Tick tock tick tock...
The thirteen had been reunited at long last. Well, saying that implies that they actually cared about each other, when in reality, as Aurora had said, they hated each others' guts and were merely being forced to work together in order to escape an island full of LELs, mysterious Chefs, and demon-possessed weirdos with armies of interns behind them. You know. About the usual level of sanity on Total Drama.
The remaining "alive" campers had split off to discuss what to do with the supposedly deceased ones.
"So you're telling me that you people, you people who were supposedly KILLED were really just being held captive by Chef?" Jairo asked in blatant disbelief. "Excuse me for not believing you. I SAW some of you die."
"Meh. Who cares?" Michael shrugged. "They're here. That's all that matters."
"I say we kill them with the shotgun," Belinda suggested. "See if that changes anything. Maybe they'll stay dead this time."
"Okay sociopath," Leanne snapped. "If we followed your way we'd be out of some value cannon fodder-I mean, allies. Yeah, that's what I meant to say. Allies."
"Personally, this whole charade has gone on long enough," Peter yawned. "It's about time we took matters into our own hands, and that involves killing Adrian."
"But if these guys were supposedly dead, do you really think Adrian will really die?" Janet countered.
"Meh. As long as we can get off this island, we can call for help."
Meanwhile, the remaining campers were eating actual food as opposed to Chef's not-so-great food. James was pacing around, agitated, as before he'd died he had NEVER been left out of meetings, and it really pissed him off, because most of the sane people were the ones who had lived through the attacks on them.
"I. Hate. Anesthetics," Midnight growled, teeth grit as he paced back and forth while Aurora filed her nails. Da Zeke, having lost both his shirt and his toque during the escape, had wrapped a raccoon around his head instead. He said it was comfy even while blood trailed down his head. No one asked, no one cared.
Lauren growled menacingly due to the fact that no one was noticing her. Leslie walked straight into her, and their heights matched up so that Leslie's face was in "marshmallow hell" to say the least.
"Oops! Sorry!" Leslie chirped. "Didn't mean to do that!"
"Is there something I can help you with?" Lauren growled.
"Unless you can figure out a way to make boys do whatever you want, whenever you want, I'm afraid I've got nothing."
"Could you please elaborate on how you got here?" Lauren asked.
"Well, you know Noah and Cody?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't do anything wrong! I only kidnapped them and tried to make them have sex! Yeesh, it's not like I'm a murderer or anything! They sent me to Juvie but I BROKE OUT WITH A SPOON!"
"Respect, yo," Da Zeke grinned, fist-bumping Leslie. "I did the same thing at a One Direction concert."
Lauren and Leslie both nodded and mmhhmned at this before realizing what he'd said. "Wait, why were you at a One Direction concert?" Lauren asked, but Da Zeke was already gone.
The campers who had been discussing their fates walked towards them. Michael cleared his throat before speaking. "Okay. Considering you all are alive, we might as well use you. We're going to charge Adrian and kill him. Janet will be the one to carry the shotgun.
"NOOOOOOO!" Belinda and Leanne cried at the same time, and then everyone looked at Leanne, who promptly froze in embarrassment before composing herself.
"You didn't see anything," she told them, waving her hand in the air.
"We didn't see anything-HEY!" Da Zeke cried out.
"Idiots," Jairo and Peter sneered at the same time before looking at one another. "Huh," they said again. "That's weird."
"Alright, we're moving to Adrian's place. We will be staying AS ONE GROUP!" Janet called. "The interns will be waiting for us but we have to overpower them. Stealth isn't exactly our strong suit, so let's GET A MOVE ON!"
"MA'AM YES MA'AM!" all the tributes yelled.
The thirteen moved through the woods, yada yada yada, blah blah blah. Filler filler filler, something funny something funny something funny, Leslie talks about Yaoi, we already know everything that's going on here. Blah de blah de blah. Walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking...okay, how many words is that? Good enough for filler?
Eventually, (yay) the contestants reached the campgrounds for the third time to find that it was still smoldering from the LEL bomb that had been dropped the previous day.
"I have become death. Destroyer of worlds. LEL." -LEL
...shit. Not again not again not again...get out of here.
"Okay," Michael whispered as the interns patrolled what remained. "Take them out one at a time. How many do we have?"
"Three," Lauren confirmed.
"There are three left," Leanne interrupted, prompting a facepalm from Lauren as well as a growl.
"Head count," Janet said, teeth grit.
"Michael."
"Matthew is here and ready for the rescue!"
"Da Zeke! Yo! Fo-shizzle!"
"Aurora here. Da Zeke will probably not be here for too much longer. My nail file will make sure of that."
"This is Midnight. Not Pikachu. I honestly have no idea why that happened."
"What lies ahead may trouble us, but know this: you all are a bunch of idiots. I'm Peter/Jairo, by the way." the two said at the same time.
