

Well, if what she wrote is true, then Squall uses his online journal, just not for public use. Her eyes scanned the main directory as her heart skipped an excited beat. Maneuvering slowly through the directories and sub-directories of Garden's files, she eventually came to one that was listed in alphabetical order, last name first, of everyone who ever joined Balamb Garden's ranks. Wow. Wondering if she could somehow find whatever this world's alternative was for the "find" command, after a couple of tries and many annoying error beeps the computer gave her in return, Gina just gave up and settled for doing it the old-fashioned way. She supposed she got lucky when it only took her 20 minutes of straight scrolling down the list of names before coming to "Leonhart, Squall".

Unfortunately, as informative as Squall's personal file was to read, it wasn't what Gina was looking for. Damnit. How am I supposed to hack a blog if I don't know where it... A light bulb went off in her brain that moment, and she minimized her current window to look at the regular one she was already semi-familiar with. Re-tracking her steps, she found herself back at Selphie's homepage. Taking mental note of the URL, Gina maximized her previous window and found the corresponding directory. Bingo.

Now, Gina wasn't so sure why she thought that the only people who would have blogs would be the orphanage gang, but her face fell at the sheer amount of journals there were. Not only that, students (and even some staff) were apparently able to make up their own usernames; just like with any of the other journaling sites Gina knew about back home. Crap, this could take AGES. What I wouldn't give for an interests search. She was actually feeling sleepy then, mostly due to her shattered enthusiasm. Ugh, I should just give up. It's wrong to do this, anyway.

She moved her cursor to the "X" of the window, yet paused indecisively. Gina waited a few moments before sucking in her breath, exasperated at herself and her curiosity. She started combing through the large list, clicking on anything that might represent Squall's elusive journal. Her first obvious choice was "griever", but her luck failed her this time; it was just the blog of a random cadet who was obsessed with someday finding and attaining the legendary GF. Journal after journal, Gina felt her eyes droop and burn with the strain, but she started using an old trick of hers to keep going, one that she always used when she was too stubborn to go to sleep until she finished doing what she had to do on the computer. Using her free hand to cover one eye, she rested one while allowing the other to continue relentlessly scanning the files. However, if I keep doing this, I'll soon make myself nauseous.

After awhile, she really had to take a break. She estimated that she had only been at it for an hour, but with the lack of sleep weighing on her, it was getting harder to remain fully conscious. Rubbing her eyes and yawning a bit, she waited for her vision to clear up before going back to the hunt. Blinking at where she had left off in the directory, she focused in on a username, "_leon".

It'd be funny... Just for the hell of it, she clicked on the name and came to the sub-directory that listed all of the entries starting with the first one ever made in that particular journal. She clicked on the first link and started to hazily scan the contents.

Selphie wants to kill me, I know she does. I don't think having a private journal is what she had in mind when I agreed to use the space set up for me. But I didn't lie; I AM using it. I just think it's stupid to broadcast your journal to everyone, as it kind of cheapens the meaning a bit.

In an instant, Gina's previous fatigue had melted away into non-existence with the adrenaline rush she felt at hitting the jackpot. Wow. "Leon", huh? Seems like Kingdom Hearts was onto more than they thought. She scooted the desk chair closer.

I think having this journal will help me not to keep things buried in so deep. If I can get them out of my head and into something I can look at, then maybe I'd be able to voice what I mean a lot better than I currently do. I have no idea what I'd put in here though... Zell's is full of a bunch of one-liners and random things, Quistis alternates between using hers as a live lesson plan and an excuse to call out the students that she knows hangs onto her every word to turn in their homework on time, and Selphie just seems to put her entire life story out in the open. But, whatever.

I wonder if Gina and Sharon have these online diary things. It'd be interesting to see what they put in them.

Gina smiled. She barely updated her LJ as it was, even though she supposed she'd should be better about it, but her best friend had the time of her life bitching about something that pissed her off, random AIM conversations between her friends she thought were memorable, and anything else under the sun she felt she should update with. Looking at the timestamp of that entry and the next, it seemed as though even though Squall made his journal private he had long periods of time in which he didn't update. But I guess that's understandable; he IS commander.

