Chapter 8: The Revealed and Concealed
This pronouncement was met with a disbelieving silence.
Fred, in a strangled voice, said, "You want the library?"
George looked affronted. "First Harry has a bookshelf, then Ron asks about homework, and now a marauder wants the library. What next, Ginny runs for Minister of Magic?"
"How ever did you guess?" said Ginny drily. Harry bit his lip in an effort to keep in his laughter at the dirty look the twins threw her way.
Lily smiled at them, before an ominous thump was heard from upstairs. "What was that?"
Sirius smacked his forehead. "I completely forgot! Buckbeak hasn't been fed yet. I'd best go do that."
"You have a hippogriff in Grimmauld Place?" asked James.
Sirius grinned roguishly. "In mother dearest's bedroom."
Remus thought that he was recovering from the afternoon's revelations quite nicely, all things considered. He himself was reeling from the information overload, and he thought that Sirius just needed to get away from everyone to sort it all out; Buckbeak was a godsend.
"Well, let's go James." said Remus. For the ten years he'd known James and Sirius, whenever they said they needed 'a library', they usually meant 'Remus, find the books I need and skim them for me.'
It was nice to know that some things never changed.
He remembered that back then it had irritated him because he thought they were using him and he'd resigned himself to it, but now it just made him giddy and so happy because James was back and Lily was back and the world was finally going right again and it hadn't been right since 1981 and now it was because JamesLilyHome—
Remus didn't know whether to giggle insanely or cry like Sirius had done, but either way it would be frowned upon, so he did neither.
James made to get up, before asking a retreating Sirius, "When's the next Order meeting?"
Simultaneously, both Mrs Weasley and Sirius answered, "Four days from now."
They both eyed each other, and the awkwardness was overwhelming; Remus didn't know how James withstood it without blinking, but Lily looked as uncomfortable as he felt. They really wouldn't get along, he thought to himself. He had hoped briefly that the Potter's return would alleviate some of Sirius' cabin fever and make the Weasley matriarch and Sirius more amicable, but he realised now that it was just wishful thinking.
But speaking of the Order reminded Remus of his task. He said, "You'd best hurry up James. I ought to have left this morning for Wales."
At James' questioning look, he answered, quite forgetting that they had an audience. "Werewolf pack there seems neutral, but we're not too sure."
And instead of stopping there and letting people make of it what they will, he elaborated, knowing that his view on the matter was something that James (unlike Dumbledore) wouldn't simply brush aside. "Though I don't know how much I'm going to be able to do. The first war did a number on their family, and after the new Werewolf legislature, they're hardly sympathetic to our cause."
"Should you really be discussing these things when there are children present?" said Mrs. Weasley pointedly. Sirius looked about ready to light her head on fire with his glare, and Harry was hard-pressed to think of a reason to stop him; finally, for the first time that summer, he was getting information, and he did not need Mrs. Weasley's mollycoddling, no matter how well-meaning.
James seemed not to have heard; Remus fondly and exasperatedly remembered James' selective hearing; it was the main reason he'd reached a record of 942 times for asking the same person out and being rejected. Lily used to say that he was deaf and Remus used to want to laugh because she didn't even know and it was true…
"What we need to do is incentivise being on our side…what can we provide them with that the King of Broccoli can't?" said James thoughtfully.
Lily seemed to have hit a brainwave, and Hermione was struck with how similar Lily and Harry looked when they'd happened upon a completely unprecedented idea that might actually work. Lily turned to Harry. "You mentioned a potion that allowed a werewolf to keep their minds after the transformation. Maybe we could provide them with that?"
"Won't work if they have a potioneer as well." said James consideringly.
Sirius had a feral grin on his face. "They don't; not anyone really good anyway, not enough for the Wolfsbane potion."
Remus had adopted a thoughtful look as well. "It could work; it's insanely expensive—"
"I've got it covered." said James.
"—and extremely challenging and time-consuming to brew—"
"Might as well put my potion-making abilities to good use." shrugged Lily with a smile.
"—but." he said.
"But what Moony?"
"I don't know whether all of them even want Wolfsbane. Some of them don't trust it, and you know how they feel about wizards in general."
"But most of them do want it right? Then that should be good enough of a start; they're getting something close to a treatment for free. If that isn't incentive, I don't know what is. Plus, they can't just take it once and then turn their backs on us—it's a monthly thing. No, I think it's a sound idea, and we should go ahead with it." said Sirius.
"Are you quite finished?"
Mrs. Weasley looked livid, while the children were pretending not to show that they'd been listening avidly.
