Welp, I'm not going to tell you guys when I love a chapter anymore, because you never review it :P. I got the least reviews last chapter than I've gotten in a long time, which is why this chapter is so slow! Whoops!
This chapter made me sad, whoops! Enjoy, alright? And let me know what you think! The next chapter will be up around 95 reviews
Chapter 9
TPOV
A week into his new world and he still didn't know how it was going. One minute Spencer would be looking at him like she used to, with love dripping from her hooded eyes. And other times she would do something so utterly foreign to herself that he wondered if she would ever remember; if she would ever come back to him.
And in this moment she was being so infuriatingly like herself that he wanted to both scream and kiss her at the same time. "Spence, I can't."
"You can't stay home with me forever, Toby. Just go back to work. I'll be fine." She gave him a reassuring smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Was this what she really wanted, or was she just being unfathomably stubborn and inconceivably brave? Would she be okay, or was she just trying to be strong for him?
"Spence..." he didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how he could tell her that leaving her behind would be like leaving half of himself. He had to know that she was safe, and going across town seemed like the worst possible way to do that.
"Toby, you've done such a good job of taking care of me," she said, a slightly awkward tone about her voice. She had never been the best at letting people know how she felt. She had been better with him, but as he had to continuously remind himself, she didn't really know him. She looked like she was going to reach for him, but instead she ran a hand through her hair. "But I'm feeling physically better now. Maybe I'll try working with Hanna again soon. The doctor did say that it would be beneficial to go back to my normal routine. Is this what we normally did?"
"No, but-"
"Nope," she smirked, his denial enough for her. "No excuses. Go to work. I'll even pack you a lunch."
"You don't have to do that," he sighed and walked to the bedroom to change into his work clothes. She wasn't going to give in, so maybe he could just go in for a half day. It might make her feel better. He pulled on her favorite light blue shirt and buttoned it up with shaky fingers as he thought about the last time he was so reluctant to leave her.
He walked into the living room and frowned at the sight of his wife curled up on the couch. The blanket was down around her feet, because as she always did, she kicked it off in her sleep. Her brown hair was in her face, hiding her level of distress from his vigilant eyes. Oh Spence.
He stooped down to reposition the thick comforter over her shoulders and brushed her hair out of her face. He hated to wake her up, but he needed to be sure that she was alright. His lips brushed gently against her forehead. "Spence?"
And because Spencer was the lightest sleeper in the history of sleepers she immediately blinked her eyes open. "Mmm?"
"Are you alright? Do you want me to stay, sweetheart?" He leaned forward and rested his forehead against her own. He would unreservedly do whatever she asked him to do.
"What? No!" She struggled to sit up, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and carefully lifted her to a sitting position. She put her hand on his face and gently stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. "You have to give your presentation on that building design today, right?"
"You're more important," he said truthfully. This presentation had the potential to change his entire career, but he didn't know how well he'd do if he was focused on worrying about Spencer all day.
"I'm fine, Toby," she smiled softly at him and leaned over to kiss him. "I just don't feel well. Hanna said she'd stop by after our morning meeting to take me to the doctor, so everything is fine."
He looked at her doubtfully. "But-"
"Okay, let me put it this way. If you don't go to work I'm going to check into a hotel and ignore you for the next three days."
He couldn't stop the laughter from escaping his lips. She was such a dork, but that's why he loved her so much. "Okay, fine. But swear to me that-"
"I'll call you if I need you, Cavanaugh. Now get out of here," she laughed softly and sank back into her nest of pillows. "I love you."
"I love you too," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of her nose.
There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to see that measure of love and acceptance in her eyes again. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to hear those words spill from her lips.
SPOV
She watched the door swing shut behind Toby as he left their apartment for the first time in a week. Everything was just so confusing, so hazy. She appreciated Toby's devotion more than she could say, but sometimes it weighed upon he like a heavy fog. He loved her so much, and she just didn't remember feeling the same way. It was just too much sometimes. She needed a breather just as badly as he did.
As soon as she was sure that he was gone she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed the only number that was still in her memory. She couldn't do this in front of Toby, but it had to be done. He wouldn't give her the answers she needed on this subject, but she still needed them. She would have to get them on her own.
"Hello?"
"Hey mom, it's Spencer." The words tasted sour in her mouth. She didn't know what the older Hastings woman had done, but judging by the reactions of everyone else in her life, it was pretty terrible.
"Oh hello, dear! How are you?"
"I'm fine," she said softly. "I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch together? Toby went back to work today, so I thought it might be a nice way to spend the afternoon."
"Of course! I'll be there to pick you up in a half hour, sweetheart! We'll go to your favorite."
As per usual, her mother simply hung up the phone without offering up any sentiments of love or goodbye. Spencer sighed and dressed quickly before making her way downstairs to wait for her mother. Everything was different now. Her clothes were different, her haircut was different, the makeup she found in the nightstand was different, and she could safely assume that her mother had no idea what her favorite restaurant was.
In what was significantly shorter than a half an hour, her mother pulled up in front of the steps in an ostentatious red convertible. It was good to see that some things hadn't changed as much as she apparently had. Her mother still liked things that screamed how wealthy she was, and apparently Spencer still found that habit to be disgusting. What was the point in inspiring jealousy in people? They couldn't help the family they were born into, and they were probably very nice people. She slid into the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt. "So what's my favorite restaurant now?"