Rinoa showed up today, just to say hi. The success at getting Timber their independence is still going without hitches. She thanks me profusely, although I don't see why. Part of the reason it succeeded was due to the fact that the Galbadian Army has no real credible standing with the public anymore. Although I guess having one of the people who saved the world personally come to your aid to liberate the town helped, too. But I don't see that as me doing anything; that's just fame doing what it does best.

Sometimes I wish for those days where I actually had to prove myself to get anywhere in life. Zell would look at me cross-eyed and give me an earful if he knew I was thinking that; he looks at all of this as "our big break". But I think he's just finally glad he can get free hot dogs in the cafeteria.

I know Rinoa likes me; I think that has been obvious since she dragged me out on the dance floor all those years ago at the ball. I just don't know what to do about it. I don't really understand what she sees in me, but I guess opposites attract, or something. Ordinarily, I'd blow her off, but... I've made one mistake too many in the past where that is concerned. I'd like to think I've come farther than that.

Well, today has been interesting. Laguna invited us all down to Esthar so he could take advantage of the semi-break that he has. I have to admit, for an idiot he does a pretty good job at handling being the president of the largest city in the world, especially in these days when the city of Esthar has been the "it" thing as of late.

Maybe I should be nicer. He IS my father, after all.

Sometimes, I don't know what I think about that. I grew up thinking that both of my parents were dead, with Ellone and Matron being the only real family I had. But after all of the "dream world" phase-outs I had during that whole adventure long ago, I guess my subconscious brain connected events before I actually realized it myself. Or maybe I was just too busy shoving it aside. Either way, right before I disappeared into time compression, I knew. When we visited, I asked Sis if there was a time I could get Laguna by himself so we could talk. I think she knew what I was getting at even if I didn't say it, because her eyes gave it away. But she did make sure that she distracted everyone else in the group for an outing at one of their newest mega-malls while I sat down with Laguna.

We talked about a lot. Mostly about my mother. I wouldn't have known that such a happy-go-lucky person as Laguna himself would hold that much regret over not being able to be there when I was born, and also as a result, when she died. I asked him why I wasn't named after him, then, since Raine obviously inherited his surname. He told me it was because the people of Winhill at the time were so distrustful of Galbadian soldiers in general, and also because they didn't understand the haste in which he left, that they gave me my last name in hopes that I'd never find out what a horrible man my father was to leave his wife during the time that she needed him most. He said that it took him such a long time to get over the self-hate he inflicted upon himself once he found out, and if it wasn't for Ward and Kiros by his side he wasn't sure if he'd ever get over it. Laguna was convinced that I was better off without him, and he threw himself even more into the reconstruction and growth of Esthar so he wouldn't feel like he failed at everything he tried to do in his life. In fact, if I hadn't taken the initiative to talk to him today, then he wasn't sure when he would get around to telling me.

... I'm glad we talked. He says he understands if I'll never be able to call him "father", as he's well aware that he lost the privilege so long ago, but he still wants the opportunity to be in my life. I agreed.

Who knows? Perhaps some day...

He also asked what was up with the disappearance of Sharon and Gina. He wanted to know where we were hiding them. I don't think I could have told him anything but the truth at that point, which did feel weird to say. I never laid all of that out before to anyone, not even to Ellone. He was... shocked, to say the least, but he was glad that I told him what was going on. There's only so much you can believe from the media. Then he asked me point blank about Gina. I was so shocked, I don't think I came up with much of a reply, but he let it pass for now at least.

... I don't know about Gina. I don't think I know about much, anymore.

I've spent enough time writing in this thing. I've got to get back to work.

Gina just sat there in front of the screen, trying not to feel as shafted as she did feel right at that moment. She had always known where she stood when it came to Squall. Even though she couldn't exactly open up her own online journal and talk about the loneliness that she felt for much of those 4 years for a person that wasn't even supposed to exist in the first place, it was still there. She knew it was hopeless, but she also knew she couldn't deny it... so she had just tried her best to live with it until the day came where someone else would waltz into her life and take her mind off of a relationship that would never truly be. Stepping back and looking at it, she should feel lucky enough that she got as far as she did.

