June 1993
"How was that?" Kurt asked with a cringe on his face.
"Kurt, it sounded great. I promise," Blaine said. He was holding a script attacked with pencil marks and neon purple high lighter in one hand and a paper towel role in the other.
"You sure?" Kurt asked, holding his own paper towel role. "The balance was okay?"
"Yes." Blaine couldn't hold back a chuckle and an eye role as he spoke. They'd been caught in this cyclic conversation for the past week and he doubted it would end any time before opening night. He wouldn't be surprised if it lasted through until closing. He had to admit though, he kind of liked it. Especially these days, it was rare for Kurt to be the flustered one turning to him for reassurance. Even though Kurt told him over and over that he wanted to be here, Blaine still questioned it every time their quiet evenings were interrupted by his stomach turning into a geyser. Sometimes he felt like old faithful but in a way more literal than anyone would want. Pan rehearsal though, changed all that. He finally believed that Kurt could want this and want him because every night he asked for help instead of doing it on his own or with someone else and Kurt had plenty of friends within the theatre community. But it was Blaine he went to and initially, Blaine thought he might be taking pity on him but then he asked for opinions and tried out his suggestions with an effort that could only mean he valued his thoughts. It made him feel needed in this relationship and that was an amazing feeling that made his heart thump in the way it had all those years ago when they first met. "No, it was great. Your concern for Tink totally showed and-"
"It wasn't too melodramatic?"
"No. And then when you flipped back into the moment there was definitely more severity in your voice. It was perfect."
"Yeah?"
"Mhmmm." Blaine nodded, a sense of pride filling him at the brilliance of the boy he got to call his.
"Okay. It's just Peter doesn't actually have many lines so I need to nail the ones I do."
"I know," Blaine humored. "Want to go again?"
"Really? You're not too tired? I don't want to keep you from sleeping."
"No," Blaine shook his head. "Not tired at all." Jumping around the living room that had been rearranged to resemble the pirate ship set in the evenings with fake swords actually drained less of his energy than pouring over depositions did. He didn't understand the science behind it but he wasn't too concerned. He had more important things on his mind, like playing every part other than Peter.
Kurt beamed at his answer and quickly ran over to his starting position for the scene on Captain Hook's ship. "Okay, okay, so just watch for the balance."
"Yes, Peter."
"I should get some of that." Quinn leant over his shoulder while he dunked his peppermint tea bag in and out of his mug. His stomach was not being kind today. He'd thrown up after breakfast but the nausea still lingered. He was still skeptical about the whole tea thing but sometimes nausea seemed like a mind over matter thing and so why not pop – or brew up – a few placebos along with the rest of his drug cocktail. "I'm getting sick of the coffee," she said pouring herself a mug of the black liquid from the communal office pot that was starting to rust like the one his parents had.
"Kurt wouldn't be caught dead drinking that."
"No?"
"Oh no. First thing he did when he moved back in was go out and buy some acceptable coffee."
"So he moved in, did he?"
"Oh, I guess. He still has his place but yeah, he stays at mine seven days a week," he said picking up his mug and taking a sip. The hot liquid sliding down his throat always felt good. He watched Quinn take a sip of her own and wrinkle up her nose. "You want a bag?" he offered, shaking his box of tea.
"No, no," she waved him off and swiped a few stray hairs from her high pony tail out of her face. "I need the caffeine. So, uh, you going to make it official then? Sell his place?"
"Uh, no. Probably not," he said shuffling his feet. Kurt needed to keep his place because he wasn't sure how the courts would handle his will and he didn't want him suddenly out on the street in the midst of all the other chaos that came with death. They had never talked about it but Kurt had never made any hints so Blaine suspected he knew. "It's complicated," he added after receiving a judgmental look from Quinn.
"Okay," she said raising her hands in surrender.
A wave of nausea hit him. He had learned that about nausea over the past five months. It came in waves and the peaks would grow sequentially in intensity and then die down again. He thought he was on the downward turn but it was hard to tell. He clenched up his free hand and shut his eyes and focused on breathing. In through his nose and out through his mouth.
"None of my business. How's your cross exam coming?"
"Fine." Really, it was barely coming at all. He'd been fighting off nausea all morning that it had been too hard to focus.
"That's good. Hey, are you okay? Are you going to pass out again?"
"No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine," he said turning to look at her.
"You sure? You've been scaring me lately."