Before Sirius could open his mouth (and Remus was sure he was going to tell her to shove it) James beat him to it. "This is hardly something that they couldn't have guessed on their own Molly; Remus is a werewolf, the werewolves generally side with the darker side, we're trying to get them on ours. I hardly think it's a need-to-know thing, honestly."
Mrs. Weasley was furious. Couldn't they see, she thought, that it was giving them dangerous ideas? Couldn't they see that if they got this information, it made them a liability—that they could be tortured if it seemed they had even an inkling as to what the Order was up to?
They could call her controlling and smothering all they wanted; her babies were not going to be tortured because of idiots trying to make them think they could even remotely handle this and they couldn't oh stars Gideon and Fabian's smiling corpses and they were so proud Molly to do the right thing and they had no teeth and their fingernails had been plucked out and oh Morgan they were dead and her babies couldn't not again He was back and Ginny still had nightmares and Ron was there every bleeding time and Harry always Harry why Harry why couldn't they just leave him out of this…
"Well," she said in a false cheery voice. "we still have a lot of cleaning to do and…"
Lily seemed to have not noticed that she was stepping into a quagmire, just like Hermione forgot to read the mood when she'd found something particularly interesting in a book and was dying to let someone know. "Do you have a list of the ingredients and the procedure? We could get started right now."
Remus shook his head. "Severus might have it though; we'll ask him in the next Order meeting." he said carefully, wary of Mrs. Weasley's reddening face.
James suddenly exploded, making everyone in the room jump. "SEVERUS SNAPE? IN THE ORDER? WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME—"
It was Sirius' turn to placate his best friend. "I know James; that's how I felt too, but he's on our side now, and he's invaluable, really James, don't look at me like that, it's true. He's been spying on Voldemort for us and feeding him false information ever since he returned."
"I DON'T CARE! HE'S A LYING, HYPOCRITICAL MONSTER!" seethed James.
Harry didn't know what possessed him, but he tentatively said, "He's not that bad, dad, really."
James face had twisted with hate and it made him look ugly; Hermione was so afraid of that hatred, and she wanted it to go away so badly. A teacup on a side-table behind Kreacher's head shattered spontaneously, and James made a concentrated effort to reign in his magic.
"You tell him that! Tell him you don't think he's that bad," he hissed at Harry. "and I hope he dies of the guilt!"
Lily looked so small when she said, "Please, stop it James. Let it go."
He turned to face her, and Remus knew it was going to cut her deeply, before James said a thing. "I would forgive Voldemort for destroying the wizarding world before I get over SEVERUS SNAPE."
She shuddered, and James bit back what he was going to say next. He got up and promptly left, still seething at the thought of Snape.
In the quiet that followed, only Sirius was brave enough to speak. "That could have gone worse."
Harry, having never seen anyone blow up that badly (not even Uncle Vernon was that scary at his most drunk and derogatory), asked Sirius with a shaking voice, "That could have been worse?"
Lily spoke softly, "It's always like that when it comes to Severus."
Pulling herself together, she faced Remus and said, "Right, you get the notes on the Wolfsbane potion from Severus and I'll brew it, then that's the werewolves sorted for now. How are we on the Giant front?"
"I think that's enough Order secrets being bandied about in front of non-Order members thank you!" Mrs. Weasley said in a strained voice.
Lily looked contrite. "Sorry about that; I got carried away."
Ron and Harry looked put out, while the twins looked angry and Hermione looked resigned. Ginny said defiantly, "I don't see why we shouldn't know; it's not like we can't be trusted with secrets."
Harry admired her gall, because if Mrs. Weasley had been looking at him like that, he would have turned into a puddle.
Lily grimaced understandingly. Remus, on the other hand, had decided that James had stewed long enough and Sirius wasn't likely to help him cool down (in fact, Sirius would just add fuel to the Severus hatefest) so he went to go look for him. "I'll see you lot in a bit; His Majesty requires my unwanted but necessary attention."
Lily said to Ginny (and the other children in general), "It's not so much that we don't trust you to be able to keep a secret; we just don't want you to be tortured for the information, or worse."
"What do you mean by worse?" asked Hermione.
Sirius explained when Lily seemed unable to. "Well, they could just take the information off you without you ever knowing – you don't know how to guard you mind. Legilimency breaks people, alters their personalities, or changes the way they see the world permanently, or gives them brain damage, if done by someone inexperienced."
"Legilimency?" asked Harry.
"The art of reading someone's mind." elaborated Lily. "Voldemort's particularly gifted with that branch of magic."
Harry was conflicted; on the one hand, he now understood better why they couldn't be told sensitive Order information, but on the other hand, he still believed that he had more of a right to know than anybody else in the room.