"Okay, now I'm shipping Peter and Jairo. Pairo? Jeter? Well, at least it's better than Michael/Jairo. Mayo...ew. OH, right. Leslie."
"I'm...James? Sorry I don't have a fancy thing to identify myself by."
"Lauren."
"Yawn. Leanne here and bored out of my wits."
"Belinda is ready to kill someone. Belinda wants this stupid head count to be over."
"Wish granted, we're done," Michael deadpanned.
"Three interns and thirteen of us," Janet told them. "Let's do this. Three groups. I'll lead one, Peter will lead one, and Michael will lead one. Divide yourselves as evenly as you possibly can."
The teams ended up being Janet, Matthew, Aurora, Midnight, and Belinda.
Peter, James, Jairo, and Leslie.
And finally, Michael, Leanne, Lauren, and Da Zeke.
TEAM ONE: FACING THE CHUBBY INTERN
Midnight placed treats on the ground and watched as the chubby intern followed them directly into the trap, leading him to be tangled in the net. Everyone else just facepalmed.
"We didn't even have to do anything," Janet grinned. "Nice job, Midnight."
"Anything for a waffle...aw shit."
TEAM TWO: FACING THE BRACE-FACED INTERN
Leslie stood out in the open and the brace-faced intern blasted her with Chef's Super Soaker, only to have Peter and Jairo bag her from behind. James just watched the whole thing in barely concealed confusion.
"Great team effort everybody," Peter and Jairo said at the same time.
"SO CUTE!" they could all hear Leslie calling from the distance.
TEAM THREE: FACING THE CONNIVING, BACKSTABBING LITTLE WI-I MEAN, INTERN!
Now, most people would be scared at seeing a ghost. But seeing a shirtless ghost with a raccoon around its head would be just plain terrifying. Da Zeke stood there with much eye shadow and makeup, courtesy of Lauren, and the supposedly buff and infallible intern turned and ran away screaming, running right past where Michael and Leanna had been waiting with a bag. Lauren calmly stepped out and punched him out.
"I should have known this was coming..." the intern groaned.
"Did he do something to us?" Lauren asked the others, and they all just shrugged.
"Who cares?"
With Adrian's last remaining forces having been taken out of the game, the contestants regrouped with all three interns in their collection.
"Leave them here for now," Michael ordered them. "Make sure they can't come in and ruin our plans at the last minute, of course."
Belinda proceeded to knock them all out gleefully.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!"
"Sometimes you scare me," Leslie gulped meekly.
The thirteen campers crept through the area to the only piece of camp left standing: Chris's quarters. That was where they would find Adrian, they knew, and they were all looking forward to delivering some justice. And vengeance. Vengice. Justeance. Vengiceance. WHO CARES?
The thirteen took Chef's weapon stash, each arming themselves with a weapon of their choice. They moved in, and once they got inside a hissing noise scared them. You can tell that they're scared because I told you they were scared. Their hairs stood on end, particularly Leslie, cat as she was.
"You are all doomed, no matter what you do. No matter whether or not you kill me, no matter whether or not you find a way off this island...you will never escape. It is inevitable. Indisputable."
"Well too bad," Michael sneered. "I'd like to dispute that."
"You're just pawns. Nothing more, nothing less. Do you have any idea where you REALLY are? Do you know what lies beyond this island?"
They kept turning around, trying to find the source of Adrian's voice. "Okay, Riddler," Peter and Jairo growled. "Tell us."
"Meh. Don't feel like it."
Lauren and Leanne both let out screams as shadows slammed them into the wall, keeping them from moving. Adrian appeared from the shadows and grinned as the others attempted to storm him with gunfire. Although his body bled, he continued going regardless, even after his hand fell off. Ha ha, just kidding.
Janet raised the shotgun and fired, to no avail. Like a zombie, Adrian merely kept going despite the blood pouring from him.
"You cannot kill me...I am not bound by death. I am-" Lauren raised her gun and killed him.
Then everyone turned to see the other Lauren standing there in shock.
"Why are there two Laurens?" Matthew asked nervously.
The Lauren who had killed Adrian snapped her fingers, a brief image of "her" true form visible for a split second before she was gone.
"What the hell just happened?" Janet demanded. "Lauren, what was that?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Lauren cried.
"Da Zeke is confused..." Da Zeke said, scratching the raccoon on his head, which purred.
"Is he gone? Is the demon gone?" Belinda asked nervously.
"That wasn't a demon," a new voice said, and the lights came on. Everyone turned to the direction that the voice had originated from.
A young teen walked in with long blond hair and blue eyes. He had below average height and build, and wore a Heartless t-shirt with gray-blue cargo shorts. Behind him stood Chef.
No. Morpheus Chef.
"Who are you?" Michael asked.
The teen smirked. "The name is Sam, also known as The Sarcasm Master. I'm the author of this fic."