Taking a breath to calm down, she switched to the part of her brain that almost always knew best; the rational part. Gina knew that Squall had more issues than her about separation anxiety and attachment, so she shouldn't hold it against him. Not only that, but things were looking as close to "canon" as they should be for him; Rinoa was back in his life, at least. She should wish them both well.

Should.

Regina Stewart. Stop being so growly and selfish over a man you haven't seen in four years. It's only your fault that you hadn't been able to let go like you should. Even Sharii-chan was able to get over Irvine even after she finally admitted to herself that she liked him, so it's very much overdue that you do the same.

Even if Sharii-chan had the opportunity of multiple study abroad trips and a boyfriend back home, to boot.

Gina literally slapped herself at this point. She didn't think this was like her, at all. She had gone through some changes over the years, mostly dealing with being more open with her emotions instead of stuffing them down and ignoring them, but she really thought she was getting irrationally ridiculous. Well... I AM running off of little to no sleep, so that could definitely be a reason for all of this. I should go to bed.

Instead, Gina clicked on one more entry.

Rinoa and I went out to lunch today. If it wasn't for her, I think I'd still be here at my desk working on all of the things that need to be done to keep Balamb Garden moving smoothly. As it was, I refused as best as I could, but even I should know by now you can't fight the Timber Princess.

Irvine asked me if we were an item. If it wasn't because it's him, I think I would have glared and walked off without a word. But I answered him honestly; I don't know what we are. I know it would make Rinoa happy if I made it "official", but it's not like I know what to do when it comes to dating anyone, anyway.

I can't say that I'm doing this just to make her happy. I do like Rinoa. She's a sweet, attractive young lady that has certainly done some growing up over the years to smooth out the edges of her personality that used to grate on me so much. But I suppose it's also because I've done some growing, too. Through her, I can see what it means to be open and trusting. That I don't need to hide behind a mask all of the time.

In that way, she reminds me of Gina. She was also able to show me those things, albeit in a different way. I just hope I'm not attaching myself to Rinoa because of that. I want to give her a fair chance.

Speaking of chances... I did open up to her before about Quistis. I try not to do it anymore, since that's the only time I see parts of the "old" Rinoa come back up again. I guess in every girl there's a jealous streak, and I suppose she is well justified in it. I'm supposed to be concentrating on the relationship in front of me, not dwindling in the past of what could have been. She's also said that the only reason my mind goes back to Quistis is because I pity her. And... I can't dispute that, either. But I also can't just write her off that way, either.

Maybe it's because ever since that day in Lunatic Pandora when Seifer said his piece, I haven't been truly able to look at Quistis the same. All of a sudden, all the things that were probably so obvious to Seifer all along are now obvious to me, even her attempts at normalcy to cover up how she still feels about me.

But we still haven't talked about it. Neither of us knows how to broach that subject.

"G-fuu?"

Yelping loudly, Gina nearly flipped backwards out of the chair she was sitting in. As it was, she almost toppled herself on the floor.

"Whoa, dude, sorry about that!" Sharon reached out to clasp Gina's arm. "Don't shit yourself! I should have announced myself as soon as I came in, but I didn't think you were that heavy into whatever you were reading to just not hear the door open! And you should really lock the office door so that nobody just wanders in like I did. Of course, no one else is crazy enough to be in Squall's office, but you never know."

Willing her heart to find its rightful place back in her ribcage, Gina swallowed. "Sorry, Sharii-chan. What are you doing in here so early?"

The purple and pink haired girl raised an eyebrow. "I think it's me that should be asking you that question. I wake up to go take a piss, and I notice that your bedroom door is open and you're not in it. Of course, I don't really fully comprehend these things until fifteen minutes after the fact, but when I did, I started freaking out until I figured the only place that you would go is here. But insomnia is bad, believe me."

"What time is it?"
Sharon walked over to the small bedroom in the office and opened the door to point at the slowly brightening sky. "I have no idea how long you've been in here, but we have about an hour before Xu delivers our breakfast."

Oh... shit. I've basically been up all night? "Wow. I should, um... take a shower and get dressed." Hastily closing all of her windows and shutting down the computer, she rearranged her robe around herself tighter as she stood up and gave a big yawn.

"Find anything interesting?"

Gina gave her best friend a sideways glance. "Oh, yes I did. I'll tell you later."