"There's got to be a way to prevent someone from reading our minds, surely!" cried Hermione, shuddering at the thought that someone could not only probe into her inner most thoughts, but also destroy her from the inside, turning her own mind against her.
Lily and Sirius exchanged a look, wondering whether they should tell them about the countermeasure, but they needn't have worried—Ginny did it for them.
"Well, there is a way, but it's really complex and frowned upon because of its association with Dark wizards." mused Ginny. When her brothers, Harry and Hermione looked at her as though she'd grown a second head, she elaborated defensively.
"Occlumency—it's basically a shield around your thoughts and it helps dull really strong emotions. I had so many nightmares after first year that—well, the healers recommended it and I've been practising, but I'm not getting anywhere with it." she said frustratedly. She really hadn't gotten anywhere, but at least the nightmares were becoming less frequent.
"It's really difficult to master. Many in the Order can only manage a basic level, and it isn't very good either. It requires a great deal of will power and magical skill that very few wizards possess. Don't be too discouraged if it isn't working for you." said Sirius encouragingly.
"So it's like a meditation technique..." muttered Hermione thoughtfully.
"But, if Order members can't really manage Occlumency, how does that make us any different?" asked Ron hotly.
"Because using Occlumency, even at the most basic level, is still better than being completely unprotected." said Lily.
Sirius continued. "Not to mention that on Hogsmeade trips, you're far more vulnerable than any Order member. And with the Ministry not acknowledging Voldemort's return, any of your classmates' Death Eater parents can just waltz into the castle and—well, they can't do anything physically, but if you were to develop a headache as they passed by you, and suddenly you started to hate the sight of treacle tarts, well. Teenagers change their preferences all the time, don't they?" Sirius gave a wry smile at the end, before blinking at yet another dull thump.
"I'd best go feed Buckbeak—hopefully he won't chew my fingers off for neglecting him this long."
He walked out the door, leaving a thoughtful audience of three fifteen year olds, a fourteen year old and two seventeen year olds.
Mrs. Weasley hoped that this lecture would get the children to give up on their persistent enquiries about things that simply weren't any of their business, but she was being far too optimistic—the cogs in their brains were turning, and all of them were looking for ways around the limitations that had been revealed to them.
"So…let's continue with the cleaning, yeah?" asked Lily, keen to bring a sense of relative normalcy back to the room.
Slowly, almost sluggishly, the children all began to collect the plastic bags filled with the rejected items and put them away. Sighing, Lily turned her thoughts to her husband and his werewolf friend, and the likely shouting that would be going on wherever they had ended up running off to.
When they had first arrived at Grimmauld Place yesterday, she had seen Severus in the crowd of Order members, but had chosen to focus on her son instead of the broken friendship that she only revisited in the deepest of nights in the darkest recesses of her heart.
He had grown up, she mused sadly, but the dour expression on his face had shown her that at his core, he was still the same Severus who had first told her about magic, the same Severus who had been her only friend in the first few months of Hogwarts, the same Severus who understood her when nobody else did, the same Severus who made her feel like she belonged, the same Severus who had made himself her anchor when the whole world was going mad.
Shaking herself out of her memories, Lily moved to help Ginny stuff the pile of old relics in yet another plastic bag.
He was the same Severus, the same one that had called her a Mudblood, the same Severus that had cast a Sectumsempra on James after they'd come back from their first date at Hogsmeade in seventh year*, the same Severus that had nearly killed her baby when he was still in her womb with a misfired spell, the same Severus that had called her Harry a devil's spawn that wouldn't amount to anything worthwhile, the same Severus who forgot their friendship when it suited him and reminded her of it when it pleased him.
No, she thought firmly, there were good things about Severus, but there were far too many bad things in their history for her to ever see him the same way she had before.
In a way, James' anger was justified, but at the same time, just like the way he could never truly hate Peter, she could never truly hate Severus.
What strange ways human hearts seem to work in…
*Sectumsempra was created by Snape, who had written that it was 'for enemies'. James was Snape's worst enemy (he featured in Snape's 'worst memory' heavily after all), so who else could he have used it on? And the circumstances under which it was done...the love of his life had gone on a date with the man he hated most in the world when she'd told him time and again that he was a bullying toerag that she would never associate with. Betrayal, anger, hurt, regret...it is possible for him to have done it, same as the misfired spell that could have nearly killed prenatal!Harry, considering he was a Death Eater and all that Lily and James did was fight for the Order. (Pottermore has informed me that they truly were unemployed, living off of James' family fortune.)
Sorry for the long wait! I was in Berlin on a school trip and time seemed to run away from me...