"It's nothing. Hey, I was going to ask you something. Kurt's playing Peter in the arts festival Peter Pan production. We have an extra ticket. Wanna come?" Even as he said it, Blaine wasn't convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that this was a good idea but he need a distraction.
Blaine couldn't help his nerves. His knee was bouncing again and Quinn had to reach out a hand and still it on several occasions. The fact that she was there was part of the problem. He was worried she wouldn't like the production and would begin to question his choice in boyfriend and he was worried Kurt's friends would drill into her the way thy drilled into him. Mostly though, he was nervous for Kurt. He had sat with him backstage while he was getting ready and Blaine had notice he'd been very quiet. Since they had gotten back together, their relationship had been mostly about him but now it was finally Kurt's time to shine and wanted to the audience to be blinded by his brilliance. And he had no doubt that Kurt was beyond capable, he was just worried that nerves would get in his way. Blaine had walked out of the dressing room and to his seat between Quinn and Sam with less confidence than he had walked in with. His loss of confidence though must have been found by Kurt though because the moment the lights went up on the dark stage, illuminating Kurt, arms crossed and a pout on his face, he was Peter. Blaine stopped fidgeting in his seat, playing with his playbook and then his shirt and then back to his playbook. He stopped glancing nervously beside him at Quinn far too frequently for it to go unnoticed. Everything was just Kurt. He didn't see the set and all its ferry light lit foliage, nor did he see the rest of the audience. Kurt completely drew his focus.
All he saw were the green spandex tights that outlined every muscle in his legs and the dress like, long green tunic that swished just so every time he moved his hips. His hat pushed his bangs down across his forehead but somehow it didn't make him look as young as it usually did when they'd been wetted down by the shower. Somehow, while stomping around the stage like a petulant child who hadn't grown up, he managed to look more like an adult than Blaine had ever seen him. The unusual wavering confidence that had plagued him all last week was gone. The stage was his and it would take a fool to try and take it from him. The transformation captivated Blaine and he knew it was all Kurt and he didn't question for a minute that Kurt could have gotten up there without him and been just as brilliant but his heart still fluttered knowing that he had had the privilege of being a part of the process.
"It was that dog!" Kurt said from centre stage with a stomp, breaking Blaine from his seeming trance. "That Nana dog!"
Blaine was so caught up in Kurt that he couldn't even remember what the dog had done even though he'd acted out the script countless times. He shook his head a little to try and pay a little more attention to the play and little less to his boyfriend and the waking butterflies in his stomach at the knowledge that Kurt was his and truly wanted to be. He still couldn't help feeling a tinge of jealousy along with Tink at Peter's want to visit Wendy. He was his and Blaine had a sudden, all consuming, urge to make that known.
Curtain call was a blur. He knew he was on his feet for most of it and his hands and throat were now far too sore for a production of this size but the kiss Kurt blew him after taking his bow made the possibility of looking like a complete nut case worth it.
After curtain call, Blaine made his way over to the make shift stage door. He was surrounded mostly be little kids and their parents but there were a few others who looked like significant others. He had bought a single red rose from a vendor on his way to the show earlier and held in tightly in his hands while he waited without thought to how everyone else would react to his gift to his boyfriend.
"Peter!" the kids all cheered when Kurt emerged from behind the wall of potted ferns, all but shoving their programs in his face.
Kurt looked right at Blaine though, blue eyes bright and wide, flicking down to the rose in his hand and growing impossibly blue-er. He then turned to crowd of kids. "Hi," he beamed back at them. "Just give me a second."
And then he was in Blaine's arms, sure and unapologetic. Blaine kissed him hard on the cheek. "So?" Kurt whispered.
"You were amazing. Absolutely amazing." He pulled back and held out the rose. "This is for you."
Kurt took it and inhaled its sweet petals. He shook his head and laughed. "You're just the sweetest."
"Come'ere," he cupped Kurt's cheeks in both hands and kissed him, feeling that incredible smile against his lips. "Amazing."
"Hold this?" Kurt asked handing him back the rose after they parted their lips. He nodded slightly towards the eagerly awaiting fans. Blaine had almost forgot about them, a running theme for the night. "You don't mind do you?"
"Not at all." And he didn't. He did want Kurt to himself but Kurt had just made it very clear that he was hands down the most important thing to him right now. And that was something that Blaine needed time to process. Yes, it was a small production in Washington DC and yes, a large portion of the audience still had their baby teeth but Kurt had still gotten a standing ovation and he still had fans nipping at his heels for an autograph and despite all that, Kurt still glanced back in his directing every now and then as he scribbled his name in playbills and asked everyone what their favorite parts were. He looked so happy and Blaine wanted nothing more than to keep him smiling for as long as he could.
