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Chapter 9: It's Hard

February 2008

Fulton couldn't believe they'd gotten here. They were horizontal on the couch, her positioned comfortably underneath him, she'd pull his shirt over his head and he was wearing a white wife beater undershirt. Her sweatshirt was crumbled in a ball on the floor and she was just in her bra. It wasn't fancy or sexy, just a normal everyday bra, and it was perfect, everything about this moment was perfect. They were kissing and he was softly groping her exposed flesh. It was clear where they were headed.

"Should we go upstairs?" He asked her gently.

"Eventually," She whispered, "Let's just fool around a little first." He nodded and kissed her.

Julie was thoroughly enjoying herself. They'd been so drunk the last time, they'd sort of skipped this part and she was enjoying it. He was kissing her so deeply she could barely breath and his touch felt so right. He was being so strong but also gentle at the same time. When she closed her eyes, and really fell into it, she realized it felt almost exactly the same as when Dean touched her. Suddenly, she realized and gasped for air. Unfortunately it was just as Fulton began to nibble gently on her neck.

"You're so beautiful," He whispered, and kissed across her chest, "And smart, and," She gasped again, she felt like she was having a panic attack. And then it came out, she just started bawling. "What's wrong?"

"I," She whimpered, "I can't."

"You're not ready for this," He sighed.

"I want to be," She said, "I really do. I want to be able to be with you, to love you, I just can't. You're not him." He sighed as she buried her face into his chest and he soaked up her tears, the way he had a million times over the past seven months. This was his sign, there was no go, he just had to move on.


July 2007

Julie stared at the video tape sitting on her coffee table. Fulton was next to her.

"Ready," He said. She looked at him.

"Not remotely," She sighed. He stood up and put it into the VCR.

"Hey Babe," There was Dean's face, his voice. She closed her eyes. "I really hope you never see this, but um, if you're watching it, hey Fult," He waved, they both laughed through their tears, "I want you to know how much I love you Julie, and how special you are. I want you to live your dreams sweetheart," He sighed, "And I want you to live and love, I'll always love you, and I'll miss you, wherever I end up. Bye," He said, and then it went to black.

"God that son of a bitch," Fulton mumbled. Julie laughed and looked at him. "You tell any one I cried this much, and I'll kill you too."

"I died two ago," She whispered, he hugged her. "I just wish I could have said good bye."

"That's why you need to go tomorrow," He said, "And you need to talk to Arlene."

"I have nothing to say to her," She whispered. He looked at her. "Don't look at me like that," She shook her head, "I can't, she just wants to organize everything. And I'm not there."

"She's just worried about you," He sighed. "We all are."

"I'll be OK," She sighed, "I just need to get through it all."


March 2008

"Good morning," Julie smiled, as Peter walked downstairs. "I didn't want to wake you up, but I made coffee."

"Mm," He nodded and sat down next to her and kissed her, "I wish you had woken me up." She giggled. "You were great," She smiled.

"Thanks," She blushed, "You weren't so bad yourself." She had enjoyed it. Peter was heavey, fast, working hard every second, and it felt good, different, but good. They kissed again.

"What's that?" He asked, noticing the mantle. She stopped. She should have put it away, she wasn't thinking. He stood up and looked at the frame. "Where you in like ROTC during undergrad or something?"

"No," She shook her head. "No, they're not mine."

"Are they like your dad's or something?" He asked.

"I guess I owe you the truth," She sighed, and walked over, "These belonged to my fiancé."

"Belonged," He nodded, "As in, you stole them when you broke things off?"

"No," She shook her head, "As in, his mother let me have them after he died."

"Oh," He looked at her, "I'm sorry, I didn't,"

"You couldn't have known," She shrugged. "I don't like talking about it."

"Then we won't," He smiled and kissed her. "Just, um, when?"

"July," She said, he looked at her.

"Julie," He said, "Um, listen if you're not ready for this,"

"Peter," She looked at him, "Do I seem like the kind of girl who would get into something she's not ready for?"

"No, you don't," He laughed and kissed her. "I should go." He kissed her, "I'll call you."

"OK," She smiled, as he walked out. Once he was outside, she sat down on the couch. It had been incredible, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. She walked up to go take a shower, and noticed the picture of Dean sitting on the hall table. She started to cry. "I'm sorry," She whispered. "I'm so sorry baby."


May 2008

"Hey," A young woman with dark hair walked into the living, room, "Hi Fulton." She kissed him. Julie smiled. "You must be Julie, I've heard so much about you."

"That makes you Amy," Julie said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Um, Amy was just going to drive me home," He said, "Do you need a lift?"

"Uh no," Julie said, "I'm staying here, Kayla's got me on the trundle." Fulton laughed. "Thank you though."

"Of course," Amy said, "I'd love to talk, hear all about you guys in Chicago."

"Yeah," Fulton said, "We should go, I'll call you tomorrow Jules." Julie nodded and Charlie walked out, he'd been over for dinner.

"Was that Amy?" He asked as they left. Julie nodded. "She's nice."

"She seems like it," Julie said and flopped on the couch.

"He wanted you," He said. Julie nodded. "He told me, not anyone else, but,"

"No," She shook her head, "I get it, I do, I just miss him."

"Weren't you supposed to be bringing a boyfriend this weekend?" He asked.

"Peter," She smiled, "We broke up."

"Why?" Charlie asked, "If you were prepping him to meet us,"

"Um, he felt like I was holding back from him," She shrugged, "Which I was. He wanted to take a step forward, and I was happy to stay where we were, and it ended."

"You couldn't expected the first guy," He said, "Or second guy," She laughed, "To be the one Julie."

"I know," She nodded, "I just wish it wasn't so hard."


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