"Well-" she hesitated and pulled out onto the busy road. "I haven't seen you in awhile, if I'm being honest. But last time I check you really loved this little Greek cafe over by the campus. Does that sound alright?"
She could use a big, greasy gyro. "Yeah that's fine."
The drive to the restaurant was spent in a semi-awkward silence; the kind of silence that you shouldn't have to experience with your mom. Spencer hadn't really expected anything different though. It was how their relationship had always been, and Toby and Hanna had made it clear that she was fighting with her parents.
No words were spoken until the two of them had sat down at their outside table and placed their orders; a Greek Salad for her mother and a big ass gyro for Spencer. Spencer grabbed a sugar packet from the center of the table and started playing with it. She considered making small talk, but what was the point? She came for the simple purpose of getting answers from her mother. "Mom, tell me what Toby won't tell me."
"What are you talking about, dear," she sighed. Her face darkened considerably at the mention of Toby. She literally had no idea what her mom had against her husband, because while she didn't know him as intimately as you should know your husband, she certainly couldn't ever imagine him hurting somebody, especially her.
"I'm talking about what he won't tell me, but what you should tell me. Why were we fighting?" Her mother was the most intelligent person that she knew. She had no business playing stupid.
She hesitated before responding, her face colored with guilt. "Because I didn't think that Toby was good for you."
"Why would you possibly think that? I've only known him for a week, but I can't really imagine anyone better." If she was just making something up to take the heat off of herself she was going to scream.
"He hasn't told you, has he?" There was a look on her mother's face that was half smirk half concern. "He hasn't told you about his past?"
"He's-" she paused, wanting to defend Toby but finding that she couldn't. They really hadn't discussed his past much. "We've been a bit focused on me."
"You think he's trying to help you, but he's really taking advantage, Spencer. When he was in high school he spent a year and a half in reform school."
"What are you talking about? No he didn't," she denied. There was no way that Toby did something so significantly bad that it caused him to spend a year in juvie. There was no way. He was too good.
"He did, Spencer. Your dad hired a private investigator to figure look into Toby's background when he realized that you weren't going to change your mind about the boy. I can get you the proof if you want." She shrugged and stirred her tea.
"What is it you claim that he did?" She asked, stiffly.
Mrs. Hastings didn't hesitate before answering. "He burnt down his family's garage while his step sister was inside."
"Bull shit. No he didn't." That didn't work. It didn't mesh with Toby that had so carefully taken care of her. She couldn't reconcile the man her mother was describing with the person who patiently explained every question she had and story that she requested. The Toby that looked at her with such all-consuming love in his eyes wasn't the kind of person that would ever consider hurting someone, let alone in such a harsh manner.
"Okay, Spencer. Let's go ask him, then." She signaled the waiter and asked for him to package up their food to go.
Spencer sat in a stony silence as she waited for the food. She didn't speak a word as they drove back to her apartment. She spotted Toby's truck a few spots ahead of the space that her mother pulled into. She should have known that he wouldn't stay gone all day, the idiot. But she immediately pushed down any affectionate thoughts that she had for the blue eyed boy. She needed to confront him about what he mother said first. "I'll be back. You wait here," she muttered and got out of the car before she had a chance to protest.
Her legs felt like they were made out of lead as made her way up the seemingly unending stairs. She didn't know if she wanted the answers to the questions that she was about to ask. She slid the key that Toby had given her into the lock and pulled the door open. The first thing she saw was Toby's worried eyes snapping up to meet her face. "Hey, where'd you-" he paused. "Are you okay?"
He reached out for her, but she dodged his touch. Part of her wanted to feel his fingers brush against her arm, but the larger more logical part of her mind knew that she needed to get answers to her questions. "No, don't touch me," a small spasm of guilt twisted through her stomach at the pain on his face.
He took a step back and dropped his hand. "What's going on, Spence?"
"Did you do it? Did you try to kill your step sister?" She meant to ease into the question, but it all blurted out like the worst case of word vomit.
The mixture of guilt and pain on all over his face was all that she needed to see. "How could you lead me to believe that you were a decent person? Did I ever know about it or were you always hiding this from me?"
She didn't even want the answers. She dodged past him and into the bedroom, pulling her suitcase out from under the bed. She couldn't stay here for another minute.
"Wait, Spencer. Please, pleaselet me explain." He grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.
Her resolve was almost undone by the tears spilling over from his eyes, but she managed to keep ahold of her rage. "No! Let me go." She twisted in his arms, trying to get him to let her go. "I don't understand how you expect me to ever trust you again."
Toby changed strategies and wrapped both arms around her waist, pulling her to him. There was no way that she was going anywhere unless he let go of her. She put both hands on his chest to try to get the leverage to get him off. "Toby," she whispered, her voice breaking at the end.
"How are you supposed to trust me?" She could tell just by his voice that he was crying. "You trust me because you know me better than any single person on the planet. I've never hidden anything from you, Spence. Before all of this happened you knew every dark and dirty detail about my life, and trust me when I tell you that there's more to the story. I have- I have some demons, but they were all known to you."
"Toby," she repeated, her voice cracking. "Just-"
He shook his head again, tightening his grip on her. "I'll let you go if you want me to, but please, pleaselet me tell you the whole story first. I owe you that much."
She closed her eyes, looking inside herself, trying to figure how what she should do. What was the right thing? Should she listen, or should she go to her mother?