Kurt signed every last playbill that was presented to him as Blaine looked on fondly and when he was finally done, he skipped over to him, taking his rose back and kissing him once again. Blaine happily obliged and slipped their hands together.
Once they were home, Blaine couldn't wait another minute. He turned Kurt against the wall beside the door and slammed their bodies then lips together. Kurt gasped deliciously into the kiss, clearly taken by surprise but he then he began to kiss back. Blaine felt his arms come up around his neck and he took that as a sign to keep going. He moved one of his hands from Kurt's hip and braced it against the wall for leverage so he could grind his hips forwards. A combined groan echoed through the front entrance way as Kurt rolled his hips up in response. His jeans tightened and his body began to feel warm and loose.
"Well this is nice," Kurt said, pulling his lips away just slightly.
"Yeah." Blaine move his lips along his jaw.
"Bit of a surprise."
"Yeah."
"You uh, you uh, oh! You gonna tell-"
"What makes you sure? Why do you want to?" He asked, resting his forehead on Kurt's shoulder and letting his lips nip lightly against his neck.
"Oh." A thud now echoed from Kurt dropping his head against the wall. "I guess, I mean they say it's basically safe. I wouldn't be okay bare. But here, the risk seems worth it, you know. This isn't very romantic, is it?"
"It's okay. I want to know."
"I've told you before."
"I know." It was different this time though. Before Blaine had been so adamantly opposed that he hadn't really be able to listen. "What's the risk worth?"
"You. Normalcy. Just some sense of victory over this. 'Cause it's going to kill you but we're not going to let it take everything away."
"What, what if?" The looseness from moments ago was gone.
"Then I'll deal." Blaine felt the heaviness of Kurt's exhale. "Thousands of other have. And I hate to say it, because this isn't some suicide pact thing. At all. But once you're, you're g-gone… It's not that life wouldn't be liveable or anything but… It, it's hard.
"Yeah," he agreed. Kurt's voice had begun to quiver and Blaine moved his arms to wrap around him. Kurt did the same and they just held each other in silence for a while. Tears weren't exactly what he had envisioned for the evening but they were kind of inevitable. "Kinda killed the mood there, didn't I?"
"No," Kurt chuckled. "Maybe hospitalized it. Broken limb or something. Was there a reason?"
And Blaine could tell that Kurt already knew there was a reason and what it was. Attacking him before they even stepped out of their shoes was a bit of a giveaway. But he still had to say it and most likely articulate why because this was just too big to entre without both of them being entirely sure and entirely clear as to why.
"I want to." He rested his forehead against Kurt's. "I want to try. If you're still okay with it, of course."
Blaine kept his eyes closed but he felt Kurt nod. "Okay."
"Okay?"
When Kurt didn't give him an answer, Blaine winked open an eye. His boyfriend was waiting with a soft smile. "Yes. If you're sure."
"I am."
"What changed?"
Blaine huffed out a breath. "I guess I just never really listened before. Sometimes I'd question if you actually wanted to be with me or if it was some pity thing.
"It's not. Not at all."
"I know. Now, at least. And there was no way you could actually be okay with the 'what if' if this was just a pity thing. But, I don't know, these last few weeks you seemed to actually need me instead of the other way around. It just finally felt two sided again. And then just seeing you work so hard and just go after what you wanted and then kill it… I mean, you were brilliant tonight. I don't know, it just reiterated how talented and smart and driven you are. And – I know this is going to sound bad – but how totally capable you are at making your own decisions. And how good you are at it. I mean you chose a somewhat unconventional career but you did it because it was right for you and its working."
"You realize this is like a two month, bottom of the food chain, gig, right? I was signing autographs for kids who actually thought I was Peter Pan."
"Yeah but you were really good and everyone saw it. And it was kinda really hot."
"Oh my god. It was a children's play," Kurt said, slapping him lightly on the shoulder.
"So?"
"So?"
"So what?"
"So you've got me pinned against a wall here. Are you going to do anything about that?"
He pulled Kurt by the hand up the stairs and into the bedroom and clothes flew off just as quickly as that night back in January but this time they didn't stop.
It took longer than it used to. Before they had broken up they had gotten it down to nine minutes but this time it was closer to thirty. Everything was careful and slow and back in those early days Blaine knew he would have seen it as torturous but not now. Now was different somehow.
